Love, But Never (23 page)

              “Marissa!” Kyle greeted on their approach and pulled her in for a bear hug, his green eyes shimmering when he noticed Liv next to her.  “Who’s your friend?”

              “This is Liv!” She proudly introduced.

              “It’s nice to meet you, Liv.  I’m Kyle,” he grinned and moved to hug her, as well.  Liv started to giggle, nearly uncontrollably before she found her control again and returned his hug.

              “Hi!” Liv said, after she finally found her voice.  She gaped at me over his shoulder, and then smiled as Marissa turned her attention back to Lucian, who seemed to be sporting a wry smile.

              “What?” Marissa asked, sweetly.

              “You are the queen of getting out of questions you don’t want to answer,” he just smirked at her and shook his head in disbelief.

              “I’m with John now; I can’t go there, Lucian.”

              “You can’t deny that you don’t want to.”

              “Yes, I can,” she lied, wanting to change the subject before the thought of doing something stupid popped into her head and wouldn’t leave.  “I’m going up to the restroom.” She huffed and bounded back up the stairwell.  When she returned, she heard Liv and Lucian deep in conversation.  She slowed and tried to listen before they saw her.

              “He’s obviously in love with her,” Liv said.
‘I’m glad Liv seems to recognize John’s and my relationship now.  Maybe I can let my guard down and be her friend, after all,’
Marissa assumed.

              “The way he looks at her…it’s amazing she doesn’t realize.  She can be oblivious sometimes,” Lucian answered, sliding a piece of paper into his back pocket. 
‘That’s odd, I see how John looks at me, I don’t think it’s love, but it’s definitely a mutual respect,’
Marissa thought.

              “What are you up to later?” Aaron asked her, startling her.

              “Don’t do that!” she said, seeing Liv and Lucian turning in surprise.

              “Sorry, so?”

              “John is coming over after he gets off work,” she answered, smiling at Aaron.

              “Oh, okay,” he said, saddened, “I’m here, if you need me.  You know that, right? I’ll talk to you later then?” Marissa nodded and he shuffled off to start loading their equipment onto the stage.

              “John would be happy to have heard you turn Aaron down,” Lucian whispered in her ear.

              “Yeah, yeah, I know.  I don’t want to fight with him before Chad’s birthday this weekend.”

              “Oh yes!” Lucian smiled.  “I still wish you were twenty-one so you could go with us to the club, instead of just meeting us at Chad’s afterward,” he put on a fake pout.

              “I know, me, too!  But it’ll be fun to be there after everyone is already drunk.  I love being the only sober person at a party,” she offered.

              “Darren and Rose will be there after the club, too,” he reminded.

              “Yeah, but they’ll pre-game and probably smoke before they come over.”

              Lucian let out an exaggerated laugh, “That’s probably true!”

              “Party?” Liv asked as the band that just took the stage started the first song of their set.

              “A friend of ours, it’s his twenty-third birthday,” Marissa glossed over and pointed her attention to the stage. Marissa knew she was looking for an invite, and she’d love to have Liv as a friend, but this party was not the party to introduce her to John’s friends.

**

As soon as Marissa walked through the door at Chad’s house, she knew her attire had been a mistake.

              “Hello, Beau,” she greeted the jackass who was, blatantly, drooling over her, while his dutiful girlfriend sat next to him, oblivious to his philandering.  Marissa would have felt bad if Melissa had ever been nice to her.  She, self-consciously, pulled on the hem of her way too short black skirt, exposing a small strip of her flat stomach.  She thought Beau was going to expire right there at Chad’s kitchen table.

              “There’s my beautiful
girlfriend
,” John slurred as he pulled her in for a deep, sloppy kiss.  Marissa didn’t know how to respond to the VERY
public
display of affection by an obviously drunk John.

              “Hey,” she cooed to him quietly after she broke their kiss just short of him trying to dry hump her in the doorway.

              “Marissa!  Let’s dance!” Lucian pulled her from John’s embrace and started twirling her around, singing the Gin Blossoms’ ‘Til I Hear It From You,’ loudly in her ear.  She felt her skirt riding up and the top of her boots sliding from her knees.  She said a silent prayer that her cardigan went down to her knees and Beau wasn’t getting an even better show, since her skirt didn’t allow the opportunity for panties.

              “How are you doing, Lucian?” Marissa asked, concerned that her friend seemed one beer away from sitting in a bathtub and shaving his head- better known as Lucian’s go-to post break up move.

              “I’m fine!  She’s a bitch!” on the last word, Lucian collapsed into a heap in Marissa’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

              “Wanna go talk about it upstairs?” she whispered.  He nodded against her shoulder.  She led him up the stairs to Chad’s television room and propped him up on the futon. 
Moulin Rouge
seemed to be playing in a loop on the television and Lucian started to cry harder.

              “Should I turn it off?” Marissa motioned to the DVD player.

              “No!  I deserve to be in pain!  I’m an asshole.  I never deserved
her
,” he whines.

              “Lucian, that’s ridiculous!  You are the best friend I could ask for!  You helped me escape my perpetual
Dawson’s Creek
-style teen angst.  You’ll escape yours, too,” she tried to assure him.

              “She getting married next week,” he curled his lanky body up onto the futon.  Marissa gasped, involuntarily.  “Yeah, I know,” he said, more anger in his voice this time.

              “But you guys just broke up—”

              “Two months, Marissa.  Two
fucking
months,” his voice seemed to turn to ice and Marissa shivered in response.

              “I’m so sorry, Lucian.  She doesn’t deserve
you
,” Marissa ran a soothing hand through his hair before adding, “Please don’t shave your head again.  I know you want to, but…you know it makes you look like a lizard!  And frankly, it scares me.  Just promise me you won’t do anything drastic? Please?” she kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand as Lucian seemed to pass out next to her, taking up nearly half the space on the futon.

              “Hey, I came to see if you needed help,” the voice at the door sent Marissa into a panicked tailspin, but she took a deep breath.

              “I’ve got it, Beau. 
Thanks,
” she said through clinched teeth, but noticed he’d already found a spot, way too close to her, to sit.

              “Are you sure?” he asked, placing an unwelcome hand on the inside of her thigh and started to move it upwards.  Marissa bolted off the futon and stalked toward the door.  Beau was faster, though, and blocked her exit.

              “I just want to get to know you better,” he said, smoothly.  He was not flustered at all by her reaction.

              “No, thank you.  My
boyfriend
is downstairs, so is your
girlfriend
, by the way, or did you forget?” Marissa attempted to push past him but he didn’t budge.

              “Don’t lie to yourself, Marissa.  John and you?” he let out an eerie chuckle.  “You’re just friends masquerading as more.  Anyone can see you have no heat, no passion.”

              “What do you know about it?  I should march downstairs and give Melissa an earful!”

              “HA!” his laugh came out more strangled this time. “I’ve been privy to the force of your passion.  It’s hot, smoldering even, or do you not remember your sophomore year?” He traced a finger across her chin and down her neck to the valley of her breasts.  It was all Marissa could do not to gag.

              “I remember you
lying
about how far we went,” Marissa’s blue eyes were blazing as she knocked his hand from her chest.

              “Which brings me to Melissa.  She won’t believe a word you say!  Because she’ll just think the
VIRGIN SLUT
seduced me, again- only now, you aren’t a virgin, are you?” he moved to pull Marissa into his body, trailing his hand down her back before grabbing a handful of her ass.

              “If you come any closer, I swear, I will knee you so hard you’ll be choking on your balls,” she hissed in his ear.  He held up his hands in defeat and gave her clearance to pass.

              “Your loss,
sweetie
, I’m the best sex you’ll never have,” he spat into her ear as she stalked from the room. She couldn’t resist turning around one last time.

              “Seriously?  You have no idea how to make me scream your name, don’t even pretend to,” she whirled around and flew down the stairs to find John. 
‘Not that John normally knows how to do that, either,”
flashed through her head before she had a chance to stop it.

              “There you are!” John said, pulling her to him, sloppily.

              “Someone needs to cut you off!” she chuckled, turning her head from inhaling the toxic fumes spilling from his mouth.  “Shall I take you up stairs and tuck you in?”

              John let out what Marissa assumed was supposed to be a sexy growl, but it came out as more like the sound a wounded dog might make.

              “HA!  Okay, honey, let’s go,” she grabbed his hand and led him to the spare bedroom Chad told her to use for the night.

              “I’m gunna reck yur wurl tunigh,” John said against her shoulder as Marissa began to wonder how she ended up the ‘drunk nurse’ at this party.

              She helped him into bed and lay down next to him, exhausted from hauling two full grown men up a flight of stairs in less than two hours.  Before she could register what was going on, Marissa felt John’s arms pull her toward him and covered his mouth with hers.  Her senses were overwhelmed by the taste of vodka and the smell of liquor laced with Drakkar Noir.  She wanted to push him off, but instead, she went with it, knowing she was going to be with her boyfriend, regardless of how drunk he was and how much she wasn’t interested.  This time though, it was better than it had ever been, and she finally found her release.  She fell asleep that night feeling satisfied by John for the first time in six months.

CHAPTER 17

February 2002

              “It’s about time, Ris!  I thought we were going to have to do this without you,” Jared said, handing her a plate of raw hamburgers.

              “It’s dad’s fortieth, you know I wouldn’t miss that!” Marissa smiled, happy to have such a warm welcome from her brother the afternoon following Chad’s party. “I just got stuck in Tempe longer than I expected.”

              “The guys took him to the golf course for the day, so we have another hour or so before they bring him back,” her mother breezed into the room carrying an elaborate cake shaped like a lush green hill, with a tombstone on one side.

              “Then what am I doing with these?” Marissa held up the plate.

              “Oh!  We’re just prepping those, stick them in the fridge for now,” her mom pointed to the stainless steel side by side behind her. 

              “It’s great to see you, sis,” Jared pulled her in for an unexpected hug after she’d placed the burgers into the refrigerator.  “I’ve really missed having you here.”

              “Really?” she asked, genuinely surprised.  “Is it because you are taking more heat for your parties when mom and dad leave town?” she chuckled.

              “No!  I’m over eighteen now, so they’re cool with that…as long as I clean up.  I want to go to college next semester, and you aren’t here to provide me the guidance I need from my big sister,” he smiled.

              “Oh!  I didn’t think you cared, Jared.”  Marissa blinked back the tears that were coming to her eyes from the rare showing of love from her brother.

              “No matter what happened, what made you leave, you are still my sister and I want to spend more time with you.  Who knows?  We might find that we are best friends when we don’t live together,” he shrugged.

              “I’d certainly like to find out.  Just no more spying on me from Scott’s house?” she said.

              “Done.  I didn’t tell mom and dad about seeing Tony at your place around Christmas,” he laughed.

              “That would’ve been fine. He, actually, brought me some books as a Christmas gift.  It was weird, but thoughtful.  No more backslides with Tony,” she answered, firmly.

              “That’s good to know.  That guy was cool, but he didn’t treat you right.”

              Marissa snorted with laughter at Jared’s ironic comment.  “Thanks.”

              “What?  I’m trying, okay?”

              “Okay,” she smiled, deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, for now.

              With that conversation, she felt like, perhaps, all wasn’t lost when it came to having a functional relationship with her family.  For the first time since the death of her grandfather, Marissa enjoyed a family event and saw to it that her father’s fortieth went off without a hitch.

**

              Two days later, she heard the sentence she’d been dreading.

“I did something drastic.”

              “Fuck, you didn’t shave your head, right?” Marissa asked.

              “No, well, not yet,” she heard Lucian chuckling on the other end of the line.

              “Okay, what’s that mean, Luc?”

              “I enlisted.”

              “You did
what?!
” Marissa screeched.