Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (24 page)

It doesn’t take long for Dr. Collins to get there. She examined The Biz and ruled out Colic. She thinks that he has an infection of some sort. She has hung two huge IV bags one with an antibiotic and the other with fluid. She said he was extremely dehydrated from trying to fight off the infection. She couldn’t give me any guarantees, but promised she would be back first thing in the morning. She explained to us that he may not survive the night and that we need to be prepared for that.

Tess called my parents. They are on the first flight back tomorrow morning. Lacey has been sitting with me off and on for hours as I watch the IV fluid drip into The Biz’s neck. I sent Alejandro home to get rest; I may need him to help me in the middle of the night if he becomes unstable. Alejandro promised he would be back in a few hours to check on me. Currently I am alone with The Biz. I have coaxed him to place his head in my lap. He lays there perfectly still letting me pet his face and forelock, gently breathing.

I have been talking to him, like I have always done. I tell him about Cutter and me. I tell him about losing the baby. I tell him everything because I know this may be my last chance I get to talk to my best friend.

“
How’s he doing?” I must have been sleeping. I was leaned over The Biz’s neck. I pick my head up to see who asked me that. It takes me a minute to adjust my eyes but when I do I’m stunned.

“
About the same.” I tell him.

“
Jasper called and told me. I had to come.” Cutter says with his hands in his pockets, leaning against the stall door.

I don’t say anything back to him I just continue to pet The Biz. His breathing is about the same. I don’t see much improvement but I’m trying not to think the worst. “They think he has an infection of some sort, but we don’t know where.”

“
Is he going to make it?”

“
We don’t know.” The truth in that statement brings a flood of emotion and I begin crying again slumping over The Biz’s neck.

Cutter comes inside the stall and sits down next to me. “He will make it Paige. He is strong.” He says hugging me, pulling my weight off of The Biz.

I lean against him due to my fatigue. “I hope your right. I can’t lose him too. I can’t take that, not now. Not with everything else that has happened.” I begin to cry more.

“
Shhh…. It’s going to be okay.” He coos.

“
Things are just so messed up now. I don’t see how anything can be right again.” We both know we are talking about everything now, not just The Biz.

“
I know baby. I know.”

Maybe it was fatigue or maybe it was the rawness in the air from all the stress but I feel like I need to confess to Cutter a few things.

“
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away that I was pregnant. I was just so scared.” I’m still crying but its manageable now, no longer the hard sobs.

“
I know. I wish I would have known. I would have been there for you.” His hand covers mine as I stroke The Biz’s neck. I look up at him. “Paige, I would have wanted that baby.”

“
I know you would have.”

“
No, I don’t think you get it. I would have wanted that baby not just because it would be part of me. I would have wanted that baby because it was part of you. I love you Paige.” He tells me and laces his fingers with mine.

I don’t look at him I stare down at our hands on The Biz’s neck. “I wanted that baby too.”

“
I’m so sorry Laney pushed you. She did that because of me. It was my fault. I should have been clear with her from the beginning. I lead her on and she took her anger out on you.”

“
It’s wasn’t all your fault, I’m pretty sure she is bat shit crazy.” I tell him simply.

“
That may be, but I should have sat her down a long time ago and explained I didn’t have feelings for her.”

“
I think Laney is the type of person that it wouldn’t matter. She wants what she wants and she doesn’t care what it takes to get it. She just saw me as competition.”

“
Well there was never a competition. I only ever wanted you. I love you Paige.”

“
Cutter…”

“
I love you Paige. I will always love you.” He says and leans over capturing my mouth. There is something so comforting in his kiss. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t resist. I need that comfort right now. “I can’t be without you baby.”

“
What if we aren’t meant to be together? What if the universe is trying to tell us something?”

“
I have given this a lot of thought these past few days. I found myself wishing now more than ever I had my Dad to talk to…”

I cut him off midsentence. “See that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I’m the reason your Dad died. Every time you look at me that has to cross your mind.”

“
No Paige it doesn’t. The way I see it, my Dad gave me the biggest gift of my life.”

“
What are you talking about?”

“
He gave me you darling. My Dad saved you for me. That is how I chose to see things. And I refuse to let his sacrifice be in vain.”

I don’t know how to respond to him. It truly amazes me the love this man has for me. I know I love him back. I know I have just been too stubborn to admit it to him.

“
I love you.” I blurt out.

“
I know darling, I love you too.” He says kissing me.

We must have fallen asleep talking in The Biz’s stall because we are startled awake when Alejandro comes into the barn in the early morning.

“
He’s up!” Alejandro exclaims.

I snap open my eyes and look up to see The Biz standing in the corner of his stall looking at Cutter and I huddled together. I jump up and walk over to him worried his IV is tangled. I check him out and he seems to be in good shape.

“
Hey buddy. You gave us a scare.” I say to him patting his neck.

Once I realize he is alright I feel the awkwardness in the air. I look behind me to see Cutter standing behind me staring at Alejandro. I know there is some unspoken man chat happening next to me.

“
Treat her right.” Alejandro says and walks away.

“
What the heck was all that about?” I turn and ask Cutter.

“
Just checking each other’s motives out.” he tells me nonchalantly.

“
Men are so strange.” I shake my head.

“
He’s up?” Lacey asks hurrying her way down the barn aisle with Tess close on her heels.

“
Yup he is up.” Both girls come into the stall with us and pat Biz.

I know it’s a miracle that The Biz survived this. I didn’t need Dr. Collins to tell me that. I knew just by looking at him. It will be a long road back to health for my best friend but the worst is hopefully behind us. Dr. Collins assured me I saved The Biz’s life. I corrected her and told her he in fact saved mine, because it is true. That horse has been my one constant in world of turmoil. He has been my constant companion through it all and I love him for that. When Dr. Collins told us he would make a full recovery, I felt such relief. His temperature had gone back to normal and he also started eating again. Finally, we had gotten the news we had all been praying for and it felt great.

My parents had arrived home shortly after Dr. Collins left. They were both very relieved to know The Biz was out of the woods. He is much more than just a horse to us, he is a family member. We all love him so much. His loss would have been truly devastating for all of us at the farm.

Cutter stayed with me the entire time. He even endured the litany of questions my Mother levied at him. He also didn’t even squirm when my Father repeatedly gave him a cold stare. Cutter took it all in stride. I encouraged him to leave, but he refused. He just looked at me and said “I’m not leaving Paige, no matter what happens.”

He was true to his word and he stayed the entire day. He finally left after he had dinner with me and my parents. I walked him out to his truck and I told him I would call him tomorrow. He simply looked at me and said “Paige, no more running” and climbed up in his truck and left.

He came back first thing the next morning and we went for a long walk around the farm. During our walk we talked about the things that had happened. I opted to not tell my parents about the pregnancy as it won’t matter now. Cutter encouraged me to tell them so they could help support me but I told him I have scared them enough over these last two years. I told him that I feared bad thing would happen. He reassured me that no matter what happened we would fight through it together. He asked me to trust him. He said if I just trust him then everything will work out. I told him I would try.

Cutter and I spent the rest of our winter break together putting the pieces that was us back together. We slowly but surely began feeling more like ourselves each day. I know we will never truly be the same. We have endured too much, but I have hope that the new version of us will be stronger.

Now that we are back at school, things seem better. It could be because Cutter and I can have unlimited time with each other. We spend every day together and most nights too. It helps to have Cutter by my side at night. Sometimes I have trouble shutting my brain down at night. I rerun the things that have happened in my mind. Cutter helps pull me out of that and remind me that we can’t change what has happened. I am thankful for his understanding. He has been extremely patient with me through everything. If I have a rough day he never seems to get frustrated with me, he instead makes sure I feel extra loved. He is truly an incredible man and I’m so lucky to have him. I’m so glad he didn’t listen to me and kept fighting for us. He has shown me that love is not easy it is tough, but if you can fight through the pain, there is something truly magnificent on the other side of it.

CHAPTER 25

Cutter

One Year later….

I watch Paige perched in the spring grass in her favorite spot amongst the trees across the street from the campus bookstore. Seeing her takes my breath away, it always has, even when we were just kids and I thought I hated her. I was too ignorant then to know she was my world, my everything. I had let my brother and mother poison me with their hatred. Thankfully though I discovered the truth about Paige Vandenberg, and it was truly amazing. This woman stole my heart in ways I never thought possible. It hasn’t always been easy; in fact it has been the biggest struggle of my life, but one I would gladly do again. She has forgiven me when I had no right to be forgiven and today I hope to show her just how much she means to me.