Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (15 page)

“Yeah,” he said, looking at me with angry eyes as he stopped at a red light. “Still, the son of a bitch couldn’t even make it to the funeral. He sent flowers, as if Lucas was a distant relative.”

“Wow,” I said, speechless. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

The light turned green.

“I don’t think Natalie cared actually. It would only make things worse to have him there.”

“I guess so.”

His eyes still on the road, his hand clasped mine in a tight grip. “Thank you for coming with me,” he said, kissing the back of my hand. “I know you didn’t have to.”

“I want to be there for you, Alexander. Of course I’ll come. And like you said, maybe Natalie can use another friend. I know I can.”

“I don’t know what state we’ll find her, though. She was crying on the phone today.” Checking the rearview mirror, he changed lanes. “We won’t stay long, I promise.”

“We can stay as long as you need, Alexander. Please. Don’t worry about me, I know you need to be with your friend.”

“No, Maya. I need to be with you,” he said quietly, holding my hand in his lap.

Twenty minutes later, we pulled to a stop in front of a small two-story house.

“We’re here,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

I unclipped my seatbelt and turned to him. “Will you be okay?”

“Having you here will make it easier,” he confessed, giving me a small, pained smile. “I just… I miss the little guy. As soon as I parked in the driveway, he would come running from the house to meet me halfway. But lately, he didn’t have enough energy to even do that.”

My heart ached for the man in front of me. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to ease the pain in his eyes.

“Kiss me,” I said when he met my eyes.

We moved at the same time so our lips met in the middle. He cupped my face between his hands and opened his lips for me.

When his tongue met mine, I closed my eyes and savored his taste, thinking nothing was better than to be held by him. To be kissed by him this way.

His eagerness made my heart do a happy little jump. This was what I had been missing the whole day. This was what I’d been missing my whole life.

Everything that made him who he was, I loved it. Even his cockiness.

Too soon, our kiss ended.

“Maya,” he moaned against my lips.

I was a dumbstruck mess looking into his eyes.

Was I already in love with him?

I didn’t have the strength to stop the panic rising up the back of my throat.

“You okay?” he asked, frowning at me.

My heart going a little too fast, I cleared my throat and forced my lips into a smile.

“Yeah, sure,” I mumbled. His fingers were still tangled in my hair.

“Ready?” he asked gruffly, resting his forehead against mine.

I nodded.

Tenderly, his lips brushed against mine for the last time.

Getting out of the car, we walked hand in hand until we reached the door.

Alexander released a big breath, and I rubbed my palm up and down his forearm, trying to get him to relax.

An older man with grey hair and pleasant eyes opened the door.

“Mr. Lambert,” Alexander greeted him.

At the sight of Alexander, the man’s face crumpled behind his glasses, and he opened the door wider for us to come in.

“Thank you for coming, Alex,” he said as we stepped in. When his gaze fell on me, he tipped his chin but other than that ignored my presence.

Letting go of my hand, Alexander walked further into the house, Mr. Lambert right on his heels.

“We were going to call you, but I didn’t want to bother you at work. She is in Lucas’ room. We can’t make her come out. I don’t know what to do anymore,” Mr. Lambert said in a defeated tone as an older woman came down the steps from upstairs.

“Karen,” Alexander murmured as the woman reached his side and gave him a tight hug.

Feeling awkward and forgotten, I stood in the narrow entryway. Everyone had their back to me except Alexander.

“Oh, why did you leave her like this, Alex? She asks for you every day. Only you can take care of her,” the woman cried against his shoulder, her voice a high pitch.

It was…it was weird actually.

“Karen,” Alexander murmured, his troubled eyes meeting mine over her shoulder. Pulling back from her, he gestured to me. “Maya, come over here.”

Sidestepping Mr. Lambert, I made it to his side.

“Karen, this is Maya. Maya, this is Natalie’s mother. Karen, would you mind sitting with Maya while I go and check on Natalie?”

Cleaning the tears underneath her eyes, Karen’s gaze met mine. “Of course,” she said, a little unsure.

Just as I opened my mouth to offer my condolences, a door opened up at the end of the hallway and a beautiful woman with red hair stared back at us.

“Alex,” her lips mouthed.

“See, I told you he would come,” Karen said, looking at her daughter.

The red haired beauty only had eyes for Alexander. Something twisted in my chest, and I forced my gaze to Alexander as Natalie started running toward him. He was smiling at her. My heart twisted more.

With the force she ran into him with, he had to take two steps back, but I noticed that his hold on her was just as tight as her hold on him.

I tried.

I tried hard not to be jealous, but the way they clung to each other… It hurt.

“You can’t leave me again,” she was saying to him reverently. “You can’t leave me, too.”

“Sweetie, would you like a cup of coffee?”

In a daze, I turned my head to Karen, noticing she was speaking to me.

Alexander was murmuring into Natalie’s ear as her body shuddered with tears in his arms.

I wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse that I couldn’t hear his words.

“Excuse me,” I whispered stupidly to Karen.

“Please, come,” she repeated. When I didn’t move from my spot, she linked our arms together and guided me away from the couple I couldn’t seem to stop staring at.

Her husband trailed after us.

Still in shock at what I’d seen, I sat down on the nearest chair she guided me to. I barely noticed that we were in a kitchen where a child’s drawings adorned the fridge and the chalkboard wall that was next to it.

“Maya, is it?” Karen asked as she started the coffee machine. “They need their space, honey. It’s better if we sit here.”

Still a little unnerved, I nodded.

“You are Alexander’s friend?”

“Yes,” I said, noticing Mr. Lambert stepping out to the backyard with a cigarette pack in his hand.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Lambert. Alexander told me a lot about Lucas. He sounded wonderful,” I said, finally remembering my manners.

This wasn’t about me or the jealousy tightening me in its grip.

“Thank you,” she said with a tight smile. “If you’ll be okay here, I want to go and check on my husband. This is a hard time for us and we weren’t expecting company.”

“Of course,” I murmured.

With just a few words, she made it clear that I wasn’t welcome in her daughter’s home.

Leaving me in the kitchen alone, she went to her husband’s side. I could hear hushed murmurings coming from where I had left Alexander.

What the hell is going on?

I was disturbed by what I’d seen because Natalie’s hold on Alexander reminded me a little too much of how I’d been with him when I’d been consumed with my own grief. Whenever I was in his embrace, friendship was the last thing on my mind.

I spent more than ten minutes sitting by myself in the kitchen. When the coffee was ready, I got up and poured myself a cup. Because I didn’t want to rummage through their fridge for sugar and milk, I tortured myself by drinking it black. It would do good to keep me standing upright.

A while after that, Mrs. Lambert walked back into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, dear. I completely forgot about you being here,” she offered.

Ouch!

“It was no trouble,” I said, lifting my cup to show her I’d already taken care of it.

Those were the only words we exchanged for quite some time.

An hour after our arrival, Alexander walked into kitchen, Natalie nowhere to be seen.

His gaze quickly found mine, and I forced my lips to curve into a small smile.

He looked as if he had aged ten years in the last hour. I wanted to go to his side and offer whatever support he would need, but his body language was off. His eyes didn’t warm up when he was looking at me. He didn’t offer me his usual easy smile.

“How is she?” Karen asked, taking his attention away from me.

“She is sleeping,” he said, meeting the worried parents’ gaze.

“Will you leave the country again? Soon?” Mr. Lambert asked, his eyes on the floor.

“No, I won’t.” Alexander sat two chairs away from me. Placing his elbow on the kitchen table, he rubbed his forehead. “I didn’t think she would get so upset over me leaving,” he said quietly as if he was talking to himself.

“You are all that is left to her after Lucas. Having you near reminds her of the good times you had together.” After a thick silence, Karen added, “Lucas saw you as his father, you know.”

If I had been looking at Karen when she was talking to Alexander, I would’ve missed the way Alexander had flinched in his seat. The stark pain on his face at the words Natalie’s mother had spoken was his own open wound.

“I know,” he murmured.

We were all silent for a while until Alexander cleared his throat.

“Do you want to leave?” he asked to me, his eyes unreadable.

“Whatever you want,” I said, feeling small. I didn’t feel like I belonged with him there.

He gave quick and short nod. “Natalie took a sleeping pill, so she won’t wake up until morning. She said she hadn’t been sleeping.” He stood up and glanced at Mr. Lambert. “If you need anything, please call me, sir.”

“Will you come tomorrow? What should I tell her if she asks?” Karen asked.

“Of course. I’ll call her tomorrow to make sure she is okay,” Alexander answered.

For a moment he seemed to take in the colorful drawings I had noticed when I’d first stepped into the kitchen, his body visibly tensed as if he was getting himself ready for a blow. Then slowly, he turned to me and offered his hand, his face like stone.

I stared at his open palm for one second too long. When I placed my hand in his, I noticed it was cold.

I wanted to say goodbye to the couple we were leaving behind, but they were too busy giving each other looks as they glanced at our joined hands.

“How long will you stay with her?” Alexander asked once we were at the door.

“We wanted to take Natalie back home with us, but she doesn’t want to leave. I can’t leave her like this,” Karen shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t know when or if we can leave. Not if she is adamant about not coming with us.”

“I understand. We’ll talk again,” he said. Letting go of my hand, he said goodbyes to his friend’s parents.

They didn’t glance at me so I chose to keep to myself.

Once we were in the car, Alexander drove off Natalie’s driveway without a word.

The silence suffocating me, I asked, “How are you holding up?”

“I can’t believe he isn’t here,” he said, his voice nothing more than a pained whisper. His tone was still cold, his body distant as it had never been before.

I didn’t know how to act around this version of Alexander.

I was already missing his warm gaze on me. His fingers touching my skin, soothing my soul deep within.

“I’m sorry you didn’t have the chance to meet Natalie. I knew she wasn’t doing well, but I didn’t expect she was this bad. Maybe next time.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to say, ‘I couldn’t with the way she was holding on to you,’ but thankfully I managed to hold it in.

“It’s understandable. I can’t even imagine what she is going through. She is lucky to have you.” I couldn’t seem to shake away the knots in my stomach. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” he said distractedly, not looking at me.

“Natalie’s parents seemed a little angry that you had left Natalie so soon at a time like this,” I swallowed, looking out of my window as we passed through the busy streets. “Would you change coming to… Did you change your mind?”

I could feel his frowning gaze on me. “Change my mind about what?”

“Bringing me here or coming to find me.”

“
No
. God, no. I needed you too much. Can’t you see that? Why would you even ask that?”

His words did nothing to clear my worries. All I heard was how he didn’t say, ‘I need you.’

Lost in my own thoughts, I flinched when his fingers touched my chin and he turned my face to his. I hadn’t even noticed we had stopped at a red light.