Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (22 page)

It takes Tess all of fifteen minutes to drive to the store and return with a pregnancy test. Actually, she returned with three different brands. I peed on all three sticks and we are anxiously awaiting the results. I feel sick. I am probably going to puke again, this may or may not be just from the anxiety. I totally puked after Tess left to go to the store.

“
Okay its time.” Tess says to me.

“
Alright.” We both walk in the bathroom and peer down on the counter at the white sticks.
FML, its official I’m pregnant. What in the hell am I going to do now?

I sink to my feet and cry on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. Tess holds my while I bawl and scream. She tells me it will be okay, but I know it won’t be.
I am pregnant and the father of my baby is a complete liar. My life is now forever changed. My parents are going to be so disappointed in me. I have ruined everything!

“
When are you going to tell Cutter?” Tess asks me after a long time.

“
I don’t know. I can’t deal with that now.” I tell her in a hollow voice.

“
You have to tell him Paige.” She states sternly.

“
I know, I know. I just can’t right now.” I say exhausted.

“
Okay.” She gives me a large hug. “I’m here for you. I’ll be here every step of the way.” This makes me breakdown again.
I have no idea what I am going to do. I’m not ready to be a Mom, I’m just a kid myself.

I’m pretty sure I sleep for two days straight. Tess has stayed with me the whole time. She makes sure I eat at least once a day and that I take a shower. I spend most of my time in my bed thinking or sleeping. Many times I just stare out into space for hours thinking about how much my life has changed in two years.

Tess stays out in the giant family room most of the time. She has been on the phone a lot and I hear her arguing sometimes, I don’t know who with though. I know something is going on with her but I can’t get past my own issues to ask her what is wrong. I realize I’m being a crappy friend but for some reason I just can’t help it.

As I lay in bed my mind wonders for hours thinking about Cutter and what has happened between us. I think back to all the happy times and I know I love him. If I’m honest with myself I never stopped loving him, even when I thought he left me after my accident. But that doesn’t change the fact, he lied to me. It doesn’t change the fact he had kissed Laney Slutbag Davis after he swore he didn’t want her. I can’t trust him with my heart. I know that now.

“
Paige? Did you hear me?” Tess drags me out of my head and back to reality. We are on the couch watching a movie. She had finally gotten me out of my room under the guise of washing my sheets. I was currently counting down the time until the dryer was done and I could return to my room. I think this stupid movie is supposed to be funny but I haven’t really been paying attention.

“
Huh?”

“
I asked you if you have given anymore thought to telling Cutter.” She says looking over at me.

“
No.” I say in defeat.

“
I think you should do it sooner rather than later.”

“
I know.”

“
Look, I get that he is a shithead and broke your heart, but he still needs to know. It is not fair to keep this from him. I think he would want to know.”

I hadn’t really considered that. I was too busy thinking about how I was feeling I didn’t really think if Cutter would care or not. I know Tess is right though. Cutter is the type of guy who would care.

I know what I have to do now. I stand up and grab my keys from the kitchen counter. “Let’s go.” I tell her.

“
Where are we going?” She says wide eyed.

“
Well, it’s Saturday night. There is bound to be a river party somewhere and I’m sure Cutter will be there.”

“
Okay, but I’m driving” she says grabbing my keys from my hand.

As we drive down the long gravel road to the river bar I can see the glow of the bonfire. I knew there would be a party going on, it wasn’t difficult to spot from the bridge as we entered town. Tess parks the truck amongst the rows of other vehicles and we climb out.

“
You sure you okay with this? You know you could just call him.” She says.

“
I know, but I feel like I need to do this now.” I say confidently and start walking toward the party.

There is a fairly large crowd at the party, probably because everyone is home from school. I spot Lacey and Jasper across the way. I make my way toward them.

“
Hey Paige. Long time no see.” Jasper says wrapping me in a giant bear hug.

“
Hey Jasp, sorry I haven’t come to see you. I have been sick lately. Have you guys seen Cutter tonight?” I ask them.

“
No, I don’t think he is here.” Jasper says looking at me worried.

“
Alright. Thanks.” I say and turn to walk away. Tess follows behind me.

“
You going to leave? You just got here.” Jasp whines as he realizes we are leaving.

“
Sorry guys, I still don’t feel the best. I was just looking for Cutter.” I don’t give Jasper or Lacey time to ask me anymore questions; I just start walking away from the group.

“
What do you want to do now?” Tess asks as we walk back toward the cars.

“
I guess let’s just go home. This was a stupid idea anyway. I’ll just call him tomorrow.” I say.

“
Alright.” Tess replies as we walk through the crowd of people.

“
You have some nerve showing up here, you Bitch!”
Oh crap, what now?

I hear what sounds like shuffling behind me. I turn my head just in time to see Laney running full speed towards me. Tess jumps in front of me and outstretches her arm to block Laney from hitting me, but it’s no use. Laney crashes into us and I slam into the ground. My face scrapes across the rocks, which I’m sure will leave marks later.

“
Back the fuck off you evil witch.” Tess growls as she pushes Laney off of her. Laney reaches up to swing at Tess when two large hands grab Laney and push her out of the way.

“
Get lost Davis” the owner of the large hands yells. I know I recognize that voice but I can’t quite see in the darkness out here by the cars.

“
Paige, are you okay?” Tess asks as I attempt to dust myself off.

“
Yeah, I’m alright.” I try to stand but Tess has to help me up. When I raise my eyes to look at Tess and the guy that helped us I almost double over in shock. It is Cooper Daniels.

“
If you are looking for Cutter, he is at home.” He says.

I don’t respond. I don’t know how to. I start walking backward slowly trying to run from him. I am sure this is trap.

“
Why did you help us?” I ask not taking my eyes off of him.

“
I know my brother would have wanted me to.” He says simply.

I don’t say anything after that I just look at Tess signaling it is time to go. Cooper stands there watching us leave never saying another word.

“
Well that was sufficiently weird.” Tess says finally after we are safely on our way home.

“
I know.” I say thinking of the crazy events that just happened.

“
So apparently you really pissed off Laney.” She says through a chuckle.

“
I guess.” I respond flatly. I feel numb. Today has been too much. I need rest.

When Tess and I get home I quickly change and climb in bed. Tess goes to make some phone calls and watch T.V. She knows I need to be alone with my thoughts. When I finally sleep I dream of Cutter. I dream of him holding our baby and looking so proud. I can see us as a family and it’s perfect. If I am truly honest with myself, it is what I have always wanted.

I don’t know how long I have been sleeping for, but I am awaken when I feel something sticky and wet between my legs. I flip back the covers and switch on my light. It’s blood and there is a lot of it. I have bled through my pajama bottoms and all over my sheets.
Shit, shit, shit. This can’t be happening!

CHAPTER 23

Tess hears me scream in the next room and comes running. She sees the blood and acts quickly. She throws me in the car and drives like a maniac to the hospital. I just stare out the window as the landscape whizzes by, pretending none of this is happening. The emergency room at the hospital is surprisingly quiet for a Saturday night. They put me in a room right away and they thankfully let Tess come with me. The only time she has to leave is when the doctor does the pelvic exam. I know before then though, I knew the minute I saw the blood, I was losing my baby.

The doctor explains to me it was likely the hard impact from falling on the gravel that caused me to miscarry. He assures me that I am young and in good health, that this shouldn’t prevent me from having children in the future. I hear everything he says but I don’t care. I feel like I am outside my body watching myself lay there in that hospital bed. I think of how upset I was when I found out I was pregnant and I instantly feel guilty. I thought my life was over then, but now I see how wrong I was. Deep down I wanted that baby. I wanted the last good part of Cutter and me. I thought it would hurt less this time around if I got to keep some part of him. Now, I don’t even have that, I have nothing.

“
You can’t go in there sir.” I hear the nurse say outside my room. Then the door pushes open.

“
Paige!” It was Cutter and the nurse looked less than impressed with his presence.

“
It’s alright.” I tell her waving my hand at her.

Cutter walks over to my hospital bed and sits in the chair next to me. He looks horrible. He is pale and looks as though he hasn’t slept in days. “Paige, talk to me what is going on?”

“
Did Tess call you?” I know she did but I ask him anyways.

“
Yes. Please, tell me what happened.” He pleads.

I take a deep breath in and let it out. “I went to the river to find you. I needed to tell you something. You weren’t there so Tess and I went to leave. Laney saw us and she freaked out and pushed me. I fell.” I know I’m stalling but I can’t help it, I need time.