Losing Him (19 page)

I kept massaging his head with my hands, feeling his thick hair going in between my fingers. As he reached my clit, he kissed it softly, rubbing his wet lips against it. Once again, I wanted to arch my back and close my eyes, but I wasn’t able to do so.  His tongue forced it’s way against that tiny bud, flicking it just at the right pace, while his hands traveled up my thighs, tickling me.

He reached up and pinched my nipples while he massaged me with his tongue. My toes curled and I could feel myself losing all self control. When I cried out into the bedroom, I could feel him sucking on my clit. I moaned again and again, letting the physical bliss overwhelm me.

I was in a state of euphoria as he kissed his way back up to my lips. The taste of what he’d just done lingered as his mouth pressed against mine. His warm tongue connected to mine and mingled with it as he climbed into position, carefully. I reached up and ran my hands across his broad chest as he put his hard cock at the base of my pussy. I wanted to move my hips and force him to enter me, but he teased me with it first, rubbing it against my sex while making me crazy for it. “Jess, please. I want you so bad.”

“I know you do.” He sat up and licked his lips. “You love it, don’t you?”

“Yessss.” I purred.

He entered me slowly, filling me with his eagerness as well as his hard limb. I watched his face as he set a pace for himself. “Tell me if I hurt you. I’ll go slow.” He whispered as he leaned down and kissed me.

It was different than some of our wild times before. This time wasn’t like he was full of lust and just needing release. Every touch and every kiss was filled with passion and gentleness. He moved slow, almost like he was caressing my insides as he pumped himself inside of me. Our kisses were slow and the hunger that I had for him was only growing. Our skin rubbed together when he thrust inside of me as far as possible. He pulled almost completely out and then repeated the process. Each time I felt like he was entering me for the first time. My pussy ached for this man and I was once again at his mercy.

I dragged my nails down Jessie’s sides as he continuing moving inside of me. The heat between us caused our skin to become sticky. As he went in and out our bodies kept sticking to each other, particularly on my clit. It sent me into a orgasmic fit. Try as I might to stay still, my body jerked as I lost control again.

Jessie dug into my hips and filled me with his load. He stilled me by holding me down with his strong arms.

Once we were able to breathe again, he kissed me tenderly, before falling beside me on his back. I was still shivering all over, while he played with my arm, kissing over my wrists.

It was moments like this where I started to reconsider my upcoming decision. Maybe one day Jessie would be able to be true to me and to himself about what he wanted, but for now, he was too fickle. I couldn’t depend on someone that changed their mind every five days.

My decision was final.

Chapter 26

Jessie

Things were finally feeling like they were getting back to normal. After two months of Heather not being able to do anything, she finally got a clean bill of health. Because she wasn’t allowed to drive, she’d decided that it would be a good time to get things done at her mother’s house.

We planned on spending a long weekend there, going through old things and donating a bunch of stuff to a church or charity. Heather seemed motivated to get in and get it done. Her mother’s passing was finally getting easier for her to talk about. She spent a lot of nights telling Jacob fun stories about silly things that her mother did to pass the time while she was a child.

I could tell that Jacob missed his Nana. I’d caught him talking to her several times when he thought nobody was listening. I remember catching him talking to her about me and Heather being under the same roof. He asked her to make sure we stayed together. He said he didn’t want to have to go back and forth from house to house. He liked that we were a real family again.

It made me happy hearing that, and knowing that I’d made the right decision. At the end of the day, my family was the most important part of my life. Heather was a part of that, she was a part of him.

After the night that I’d took her to dinner, she started sleeping in my bed again. It was nice waking up and seeing her pretty blonde hair. I often rolled over and gave her attention before I headed out to work.

While Jacob was at school, sometimes I’d sneak back to the house for some alone time with Heather. She was getting disability from her job, but once she was cleared to go back to work, they had to replace her.

She took it better than I expected. For a long time she’d relied on that job to provide for her and our son. Now that she didn’t have the burden of paying rent every month, she seemed satisfied with taking time off. Some days she’d even head over to the Bed and Breakfast and help me out. I liked her being there, but knew that her passion was taking care of people. I think it gave her a sense of self, knowing that she was giving back as much as she could.

Our ride back to North Carolina was much like the ones before it. Jacob was the entertainment, which left Heather and myself with headaches. That boy could talk about the craziest things and go from one topic to the next.

By the time we arrived, Jacob had fallen asleep. We carried him inside and put him in the spare bedroom. It was weird being there. Everything was still how we’d left it when she’d had the accident. The refrigerator was filled with spoiled food and the dishwasher was full of mold. After we masked our faces, we started cleaning up the mess. I thought Heather was going to pass out as she tossed everything, including the dishes, into the trash. There was no sense saving anything. It was ruined.

After the house smelled clean, well after midnight, I followed Heather into her room. She stripped down to our underwear and climbed into bed. Just like every night, I pulled her into my arms and nibbled on her ears. “I’m too tired tonight, Jess.”

I wasn’t trying to get any, but it offended me that she’d assumed that. “I was just saying goodnight. See you in the morning.” I rolled over and didn’t say anything else.

I’m not sure how long I’d been asleep, but I woke up to Heather crying. When I rolled her, she was sitting up in bed.  “What’s wrong?”

“You can go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

I leaned my head on her thigh. “Baby, I can’t sleep if you’re upset. Just tell me. Is it your mom?”

She shook her head. “Please, Jess. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

I kissed her leg and decided not to argue with her. I was too damn tired to try to guess why she would be upset. Everything in our life was going well, so it had to be her mother.

The next day Heather was even more distant. She got Jacob up and fed him, then retreated to the attic to start gathering boxes. After I’d had a cup of coffee, I headed up to help her.

“I think I’m going to have a yard sale. There’s a lot of stuff up here that could be worth something.” She seemed determined to get things done.

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“I can stay here and get things ready.”

“You mean, you want to stay here while I go back on Monday? Jacob has school on Tuesday.” I didn’t understand. She never wanted to be without him.

“Yeah. There’s a lot to get done. By the time you come back on Friday, I can have everything priced and ready to go outside. I can put an ad in the paper and even get in touch with some people from my mother’s church. People around here go crazy for yard sales.” She kept pushing boxes around as she spoke, never looking at me at all.

“Okay, I guess that will work. Does this mean you’re planning on selling the place?” I was hopeful.

“We’ll talk about it later.”

Her answers were short again. It had to be because she didn’t want to be in this house. I couldn’t think of any other reason for her to be acting so weird.

For the rest of the afternoon I carried down box after box until the whole attic, with the exception of the sewing area, was cleaned out. Heather turned on music and stayed on task, only talking to me when it was necessary. The longer we worked, the more I couldn’t wait to get her home and out of the town that made her so messed up.

By the time that Sunday rolled around, we were all three exhausted, but Heather insisted that we all go to church. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but she was adamant, saying it was important to her.

So, we got dressed up and went.

The normal amount of people gave us looks as we entered into a vacant pew. There was also an equal amount of shocking stares. A group of familiar faces looked shocked to see us there.

I think the most shocked was Ty and his wife. Heather didn’t seem alarmed that we were sitting just two pews away from them. With every song that we were required to stand for, I saw them all looking back at us. One of the little girls kept turning around and looking at Jacob. It was as if they were flirting with one another.

I didn’t understand how she could be so calm and relaxed. Even though I think they’d all agreed to back off with the hating games, I still felt weirded out.

Halfway through the service, Heather got up and led Jacob to the front of the church. I just sat there wondering what was going on. Then the pastor announced that Heather would be taking over for her mother in children’s church. Thinking that it was just temporary, I shook it off, considering it was something she wanted to do for closure.

It was strange that she would just leave me sitting in the church all by myself, but I figured I’d say something to her after the service. Maybe she had mentioned it and I hadn’t been listening. Maybe she just forgot.

Once the service was over, I found my way down to the basement, where all of the kids had gone with Heather. Kids were running around playing and being kids, but Heather sat reading a book to a few little girls. She seemed happy in an almost serene way.

As the parents came down to gather their children, I saw Tyler and his wife getting closer. Ty grabbed one of the twins by the ear. “Come on Jax, let’s go before you set something on fire.”

The kid stayed by his side while Miranda gathered up the other twin. I looked around, but didn’t see their daughter. Perhaps she had been out with her friends and just didn’t attend. It wasn’t my business. Amy and Conner came right over. “Jessie, how have you been?” Amy looked up at my hair. “You should come by for a haircut while you’re here.”

“We’re leaving tonight, well, me and Jacob are. Heather is going to stay and get some things ready for a big yard sale next weekend. You should come by. Her mother had a lot of nice things.” Amy and Conner seemed like good people. I was glad they could be cordial with Heather.

“Yeah, we’ll definitely stop by.” They grabbed their slew of kids and headed back upstairs to leave.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tyler approaching Heather. It was hard to assume that things were going to go well. Unlike every other time, he said something to her and then walked away. He even nodded when he walked past me. I felt like I was in a different dimension where everyone got along.

I kept my opinions to myself until we got home. Heather talked to Jacob as I drove, but said nothing really important to me.

By the time we walked into the house I couldn’t take it anymore. Things were too strange to ignore. I walked up to her in the kitchen and spun her around. “What’s going on?”

She smiled. “What do you mean? Nothing is going on. Wasn’t it nice that they let me do children’s church and manage the nursery?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were doing that? You just left me sitting there. Why did you ask me to go?” I shook my head and leaned against the counter. “Something is going on. What are you keeping from me?” She knew that was the biggest problem that we always had.

“Jessie, please don’t take it so personal. I’m just trying to get back on my feet. It’s all part of the steps. I thought you’d be proud of me for making an effort.”

“There’s a difference in wanting to do nice things and sneaking around to do it. First you say you aren’t going home so you can rummage through things here, then you leave me sitting in a pew at church for something you obviously had planned out. Did I do something to piss you off?”

She just smiled and shook her head. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Jess. I wouldn’t be anywhere if it wasn’t for you taking me in and helping me out. Someday I want to be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for me.”

I didn’t like her tone. It sounded as if she was just some stranger that I picked up a fed a hot meal to. “Is there something you’re keeping from me?”

She shook her head again. “Of course not! Trust me, if something pertains to you and your house, I’d let you know. I promise that everything I am doing is for me.”

I approached her and put my arms around her waist. Right away she looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry. Something feels off and I want you to know that you can talk to me.”

“I know you’re there for me. Your friendship means a lot.”

I rubbed her cheek with my thumb. “It’s not just a friendship. You know that.”

When I leaned in to kiss her, she didn’t respond. Instead, she pulled away and started making a drink. “Jess, I just don’t want you to hate me.”

“Why would that happen? I thought we were on the same page?” She was going insane. That had to be it. Surely she could go see a doctor and correct that.

“I’ve decided to move into my mother’s house permanently.”

My mouth dropped as I stood there just looking at her. “What?”

“You heard me. Listen, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. The truth is that no matter how much I try to move on, I can’t do it while you’re being so nice and taking care of me. I can’t depend on you like that. I’m not a child you have to take of.”

I grabbed her hands. “I want you there with me. Haven’t you figured that out?”

She put her hands on either side of my face. “I love you for all that you’ve done for me, but the truth is, you left me. You didn’t decide you wanted to be with me until after my accident. I know that the reason you’re here is because you feel obligated to be. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to be with someone that feels sorry for me. I need to be happy and so do you.”