Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (21 page)

“I’m still trying to get used to the heat and the chaotic traffic around here. It took the driver thirty minutes to get here when it should’ve only taken him ten minutes tops. I thought I was late,” I explained as we sat at our reserved table in the busy restaurant.

“You have a driver now?” she asked, lifting her brows as she pulled the chair next to her over to put her handbag in.

“At least for a short time. I think Alexander believes I’m just going to disappear in the city if he lets me out alone. It’s much easier to let him have his own way than trying to argue over it.”

I thanked our waiter as he offered us our menus.

“He is a looker, your Alexander,” Helen said, placing her menu down on the table.

I hid my face behind the menu and smiled. “Huh. You think so? It’s hard to tell when he is being annoying.”

She laughed. “He is good to you, don’t try to deny it. There is a world of difference between the Maya I met a few months back and this new you. Isn’t it wonderful that you guys were lucky enough to find each other so unexpectedly? He would never have come after you if he didn’t have strong feelings for you. Men are lazy, and Sweden is a long way away to travel for a girl you don’t care so highly for.”

“I already thanked my father for making me promise to come here to find his brother. I wasn’t exactly too happy about it, but if he hadn’t made me promise, I would have never met either one of you.”

“These things, matters of heart have a way of surprising us when we are least expecting it. If you and Alexander are meant for each other, eventually you would have met him at a different place and time.”

I doubted it, but believing that Alexander and I were meant for each other was a nice thought.

That was how I felt whenever I was near him.

That he had always been the one who was meant to own my heart.

“I have a surprise for you,” Helen said, bringing my attention back to her.

“What is it?”

“I may have found a few things I’m sure you will be happy about.”

“More photographs of my dad?”

“No sweetheart. I found something even better than that. Home videos!” she declared excitedly.

“What? Seriously?”

“Only a few I’m afraid, but I believe one of them is your father playing the piano at a recital or some sort of thing. And I think another one has James and your father. The quality is pretty bad, but that is expected of course. It had been ages since I saw them so they never even came to my mind when I first met you. I only remembered them after you left. Maybe we can watch them together when you have the time to visit me again.”

“You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you so much, Helen.”

I got up from my seat and gave her a quick hug, having a hard time containing the huge smile stretched across my face.

When the waiter came back to take our orders, Helen let him know that we were going to hold off on the orders until Stephanie could join us.

Not even ten minutes later, a pretty blonde wearing thick black-rimmed glasses took the seat next to me.

“I know, I know, and I’m so so so so sorry, Helen. Not a good first impression on my part, but it took me ages to get out of the hospital. Jesus,” she said, turning to me. “Is it hot out there, or is just me? You must be Maya, the newest member of our family. I love your name by the way.” Getting out of her seat, she hugged me. “Welcome, Maya, and I hope you’ll enjoy your new family. Sometimes we can be a tiring bunch.”

A little surprised at her verbal outburst, I laughed, and she smiled back at me with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Stephanie,” Helen scolded her. “I didn’t invite you to lunch so you could scare Maya away.”

“Well,” she answered her aunt as she grabbed the menu that was sitting in front of her. “I’m honored to be your first choice to ease her into it. If I don’t scare her away, at least we’ll have a shot at it.” She leaned toward me and stage whispered, “My mom is the real crazy one. She even makes
my
damn head hurt sometimes.”

The rest of our lunch was filled with laughter and delicious food. Before I knew it, almost an hour was spent, and Stephanie had to go home to get some sleep before her next shift. Before she left us, she made sure to get my new number to schedule another lunch—or dinner, depending on her schedule at the hospital—this time somewhere closer to her work so she could have more time to grill me about the good-looking man her aunt couldn’t stop talking about.

After I practically begged Helen to let me pay for our lunch, she yielded only after I suggested she could take me to her favorite coffee place, and then maybe go back to her house to show me the videos she had somehow managed to find in the boxes my uncle had brought from his parent’s place after they passed away.

When we got back to her place, she was almost as excited as I was to watch those videos. While I couldn’t hold back my tears as I watched my father concentrate on the Mozart piece he was playing, all Helen did was smile as a younger version of my dad’s face, her husband’s face filled the screen.

***

“I’m really sorry, Alexander,” I said for the tenth time as Ben drove me back to the hotel.

“Where was your phone, Maya? I was going out of my mind with worry. You promised you would let me know if you were going to be late.”

“I must’ve somehow put it on silent. I’m not used to this Android thing, I guess I pressed something when I saved Stephanie’s number.”

“That explains the phone, but how do you explain not letting me know that you were going to be late?”

“Stop snapping at me.” I raised my voice. “I don’t have to explain everything twice, Alexander. I already apologized for making you worry. After lunch, we came back to Helen’s place because she found a few things of my father’s she wanted to show me, and I didn’t realize what time it was until I looked outside. I called you immediately after that.”

He was silent on the other end of the line, then I heard a woman’s voice.

Already suspecting what his answer was going to be, I continued, “I’m already in the car, going back to the hotel. Can we talk more when I get there?”

We weren’t going to talk about a damn thing, because he wasn’t back at the hotel.

“I can’t.” He stopped and took a breath. “I’m at Natalie’s. Her parents needed to get out of the house so I came to keep her company.”

And who is going to keep me company?
I itched to ask, but didn’t bother.

“I understand.”

“We’ll talk when I come back, sweetheart. Okay?” His voice sounded tired, and I could almost picture him rubbing his forehead and running his fingers through his hair as he frowned into the phone.

“Sure, Alexander,” I said just as tiredly, and ended the call.

***

Instead of going up to a very big, very lonely room, I decided to sit in the lobby and listen to Mr. Garrett play. It had become a routine for me to come down here to listen to him a few months back, and it was a welcoming change from the evenings I’d had the last few nights.

If Alexander spent two of his evenings with me, he was sure to be called back to Natalie’s side the next night. At least that’s what had kept happening since the day we’d come back.

I never said anything to his face, but every visit to Natalie’s house meant that when he finally got back to me he would be even more drained than the last time he was with her. It hurt me to watch him try to find a balance in his life.

A balance where he had to juggle his work, his own grief, Natalie’s grief, and me.

When Mr. Garrett’s one hour was up and I was finally feeling a bit better after my argument with Alexander, I walked back to the elevators.

Stepping inside an empty one, I leaned back and closed my eyes.

When I opened them, the elevator doors were already closing, and I was alone with Jackson.

Not wanting to show him that being alone with him made me edgy, I had to force myself to stay very still instead of running for the doors to get as far away from him as I could.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” he said, the smell of alcohol on his breath reaching all the way to me, causing me scoot to the other end. “Don’t tell me you are afraid to be alone with me, little Maya.”

I decided the best way to deal with Jackson would be ignoring him.

“Oh, come on, babe. You’re not gonna even let me hear your voice?” He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, his bloodshot eyes staring right at me. “Dear Alex already warned me to stay away from you, but,”—he opened his arms wide—“here we are, sweetheart.”

I looked at the panel—we were only on the 20
th
floor.

“Maya, Maya, Maya…” He sighed. “Already counting the floors to get rid of me?”

“What is your problem with me?” I asked. So much for staying quiet.

“Problem?” he asked, his interest piqued. “Why would I have a problem with such an exquisite beauty?”

I gave him a disgusted look. “Look,” I said, trying to reason with him. “You don’t like me, I don’t like you either. You work here, and it looks like I’ll be staying here for a while. How about I try to stay out of your way, and you stop talking to me?”

Casually, he crossed one of his ankles over the other and relaxed into his position. “Ah, now we are bargaining.”

30
th
floor
.

“What makes you think I would want you out of my way? You can cross my path any damn time you want to, babe. Anything else you want to offer me instead? Maybe you should give me a taste of what makes Alex go crazy over you and then I’ll decide if you are worth the effort or not.”

“You are disgusting,” I said, taking my eyes away from him.

When the doors opened on the 35
th
floor and an old couple got in, I let out a deep breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. Just to play it on the safe side, instead of going up to Alexander’s penthouse, I went down with the couple—Jackson choosing to follow me as well.

As I was exiting ahead of the old couple, Jackson viciously grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side behind a wide pillar. People around us could still see us if they chose to look, but we weren’t exactly in the open for everyone to see.

“Let go of me,” I hissed, and his hand tightened around my arm.

“Will you think about my offer? I just want what you teased me with the last time.” He leaned down to the point where his lips were almost touching my ear. “Just a little taste of your cunt.”

As soon as his hold on my arm loosened, I jerked my arm back and slapped him.

“Don’t
ever
touch me again, Jackson.”

He smiled at me, his eyes going half-mast. “We’ll play long and hard little kitty cat. I’ll enjoy every single scratch you give me.”

Nudging my chin with his knuckles, he left me staring at his back in shock.

***

“Baby, are you sleeping?” I woke up to Alexander’s soft but rumbling voice.

His hand gently touched my shoulder. Doing my best to keep my breathing under control and not stiffen under his touch, I kept silent.

He sighed, and the bed dipped when he sat down next to my hip.

“Damn it!” he cursed.

His hand slowly slid down from my arm. It was impossible not to feel the stark loss of it. He must have felt just as tired and disappointed as I was feeling.

“I’m making a mess,” he whispered to himself. “I’m making a mess of this.”

I couldn’t argue with him; he really was.

I must have fallen asleep again, because next I was waking up to Ravel’s heartbreaking notes filtering into the room. I opened my eyes.

The last time I’d woken up to him playing the piano, I hadn’t even thought twice before going to his side. But this time, I stayed put.

What I was feeling wasn’t anger, not exactly. I couldn’t put a label on it, but I knew it wasn’t anger. It wasn’t like he was leaving me alone because he didn’t care about me—at least that was what I was choosing to believe.

The song ended and he started from the beginning without skipping a beat, as if he had all the time in the world.

I knew what he was doing; he was calling me to himself. Maybe in his own way this was how he was trying to apologize to me.

When the song ended for the third time, I experienced how silence could be louder than anything.

I longed to hear him play again, but he gave up.

His footsteps only took him further away from me.

I fell asleep, alone and disappointed again, knowing this was going to be how I felt for a long time.

“Did you think about what you’re going to do?” Stephanie asked as she handed me a plastic cup filled with something bright green.

“What the hell is this?” I smelled the liquid in question.

“Green tea, dummy. I thought it would help calm you down.”

“No, thank you,” I said, placing it on the table. “It’s all I’ve been thinking these last few days.”

“What? About drinking green tea? I highly recommend it. It works wonders for your skin, not that I’m saying you need it, but—”

“Stephanie.” I stopped her pointless tirade with a sharp look. As much as I enjoyed her bubbly personality, it wasn’t helping me at all. “You are making me more edgy.”

“I doubt that’s even possible, but you’re right. I’ll let you do the talking. You’ve thought about it long and hard. And you decided to…?” She pressed me for more answers I didn’t have.

“And I still have no idea what I’m going to do.”

She huffed and leaned back in her seat. We were sitting in the big cafeteria that was on the third floor of the hospital where she worked as a nurse.

“Ok.” She took a deep breath, and placed her coffee cup on the table just before she focused all of her attention on me. “Let’s go over your options.”

“Fine,” I snapped at her for no reason.

“Please, if it helps, go ahead and be all snarky with me. I don’t mind.”

“Argghh,” I groaned, dropping my head into my hands.

Stephanie heaved a big sigh. “It’s okay, Maya. I know you feel alone right now, but I’m here for you. And so is Helen. I’m sure Alexander will be all over you once you tell him too,” she said, gently touching my hand.

“I’m sorry, Stephanie. I know you are trying to help, and I’m really, really thankful to have you right now. But I don’t know what to do.”

She nodded. “First of all, did you talk to Linn about it?”

She knew Linn was like a sister to me so it was a good place to start.

“I called her as soon as I found out. She didn’t say the exact words, but she wants me to come home.”

“She doesn’t like Mr. Hot Pants?”

Hot Pants was Stephanie’s nickname for Alexander. In the last four, or maybe five weeks—with everything that was going on, I had already lost track of my weeks—they had seen each other three times, and ever since the first time she’d laid eyes on him, she’d been calling him Hot Pants to his face. The first time Alexander heard it, he’d been surprised, and a little amused, I think. The suits he was always wearing definitely earned him the name, so I couldn’t really argue with the nickname.

But, even with the new name, thinking about Alexander hurt my heart.

“She did like him. When he was there, they were okay. But, these last few weeks, things have been getting worse. Last week he stayed at her place because she begged him to spend the night.”

Stephanie made a funny face, and I gave her a pained smile.

“I don’t even know how to comment on this,” she started. “I mean, on one hand, I’m totally on your side, he is the one who asked you to come with him and now he is being a jerk about it by leaving you alone most of the time. Then on the other hand, I can only imagine what she is going through, but…” she trailed off.

“I know,” I said, laughing bitterly. “That’s where I get stuck, too. There is always a ‘but’. Whatever I say, it will sound like I’m being insensitive. She doesn’t even want to meet me; how am I supposed to feel about her?”

“She doesn’t?”

“No. Last week, I asked if it would be okay if I tagged along again, to meet her properly this time, you know, when she wasn’t throwing herself in Alexander’s arms.”

Stephanie nodded enthusiastically.

“He didn’t think it was the right time. What can I even say to that? I’ve been here for more than a month now and I can barely see him. I think I saw Adam more than I saw Alexander this week. I used to miss him when I was in Sweden, and now we are in the same city, but I’m still missing him.”

My eyes started to water and before I could compose myself, a few tears had already trailed down my cheeks. I met Stephanie’s soft and understanding gaze.

“See!” I raised my voice, gaining attention from the nice people sitting around us. “See what I’m dealing with? There is nothing to cry for, god dammit!”

Angrily, I brushed at my tears with the back of my hand as Stephanie got up from her seat and sat down next to me.

“Look at me,” she demanded in a steady voice after giving me a quick, hard hug. “It’s your hormones, so start getting used to crying for everything. Now, I have forty minutes until my shift starts so let’s talk about your options and what you want to do.”

Wordlessly, I nodded.

“The first and most important question is, are you sure you want to keep the baby? Are you ready for that kind of commitment when your relationship with Alexander is so new?”

My heart suddenly seemed to slow to the point I thought it stopped. “Are you talking about abortion?” I choked out.

“Don’t look at me like I kicked your very unborn baby, Maya. It’s a legitimate question. You are pregnant. This is a forever situation; what you decide will change your life completely.”

“I know that. Shit, Stephanie, of course I know that. But I’d never… I didn’t even think about abortion for a second. I would never do that to Alexander, nor would I even consider it even if he wasn’t in the picture anymore.”

“Good. See.” She settled back in her seat, her posture more relaxed. I think she had been waiting to hear exactly those words from me. “That was the most important question you had to deal with, and you didn’t even think on it. Figuring out the rest will be much easier. And just for the record, I only asked because you know there is a time limit for having abortion in a clinic.”

“That’s not on the table. Even if I’m doing it alone, I’m having this baby.”

A huge grin took over her face, and she waved her hand toward my stomach. “Look at you, already protecting your little baby blueberry. Ah, I love it.”

I looked down at my stomach. I hadn’t even realized I had splayed my hand over my flat stomach as soon as Stephanie had uttered the word abortion. With a surprised look on my face, I glanced up at her.

“Is that what she looks like, now? A baby blueberry?” Even I could hear the wonder in my voice.

“I don’t know about the she part, but yeah. You are about seven weeks now, which means your little baby is the size of a very cute blueberry.”

Ever since I’d peed on three different pregnancy sticks by three different brands, I’d felt nothing but panic. And now, talking to Stephanie about it, knowing the baby was already as big as a blueberry—because that’s plenty big when you think about it—for the first time, I felt excited and optimistic for what future held.

“Which brings us to the second important question.” She cut into my thoughts. “When are you going to tell Alexander? And what do you think his reaction will be?”

I leaned back in my chair, my hand still on my stomach. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what his reaction will be? Or you don’t know when you’ll tell him? I don’t know is a very broad answer, and I don’t know what to do with that. We both agree that you’ll tell him though, right?”

“Of course I’ll tell him.” I glanced at my watch: only thirty minutes until I had to leave. “Stephanie, we had unprotected sex, but I took a morning after pill; how did this even happen?”

“It’s a very, very small chance, but it happens more times than you would think. The longer you wait to take it after the sexy deed is done, the smaller the chance is that it will work. The ovulation—”

“Okay. Okay. Please, don’t start on the ovulation thing again. Will this affect the baby in any bad way? The pill, I mean.”

“Little blueberry will be fine, don’t worry. I’m craving something sweet, I think I’m gonna get myself some strawberries. Do you want anything?”

After I gave her a bewildered look, she left me alone for a few minutes.

Alexander.

I had to tell Alexander. The only reason I hadn’t told him already was because I had barely seen him these last few weeks, and telling someone you are pregnant on the phone when he is taking care of another woman is not the best way to go about it.

Would Alexander let me go back to Sweden? After he learned about my little blueberry—or I guess
our
little blueberry—I highly doubted it.

At least there was one thing I didn’t feel the need to panic about, and that was knowing with all my heart that he wouldn’t force me to have an abortion—not after what Claire had put him through.

But there was also the fact that he’d been in love with Claire when she had gotten pregnant. She was his wife for god’s sake—the wife he wanted to have children with.

Me?

Unfortunately, I had no answers for that question. As far as I knew, I was the woman he liked enough to share a hotel suite with every now and then.

I jumped out of my seat when Stephanie slammed down a plastic cup full of fruit in front of me and sat down.

“Eat something, you look like you are about to pass out.”

“I was just thinking,” I mumbled. Obediently, I fished out a grape. I had to think about the little blueberry now.

“Look, babe,” Stephanie started, and I lifted my eyes up to hers. “I saw how he is with you. I really don’t think you have anything to worry about here.” When I opened my mouth to object, she lifted her hand to silence me. “I’m not saying what he is doing right now is okay. I admire him trying to help his friend. I really do. However, since he is the one who wanted you to come to a city where you know practically no one, he should start thinking about handling this situation differently. Learning about the baby will change his priorities. Can I take your strawberries?”

“Have at it,” I said, pushing my cup toward her. “I won’t use the baby to keep him by my side. If whatever we have between us isn’t working for him anymore, I’m more than okay to go back to Sweden.”

She popped a strawberry into her mouth, already looking for another hidden one. “I’m not saying you should use the baby to trap him or something like that. All I’m saying is, if he wants to be in little blueberry’s life he’ll have to change the priorities he has now. Otherwise, like you said, you’ll go back to Sweden, and he’ll lose his shot at the happily ever after. When will you tell him?”

I found another strawberry in my cup and dumped it in Stephanie’s. “I think I’ve waited long enough already. He needs to know about it. Tonight is just as good a night as any, I guess.”

“Are you excited?”

I smiled. “About the blueberry? I think I really am. I never imagined I would get pregnant before I got married, but as scary as it is, I’m getting used to the idea.”

“I meant are you excited about telling Alexander, but talking about the little blueberry works too. At least it makes you smile for a change. I, for one, am really excited to see what a baby made by that hot piece of a man will look like. If it’s a boy, I’d say you are screwed.”

“A boy.” I laughed. “It sounds so weird when you say it out loud.” I grinned wider. “I’m having a baby, Stephanie. A little baby boy, or maybe a girl. The chance of having a mini-Alexander is extremely exciting.”

“Come on, baby mama.” With an equally big smile on her face, she shook her head at me, got up from her seat, and pulled me up to my feet. “Let’s get you to Mr. Hot Pants in one piece so you can give him the good news. My shift will start soon.”

“The driver is waiting outside, you go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

“Yes, Maya. You’re having a little baby blue, and you’ll be perfectly fine,” Stephanie said, linking our arms together as she walked me outside.

Alexander still wanted me to use the driver whenever I ventured outside so I was still stuck with that. I got in the car, then ran back into the hospital to pee.

I smiled to myself all the way back to the hotel.

I was pregnant, and I was going to have a baby.

***

“Hey you, what are you doing here?” I asked Adam as I entered the suite.

“Hey, Maya,” he said, trailing after me to the kitchen.

“Thirsty?” Hurriedly, I took a bottle out and waited to see if Adam would want to have one too as I gulped down the half of the bottle.

“No, I’m good. Thank you. Alexander wanted—”

Closing the fridge, I put my bottle down and interrupted Adam’s words. “Can you hold that thought just for a second? I’ll be right back.”

Rushing to the bathroom, I wondered if I should be grateful for not having the urge to throw up every morning instead of complaining about how frequent my bathroom visits were becoming.

“Okay. I’m sorry. I really had to pee,” I explained sheepishly to Adam.

He gave me a big smile. “That’s okay, Maya. You look better than the last time I saw you. Everything good?”

The last time he’d seen me was just the day before when he had came to bear the unfortunate news of Alexander abruptly leaving for Natalie. It was hardly a surprise, but it had still had the expected effect on me.