Major Karnage (25 page)

Dabby Tabby’s head popped up in the corner.
Velasquez.
Karnage
banged it back down. The Sanity Patch didn’t complain.

Two Dabby heads popped up in the middle row. Karnage knocked
them down in quick succession.
Heckler. Koch.
Another head was just
starting to rise before the head of the mallet smashed it back down.
Stumpy.
The music’s rhythm increased. Dabby heads popped up
faster and faster as the lights increased their pace. Karnage knocked
them all down, repeating his mantra with each mallet blow.
Cookie.
Velasquez. Heckler. Koch. Stumpy. Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Koch.
Stumpy.
There was no buzzing. No crooning voices. Nobody’s head
blew off.

The game reached a crescendo. A buzzer went off, and a blast
of confetti shot from the top of the machine. “HIGH SCORE!” it
screeched.

The drone squealed. “Excellent! Most excellent! I was not
expecting you to make such quick progress. I do believe you have
finally completed your undergraduate degree. You have come very
far very quickly, but you still have a long way to go. You must now
take this training to the next level, and move to a live opponent.”

“Is this where I’m supposed to volunteer?” Sydney said.

“In a manner of speaking,” the drone said. “I suggest you rest up
tonight, Major. Think on what you have learned.”

“Why stop now? I’ve come so far. I’m ready for more.”

“Yes, but your Sanity Patch however is starting to become a little
. . . overheated, shall we say?” The drone tapped on the flashing
orange screen. “It would be best if it were to get a fresh start
tomorrow. I have provided you with sleeping quarters in the water
tower. I bid you adieu until the morn.”

The drone flew up and off, heading for the concrete aquarium
bunkers.

Karnage turned to Sydney. “I hope you don’t snore.”

Karnage lay in his cot, staring out the bay window. The sky was a pale
midnight blue. Stars winked and twinkled over the broken skeletal
silhouettes of the park. He wondered how many of those stars were
hostile. He clenched his fists, then remembered what Cookie had
told him.
I’m trying to do like you said, Cookie. I’m trying to use my head.
I only hope I can get it under control before it’s too late. Before . . .

Sydney rustled in the next cot. She turned to look at him. “What’s
up?”

“What do you mean?” Karnage asked.

“You’re breathing heavy,” Sydney said. “Through your nose.
Means you’re pissed about something.”

“It does?”

“Yeah. You never noticed that before?”

“No.”

“Well, you do. So what’s up?”

“Just thinkin’ about the squidbugs,” Karnage said. “Hope I can
stop ’em before it’s too late.”

“You know how you’re gonna do that yet?”

“No,” Karnage said. “Figure I should work on gettin’ my own head
worked out first.”

“You plan to do it all single-handed?” Sydney asked.

Karnage shrugged. “I dunno.”

“There’s kind of a lot of ’em.”

“Yeah,” Karnage said. “There is.” He looked over at Sydney
through the gloom. She was barely a lump in her cot. “You interested
in givin’ me a hand?”

“Hell, no,” Sydney said. “Once you’re better, I’m gonna arrest
your ass.”

“Still?”

She sat up, grinning. “Oh hell, yeah. I still got my career to think
about, after all.”

“So how do you think they’ll react when you bring me into that
precinct again?” Karnage said.

Sydney shrugged and lay back on her cot. “I don’t know. Probably
throw me a ticker tape parade. Give me a medal. You know, the
usual.”

“Uh huh. And what about all that stuff about you breakin’ me
outta my cell and tryin’ to kick my ass? Think they’ll just overlook
all that?”

She stuck her hands behind her head. “Oh, for sure. I mean, it’s
nothing. I only helped you escape, is all. Not on purpose, of course.
You know, it just kinda happened. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“You don’t think they might have a problem with that?”

“Nah.”

“Well, what about that part where you tried to show up Riggs by
proving you could beat the crap outta me?”

“Oh, well I’m sure once I explain to my superiors how big of an
asshole Riggs is, all will be forgiven. It’s not like they ever screwed
me over before.”

“Not once, huh?”

“Oh no. Not ever.”

“This that sarcasm thing again?”

“Yep.”

Karnage lay back in his cot, staring out at the stars. The black
outline of a vulture soared past in the distance. “Lemme ask you
somethin’ Captain. You ever think of givin’ up the whole law and
order thing and embarkin’ on a life o’ crime?”

“Well, that depends. What kind of crime we talkin’ about here?”

Karnage shrugged. “Probably big stuff. Security breaches.
Vandalism. Terrorism. Stuff you’d do while fightin’ squidbugs.”

“And what do I get out of it?”

Karnage shrugged. “Probably nothing. Probably just get yourself
arrested. Or killed. Maybe even turned into a giant mutant
squidbuggy thing.”

“You mean like you?”

“Yeah. Like me.”

“You make it all sound so tempting.”

“Well, there’s the off-chance you might accidentally stop the
squidbugs.”

“And save the world?”

Karnage shrugged. “Maybe.”

“What do you think the chances are of doing that?”

“Pretty bad.”

“Yet you’re gung ho for it anyway.”

“I got a vested interest.”

“What’s that?”

Karnage grew serious. “Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Koch.
Stumpy.”

“Your troopers.”

Karnage nodded.

“These troopers of yours,” Sydney said. “They good people?”

“Yep,” Karnage said. “The best.”

“Worth dying for?”

“Ten times over.”

Sydney nodded. “Let me think about it. Maybe sleep on it. Get
back to you. Okay?”

Karnage nodded. “Okay.”

“’Night, Major,” Sydney said. “I hope you can kill something in
the morning.”

“Me, too,” Karnage said.

Karnage and Sydney stood across from each other in the carnival
square in front of the fountain. Karnage stretched his hands. Sydney
wiggled her toes. The drone hovered down between them.

“Working with a live opponent should be no different than the
simulations. Channel your sense memories, Major. Engage the
limbic lobe. Remember why you are doing this.”

Karnage nodded. “I won’t forget.”

“Then let us begin,” the drone hovered up and out of the way.
“Start slowly, at first. Telegraph your strikes. Allow your body time
to adjust to the idea that these movements are nonviolent.”

Karnage did as the drone said. He threw his punch slowly,
thinking about every movement, working to convince himself there
was nothing violent about it.
Just makin’ a fist. Just pullin’ it back. Just
twistin’ my body forward while I’m extendin’ my arm.
Sydney caught
and easily deflected the punch. Karnage did it again. And again.
Slowly, he picked up the pace. All the while, he repeated his mantra:
Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch. Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler.
Stumpy. Koch.

“Excellent, Major! Excellent!”

His punches were moving at a normal pace now. It was like a
dance: Karnage was leading, throwing his punches, and Sydney
would block and deflect. Like a violent tango where the music kept
going faster and faster, picking up the pace. Karnage and Sydney
picked up their pace with it. He couldn’t help it: he was enjoying it.

Karnage let loose with a combo that almost took Sydney off
guard. She smiled and nodded, showing appreciation for his work.
They were perfectly matched in this mock combat. Karnage felt
something stirring inside he hadn’t felt in a long time—

“Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Lemon Breeze. Please refrain
from violent behaviour.”

“Shit!”

The drone hovered down. “Don’t be so disappointed. You were
doing very well there, Major. Your progress has been absolutely
remarkable. I foresee only another four to six weeks of training
before—”

“Four to six weeks?! We don’t have that kind of time! I thought
you said this was gonna be quick and dirty!”

“This is quick and dirty, Major. To properly master the Eleven
Senses would take years. It is as much of a shortcut as we are able
to take. Now, retake your positions, and . . .” The drone suddenly
twisted away, its lens frantically pushing in and out. “Wait. How is
this possible? Why didn’t—”

A shot rang out, and the drone exploded. Bits of sphere and lens
fell to the ground. Karnage whipped around.

Patrick stood at the entrance to the water park. He held a smoking
pistol in his hand. Karnage and Sydney dove into the fountain.
Chunks of concrete flew from the rim as bullets whizzed overhead.

“How the hell did he find us?” Sydney said.

“I don’t know.” More chunks of concrete exploded from the rim.
“Is it just me or is he a little more determined this time?” Karnage
waited until he heard the empty clip fall to the ground before calling
out over the fountain. “I thought you didn’t want to kill me?”

“Sadly, my orders have changed.” Patrick reloaded his pistol.
“Please note I didn’t shoot you first. After our last encounter, I just
didn’t think that would be very sporting of me.”

“You mind telling me who wants me dead?” Karnage said.

“Sorry. Client confidentiality. You understand.”

A drone flew overhead towards Patrick. “You’ve got a lot of
nerve,” it said, before a bullet caused it to explode into pieces.

Another drone quickly followed in its wake. “I simply can’t abide
violence.” Another bullet. Another explosion.

A third drone flew by. “Not in my compound.” It exploded.

A fourth quickly followed. “Not ever.” It too exploded.

A fifth and a sixth flew by. “Games on the other hand—” the
fifth said before blowing apart. “—I quite enjoy,” the sixth finished,
then shattered.

Another three drones flew past. “Would you like to play a game
with me now?” one of them said, then promptly went boom.

“I call it Wak-A-Kat.” Boom.

“You be the mallet, and I’ll be the cats!” Boom.

“Would you like to play?”

“No.” Patrick fired, and the drone shattered.

“Too bad,” another drone said. “Wak-A-Kat!”

Patrick blasted it to bits.

“Excellent shot,” another drone said as it flew into his face. “WakA-Kat!” Patrick fired, and it shattered. Another took its place.

“Wak-A-Kat!”

The air grew thick with drones. They swarmed around Patrick.
He shot frantically as they closed in, crying, “Wak-A-Kat! Wak-AKat!” Bits of drone shrapnel flew off in all directions in time with
the gunfire.

“Stop saying that!”

“Wak-A-Kat!”

A drone flew over the fountain. Its lens focused on Karnage and
Sydney. “Sydney, my dear, I believe you have a weapon in the water
tower?”

Sydney nodded. “My goober pistol. Yeah. It’s not much—”

The drone exploded. Karnage and Sydney covered their heads
against the bits of drone that fell onto them. Another drone quickly
flew into its place. “Then I suggest you go now, before I run out of—”
The drone exploded.

“Good enough for me,” Karnage said. “Let’s go!”

Karnage and Sydney crawled around to the back of the fountain.
They leaped out. Patrick was covered in drones, firing wildly. The
drones all crying, “Wak-a-kat! Wak-a-kat!” The two soldiers ran to
the water tower and climbed the stairs.

Sydney rifled through the nest of blankets on her cot. “Where
the hell is it?”

“Where did you leave it?”

“Right here!”

“Looking for this?” Karnage turned and saw Patrick step out
from behind some medical equipment. He held Sydney’s gun belt in
one hand and her goober pistol in the other. He fired, and Sydney
flew back in an expanding ball of goober. It stuck her to the wall,
covering her left hand and head. She kicked and struggled at the
goober.

“There.” Patrick tucked the goober pistol back into her gunbelt,
and dropped it to the ground. “That should even things up a bit. No
last-minute surprises this time, eh, Major?”

“How’d you get up here so fast?” Karnage said.

Patrick smiled. “I’m sure you’d love to know, wouldn’t you? But
a good magician never reveals his secrets. Though I must admit, a
part of me would love to let you in on the secret. A shame I have to
kill you now.” He drew his pistol. “I’m dreadfully sorry it has come
to this.”

“So your orders have changed, then.”

Patrick pulled his pistol. “Indeed they have. And may I say, I’m
dreadfully sorry it has come to this.”

Karnage looked around. There was nowhere he could hide. He
was trapped. He already knew how good Patrick was. He couldn’t
dodge a bullet. Not at this range.
You’ve got to use your head, Major.

Karnage shook his head disapprovingly. “And you call yourself a
professional.”

Patrick looked injured. “What do you mean?”

“You say you know everything about me, and you want a chance
to really fight me. And yet, here you are, holding a gun.”

“I told you, I’m a professional. It’s my job.”

Karnage sneered. “Sure. Go ahead.” Karnage turned his back.
“Make it quick.”

“Oh, Major, please. I can’t shoot you in the back. It’s just not
sporting.”

“It’s about as sporting as you shooting me in the front. Or did you
forget about this?”