Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (21 page)

“
Why?” I say taunting him.

“
Because I will win.” He then lifts me up and tosses me on the bed. “I always win, darling.” He tells me and begins to tickle me senseless.
He is right, he does always win. I just hope I don’t lose in the process.

Finals week goes by pretty smoothly. I have a day off between each test which is nice. Unfortunately the price I paid for that is I have a dreaded Friday afternoon final. That means I won’t get to go home until tomorrow morning. Cutter insisted on driving me home even though he was done with his finals on Wednesday afternoon.

Campus is pretty empty, but there a still a small crowd that has gathered at the local watering hole. I told Cutter I would meet him and some of his frat brothers after I got ready. Millie had gone home for winter break already so the house was lonely. I was all packed up and ready to head home for the holidays.

As I walk into the bar the music thumps through the speakers. There is about a third of the crowd that is normally here on a Friday night. I look around on the first floor to see if I can spot Cutter, but I don’t see him. I head down stairs to see if I can find him.

When I reach the bottom step I spot a few of Cutter’s fraternity brothers hanging out at the bar in the corner, but I don’t see him. I scan the crowd looking for him and my heart stops when I find him.

Cutter is pressed against the back wall and there is a girl with her hand on his chest. They look pretty intense. My heart is beating out of control now. I try to calm down by telling myself it’s not what it looks like. I get up enough courage to walk toward them. I get a few feet from them and I instantly recognize the girl, it’s Laney Davis.

I stop. My feet are glued to the floor below me. I watch in horror as she leans forward and kisses Cutter on the mouth. My heart feels like it is being ripped from my chest as I watch their kiss. He doesn’t fight her off. He doesn’t even push her back.
What a liar!
I have to get out of here!

I start walking backward to leave and smack into a table in the process. A couple beer bottles clatter to the floor. Cutter’s eyes snap up breaking the kiss he is sharing with Laney. His eyes latch on to me and he pushes toward me.

“
Paige, wait!” He screams across the bar. I fly up the steps two at time trying my best to outrun him. I fling open the front door to the bar and storm out into the alleyway. I can’t see well in the darkness and I run smack into something hard. Two large hands grab my shoulders to steady me.

“
Paige, is that you?” Holden says peering back at me.

“
Oh hey Holden, I was just headed home.” I know I’m going to cry so I just want to get home as quickly as possible.

“
Well here, let me walk you. It’s dark out.” He says and places his hand on my back leading me toward my house.

“
Thanks. I’m kind of having a crappy night.”
That’s the understatement of the year!

“
I kind of got that from the way you stormed out of the bar.” He tells me.

“
Oh you saw that?” I ask sheepishly.

“
Yeah. Do you want to talk about it?” We reach the back door of my house and we stop under the porch light.

“
No, I don’t think I can.” I say back to him.

“
Does it involve Cutter?” I shake my head yes. He lets out a sigh and says “Paige, it’s none of my business but, I don’t think love is supposed to hurt this much.” He watches my face for my reaction.

I can’t say anything back because the tears are right there threatening to break loose. He pulls me against his chest and gives me a big hug. Holden holds me so gently it breaks the dam.

“
I don’t know what I was thinking. I should have never trusted him.” I whisper into his chest.

Holden is just about to answer my rhetorical question when I hear what sounds like a roar. I feel Holden ripped from my arms and then a blur of activity happens. It is Cutter, he must have followed me from the bar. He must have seen Holden hugging me.

“
What the fuck! I told you not to touch her!” Cutter screams as he shoves Holden backwards.

“
And I told you to stop hurting her!” Holden screams and pushes Cutter back.

“
STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!” I don’t even realize I am yelling until the words are out of my mouth. I have now positioned myself in between them.

“
Paige…” Cutter’s voice sounds strained and cracked.

“
No fuck you Cutter! You have no right, not anymore. I want you to leave.”

“
Please don’t do this Paige. We just need to talk.” He pleads.

“
No. We are done. Leave!” I scream at him.

“
Fine, I will give you time but I will be back.” He says and turns to walk away. I can tell he wants to challenge the fact Holden is staying but he knows it will only enrage me more.

I watch Cutter walk away into the darkness and I let out an exhausted breath that I have been holding in.

“
Do you want me to stay for a bit?” Holden asks concern all over his face.

“
No. I just need to be alone. Thank you for walking me home.” I give him a halfway smile.

“
Alright, but if you need anything just call me.” He tells me.

“
Thanks but I will be okay.”

Holden nods and turns to walk away but stops just short of leaving. He half turns toward me and in a low voice says “maybe it’s for the best Paige. I don’t think love is supposed to hurt this much.”

“
Maybe.” I whisper back as Holden too disappears into the darkness of the alley.

I know Cutter will be back any moment. Most likely he was waiting in the shadows to see if Holden left or came in the house with me. If I wait to leave until morning he will try to catch me before I leave. Heck, he will probably camp outside my house tonight. I have to leave now if I plan to escape him. So I do the only thing I can think of, I grab my bags and jump in my truck to make the six hour trek home. As soon as I turn onto the highway I turn off my cell phone so I won’t be tempted to answer his inevitable phone calls.
I am an idiot. I not only fell for his crap once, I fell for it twice. Well Laney Davis can have him because I am done!

CHAPTER 22

I drove through the night. My parents were shocked to see me in the wee hours of the morning but were glad I was home safe and sound. I told them I was just homesick and couldn’t sleep so I decided to just drive through the night. They scolded me for not telling them I left Pullman in the middle of the night. I was just relieved to be home. I knew Cutter wouldn’t dare come over to my house and risk upsetting me with my parents here.

I haven’t talked to him. I refused to take his calls, and there was a ton of them. He sends text messages practically every day begging me to talk to him but, I just ignore them. He played me for a fool once again. I will never let him do that to me again, this time Cutter Daniels has truly broken me.

I know Lacey and Jasper suspect something is up with me but I refuse to tell them what has happened. The only person I have told is Tess. I called her the night I drove home. She stayed on the phone with me for almost two hours calming me down. Tess came home just a few days after I did, which has been my only saving grace. We have been going on long walks every day since we have been home. Tess listens while I vent and rage about Cutter. She has also been there for those days when I can barely get out of bed to do anything. She is more than just a best friend she has become my therapist. I know I owe any shred of sanity I have left to her.

It’s now the day after Christmas and my parents left for our house in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We always leave the day after Christmas to spend some time skiing and having family time. Not that in the last two years I have been able to ski but I do enjoy going and watching the snow fall while sitting next to the fire. But I couldn’t do that this year, I needed space and time to think. I told my parents I didn’t want to go this year and surprisingly they allowed me to stay at home.

I need this time to grieve and process what happened between Cutter and me. The best place for me to do that is at the barn. I know the minute I get in the saddle I will feel more like myself again. I haven’t ridden since I came home because I haven’t been feeling the best. I think I have the flu or something. I have been sick to my stomach for days but it comes and goes in waves.

I’m currently having one of those waves now. I have my head hanging over the toilet attempting to puke when I hear Tess come in my room. Tess is going to stay a few days with me while my parents are gone.

“
Hey lady.” She says and comes to an abrupt stop when she sees what I’m doing.

“
Hey.” I say looking a bit green.

“
What’s wrong? You still feeling sick?” Tess comes into the bathroom and leans against the countertop.

I nod my head in response and will myself not to vomit. “It comes and goes.” I tell her.

“
When did this start?”

“
Uh…late last week sometime. I think it’s the flu.”

Tess just keeps staring at me with concern showing in her face. “Paige, do you think you could be pregnant?”

I stare into the toilet in shock at her question. I can’t be pregnant. Cutter and I used protection.
Oh crap except that time in the shower and the time right before that! Shit!

“
Okay don’t panic. I’ll go get you a test. You stay here.” I love Tess. She didn’t even need me to answer her question she read it in my face.