Major Karnage (20 page)

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Authors: Gord Zajac

Tags: #Science Fiction, #Satire

BOOK: Major Karnage
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Karnage and Sydney followed it into the room. Once they were
through, the lily pad shot strands of light in all directions. They
travelled twice as far as the first room, literally disappearing over
the invisible horizon. They were barely visible as thread-like strands
as they snaked their way up distant walls the height of mountains.
The lines eventually disappear behind an ever so slightly mottled
ceiling in the distance. Pinpricks of light flickered and danced
across the ceiling like stars. They grew larger in size as they slowly
descended, finally revealing themselves to be glowing spheres.

The spheres were immense. Each one was many times larger
than the biggest ones they had seen in the other room, each one
practically a mountain floating unto itself. The dark masses moved
down, revealing incredible shapes: great pyramids of crumbling
stone; mammoth pointed steeples of a giant cathedral; winding
twisting walls that looked like finely carved chunks from the Great
Wall of China. Each monument ended in a perfectly smooth scoop
of earth that encased its foundations. It was almost too much to
take in.

Sydney craned her neck. “It’s like a giant museum.”

“Yeah,” Karnage scowled. “And we’re the exhibits.”

The spheres floated back up as the light drained from the walls. It shot back across the floor and coalesced into a tiny lily pad, bobbing
and pulsing before their feet, urging them forward.

They followed into the darkness.

CHAPTER SIX

The light led them through another airplane-sized door into another
room. This one wasn’t pitch black. There were faint flickerings
of green in the distance that highlighted floating orbs. The toxic
smell was more pungent in the air, and the white light didn’t launch
boldly into the room. It cowered near their feet, before working up
the courage to flicker and bob forward. It jumped erratically as it
climbed the walls, as if trying to avoid the pulses of green light that
occasionally ran through the room.

The light briefly flashed in one of the larger spheres, and the
silhouette of the dark blob within was all too familiar to Karnage.

It was a giant horned worm.

“Jesus.”

As the light flitted about, it illuminated other alien objects
including myriad squidbugs.

“They’re doing it to us, and they’re doing it to themselves,”
Sydney gasped. “But why?”

Karnage twitched with energy. “Maybe this is it,” he said. “Maybe
this is what Cookie meant.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Our chance,” he turned to Sydney. “It’s our chance to stop ’em.
Look at ’em up there! All lyin’ in them spheres. Sittin’ ducks. Maybe
this is where I can stop ’em. Before they wake up. Before they get
out!”

“How?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just gotta . . . I’ve just gotta use my head.
Goddammit! What did Cookie mean?”

“What are you talking about? Who’s Cookie?”

“We need a weapon,” Karnage said. “Something big. Something
massive. Something that’ll nuke these squidbugs to kingdom come!”

“Maybe we can find something in one of these rooms,” Sydney
suggested. “They seem to have everything down here. Maybe we can
find something from The War.”

The War!

Karnage’s eyes bugged out of his head. Explosions, bullets, and
screams filled his ears.

The War!

He jerked his arms and his handcuffs broke with a loud snap. His
mind clouded over with smoke and flames and death.

The War!

Karnage’s fist shot out and grabbed Sydney by the throat. He
lifted her off the ground, his fingers squeezing her neck as her
gasping face disappeared behind the haze of battle.

“Don’t . . . talk to me . . . about
THE WAR!”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Sydney strained for breath as Karnage’s tightening grip closed her
windpipe. Stars danced before her eyes. “What are you . . . ?” she
gasped, but Karnage choked her off. A voice in the back of his neck
cheerfully informed her that he had hit Coral Essence.

“You want to talk to me about The War?!” Spittle flew from his
mouth and his eyes blazed. “I’ll tell you about—”

Sydney thrust a pinky forward and danced it across Karnage’s
arm. Joint by joint, she numbed Karnage into submission: a pinky
jeté
to his wrist, a thumb
glissade
to the elbow, followed by an index
finger
piqué
into his neck. Karnage went down like a rag doll. He
craned his head toward Sydney. His eyes blazed. Veins popped in his
neck as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

“North Uzhorod! 8-8-4-2-1! Uncle Stanley had us on the run!”

The voice in the back of Karnage’s neck hit Frosty Pink as his
voice echoed through the cavernous room. The green glow above
them became brighter. The bits of white retreated from the spheres,
and the green chased after them. The lines of white shot down
the walls with torrents of green streaking after them. The white
light retreated beneath their feet, as if trying to hide itself. The
green streaks fired through on all sides and obliterated the white
completely. The floor went black, and the only light was the agitated
green among the spheres, flickering across them like lightning. The
green lights pulsed brighter, and the spheres started to lower. The
dark shapes within moved in time with Karnage’s cries.

“Blood and brains flew in all directions! Those monkeyfuckin’
skerks
used our own people for cover! Those merciless bastards!”

The voice at his neck hit Strawberry Shortcake.

“Major!” Sydney shouted. “You have to shut up!”

“Snipers to the right of us! Snipers to the left of us! Snipers all
around us! DIE DIE DIE!”

“THAT’S IT!” Sydney performed a
grand jetée
into Karnage’s ear
lobe and he dropped unconscious, his head drooping against his
chest. She heard something shatter above her and tiny bits of sphere
showered the floor.

She swung Karnage’s body over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry.
The broken handcuff bracelet around Karnage’s wrist glinted in a
quick flash of green. She ground her teeth.
Fucking E-nium
.

She turned to run back through the door. A lightning bolt of green
flashed down the wall and hit the door. It spiralled shut instantly.

“NO!”

Something clattered to the ground behind her. She turned
around. A squidbug was charging towards her, its skin flashing
deep crimson. She drew her goober pistol and fired. The shot hit
the squidbug in the chest, knocking it onto its back. Its limbs flailed
futilely as the goober swelled, sticking it fast to the floor. Sydney
heard another smash above her. She turned back to the door. It
glowed with green light that flickered like flames around its frame.
She found a small nodule of bulbs flashing green by the door. She hit
them frantically with her fist. They flashed green, almost defiantly.
Hearing a squiggling screech, she turned around and took down
another charging squidbug with a ball of goober. More spheres burst
above her. She turned back to the door nodules and gave them a
hard kick.

“Goddammit! You picked a hell of a time to abandon us! You
know that? You have to let me back through! You brought us all the
way in here, now you’re just going to let us die? You can’t do this!”

A sliver of white light shot across the floor towards her. A flare
of green shot out and shattered the white into nothing. Another
squidbug dropped to the floor and charged, but was repelled by
another ball of goober. Sydney checked her pistol. She only had
five rounds left. She heard a giant crash, and a massive black shape
crumpled to the floor.

It was a horned worm.

Sydney looked back up into the black.

“You have to get us out of here!
Help us!”

An assault of tiny needle-like white lights rained down the walls
on the glowing green door. The green lights lashed out in angry
flaming tentacles, knocking away the light. The persistent rain of
white whittled away at the green, knocking back its defences. The
green and white roiled and boiled around the door until the white
overtook the green just enough that the door slowly opened a few
inches. As the glow slowly changed from dark green to paler and
paler shades, the door spiralled open just enough for Sydney to push
Karnage through the gap. She scrambled through after him before
the door slammed shut behind her.

A tiny spot of white light appeared on the floor in front of her and
lurched forward. She heaved Karnage back onto her shoulder and
ran after it. A shot of green blasted across the floor and obliterated
the white, leaving Sydney stranded in the darkness. Another sliver
of white careened towards her from the distance. She started
running toward it, but another blast of green obliterated it before
she got there. Behind her, green lights were attacking the cracked
door frame. The door’s spiral panels shook and shuddered as they
tried to open. The worm on the other side was beating against the
door, the cracks on its surface growing larger and larger.

White light coiled down the wall. Sydney followed it as fast as she
could, Karnage’s limp bulk weighing her down. The light gathered
around another door farther along, and it spiralled open. There
was a loud crash behind her. Sydney turned around. Bits of door
exploded into the room. An angry torrent of green light flowed up
from the door and flared across the wall towards her.

She raced for the glowing white door ahead of her. She could
practically feel the heat of the green light behind her as it collected
and flared, making everything before her glow green. Her shadow
on the floor grew longer and longer as the light flickered and flamed
up. There was a loud smash and scattering of debris as a horned
worm screeched behind her. Sydney didn’t look. She stayed focused
on the door. Licks of green light shot ahead of her and attacked the
white ring. The fingers of white slapped back at the green. The green
lashes swooped down and seemed to devour the white. The light
around the door grew dimmer. Sydney dove through the door just
as the green light consumed it, and the door’s blades spiralled closed
behind her.

Sydney dropped Karnage like a dead weight, panting. The room
was dark. Angry tentacles of green light lashed at her feet. She
desperately searched for any glimmer of white.

A dull grey sphere pulsed high above her in the middle of the
room. As she ran towards it, the sphere slowly lowered down to the
floor. It was larger than her, its innards oblong and mechanical. She
saw a giant nozzle press against its side. She recognized it instantly,
and grinned from ear to ear.

It was the barrel of a Sudsy tanker.

She pulled out her stun stick and smashed an opening in the
sphere’s surface. She crawled through, coughing in the thick yellow
haze as she pulled Karnage through after her. Mist poured out of the
sphere, and she could see the Sudsy tanker in detail. Sydney opened
the tanker’s hatch and dragged Karnage inside. She locked the hatch
behind her.

“Lucky for you I got my start on the force in riot control.” She
strapped the unconscious Karnage into the co-pilot seat. “Might
not be quite as good as, say, a plasma cannon, but it’s a good start,
right?” She lifted Karnage’s inert face and gently slapped his cheek.
“Now you just sit back and enjoy the ride, okay, mate?”

She strapped herself into her seat and flicked on the console. It
hummed to life, the controls vibrating under her fingers. She was
thrilled to see the tanker’s Sudsy vats were full. She put the machine
into gear and crashed it through the remnants of the sphere. She
swung it around so it faced the glowing green door. The door
spiralled open, revealing the angry sawtooth maw of the horned
worm.

Sydney took a breath. “Right, here we go.”

The worm shot forward, and Sydney hit the guns. Sudsy sprayed
across the floor. She backed the tanker up out of the path of the
worm. The worm tried to bank, but its bulk hit the Sudsy and it slid
across the floor, missing the tanker completely. It spun wildly as it
disappeared into the black, screeching horribly. Its screeches faded
to nothing.

A flash of white light appeared on the floor, and shot across the
cavernous room into the darkness. Sydney steered the Sudsy tanker
towards it and followed at full speed.

She checked her rear monitors. A pair of worms chased after her.
Squidbugs rode atop each worm, their clawed hands holding the
horns. They were catching up quickly. Sydney sprayed Sudsy behind
her across the floor. The worms moved to twist out of the way. One
of them made it, but the other caught the tail end of the Sudsy.
The sudden loss of traction on its rear end caused the worm to flip
violently. The squidbugs were thrown from its back and crushed as
the worm rolled across the floor.

The streaking white light in front of the tanker was obliterated
by a sudden ferocious flash of green. Sydney kept going, hoping she
was still moving in the right direction. She pushed the engines as
hard as she could, their gauges quivering at maximum.

A squidbug riding on the worm behind her levelled its staff. A
ball of energy collected on its end, and buzzed towards the tanker.
Sydney yanked on the controls, trying to dodge the blow. There was
a loud sizzle, and she smelled burning plastic as she felt her hair
stand on end. Warning lights on the console flashed. She wasn’t sure
at first what had happened. The engines were still going strong. But
then she noticed the Sudsy vats were emptying fast.

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