Matt Fargo (17 page)

salaryman This is perhaps the most pervasive demographic in Tokyo—the ubiquitous, expressionless businessman. The weird thing about these dudes is that you can get drunk with them and see them emerge from their elaborate cocoons of mannerism, spread their powdery wings and ascend unto the sky, laughing and singing and shitting on their bosses and wives and the whole sham of modern life—only to glance at their watches and say, “Oh shit, I’m gonna miss the last train.”

OL stands for “office lady.” This is basically the adult manifestation of the Japanese schoolgirl—now that she has graduated from college, she is working in an office until she gets knocked up. On weekends she goes to Disneyland with her boyfriend and throws a fit when his eyes are closed in the twenty-dollar Splash Mountain photo. She is lousy in bed.

Middle-aged ladies. Soccer moms. In the United States, the demographic of middle-aged women either have this erotic Desperate Housewives appeal to them, or else they serve as an antidote to the boner you seem to get in class every day at 2:00 p.m. In Japan, middle-aged ladies gravitate toward the latter, with all the spite and zealotry of evangelism thrown in. Remember that one friend you had in high school, whose mom hated you because she somehow knew that you were getting her son high? Remember how she called all your other friends’ moms and got them to hate you, too? Yeah, well picture that, but riding a motor scooter at 50 mph through Japanese suburbia. Not to be fucked with.