Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD (13 page)

Observe the differences between the two maps:

1. Is your mind cluttered or clear?
   

   ______________________________
   

2. Is your body tense or relaxed?
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

3. In this mind-body state, how do you act?
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

4. Are you better prepared now to deal with this situation? Yes ____ No ____
   

Day Seven     Date:____________

As situations come up in life, people often ask, “What should I do?” The real question is not
what
should you do, but
who
is doing it? If your I-System is overactive and your damaged self is in charge, then nothing you “should do” will ever be good enough. When your I-System rests, your true self is in the driver’s seat. Your naturally functioning true self answers the question of what to do. The question is taken care of as your true self naturally takes the right action to solve the problem.

During the day, ask yourself who is doing the activity. (This can apply to any activity, be it walking, parenting, using the computer, paying bills, working, or playing.) Is it your true self arising from a quiet I-System, or your damaged self prompted by an overactive I-System? Notice how your life is changing with your mind-body bridging practices:

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

You are improving your life with your mind-body bridging practices. By recognizing and releasing the negative effects of your fixer, your progress and healing continue. The I-System is not a static system; it may try to fool you by creating more fixers. For your continued progress and healing, it’s important to recognize these new fixers. Some examples are:

• I’m doing better. I can relax and not do so much bridging.
  
• I’m calm now, so I can drink socially.
  
• I’m improved enough that I can do the maps in my head.
  
• It’s okay to explode once in a while if the situation warrants it.
  
• I only need to bridge when I feel bad.
  
• If it feels good, I’m naturally functioning, and I should do it.
  
• Bridging means having free choice, so anytime I choose to go eighty miles per hour, it’s okay.
  
• Natural functioning is always effortless, so I don’t need to try anymore.
  

The previous examples of fixers parade themselves as choices that come from natural functioning. But they come with the same distinctive signs you learned earlier in this chapter (body tension, mental pressure, urgent storylines, and lack of clarity about the effect of your actions). What
is
new about them is that they present themselves in a way that makes you feel good about them. This might cause you to fail to recognize them as fixers and instead see them as signs of progress. Only by befriending your fixer (see Day Four) can your true self make the choice, free of the I-System’s influences.

MBB Weekly Evaluation Scale
Why Your Best Efforts Seem to Go Wrong

Date: __________

During the past week, how was it for you to do these practices? Check the description that best matches your practice: hardly ever, occasionally, usually, or almost always.

List the main body sensations you have when the fixer is in control:

______________________________

List three behaviors the fixer causes:

______________________________

______________________________

List three themes of storylines that come with the fixer:

______________________________

______________________________

How did your behavior change when you befriended your fixer and functioned naturally?

______________________________

MBB Quality of Life Scale

Date: __________

It’s time to do another MBB Quality of Life Scale to see your progress. Fill out this quality of life scale, and compare it with the one you did in chapter 1, Day One. Congratulate yourself on your improved scores. Note any areas of low scores. Low scores relate to requirements you haven’t yet become aware of or defused. The rest of this workbook gives more skills to help you deal with the underlying requirements that still negatively affect your life. This workbook records your journey of self-discovery and self-healing.

Over the past seven days, how did you do in these areas?

5.
Work Toward Resolving Your PTSD

Over the past month, you have learned mind-body bridging foundation tools and have started healing your PTSD. The rest of this workbook specifically focuses on the PTSD symptoms that interfere with your quality of life.

The diagram in figure 5.1 shows what can happen to your thoughts. In the upper I-System loop, the thought becomes a requirement that switches on the depressor-fixer cycle. This impairs how your mind and body work, which in turn causes you to feel and act damaged (dysfunctional mind-body).

In the lower
natural loop
, your thoughts and actions are free from the I-System. In this unified state, you experience harmony and balance, and live your life at its best. No matter who you are or what you’ve been through, right here, right now, you can experience and express your true self. Your true self is always present. It doesn’t depend on an idealized image or the ability to mimic good behavior. The natural loop isn’t something to aim for; it’s always with you, and you experience it automatically when your I-System rests. This is where you heal your PTSD.

The
I-System loop
keeps your PTSD symptoms going. In this loop, your mind clutter, body tension, and restricted awareness affect how you think, feel, see the world, and act, impairing your ability to heal yourself. It isn’t your traumatic experience that puts you in the I-System loop; it’s your requirements related to the trauma that activate your I-System.

In this chapter, you will map any requirements you have for yourself, others, and situations. The more you are in the natural functioning loop, the quicker and easier it’ll be to recognize and defuse your requirements.
Defusing a requirement
simply means recognizing it, having that “aha” moment, and being able to let go of that requirement. This happens only in real time—during the situation or activity. Consistently using your mind-body bridging practices means you’ll live more and more of your life in the self-healing natural loop.

Figure 5.1 The I-System Loop and the Natural Loop

The natural loop is your birthright, is always present, and is where you experience your true self. This is where healing yourself takes place. Your requirements for yourself and the world pull you up into the I-System loop, where the mind-body commotion of the I-System impairs your life and keeps your PTSD symptoms going.

Day One     Date:____________

John works at a local auto parts store. On his second day at work, a coworker asks him how many people he killed in Iraq. John begins to think,
Who the hell does this guy think he is, asking me that question? He should know you don’t ask a combat veteran how many people he’s killed.
John’s teeth clench and his body starts filling with tension as his mind starts replaying war events. John’s I-System has been activated by his requirement
No one should ask me questions about Iraq.
As he shakes his head and walks away from his coworker, his tension builds. He mulls over his storylines:
No one should approach me like that. I served my country honorably. This guy has no idea what Iraq was like and how hard it’s been since I got home
. Once activated by a requirement, the depressor-fixer cycle works to keep the I-System going. The depressor takes any thoughts of Iraq that come to mind, spins a storyline, and creates a painful mind-body state. The fixer jumps in and tries to relieve that painful emotional state with tension-driven, impulsive actions. By the time John reaches the stockroom, the signs and symptoms of an acute state of mind-body distress are clear. His thoughts are angry and swirling, his thinking completely self-directed, his body full of tension, and his face tight and frowning. John then seeks out the insensitive employee, and as he nears the person, his vision narrows, his eyes glare, and his thoughts become less clear. John then grabs the employee’s arm and yells, “Don’t ever ask me that question again.” He stares intently and angrily into this man’s eyes before releasing his arm and storming away. This aggressive act is the fixer’s way of trying to repair the agitated mind-body state the depressor caused.

1. Observe yourself during the day whenever you become upset, tense, irritable, or overwhelmed, or have a flare-up of your PTSD symptoms.

2. Map the most disturbing experience you had today that another person’s behavior caused. Write the behavior at the top of the map (for example,
My boss lied to me
), and write how you wanted that person to act (for example,
My boss shouldn’t lie
) in the center of the oval. Take four to five minutes to scatter your thoughts around the oval as you think about that person’s behavior. Describe your body tension at the bottom of the map.

Disturbing experience Map

Other Person’s Behavior: _______________