Losing Him (15 page)

Critical Care Unit.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as the doors opened to a long hallway. I followed it until I came to a nurse’s station. I didn’t have time to ask anything because I saw Amy approaching me. “I’m so glad you got here,” she said.

“What’s going on? Where is she? I need to see her. What are the doctors saying about her condition?” I was frantically looking for answers and was afraid about what I would be hearing.

Amy led me to a waiting room and we sat down. “I guess Conner told you that she was in an accident?”

I nodded.

“She drove out into traffic. The tractor trailer hit her on the driver’s side, sending her body to the passenger side. We were right there and couldn’t do anything to help her. She was pinned in the car.” Amy played with her hands as she continued to speak. “When the ambulance got there, they had to use the jaws of life to cut her out of the car. They ended up flying her here, instead of driving.”

I ran my hands through my hair and couldn’t look at her. “How bad is it?”

“They wouldn’t talk to us about her condition, but Van knew a lady that told us some. I don’t know about the extent, but she has a head injury. Her neck and arm are broken and she dislocated her hip. The nurse told her that the alcohol could have helped her from feeling the amount of pain that she should have been in.”

“So you haven’t been able to see her?”

“No.”

I stood up went to find someone to let me in to see Heather and felt someone grabbing my arm. A doctor had walked in and sat down across from where we were. I just stood there waiting to hear bad news.

“Are you family, son?”

I nodded. “I’m her fiancée. I’m the only family she has besides our son.”

“I see. I’m sorry this has happened to your family.” He lifted a piece of paper and looked at the chart. “Do you know who Heather’s general doctor is?”

I lifted up my hands. “I have no idea. She works at the hospital as a nurse. I’m sure she sees someone there.”

“I was her doctor when she was a little girl.”

“He was my doctor, too!” Van added.

The doctor looked up at Van and smiled before continuing. “Heather had a dislocated hip, a broken arm, and she broke her neck. She was lucky that she wasn’t killed instantly from the impact. Now, from the force of the impact, she was thrown to the other side of the car, which caused serious injuries. Heather took a serious blow when her head hit the passenger side window. We’ve done several tests and are watching for swelling on the brain for the next seventy two hours. As far as the extent of all of her injuries, well we won’t know that until she wakes up and tells us. Of course you will need to consider that in some serious cases the patients don’t wake up from this kind of accident. I don’t want to give you false hope. It’s my job to let you know the severity of the situation.”

“So we just wait? That’s not acceptable. There has to be something else we can do.” I was desperate.

“Unfortunately, we have to wait and see if she wakes up. That will be the best news for us, right now.”

“I want to see her!”

He smiled and patted my shoulder. “Come with me.”

I didn’t turn around and look at the girls as I followed him. It was nice that they stayed, but I wasn’t planning on leaving her side. She needed me and I wasn’t going to walk away again. This accident was because I’d walked away. I’d never forgive myself for that.

Heather was unrecognizable.

She was hooked to all sorts of machines and her face was bruised badly. I cringed when I saw it. The amount of bruising was bad on the one side of her face that it was doubled in size. Her hair was full of dried blood and pulled away from her face.

The doctor, that I didn’t even notice his name, pointed to a chair beside the bed before leaving me alone in the room. I pulled the chair as close as I could before standing over her body. She was strapped to the bed, to prevent movement I assumed. Her arm was in a cast and her neck was in a collar so she couldn’t move it. Bandages were on her forehead and over her one eye where the bruising was.

I could feel burning in my throat as I took it all in. My hands shook when I reached to touch her for the first time. She was so fragile that I didn’t want to hurt her. It was hard to even speak without choking up. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”

She didn’t respond, not that I expected her to. My God, the amount of injuries on the outside of her body made me wonder how much was wrong on the inside.

I put my head down beside her fragile body and prayed that God would spare her life and give me a chance to make it up to her. I’d done her wrong and she didn’t deserve this. She deserved to be loved and I wanted to be the person to do it.

After all the fights and the sleepless nights of imagining being happy without her, I knew it wasn’t where my heart was at. All along I’d wanted to be with Heather. She was my future no matter how hard I was fighting the truth. There was nothing that my family or friends could do about it anymore. I was done fighting.

“Heather, please wake up. I need to tell you something. Please open those beautiful eyes, baby.”

I reached for her hand and rubbed my thumb against it. Her long nails had blood and dirt in them, reminding me yet again of what she’d been through. I felt like the biggest asshole for what I’d done. All of the head games and indecisions on my part had been the reason for all of this.

Heather thought she didn’t deserve to be happy, but the truth was, I didn’t deserve her. She was a better person than she knew.

Sure, she’d lost her way and let her emotions go into overdrive, but her heart was just so big she couldn’t help it. After everything she’d been through in her life, she clung to the possibility of being loved.

The constant beeping of the machines kept me focused on why I was in the hospital room, begging her to wake up. I pulled her hand up to my lips and kissed it, holding it against my mouth as I spoke. “Please don’t give up. Jacob needs his Mommy. He can’t do this without your love.” I paused for a moment and choked back the tears. “I need your love. I’m so sorry for all of this. Baby, I’m so damn sorry.”

I kept her hand against my face as a few tears found their way down my cheeks. I didn’t give a damn who saw me, because it was my fault she was laying in this condition.

I’m not sure how long I’d sat there next to her, waiting for any kind of response. When I couldn’t go without something to drink any longer, I got up and headed to grab a soda before coming back. Because this wasn’t my town, I had no idea how strict they were going to be about me staying, but I wasn’t planning on leaving. They’d have to get security if they thought I was going to get up and leave her there alone.

A nurse guided me to a refreshment station and I drank a whole soda before grabbing another to take back to the room with me. As I was walking back, I saw Van walking down the hall with her arm in a mans. At first, I thought it was her husband, but after a second look, I was taken back.

Tyler Mitchell was walking toward me with a bouquet of flowers.

I was both shocked and enraged. I may have landed Heather in the hospital, because of what I’d done, but he was the reason that she felt her life was ruined. He had no right to be there.

Without considering the consequences, I crushed the cup in my hands and rushed toward them. Ty threw up his hands and blocked me as I pushed him backward.

Van stepped between us. “Jessie, please! He isn’t here to fight with you.”

Ty got up off the floor and fixed the flowers. “I came to apologize, man. I feel real bad for what happened to Heather. How was I supposed to know she was going to show up like that?”

“You should have stopped her!”

His eyes got big and I could tell he was being sincere. “I did. She ran to her car and it was still running. I grabbed the mirror but she pulled away and floored it. If I could have saved her, I would have.”

“You should have saved a long time ago. She can’t get over it, you know? Every single day she lives with regret. Do you have any idea what that’s done to her? She thinks she can’t have friends because she doesn’t deserve them. She pushed the people that care about her away, because she’s afraid we’ll leave her after learning what she did. She’s got nothing, man.”

He put his arms in the air. “I didn’t make her do any of it. She did it herself. I never asked her to care about me that way. She made it seem like it was okay.”

I turned and shook my head, trying to avoid losing it and punching him in the face. “All I know is that when Heather came back to this town a couple days ago, she feared running into your family. She just wanted to be able to leave before she bothered you. None of this shit was planned. It’s my fault for wanting to know the truth. I should have let it go.” I ran my hands over my face. “Now, she might not ever see her son again. How am I supposed to tell him that it was my fault? How do I tell my kid that I took his mom away?”

Ty handed Van the flowers. He started to put his hand on my shoulder but backed off. “Let’s take a walk?”

I shrugged as we started walking away from Van.

Ty didn’t waste any time breaking the ice. “You know, when I had my accident, I was on this same floor. My ass was here for months. Heather tried to visit all the time, but Van was there and they hated each other. I mean, they wished death on each other. It sucked back then.”

“You had two women that wanted to be with you. It sounds like a college dream.”

He shook his head. “Back then, I knew Van was right for me. She knew what she wanted and that was all that mattered to her. I just wanted to party and have a good time. I didn’t care who I hurt. Losing her killed me, but losing her to my damn cousin, crushed my soul. I never knew what love felt like, until I watched Van walk away from me. Maybe if the timing was better and I wasn’t busy sulking over Van, I could have given Heather a chance. I just wasn’t ready. When I was I wanted to get away from my past and move forward with my life. I wanted to change and be a better person. Miranda changed me. I fell so hard for that girl. Being without her was never an option after that.” He started smiling and leaned against the wall. “I was there when my daughter was born. I’m sure Heather told you that she isn’t my biological daughter. Blood didn’t matter. I had to be her father and I would have done anything to make it happen.”

“So you had Heather’s brother forge some documents?”

“Yeah, I did. I was desperate. Her grandmother was a drunk loser who helped kidnap my cousin. Van miscarried her first child because of that family. I couldn’t let them be a part of my little girl’s life. It wasn’t an option, man.”

I thought about Jacob and what I would do to protect him. “I get it. I didn’t plan my son, but I can’t live without that kid.”

“I’m ashamed of some things that I’ve done in my life, but my family is worth the risk. When Heather manipulated me into thinking we’d slept together, she didn’t just wedge herself between me and my wife. She destroyed me. Miranda left me that night. She was eight months pregnant and took our daughter with her. I didn’t get the call that she’d been in an accident until an hour later. I’ll never forget watching that clock as I drove as fast as I could to get to them.” I watched Ty wipe his eye before he started talking again. “I thought the boys didn’t make it. Nobody would tell me anything. Izzy walked away with a few minor scratches. I found her first. Then she told me about the boys and we got to visit with them. Miranda was a different story. Her body was hemorrhaging and they couldn’t stop it. For a while, we thought she wasn’t going to make it. I went to work that morning happy and by that night I was praying that she’d make it through the night.”

“She pulled through, though.”

“Yeah, she did. After that, Conner went off the deep end. He did what he thought was necessary to learn the truth. We could never forgive Heather after that. I never want to feel that pain again, man. I don’t want to think about losing any of them.” He looked so serious and I finally understand the complexity of the situation. Although Heather didn’t deliberately do it, she’d caused that accident, just as I had caused hers.

I buried my face into my hands. “I don’t want to lose her. She thinks I don’t care about her. The last words I said to her were horrible.”

“Miranda isn’t talking to me. I may not like Heather, but I’ve known her since we were little kids. If loving me did this to her, I owe her an apology. For what it’s worth, I hope she pulls through. Every kid needs his mother.” As a parent, I could see how he was considering the repercussions of Heather’s accident. There was a chance that she wasn’t going to pull through.

“I realize that I wasn’t around when all of this shit happened, but isn’t enough, enough? Aren’t you tired of this fighting? I know I’m sick of it. It would be real nice if Heather could walk down the street and not worry about running into someone that hates her.”

“You’re right. It needs to end. I just don’t know if Miranda will ever get to that point. She has her reasons and I respect them.”

“But, you obviously don’t agree?” I was confused about his intentions. Why would he even show up here if it was going to cause a fight?

“Van is my best friend and sometimes she gets a hair up her ass and lets me have it. When Heather had her accident, Van went off on me. She said it was all my fault. It’s all fucked up, but she was right. Against Miranda’s wishes, I decided to come here. I could tell you weren’t happy when you saw me.”

“You’re right about that. You were the last person I expected to see here. I think you made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with Heather. If you came here to start shit, I wasn’t going to give you the chance.”

Ty started laughing. “I don’t blame you. I ain’t a bad guy. I just did some shit that I shouldn’t have.”

“I hope she wakes up soon, so she can hear your ass saying that.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Dude, when she wakes up, I promise I’ll tell her what I just said.”

Ty left me standing there, in the empty hallway. I wasn’t sure if he walked back to Van or just left the hospital all together. All I knew was that it was time for all of this to stop.