Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (18 page)

He couldn’t possibly leave me with these people, could he? Couldn’t he call Natalie back in ten minutes?

I was assuming the call was from Natalie again.

I was assuming right of course.

“It’s Natalie. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

His blues were sad, so I nodded reluctantly.

Leaning down, he whispered, “Thank you,” then gave me a small and unexpected kiss.

While Liza was lost in her wine, I could feel Claire’s eyes boring into me. Feeling trapped in the worst possible way, I tried not to panic.

Natalie had just lost her baby boy. Alexander had been like a father to Lucas. They needed to talk to each other. They were just talking.

“What was your name again?” Alexander’s father’s eyes dipped down to my cleavage then back up to my face again.

I shot a look to his wife but she didn’t look like she cared what was going on around her.

“Maya,” I answered.

“Where do you live, Maya?”

“I live in Sweden,” I responded. He arched his eyebrows. “I’m staying with Alexander,” I added.

He drummed his fingers on the table. “Interesting.”

I looked for where Alexander had disappeared to, but there was no sign of him.

“From the way you are avoiding looking at Claire, I’m assuming you’ve already met her.”

“Yes. I was unfortunate enough to meet her a few months back.” I avoided looking at Claire’s eyes, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw how her body had stiffened.

“So I can assume you know she is his wife.”

Now it was my turn to stiffen. “I’m aware that she is his
ex-wife
, yes.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. They’ve been together since their college years. They’ll eventually work out their differences.”

“If you say so,” I said, shrugging a shoulder, trying to look as nonchalant as possible while internally cursing Alexander to hell.

I didn’t want to be there.

I didn’t want to get in a verbal match with his so-called family.

Bennett’s eyes hardened at the tone of my voice, but it was Claire who couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“I told you this before, but apparently you are too dumb to understand: you mean nothing to him.”

“That may be, but I believe it’s a better option than him hating me like he said he hates you.”

“You have no—” she started, her voice rising with each word.

“Claire, keep it low,” warned the loving father.

“You have no idea what you are talking about,” she hissed at me, lowering her voice as was suggested by her…whatever he was to her now.

Actually, I could see why Alexander’s father had approved of Claire—she suited them just fine. It was Alexander who didn’t belong with them.

“I’d say I have a pretty good idea after everything Alexander explained.”

Before she could open her mouth, Bennett cut in.

“So what is it that you are after, Maya?”

I frowned. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. What do you expect to get from Alexander? You are a pretty little thing, I can see why he seems enamored with you for the moment, but I doubt it will be more than a fling. I haven’t seen him get in a serious relationship with someone other than Claire. So, what makes you think that you are special?” He took a sip from his wine as I watched him in complete shock. “What I heard from Jackson is that he went after some girl because of that boy’s death. To get away.”

My patience snapped. “I don’t expect to
get
anything from him, sir,” I said, slowly rising from my seat.

The hell with waiting for Alexander.

Grabbing my clutch, I walked away from them before I exploded and said something that wasn’t my place to say to begin with.

My heart in my throat, I escaped the restaurant. Glancing to my right, I saw Alexander talking on his phone, a few feet away from me. He seemed restless, his movements sharp.

Turning to my left, I quickly walked away. With every step I took, I felt myself getting further and further away from him. Turning the corner, I rested my back against the brick wall. I wanted to find a cab and leave his ass there, but I didn’t feel like it would be the best move when he was just trying to help his friend.

Reaching for the phone in my bag, I dialed Linn’s number from my memory.

“I’m sorry, Linn. I know it’s really late there, but I needed to hear a friendly voice,” I said in a rush as soon as she answered in a sleepy voice.

There was some rustling. “Really late? It’s 3 AM here, Maya. How about really early?” She sighed. “You are lucky I wasn’t sleeping. Give me a minute.” She lowered her voice. “It’s Maya. I’ll be right back.” Then I heard a door close.

“Was that Anders?” I asked, already feeling better for hearing her voice.

“So what if it was,” she replied stubbornly.

“Relax.” I smiled. “I wasn’t judging. In fact, good for him. I’d say you made him wait long enough.”

“I did, didn’t I?” she said, her voice soft.

“You definitely did. I’m happy it’s going great for you guys. I’m serious, he is a great guy. He’ll be good for you.”

“He really is Maya. It was our first night, and it was amazing.” She sighed.

“Am I gonna get any details? I didn’t call in the middle of something happening, did I? If so, you shouldn’t have answered your phone Linn. That’s not a good sign.”

She laughed. “Of course I wouldn’t answer the phone you jerk. I just couldn’t sleep. I was actually about to wake him up again when the phone rang.”

“Okay, I changed my mind about those details. Keep it to yourself.”

I heard her yawn.

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s going on, or did you call to check up on me?”

“I fled from the restaurant.”

“And…? Don’t leave me hanging here, keep going.”

“We were having dinner with Alexander, and then out of nowhere his father appeared and ordered him to his table, saying he had something to talk to him about—though right now, I doubt a quick business meeting was the only thing on his mind.”

“Don’t wander off. Tell me what happened. Don’t we like his father?”

“No, we definitely don’t like him. Anyway, when we reached his father, Claire was there too, having dinner with Alexander’s father and stepmother.”

“Oh, there is nobody we like at that table.”

“Nope, not one person. They completely ignored me until Alexander got a call from his Natalie again and left me with them. Then he pounced on me.”

“His father?”

“Yes.”

“What did he say?”

“Basically he was baiting me, telling me I was nothing but a fling. His eyes kept dropping to my cleavage.”

“And his wife was there? Weirdo. Keep going.”

“Yes, she was right next to him, but lost in her own world, I guess. And unfortunately, he could be Alexander’s twin if he wasn’t older by, I don’t know, thirty years or so. Of course, since she was there, sitting so prettily, Claire had to put in a few words, too.”

“It sounds like too much of a coincidence for them to be there, doesn’t it?”

“Exactly what I thought,” I said, happy that she’d come to the same conclusion.

“So where is Alexander? I’m sure he didn’t know anything about it.”

“I don’t know, I guess he is still on his phone. Like I said, I fled the restaurant, didn’t want to bother him with my whereabouts.”

“You just left? Where are you, Maya? It’s late. Don’t wander around on your own. It’s not safe.”

“Relax. I didn’t run too far away. I’m just around the corner.”

The phone buzzed in my ear, and I checked the screen. Alexander calling.

I ignored it.

“Don’t make me worry about you while you are over there. It would take too long for me to get to you.”

“I miss you, Linn,” I said. “I think I miss home.”

“Oh, Maya. Are you not happy with him? If so, come back. Come back tomorrow. I miss you, too.”

“I was. I mean I am. But sometimes the people around him make me feel like I don’t belong here. And Natalie…” I sighed as the phone buzzed in my ear again.

“That’s his friend who lost her boy, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. She calls him almost every hour of the day. And every time I can’t help but get jealous when he leaves me to talk to her, and then I get angry at myself for even going there. I mean, I know they need each other, this is hard on both of them… Am I making sense? Is it wrong of me to feel jealous?”

“I don’t know, Maya. I mean, he seemed like he was really into you when he was here. Did he change?”

“Not really. He is still the same to me, when it’s just the two of us.”

“Maya,” she said at the same time I heard someone shout my name close by.

I knew I couldn’t hide forever, but I still wasn’t prepared to see the heartsick look on Alexander’s face as he came into a halt at the corner of the street when he saw me.

“Maya,” he repeated, his voice odd.

“Linn, I’m sorry I woke you up, but I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said and quickly ended the call after she told me to take care of myself.

Alexander took the last few steps that separated us. Before I could step away from the wall, he struck the wall with his palms, shocking me with the intensity of his gaze and his startling action. It must have hurt.

Seeing as he had trapped me between his body and the wall behind my back, I opened my mouth to tell him to back off.

“You can’t do this to me,” he snapped before I could get the words out of my mouth.

“Me?
I
can’t do this to
you?
”

“You can’t run away from me like this, Maya. You can’t walk away.”

Gripping my clutch tighter in my hand, I pushed at his chest to get my space back—well, more like
tried
to push him back.

“
I
didn’t run away from you, Alexander. I walked away from
those
people. You were the one who left me with them.”

His taut shoulders slightly relaxed at my words, but he didn’t step away.

“Sweetheart, it was Natalie,” he said simply as if that would make it better. “I came back as soon as I got off the phone.”

“I know it’s her, and I know she needs you, Alexander. I could see that clearly when we were at her house, but every time she calls, you disappear. You could’ve said goodbye to your father, taken me with you, then called Natalie back in two minutes.”

Abruptly, he crushed me to his body and buried his face into my neck. “Don’t ever run away from me like that again, Maya.”

“Did you even hear a word of what I said?”

Letting go of my waist, he cupped my face.

“I heard every single word, and you’re right, I shouldn’t have left you with them. I’m just so fucking worried about Natalie, that she will do something to herself. Every time I see her name flash across the screen I’m preparing myself for bad news.”

Seeing the anguish on his face took all the fight out of me, and I sagged against him. Could I really fault him when he was just taking care of his friend?

Did I even have the right to feel that?

I wanted to make things easier for him.

Be his rock. Not force him to choose.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” I said, resting my temple against his chest.

I didn’t want to be another person in his life who just
took
from him.

“I’m sorry, too,” he said, his fingers sinking into my hair. “I shouldn’t have left you with them in the first place.”

“I’m afraid I don’t like your father, Alexander,” I said after a gap of silence.

Luckily, that cleared any trace of lingering tension in his body.

“I don’t like him that much either, baby.”

Looking into my eyes, he brushed his thumb over my lips, and then with a heart-achingly beautiful smile, he kissed me. I stood on my tiptoes and returned his kiss, making sure he wouldn’t slip away from me.

“Are you sure? It’s still early,” I said for the third time since we’d left the corner of the street.

I understood her need to leave Claire’s and my father’s presence, I really did, but I hadn’t been ready to find her seat empty when I went back to get her. I hadn’t been ready to feel my heart constrict in my chest, thinking she had left me after hearing god knows what from their mouths.

Yet, knowing she wouldn’t be okay, I’d left her with them. Because every single time my phone rang, I was scared to death to get a call from Natalie’s parents where they said she had finally managed to get her hands on those damn pills again and had taken her own life.

I’d been waiting to get that phone call ever since I’d heard that they had found her with the pill bottle grasped tightly in her hands, sitting all by herself in Lucas’ room.

Staring at a bed that would forever stay empty.

It had happened when I was in Sweden with Maya.

Where I’d selfishly thought Natalie would be okay with her parents by her side.

Where I’d selfishly thought I could have one thing for myself.

Maya.

“Maybe another night,” she answered, looking out the window as we sat in the backseat.

“Tell me anything you want to do and we’ll go do it. Anything you want to see.”

She glanced at me with a forced smile on her beautiful lips and put her hand on my knee. “It’s okay, Alexander. I had a lovely dinner. I’m still having trouble adjusting to the hours so I really don’t mind going back. I feel very tired.”

Not being able to hold back, I dragged her to my side and held her tightly.

For a moment, she stiffened, but then relaxed her body.

Burying my nose in her neck, I breathed in her unique scent to calm myself down.

Maya was silent for the rest of our car ride. I didn’t know what was going through her mind, but I knew I had screwed up.

Once we were in front of the hotel and got out, she slipped her hand into mine and we walked in.

“Doesn’t Adam work for you anymore?” she asked as we waited for the elevator.

“He does. Why?”

“I haven’t seen him yet,” she shrugged. “He was nice.”

We were still holding hands but she was standing too far away from me. I gripped her hips and pulled her back flush against my chest. “Am I nice, too?” I murmured, kissing her bare shoulder.

“He is way nicer than you, Alexander.”

Hearing my full name slip from her lips so softly… It got me every single time.

The sweetest pain possible.

“Being nice is overrated, sweetheart. You wouldn’t like me any other way.”

Her lips were twitching when she tilted her head a little to her left to give me an unimpressed look.

“I’m serious though, where is he?”

The elevator doors opened, and we got out of the way to let an older couple get out. Once we were in, I leaned back and settled her back against my chest. It was exactly where I wanted her to be every day.

“He’ll be back in a few days. His mother needed his help,” I explained shortly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you know how I met Adam?”

“No, he just said you were helping him.”

“I met Adam and his mother at the hospital.” Her gaze became worried. “His little brother was sick like Lucas; he had a hole in his heart. They become good friends.”

My heart hurt as I remembered Lucas’ smiling brave little face as he enthusiastically shared his comic book—specifically Spider Man—addiction with Adam’s little brother.

“Is Adam’s brother… Is he okay?”

“He is doing good,” I said, my eyes focusing back on Maya. “His surgery was successful. Anyway, there is not much to tell. Adam’s mother, Kara is a single mom too, her husband died in a car crash a few years back, his brother’s heart disease has been hard on their whole family. Adam is going to NYU, but he was looking for a job to help his mother with everything, so I offered him one.” I shrugged. “He is here whenever he is free from his classes.”

“What does he do exactly?” she asked as we reached my suite.

“I guess you could call him my assistant? He does whatever I need him to do, which tends to change. But he is a big help.”

“Stalking me is also in his job description then?”

“At some point, it may have been.”

“You are not even sorry, are you?” she laughed, her eyes sparkling as she walked toward the kitchen area.

“Why would I be? I didn’t tell him to hide from you. I was worried. You’d already had a panic attack once; I didn’t want you to go out there alone.” I reached for her hands and gently tugged her body to me. Her hands circled my neck, and I backed us against a wall.

“I was okay,” she said softly, not meeting my eyes.

I lifted her chin so I could see that sparkle. “Now, you are okay. Back then, you weren’t sweetheart.”

“I still miss him,” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears suddenly. “I will always miss him.”

I leaned down and kissed her eyelids, my lips tasting her salty tears.

“I know, baby.” I rested my temple on the top of her head.

My phone started buzzing in my pocket, and Maya’s body stilled against mine.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m with you. I won’t get it.”

We stayed that way until the buzzing stopped and started up again.

“You should take it. It must be important,” she said, extracting herself from my arms and walking away.

I reached into my pocket and looked at the screen.

I couldn’t decide what to do.

“I’m gonna go to bed, Alexander. You should go to your friend,” Maya said, standing next to the staircase as she looked at me.

I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry, Maya.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be here when you get back.”

With that she walked away from me.

Again.

***

“Oh, Alex. Thank you for coming.” Natalie’s mother ushered me into the house as soon as she opened the door.

“Where is she?” I asked, feeling bone tired. 

“Lucas’ room.” She gave me a small smile. “She really needs you, Alexander. She barely talks to us anymore.” 

I nodded stiffly and walked toward the room. 

I found Natalie standing in the middle of it with a small picture frame in her hand. When I entered the room and closed the door behind me, her eyes met mine, but quickly fell back to the picture she was clutching in her hands. 

“I saw him in my dream today,” she whispered, her words barely audible. “I knew I was dreaming, but when I woke up…he was still gone.” 

“Did Aaron call today?” I asked, gently taking the picture from her hands and setting it down next to the bed. 

I couldn’t look at Lucas’ smiling face. 

She stared at her empty hands longer than was healthy, then sat down on the bed. 

“You can ask my mom. I don’t know.” 

“He left me a message saying he wanted to hear how you were doing.” 

“I don’t care what he wants, Alex.” 

I sighed and took a seat next to her. 

“Tell me what I can do, Natalie. Seeing you like this, I feel so helpless.” 

She slipped her cold hand into mine and put her temple on my shoulder. 

“Having you here helps.” For a short while we sat there in silence, hand in hand. “Lucas loved having you here. He used to look out this window, patiently waiting to see your car in the driveway. He used to get excited for hospital trips knowing you would be with him the entire time to chat about anything and everything.”

“Don’t do this,” I said hoarsely. “Don’t do this to yourself, Natalie.”

“What? Don’t do what, Alexander? Don’t miss my son? Don’t break apart?” She jerked away and looked at me with accusing eyes. “Act like he was never here? That’s what my parents want me to do. And that’s what you did! You left him!”

I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You left us without a word, Alexander. We buried him and the next day you were gone. You left
me
.”

“Natalie,” I said softly, reaching for her hand. “You don't mean it. You know how much I loved him, baby, but I needed to leave. I needed to get my head straight. And I didn’t leave you alone sweetheart, I left you with your parents, and they are worried about you as much as I am.”

“I don’t need any of you,” she snapped as she got up and started to pace the small room.

It killed me to be in that room. It killed me that Lucas wasn’t sleeping in his bed.

“It looks like you do, Natalie. Look at yourself. You are barely eating. I can’t even tell if you ever leave this room.”

“I can’t. Don’t you understand? Didn’t you love him at all? He was my baby. This surgery was supposed to be the last one. It was supposed to be good for him, but he died in there all alone.”

“I know, Natalie. I know.” I got up and placed my hands on her shoulders, effectively stopping her frantic pacing.

Her gaze jumped to my eyes as she clung to my arms. “Don’t you even miss him, Alex?”

I cradled her fragile face in my hands. Her eyes were red, her lips thin. Her entire body seemed to vibrate under my hands. “You can’t say that to me,” I said. “After all we’ve been through together, you can’t say that to me. We all miss him. We will always miss him, Natalie. What you are doing in here isn’t helping anyone. Your parents, they can’t even mourn for Lucas when they are so worried about you.”

“Mourn him? He is my baby.” She gripped my shirt with all the strength she had left. “I can’t mourn him. I’m not supposed to mourn him. A mother isn’t supposed to mourn her own child! It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to get better. Live. Enjoy his life.”

“Natalie,” I sighed, my own eyes blurred as she kept breaking my heart. I brushed her messy hair away from her face. “I’m here for you, sweetheart. Whatever you need, I’m here for you,” I said simply.

I was at a loss for words. Nothing I could say would lessen her pain. Hell, it didn’t even lessen my own pain. How could I expect her to hear my words through her grief when they didn’t do fuck to me?

“Don’t leave again. Please, Alexander. I can’t do this on my own.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” I walked us back to the small bed. Hugging Natalie to my chest, I stayed with her until she fell asleep curled around me.

Damn it…

***

It was well past midnight when I got back to the hotel. I found Maya sleeping in my bed, wearing nothing but one of my old Harvard shirts. Her arms were tucked under her pillow, one of her legs curved upward.

She looked so peaceful, so beautiful.

Real.

I knew sleep wouldn’t come to me. Not that night. While I did crave feeling her skin on mine, I didn’t want to disturb her, so I walked to the open doors that led out to the terrace.

I had no idea how long I stood out there, watching the city, thinking of everything and fucking nothing.

When I couldn’t take the silence anymore, I made my way toward the piano that was in the corner of the terrace and sat down on the bench.

My mind wandered off, and I remembered how Maya’s father had played the same piece every single night for the love he had lost. I thought maybe playing it would bring me some sort of a peace as well.

I took a deep breath and started to play.

I played, and played, and played. I played the damn song over and over again. Nothing happened. I didn’t feel light, I didn’t feel peace. I couldn’t feel a damn thing.

In the middle of the sixth or seventh round, I heard small footsteps. A second later Maya stepped out of the bedroom and leaned against the doorframe, silently watching me.

Her expression was sad. It gutted me.

“Come here, Maya,” I said tiredly, my fingers still working over the keys.

I watched her tug at the hem of the shirt she was wearing, trying to cover her gorgeous thighs as she walked toward me. When she was standing next to the piano, she stopped. Up until I finished, she kept her gaze on my fingers. I was dying to ask if she was picturing her dad playing for her instead of me, but I kept my mouth shut. As much as it hurt my heart to see she was still struggling with her loss, I didn’t want to pry open her wounds. Not unless she needed me, wanted me to listen and share her pain.

When she lifted her face, her eyes were shimmering. “I don’t listen to it anymore,” she started in a soft voice. “When I was staying here, I used to listen to it every night to go to sleep, to have my father with me, something familiar. The last night, after you played for me… After that, I didn’t want to listen to a recording. I promised I wouldn’t until I needed to hear it.” She closed the distance between us and sat next to me, just like we had done so many months before and in her cafe.

So much had changed in our lives since then, yet somehow some things were still the same. I still felt the same, strong connection to her. The connection that had me going across the fucking world to feel it again.