Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (14 page)

“Cold. Indifferent. Distant.”

“I could never be cold or indifferent to you, Maya,” I said frowning.

“You look pretty far away for a guy who is standing right next to me, Alexander. I don’t want to make you talk about something you clearly have no desire to discuss. It isn’t my place to ask questions about your relationship with your ex-wife when you say it is already over.”

“Whose place do you think it is then, if not yours?”

She watched me silently for a few seconds. “Maybe no one’s,” she said softly, then headed back inside.

“I ordered food. I forgot to ask what you want before I left, but I’ll go and bring it up,” I said, following her inside.

She stood in the middle of the room like she didn’t know where to put herself.

As if she was a stranger in my world.

I guess to her it felt like that.

For me… For me she was the only thing that made sense right then.

“I don’t want to eat, Alexander. I think I should stay somewhere else tonight.” Before I could object, she continued. “Another room, here, in the hotel.”

“If you don’t want to stay here, I’ll just come with you and stay wherever you are, Maya. It doesn’t matter to me where we sleep as long as you take me with you.”

When she didn’t answer, I found myself walking toward her. I didn’t like how she started to pull into herself—especially not when I could see she was thinking about running away again.

“If you eat for me, I’ll tell you about my past with Claire so you can understand why there is nothing going on between us.” I lifted her chin with my fingers and looked into her beautiful eyes. “And why nothing will ever happen. You have nothing to worry about with her. She doesn't mean anything to me, not anymore.”

“Okay,” she said.

“Good. Sit here.” I guided her to the bed.

“I can come downstairs,” she said, sitting at the edge of the mattress.

“No, you are tired enough. I’ll bring the plates up.”

Going down, I went straight to the refrigerator and took two bottles of water out. Chugging down one, I took the other up for Maya, along with the food.

I could have used a drink before I shared my past with her, but after the long day we’d had, I didn’t think my body could handle it.

“I ordered a cheeseburger and a turkey sandwich. I’ll leave the choice to you,” I said, placing the tray on the bed in front of her.

“I’ll take the sandwich,” she murmured, reaching for it.

Sitting down on the other side of the bed, I pulled my legs up and leaned my back against the headboard as I closed my eyes.

Her voice was worried when she asked, “You’re not going to eat?”

I opened my eyes to smile at her. “No, sweetheart. I’m good.”

After she took a few bites and a small sip of her apple juice, she got up and put the tray near the steps. Getting back on the bed, she sat cross-legged at the end of it.

It felt like there was a world separating us. I wanted to reach out and drag her to my side, yet I didn’t dare move a muscle.

“I wish I could say it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me, but I can’t Alexander. If I’m here—if you want me here, you’re gonna have to tell me what’s going on with you two. Maybe it’s my fault that I didn’t ask before, but I didn’t think we would find your ex-wife waiting for you in your home, in your bedroom.”

I gave her a humorless laugh. “This is not a home.”

She gave me a pointed look.

I shook my head. It was going to be a long night for me.

“I already told you that I met Claire when I was in college, so at least you know that part. I don’t want to go into too much detail because none of it matters now. To summarize, I was in love with her, then she killed my love. That’s it. I’ll just skip to the part where she actually did that.”

I watched Maya toy with the water bottle in her hand, her eyes cast downward, hidden from me.

I won’t lie.

It hurt.

“First, you should know that I didn’t have a happy family like you did.”

She lifted her face up to me.

“I know it was just you and your father, but trust me when I say that is more than enough. My mother and father divorced when I was four years old. She lives in France now, as I already told you. I don’t even remember when the last time we talked or saw each other was. I guess you could say she doesn’t care for children. My father…” I continued, looking away from her soft gaze. “My father is a cold bastard who doesn’t care for anyone but himself. He remarried soon after the divorce. I think the only reason for the marriage was because she was pregnant with Jackson. Anyway, after growing up in a family like mine, all I wanted for myself was a better one, and meeting Claire in college only solidified my resolve. I was sure that she was the one I wanted to share my life with. The one I would build my life around.”

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” she said softly.

“Don’t be sweetheart. I was young and stupid.” I shrugged. “I didn’t know I had a lot to learn from life.”

After this part, the story was only going to get worse, so I got up from the bed and walked a few steps away, turning my back on her to look out at the terrace.

“Like I said, we were in love, so I proposed and we got married. Even my father approved of Claire.” I chuckled, remembering the seal of approval the bastard had given me. I should have known something was wrong right then.

“The first time she got pregnant was at the end of the first year into our marriage. It was a surprise to both of us, but mostly to Claire, I think. It was a good surprise for me. I was excited. Scared, maybe, but still excited.”

I heard the bed sheets rustling, but I didn’t turn back to Maya.

“Two months in, she had a miscarriage. She seemed relieved. She promised me we would try again, but that it probably wasn’t the right time for it. Soon after that she changed. I have no idea what brought it on, but it wasn’t the miscarriage—she was happy about that. She started going out to parties when I wasn’t in the city, stayed out too late. Got drunk a little too much. I wanted to buy a brownstone in the city, or wherever she wanted a house, but she was adamant about staying here in the penthouse suite. I guess she’d gotten what she wanted by marrying me, and she wasn’t interested in starting a family beyond that. Reminds me of my mother, actually.”

Feeling agitated in my own skin, I walked back and sat on the edge of the bed, close to where Maya was kneeling, watching my every move. She always managed to quiet the buzz in my mind.

“Her second pregnancy…” I dropped my head into my hands. “She was two and a half months pregnant. We didn’t use condoms, but she never missed taking those damn pills. She knew I wanted children, but she always said she wasn’t ready for it yet. One day, I got a call from her friend saying she was in the hospital because there were complications with the baby. Complications of a baby I wasn’t even aware she was carrying.”

I felt Maya’s hands curl around my biceps as she leaned her head against my shoulder, offering me her silent support.

I took a deep breath. Story time was almost over anyway.

I still thought it was funny that I could hurt as if it had happened just yesterday.

“She killed my baby that day. She went into a clinic for an abortion that day. Apparently she was going to spend the night at her friend’s house, but when her bleeding wouldn’t stop, her friend freaked out, took her to a hospital, and then called me, thinking I knew about it.”

Maya’s fingers tightened. “I’m so sorry, Alexander. I’m so sorry,” she said quietly.

“When I first saw her lying in that hospital bed, I didn’t know love could turn to hate that fast. I didn’t know it was as simple as that. The worst of it is, she wasn’t even sorry. I managed to ask her if the baby was mine, and she got angry, saying she’d never cheated on me. Funny, but I knew she wasn’t lying about that. She thanked me for not making a big deal about it and coming to the hospital to take her home. I didn’t make a big deal about it in the hospital because I was having a hard time believing that she could actually do that to me.” I swallowed, trying to keep it together. “I learned that it was a baby girl. A little baby girl… Mine.” I raked my hands through my hair. “I left her at the hospital without a word.”

Turning around, I faced Maya. Surprised to find them there, I brushed a tear that had escaped her shining eyes.

“You are beautiful when you cry,” I said, overwhelmed with having her that close. “I can feel everything you are feeling if I just get close enough to you.” I touched her lips. “Beautiful.”

Weary deep down to my bones, I looked away from her face and added, “Later I learned that she was taking pills to get rid of the first baby, at all those parties she went to—and it eventually worked. She killed them. I filed for divorce a few days after the hospital incident.”

I looked into Maya’s tear-filled eyes and cupped her face in my hands. “Do you believe me, now? Do you believe when I say there will never be anything between me and her? She’ll never have anything more than the hate I feel for her in here,” I said, touching my heart.

Wordlessly, she nodded, and I leaned down to kiss her beautiful lips.

My wounds still hurt. I still felt like I had failed to protect my unborn child—both of them, actually. It was my fault that I hadn’t seen the need to protect them from their own mother. It would always be my fault for not seeing what Claire was capable of.

I spent the night holding Maya in my arms, listening to her slow breathing as she slept peacefully.

I woke up alone. The shower was on so at least I knew he hadn’t left me without a word. Drawing my legs into myself, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

It had been a long night, maybe a longer one for Alexander considering everything he’d told me about his ex-wife. He sure had enough reasons to hate the woman. I had no doubt that I would be harsher toward her if I were in his place.

The shower turned off, and I heard his footsteps in the bathroom.

Opening my eyes, I watched his muscles ripple as he dried himself off and wrapped a big white towel around his waist.

Damn it, but the man looked like a wet dream when he was naked. Putting his palms on the marbled surface, he stretched his body as if he had to catch his breath.

My lungs froze, my eyes riveted on him. Much to my surprise he hung his head, and I felt the same pain I had felt for him slash its way through my heart again. Yesterday had been hard for him. I doubt he ever talked to anyone about what had happened with Claire, or that he was willing to let anyone see how it all affected him.

My body itched to go to his side and do everything in my power to ease his pain, but I couldn’t find the strength to move. I didn’t want to crowd him. Didn’t want to get ahead of my feelings. I was already feeling guilty for pushing him to talk about something he clearly didn’t want to talk about as it was.

“Good morning, Maya,” he said, slowly straightening in the process.

He turned and captured my gaze with his own smoldering blue eyes. I thought I saw a deep pain etched into his features, but it was gone as soon as I could put my finger on it.

“How did you know I was awake?” I asked.

“Your breathing changed.”

My lips tipped up. “You’re monitoring my breathing all the way from there?”

“I can’t help it,” he murmured, already walking toward me. “My body is attuned to yours.”

“Mmmm,” I mumbled when he put one knee on the bed, leaned down and kissed my neck. Then his lips trailed over my jaw, and he surprised me with a small kiss on my lips.

He tasted like dark skies, hope, and mint.

When his tongue gently licked over my lips, I melted into the bed and groaned.

“No,” I whispered, scrunching up my nose. I cupped his face in my palms as he hovered over me. “I need to brush my teeth, and probably myself too while I’m at it.”

He sat down next to me and planted his hands on the bed, trapping me in between his arms. Fascinated, I watched his biceps flex as he put his weight to the bed.

His groan sounded like it was ripped right from his chest. Burying his face in my neck, he nibbled and kissed his way through to my lips again.

Panting, I asked, “What time is it?” I was helpless against his lips.

He dropped his forehead to mine. “You can sleep sweetheart, it’s early. I need to get up to my office. Catch up on everything.”

“Okay,” I said, lifting my chin up slightly as he met me halfway and kissed me as if our lives depended on it.

I guess in a way they did. His pain was my pain. The pleasure we gave each other was only ours. I wanted to replace all the hurt in his heart with happiness. I wanted to be the one who made him happy, content. If a kiss was what he wanted, he would get it every single time. No matter where or when.

He headed toward his walk-in closet, and I had to roll my eyes when I had a look at his muscled shoulders from behind. If he hadn’t been expected at work, I would have already spread my legs for him and begged him to take me. He was making me
that
crazy with lust.

I leaned against the headboard, watching him get dressed. It was almost as good as watching him undress, which said a lot about the man.

“I think I will go to Helen’s place,” I stated. “She said she found some pictures of my father and his brother up in her attic. You know, from their childhood.”

He faced me and kept buttoning up his shirt, hiding away that amazing chest from unwelcome eyes.

Jesus…
I was horny as hell.

“Maya,” he growled and my eyes snapped up to his. “Stop biting your lip,” he ordered, striding toward me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, wide eyed. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and easily lifted me onto his lap. Right over his hard erection.

I gasped and tried my best to align him to the spot I needed to feel him the most.

He chuckled, and I dropped my head on his shoulder. My face already flushed.

“My eager little baby,” he whispered lovingly, and his hands started to massage my thighs.

“I wish you would have woken me up,” I said against his neck. “Looks like I missed you.”

“Looks like?” he asked, his erection hardening even more under me. At least I had managed to take off my leggings before I’d fallen asleep the night before, so the only thing separating us was my thin cotton panties and his slacks. “Your body is humming to mine again, Maya. I’d say you missed a certain part of my body.”

“You didn’t miss me?” I asked, looking into his eyes as I rolled my hips just slightly. His hands urged me to move faster and he closed his eyes. His lips slightly parted.

It was a sight to see.

“Use me, sweetheart,” he murmured against my lips as I threaded my arms around his neck. “Let me listen to your beautiful body.”

Groaning, I kissed his lips and let his hands lead my movements. I was already seconds away from coming.

Our breathing erratic and out of control, I sneaked my hands between us and reached for his fly, only to have him grasp my hands tightly in one hand and press them to the small of my back.

“Why?” I asked, gasping.

“If I get in you, there is no way I’m stopping for anyone or anything, and I really need to get to work. Watching you come will hold me until I can properly get my hands on you.”

My hips moved faster. Hearing his voice was the biggest turn on.

The way he was holding my hands behind my back caused me to thrust my breasts forward, and he caught my nipple between his lips over the shirt and lace bra.

That and his groan as I pressed myself harder against him was my undoing, and I shamelessly came, moaning his name over and over again.

Biting my neck harder than I expected, he mumbled, “You are killing me, Maya.”

I was still breathless and sagging against him when he lifted me up and placed me on the bed again. There was an obvious wetness at the fly of his pants. “I’m sorry,” I said sheepishly.

He laughed. “I’m not. It turns me on to know you know want me like this.” Leaning down, he kissed me for the last time. “I’m gonna be hard all day with the noises you just made ringing in my ears. I’ve already started to think about all the ways I’m going to fuck you tonight.”

“Sounds fun.” I gulped nervously.

He left me in bed to go change his pants.

“I left a phone for you downstairs on the coffee table. I’ll reach you on that, and I already programmed my number in so you can call me whenever you want. I’ll also arrange a car to take you to Helen’s house. Will you be there all day? If not, I want to take you out for lunch,” he said, coming out all dressed in his navy suit.

I was happy to see that he still had a raging hard on.

“She is expecting me around eleven, so I think lunch is out. But I would love it if you offer it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow and every day after that, sweetheart.”

I smiled up at him.

“Don’t forget to call me or text me when you’re leaving, okay?” he asked, pulling his zipper up.

“Okay. I’ll keep in touch, don’t worry.”

“Good,” he nodded.

Looking down at me, his gaze intensified right in front of my eyes. Caressing my cheek with one hand, he pressed a familiar kiss on my forehead. “Thank you, Maya,” he murmured.

Before I could respond, he was already on his way downstairs.

***

“Do you think you will be free for lunch sometime this week?” Helen asked. “I want to introduce you to my niece, Stephanie. She is two years older than you. A nurse. I would love for all of us to meet. And while you are always welcome here, I’m sure you’ll enjoy having a friend closer to your own age here in the city,” she added, smiling sweetly.

It was both weird and exciting to meet with Helen again. She was just as sweet as she’d been the first time we met, and it wasn’t surprising at all that we fell into an easy friendship. Other than being the only family connection I had, she was also the only person I knew in New York.

“That would be great, Helen. And you are wrong, I was looking forward to see you again.”

Her smile grew bigger. “It’s nice to have you around, Maya. The way you talk about your father…it reminds me of my James. And it’s great to have someone to share the stories I know of them. You’ve been the best surprise to me.”

“Thank you,” I said sincerely.

“So,” she said loudly, clapping her hands. “When do I get to meet this man of yours? I owe him a big thank you for convincing you to come back here.”

I checked my watch for the tenth time in the last thirty minutes. “He is a little late, but I’m sure he would love to meet you as well. Maybe we could take you out to dinner sometime. I have no idea how his schedule is, but I think he’ll be pretty busy these next few days since he was away from everything last week.”

The new phone Alexander had left with me that morning chimed next to me with a text from him.

“Oh, he is waiting outside for me,” I said, looking up to Helen’s curious gaze.

“Come on then, don’t keep him waiting out there. Let’s meet with this man who put that beautiful sparkle in your eyes.”

Grabbing my things, we walked to the door.

“Alexander,” I greeted him with a warm smile on my lips. His heated gaze traveled all over my body as I walked toward him where he was leaning against his sleek black car. When his slow perusal was over, he met my gaze.

“Hi,” I whispered near his ear. Leaning against his hard body, I gave him a small kiss on his cheek. His hand sneaked around my waist protectively.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” I added once my feet were touching the ground again.

“Always,” he murmured.

My heart was thumping faster when I pulled back from him. I turned to find Helen waiting for the introductions with a big smile on her face.

“Helen,” I started. “This is Alexander…” Not sure how to introduce him, I froze in the middle of my sentence.

Was he my boyfriend now?

I couldn’t find a good enough word to describe his importance to me.

Instinctively, I held on to Alexander’s hand.

“Alexander, this is Helen, my aunt.”

Overall, it had been the worst introduction possible.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Alexander,” said Helen as she reached for his already outstretched hand. “I’m so happy that you brought Maya back with you. Can’t tell you how much I adore her already.”

My cheeks heated, and I leaned on Alexander’s shoulder.

It was weird to think how she’d been a complete stranger to me just a few months before, and now there I was introducing her as my aunt.

“I’m happy she came with me, too,” he said, tipping his chin to meet my gaze.

“I know you guys need to leave, so I won’t hold you lovebirds any longer.” I separated myself from Alexander long enough to be enveloped in a hug. “You make sure to get back to me for lunch, okay?” Helen asked.

“I don’t want to disrupt your plans with your niece, Helen.”

“Nonsense. I already told her about you after the first time you visited. She can’t wait to meet you. It’ll be great.”

After promising to call her in a few days, I let Alexander guide me to the passenger door.

“I missed you,” he whispered against my lips once we were alone in the car.

“Not bored of me yet, huh,” I said with a big smile on my face.

Leaning back, in a serious voice he said, “Give me a few more days then ask again.”

I laughed, and his eyes brightened.

“You sure you want to come to Natalie’s place with me? You look tired, baby.” His knuckles caressed my cheekbone before he started the car.

My heart melted with his touch.

“It’s jetlag. I’ll be fine. You look worn out, everything good?” I asked.

“Yeah, it was a long day. Jackson didn’t come in so on top of everything that was waiting for me, I had to deal with his absence, too.”

I tensed in my seat. Jackson was the second person after Claire that I wasn’t looking forward to see.

“Everything else okay?” I asked, sensing there was more to his silence.

He sighed. “Natalie called twice today, asking me when I would be there. I don’t know how I can help her, and it breaks my heart that I can’t make everything right.”

“Your friend, Aaron, does he talk to Natalie?”