Live for Me (22 page)

I breathed through my nose carefully and leaned against the window.

After we went through a tunnel we emerged in the middle of buildings. They were just everywhere, all around us. I looked out the window and tried to crane my neck to see the sky but I couldn’t get the proper angle. I knew I looked like a hick staring wide-eyed at everything but I couldn’t help it. I’d seen all of this on TV but never imagined it would feel so… condensed. Even from a car. I did notice though that the diversity of people walking was just as it was portrayed on TV. There was every size, shape, color of human being possible, with eclectic fashion choices.

My phone buzzed.

You in the city?

Yes. It’s crazy busy. Lol
.

The doorman knows you’re coming and will let you in.

Ok. Thanks.

We dropped Lizzie and Alex off first, pulling up to a high rise with tiny balconies that jutted out towards the river. Then after another nauseating twenty minutes in stop and start traffic, we dropped off Sapphire and Jay. She squeezed my hand and gave me her phone number before she got out. “Call me if you need anything. For real. You don’t have to feel stupid about asking any questions or if you’re just bored or whatever.”

“Thank you.” I squeezed her hand back. “I really appreciate that.” I did. But I wasn’t going to call her. It might be intimidating, but I was going to do this on my own. I was going to stay at Devin’s apartment by myself and then in the morning, if all went well, I was going to see my father. I’d been researching online using his name and age and I was pretty sure I had found the right guy. After an exhaustive online stalking of him, I had determined he worked at an office in mid-town Manhattan. I just wanted to see him. Just once. From a distance. Just to see if I would feel anything.

Maybe if he looked nice I would take the plunge and contact him online and see if he was receptive to meeting in person. At the very least, I wanted to let him know that I wasn’t dead, despite what my grandmother had told him.

I hadn’t thought that I would be able to see him this soon, but if I was here, on my own, it was something I wanted to jump on.

At the same time, though, I found I was desperately missing Devin. I wanted him with me, sharing my first taste of New York.

After Sapphire and Jay went into their building, we finally got to Devin’s apartment, or at least I assumed we were. I wasn’t really sure. The driver turned back to me when I didn’t make any move to get out of the car.

“You’re here, miss.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I grabbed my backpack off the seat then jumped when the security guy opened the door for me. “Oh, thanks.” When I got out on the sidewalk I stared up in shock. The building was a glass sculpture squashed in between brownstones. It was a modern design and the whole thing seemed to be tilting forward towards the street in a way that was both cool and terrifying. It was clearly a trendy neighborhood too, given the people I saw walking around and the numerous street-side cafes.

I went to the door and was about to open it when it opened for me. A man in a uniform smiled at me. “You must be Tiffany. Mr. Gold said to expect you. I’ll take you up.”

I smiled back. “Thanks.”

He chatted the whole way up in the elevator and I tried to give appropriate responses but the truth was, I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I smiled and nodded and told him my flight was fine when he asked. But I wasn’t great company. He forged ahead though, telling me the amenities the building had to offer and when the maid cleaned and how I could ask the concierge for anything, including ordering food or having drycleaning sent out. The thought of sending out clothes to be washed made me want to laugh.

“Oh, and Mrs. Gold is in the apartment but she said she’ll be leaving in about twenty minutes. She’s just packing some clothes.”

Was he fucking kidding me? Kadence was in the apartment? There was no way Devin could know that. I was about to protest, maybe ask the doorman to direct me to a coffeeshop so I could call Devin but we were already there and he was already throwing open the door for me.

“Mrs. Gold,” the doorman called. “Mr. Gold’s guest is here.”

“Thank you,” a woman’s voice responded from somewhere in the apartment.

Then suddenly there she was. Devin’s wife. She looked older in person than she did in photos but at the same time she actually looked less artificial. She smiled and held out her hand to me, catching me off guard.

“Hi, I’m Kadence. I’m sorry for still being here. I had hoped to be gone before you got here, but I didn’t realize I still had so many sweaters in the apartment.” She gave a laugh. “I suppose I could just buy new ones, but I happen to like some of them, you know? Sweaters are like woobies. They’re comforting.”

In fact, she was wearing a sweater with black skinny jeans and high heel boots. “Come on in and I promise to be out of your way in a flash.”

“Thanks,” I said, because what the hell else was I supposed to say? “I’m Tiffany.” I shook her offered hand. “Mr. Gold’s housesitter.”

By all accounts, she was crazy, so I didn’t want to piss her off. Just let her leave and I could lock the door and take a nap.

“Housesitter?” She winked at me. “Okay, that’s what we’ll call it.” Then she waved to the bellman. “Thanks, Joshua. I’m going to miss you.”

“You, too, Mrs. Gold. Stop by and say hi sometimes.” He gave us both a smile and a wave then left, closing the door behind him.

I waited for Kadence to start snarling the minute the door shut and our audience was gone, but she didn’t. “Devin told me you’re seeing each other,” she said breezily, walking back down the hallway. “I would say you’re a definite improvement over that bitch Brooke. Devin brags about how intelligent you are.”

This was all news to me. Like WTF. Devin spoke casually to Kadence about me? She approved? This was not the way any of their relationship had been presented to me. It had to be a con. She had to be disarming me so that she could go in for the kill. “Thanks,” I said in response, suspicious but not wanting to let her know I was. “I’ve never met Brooke but the word online is she has amazing abs.”

Kadence laughed. “That’s about all she’s got going for her. My maltipoo has more brains than her.” She stepped into the kitchen, which was sleek and modern, the total opposite of Richfield. “Wine?”

“Sure.” The hell with it. I needed something to get me through this nonsense. I dropped my backpack on the floor and leaned against the counter. “So what went down at Prada?” I asked, totally curious. If I had to be there with Kadence I might as well hear what she had to say.

“Oh, my God, that bitch bag knew I was going to be there. I had an appointment and Devin mentioned it in casual conversation, apparently. So then we’re all there- like awkward- because he totally forgot I would be there at that time and then she starts in on that whining shit.” Kadence took a sip of her wine then cleared her throat. “Daddy,” she said, in perfect imitation of Brooke’s voice. “Buy me something!”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “I’ve heard that particular voice from her in the background on the phone. So obnoxious.”

“Right?” Kadence shook her head. “God, I don’t understand how anyone can spend five minutes with her without wanting to punch her in the vagina. But that doesn’t seem to matter to men. Boobs over brains, every time.”

Considering she herself was sporting a pair of DDs, which were most likely not natural, I thought that was a bit ironic. “Then I guess I’m screwed,” I said, oddly amused.

Glancing around the apartment, I wasn’t sure who had decorated it. I wasn’t even sure what Devin’s actual taste was. This apartment was very modern, with sleek furniture and very little color. It was mostly wood tones, glass, chrome. The only color came from vases and throw pillows in neutral greens and browns. It was smaller than I would have expected, but this wasn’t Maine. I realized I had gotten used to the space at Richfield. That was even more ironic than Kadence’s cup size.

“Well, Devin seems happy with you so keep yourself natural.” She handed me a glass of white wine. “If I had to do it over, I think I would skip the boob job and get a master’s degree. Men who respect your mind don’t care when it ages.”

Was she implying Devin left her because of her age? He’d said she’d lied to him when they first met, said she was younger. I took the wine. “I would look ridiculous with a big chest. It is what it is.”

“You have the kind of face that will still look fresh at fifty. Just remember to wear sunscreen.”

“Will do. So who picked out this apartment?” I asked, curious. I should have felt uncomfortable with her, but I really didn’t. I didn’t feel threatened in any way. Though I supposed in thinking about the pictures with the angry words on them I should watch her around the knife drawer.

“Devin picked the apartment. He wanted to be in the East Village because of the vibe. But I decorated it. He has really shitty taste. If you gave him free rein everything would be neon. He bought me a yellow car. It was so gross, but I still have it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He means well. He is a generous guy, despite his general grumpiness.”

Nothing about what she said seemed untrue, exactly. I hesitated but then I asked what was probably a very loaded question. “So why aren’t you divorced yet?” But then I heard how rude it sounded and I took a sip of the wine. “I’m sorry, I guess that’s none of my business.”

Her eyes narrowed but she didn’t go ape shit on me. “Because dividing assets is always complicated. Look, if you’ve been reading stories online about me being crazy, just ignore them. I swear to God, a woman can’t be upset about her marriage ending without everyone deeming her crazy. I didn’t want a divorce. I was sad, grieving. I wanted to fight to make it work. I don’t think that’s all that unexpected after six years together.”

It all sounded so… reasonable. So believable. Was she really that good of a liar?

“I don’t begrudge Devin his happiness. I just wish it could have been with me.” She shrugged and waved her hand. “But God, why are we talking about this? It’s almost a new year. Here’s to new beginnings.”

“I’ll drink to that.” I was in a completely different place than I had been twelve months before. My life was totally turned upside down, and while the night before I thought I had it all figured out and was ecstatic, now I was completely confused.

What was truth and what was fiction?

I remembered Devin telling me if I were honest with him, he would lie to me. It was a joke, a tease. But now it suddenly seemed like I didn’t know the man I had agreed to marry.

Who was still married.

To a woman who seemed anything but crazy.

“Do you have any heroin?” I asked her, after draining half my glass of wine.

She started and looked at me like I was insane. “Excuse me? Uh, no. And I’ll be honest with you, if you’re a smack addict I feel like I need to warn Devin. Dating a junkie is an emotional roller coaster, not to mention expensive.”

Okay, now I was really unsure what was what and who was who. “No, no, I don’t do drugs either. Someone just told me that you have them.”

Kadence frowned. “You know, people need to just shut their fucking mouths for a change. I swear, are we all still in middle school?”

I had to agree with her there. “It seems to be a hobby for some people.”

“I’ve got better shit to do than talk about people. Don’t you?”

“Uh, yes.” I had my opinions but I’d never really been in any position to trash talk anyone else.

“Okay, so I just made fun of Brooke. But that was different. I think your ex-husband’s twit of a girlfriend is open season.”

The wine was already going to my head. I hadn’t slept enough the night before because I was well, losing my virginity to this woman’s still-husband. Who in between her and me had dated a twit. The anxiety of Cassandra’s overdose, dealing with Lizzie, getting on a plane for the first time, and finding myself in Manhattan and out of Maine for the first time had me physically and emotionally drained. I had eaten very little on top of all that, so after only one glass, I had a pretty strong buzz going.

“I’m pretty sure that Brooke is talking about you, so I think you’re well within your rights.”

“What until she hears about you.” Kadence raised her eyebrows. “Are you ready to deal with haters?”

“I’ve been dealing with haters my whole life.” I smiled because I was getting drunk faster than I would have thought possible. “Fuck ‘em.”

She laughed. “A toast. To our haters.” She raised her glass. “Fuck ‘em.”

“My glass is empty.”

“Well, shit.” She refilled it.

Which is how I wound up drunk with my fiancé’s wife.

Kadence left an hour later but by then I was basically wasted. I lay down on the couch, face down, still clothed, shoes on, no blanket over me.

She had taken a rolling suitcase full of sweaters.

I had taken to heart the message that not everything was quite as black and white as I had thought.

Before she left, she showed me the doll of herself. The very same doll I had seen at Richfield. It danced in front of my eyes, the whole room spinning behind the blond hair, the plastic smile. For a second I thought I was going to throw up but I swallowed my bile and kept it all in.

“Isn’t this so creepy?” she asked. “But Michael had it designed for me as a Christmas gift three years ago and I couldn’t tell him I thought it was hideous.”

“That was nice of him,” I said, yawning, my head resting on the arm of the couch. It didn’t make any sense to me that the doll was at the apartment. I could have sworn I saw it at Richfield just a couple of weeks before. On Devin’s bed. Then in his garage.

“I wonder why Devin keeps this thing.” She shrugged. “Oh, well. I’m taking it with me. It is
me
after all. I don’t imagine you want it here.”

“No,” I said honestly. “Not really.” But then I felt guilty that I didn’t want her doll so I amended, “It’s a very beautiful doll. I just don’t think I’m a doll person.”

“I don’t think you are either.” She made the arm of the doll wave at me. “Bye. Maybe we can do lunch sometime if you’re going to be in the city for awhile. It’s been really nice to hang out with you.”