Love, But Never (28 page)

“You could be ready for bed by taking off one layer of clothes, too, you know,” Aaron teased.

“Yes, but then I’d be naked, and I’m sharing this room,” Marissa answered, turning to face him in the darkness, propping her head up on her hand.

“Yes, but it’s only me at the moment, and you know, been there, done that,” Aaron chuckled, mimicking her position on Susan’s bed.

“Are you trying to get me naked, Aaron?” Marissa laughed.
‘Bad idea, Marissa!  Do you want to get your heartbroken?’

“Your set was great tonight,” Marissa continued, changing the subject. “It was totally worth the twelve hour drive to get here.”

“Being here is amazing,” Aaron said.

“Being in Texas, or being in my hotel room?” The darkness of the room suddenly made Marissa brave.  She knew she didn’t have to watch his face if he chose Texas and she knew he couldn’t see the embarrassment written on hers.

“Neither and both,” he almost whispered. “Being here in Texas in your hotel room, which you and your roommate graciously offered to share with four smelly guys.  Two of which neither of you really know.”

“Don’t worry! Susan’ll be best friends with all of them before they return,” Marissa chuckled.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

“I’m glad I work for a hotel chain and could get a cheap room so I could come.  I mean, where
would
you be sleeping tonight if I hadn’t?” she joked.

“Marissa, I-,” Aaron started as he got up from the bed, suddenly serious.

Marissa sat up and looked over at him, the shape of his body outlined through the small amount of light from the parking lot peeking through the window behind him.

“Aaron? What is it?”

“Are you and John back together?  I know that we’ve spent some time together this month, but we hooked up a lot when you were kind of with him, but if things are getting more serious again…”

“What do you mean?” Marissa asked, puzzled at this line of questioning.

“Is that why you want me sleeping over here?” He sounded wounded, gesturing to Susan’s bed.

“No, Aaron, I-,” she started, taking a deep breath, “John and I-, We’re over. Although, I- I’m not sure we were ever officially ‘together.’ He- He’s still my best friend though.” She stumbled through her words.

“What changed? I thought you wanted to be with him.”

She contemplated his question, vaguely aware that he’d made his way to the other side of her bed.

“I think I wanted the idea of him.  But, we had a fight about you.  He asked me how I felt about you and how I could sleep with you two days after he and I split.” She felt the bed shift as he sat down across from her.

“About me? Why?” he asked.

“He says Lucian told him that you look at me a certain way when I’m not looking at you, and that there is an energy between us that Lucian doesn’t see when John and I are together,” she answered, trying to make it sound like she thought the idea was absurd.

She heard Aaron’s sharp intake of air, as his hand found hers in the dark, through the sea of duvets and blankets.  She looked over to find him sitting next to her.

‘
Wow!  He can be a ninja when he wants to be!’

“Are you saying you don’t feel the energy yourself, Marissa?”

“I- um- I always feel electricity when you touch me,” she started. “Like now, it’s like a current, traveling from your fingers through my body.  I feel like my nerve endings are singing.  I don’t feel like that when John touches me.”

“Wow. Your nerve endings sing? That’s extremely descriptive,” he said. “…and, you know, accurate,” he continued in a barely audible whisper.

“But I never thought our attraction was obvious to anyone but us,” she continued.

“Attraction? Is
that
all this is?” he whispered, sounding hurt.

“I thought so, until John asked me point blank if I had feelings for you-,” Marissa stopped short, not sure she wanted to say anymore.  She peeked over, his dark eyes on hers in anticipation. “And- and I, you know, couldn’t say no.” She dropped her eyes back to their hands, which were now intertwined.

“And why is that?” he breathed.

“Why am I the only one divulging here?” Marissa tried to turn the tables.

“Because I asked first and I wasn’t the one with a significant other two weeks ago.”

“Fine.  Aaron,” she started, slightly irritated that she was the one about to put her heart on the line.  “I thought we were just fucking and that I just wanted you, because…well, look at you! But somewhere along the way, I started to look forward to being with you and talking to you.  After we had sex, and during, everything felt like it aligned and I felt wonderful!  Then I started to miss you when we’d leave each other.  Being with you always makes me feel better, no matter what, even when I woke up in pain next to you.” She rushed through her explanation.

“Marissa, I—,” Aaron started.

‘
Here comes the big kiss off!’
Marissa thought.

“It’s not a big deal if you don’t feel that way, we can still be friends,” Marissa offered him the easy way out.

“NO!” Aaron said, horrified.

‘
Oh man, I really messed up.  I should’ve lied and said it was just attraction, now he thinks I’m this crazed woman and he won’t want to be my friend, either! How could I be so stupid?’
Marissa felt tears start to sting the corners of her eyes. She started to pull her hands away from his, but he grabbed her wrists and forced her to look into his deep brown eyes.  Marissa winced involuntarily at the sudden action.

“Marissa, I feel that way, too,” he finally said, relief in his voice. “Marissa, I- I, um, I think I love you.”

His hands moved to her cheeks, caressing them, as he searched her eyes in the darkness.

“I think I love you, too, Aaron,” she managed to squeak out before his lips were on hers, softly at first, then hungrier.  She felt all of the emotion of their conversation pouring from her into the kiss.  “But, you have to understand, it scares me.  I feel like it’s too much electricity.  That I’m in danger…” she continued, pulling away from him.

              “Marissa, it scares me, too.  More than you know,” he answered, pulling her back to him.

              “I don’t want to get burned.  I don’t want to end up like my mom,” she whispered, pushing back.

              “I’ve never met your mom, but I know you.  If you don’t want to end up like her, you won’t,” his dark eyes looked into hers.

              “How can you be so sure? You don’t even know why I feel like that.” A tear broke free from Marissa’s eyes.  She hadn’t even known she was holding them back.

              “You are strong,” he answered, simply.

“I can never say no to you.”

“You’ve tried, but I can be very persistent.  Besides, I don’t think you’ve ever actually
wanted
to say no to me,” he said.

“You’re right, I haven’t,” she chuckled, letting him pull her in for another kiss. 

“Whatever is scaring you, we’ll work it out, I promise.”

He cradled her head until he lowered her back down to the bed.  Marissa put her hand on his chest and pushed him away, slightly.

“What now?” she asked, her hands caressing his neck as she looked into his eyes in the darkened room.

“That’s a good question,” Aaron chuckled.  “I want to be with you, I want you to be mine.  Is that what you want?”

“Yeah, I want to be with you, too, but…” Marissa started.

“Don’t say but, just stop right there.  That’s all that matters,” Aaron’s lips came over hers again and she relaxed into the kiss that seemed to say everything they were feeling.

“I was just going to suggest that we be good tonight, since we don’t know when everyone is coming back,” she chuckled against his mouth.

“That’s probably a good idea.  Now that you are mine, I don’t want anyone to see you in pleasure but me,” he said, coming to rest beside her and putting a possessive arm around her stomach.  Somehow the arm felt right there. Marissa didn’t feel like he was trying to stifle or control her with his actions.

“Really?” she grinned into the darkness.

She felt his fingers trail under her tank top and palm her breast.  Her breathing accelerated as he pulled at her puckered nipple.  She let out a soft moan and he started to nibble on her ear.  Then all at once, he stopped, leaving her wanton and breathless.

“Really,” he whispered against her neck, pulling her flush to him, his front to her back.  “Tonight, we’re just going to sleep.  I promise.”

“Are you sure?  Because I can tell that’s not what your body wants,” Marissa ground her behind into him and was rewarded with his moan.

“I’m not sure, but it’s what’s going to happen,” he said, kissing her bare shoulder.  “Now go to sleep, we both have a long drive tomorrow, and I want both of us to make it home in one piece.”

“Alright, fine,” she giggled, closing her eyes, at peace for the first time maybe ever.

**

Less than a week after the excursion to Texas, Marissa found herself in another road trip situation.  This time, it was only a three hour drive north to Flagstaff with Liv.

“What time are they going on?” Liv asked as they pulled into a parking spot on the north side of the Northern Arizona University campus.

“I have no idea…I don’t even know where on campus the concert is!” Marissa shrugged.

“Why didn’t you ask Aaron?” A puzzled look came over Liv’s face in response to Marissa’s lack of information.

“Because I didn’t want him to think I was going to come.  I didn’t know if I was going to have today off and didn’t want to get his hopes up!”

“Fine, fine,” Liv waved off.

“We’re just going to walk around and see if we can find it.  I did a summer program here a few years ago and know my way around.  So I have a decent idea of the places it could be,” Marissa took off in the direction of the basketball courts next to the residence hall she spent her summer in three years prior.

              As they rounded the corner from the residence hall, the sounds of guitars filled their ears from a distance.  They picked up speed as they approached the makeshift stage area on the southeast corner of the courts.  The area was filled with college kids from the campus watching the Battle of the Bands.

              “I knew that song sounded familiar!” Liv shouted, motioning to Regret Lingers already mid-song.  A slow grin formed on Marissa’s face as she took in all of Aaron’s features as he sang with the same determination and passion she’d always seen from him.  The setting couldn’t have been more perfect for the concert.  From the perfect weather to the tall pine trees dotting the courtyard area, Marissa knew this campus was one of her favorite places to be and she was glad to now have a memory of Aaron here.

              “Shall we move in closer so you can see your man at work?” Liv laughed and dragged Marissa closer to the stage.

              “No, let’s just hang back here for now.  I don’t want to impede his entourage,” Marissa nodded to Aaron’s usual crowd of girls at the base of the stage.

              “He loves you, Marissa.  Don’t question it.  Anyone can see it.  Hell, it was obvious before you knew!  That’s why…,” Liv trailed off.

              “That’s why…what?” Marissa shot a puzzled glance to Liv.

              “Nothing, nevermind.  I was just rambling,” Liv chuckled in a way that Marissa thought sounded nervous.

              “Oookaayy, Livvie, but if you change your mind…”  Marissa turned her attention back to the stage just in time to catch Aaron’s eye.  His answering smile was breathtaking and he shot her a wink over the crowd.  Marissa wondered if it was any wonder the girls at the bottom of the stage swooned so hard for him.

              “Looks like you’ve been spotted,” Liv laughed more genuinely this time.

              “So it seems! We may as well get a little closer then.”

              “HA!  Let’s go,” Liv led them closer to the crowd for the remainder of Regret Lingers’ set. 

              “The crowd seems really into them!  I really hope they win!” Marissa gushed.

              “Me, too,” Liv said, as the end of the song came.  “So, what did John say about you coming today?”

              “Ugh, don’t remind me.  He doesn’t like my relationship with Aaron, even though he’s the one that pointed out my feelings,” Marissa growled.

              “Oh,” Liv looked down at her feet.  This is the second or third time during this short trip that Liv looked dejected or nervous about something.  Marissa wished she’d just come out and talk about whatever was bothering her. 

              “Why should you never get sick in Apache Junction?” Aaron’s voice rang out over the courtyard.  Marissa looked up to see a devilish smirk on his face and his eyes squarely on her.

              “Oh GOD!  He is NOT telling AJ jokes!” Liv giggled and poked Marissa’s side.  “Someone wants you to know they are thinking about you.”

              “Because the only cold medicine you can buy comes in crystal meth,” Aaron said, laughing at his own joke, accompanying the low rumble of laugher throughout the crowd.

              “BOO!” Marissa shouted through cupped hands, lightheartedly, smiling.

              “Oh, so my girlfriend doesn’t think I should be making fun of her hometown,” Aaron said, and Marissa watched every girl at the base of the stage turn their head in unison to find out who Aaron was with, murder glinting in their eyes.  Marissa’s felt her cheeks heat as she ducked her head from the jealous eyes.

              “Oh my God!  Are we going to get mobbed here?” Liv asked, in a completely serious tone, as her eyes took in Aaron’s entourage.

              “Well, at least it seems they know he’s off the market to them?”

              “Or, he just, inadvertently, issued a challenge?”

              “You think?” Marissa asked, concerned, as she watched Aaron talking to Kyle.

              “She surprised me, so I had to acknowledge her trip somehow,” Aaron chuckled into the microphone.  “The trip up here must’ve taken forever by pack mule.”  He laughed harder when he spotted Marissa’s middle finger in the air in his direction.