Lessons of the Heart (19 page)

I
STOMP DOWN THE SNOW
covered driveway and head toward the road. The falling snow feels good against my heated face as I turn it upward and take a deep, calming breath. What the fuck got into everyone tonight? Between Liam, Penny, Travis, and Chase, I’m at my wits end.

Drake lives about five miles from my house and there’s no way that I’m trudging home this late at night and in these heeled boots. I dig my cell phone out of my purse.

“Britta?” he asks in a sleepy voice.

Oh God, did he have to answer like that? Now my body is on alert but for an entirely different reason.

“Hi, James, sorry to wake you but I need a huge favor.”

I hear the rustling of his sheets. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

I pause at the street corner and lean against the light pole. “I left the party due to…extenuating circumstances. Can you come get me?”

“Where are Penny and Liam?”

I sigh and look up at the sky again. “Look, I really don’t want to get into the whole thing on the phone right now. It’s kind of cold out here and my feet are starting to freeze. Can you come get me or not?”

Keys jingle, followed by a slamming door. “Yes, of course. Where are you?”

I glance up at the street sign. “I’m on the corner of Maplewood and Divine.”

The distinct rumble of his truck engine echoes through my ears. “Don’t move. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Okay, just hurry, please. I need to get out of here.”

“Look, don’t hang up on me. Keep talking so I know you’re still going to be all right until I get there.”

I smile into the phone, impressed by his need to protect me even when he’s not here. “A little overdramatic, don’t you think? What could possibly happen to me in this neighborhood?”

He laughs and turns his stereo down. “It’s not the neighborhood I’m worried about. It’s the drunken idiots you just left that worry me.”

“Touché.”

I stay quiet for a second; amazed that he’s coming to rescue me.

“Keep talking, Britt,” he says calmly.

“I’m not dying you know. You don’t need to make sure I’m not going to pass out or something like that.”

He laughs and I can feel the vibrations through the phone. “I know that, but just humor me, will you?”

“Fine. Fine. But I think you’re making a big deal out of-”

“Britta? Britta?” Panic strains his voice.

I silently snicker at my joke. Yes, it’s slightly cruel but I find it hilarious. He’s being somewhat overprotective and needs to lighten up.

Bright headlights illuminate the darkness as his truck comes barreling down the street. He stops at the corner and climbs out of the cab. The intensity of his eyes breaks my control as I laugh while leaning against the pole. James crosses his arms and stands in front of me.

I hit end call and shove the phone back into my purse. “If you could only see your face right now.”

His lip twitches as he tries to hold back his amusement. “You think that’s funny?”

“Hilarious.”

James moves forward until we’re nose to nose with my back firmly against the post. My laughter dies down until nothing can be heard except his idling truck. There’s an undertone of fear in his serious eyes. He really was scared something had happened to me.

I reach up to cup his cheek and he leans into the touch. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It wasn’t funny of me to joke about that, especially since I’m the one who called you for a ride because the party got out of hand.”

He twists his head and places a kiss in the middle of my palm before wrapping his arms around me. “You scared me half to death. Please don’t ever joke about your safety again.”

I lean my head on his shoulder while I cling to his waist. “I promise. No more jokes like that.”

“Good.” He places a kiss on my temple. We pull away from each other and a shiver runs through me. “Come on, let’s get you inside and warm you up.”

He opens the passenger door for me and I climb into his truck, turning on the seat warmer as soon as my butt hits the cold leather seat. James climbs in and pulls away from the curb and back toward town.

His eyes flick to mine every once in a while as he navigates the darkened streets. “I really like your hat by the way. You look so cute in it.”

I pull it off my head and ruffle my hair a little. “This thing? It’s more for fashion than practical use. I think my ears would have frozen off if I would have tried to walk home.” I toss the beret on my lap and lean my head back against the headrest.

“So tell me what led to you calling me at midnight.”

I look out the window and don’t know where we’re going or how much time we have. “Where are we going?”

“My house.”

I swallow past the lump that just formed in my throat. “Your house?”

He nods. “Yes, my house. Now talk.”

“Let’s wait until we’re inside. This could take a while. And I need to make sure that you won’t crash the truck on our way there.”

His eyes flash in the dark and I don’t know if it’s from fear or anger. I know he’s going to be upset about what happened at the party. Hell, I’m still a little ticked off. But James’s rationality when it comes to me doesn’t always mesh up with everyone else’s definition.

We make a few more turns until we’re parked in the garage of a quiet little two bedroom house, not far from my neighborhood. We enter through a side door into a tiny mudroom. I hang my coat up on the hook, along with my hat and purse, and place my boots next to his. I quickly admire the look of our stuff hanging next to each other. Wouldn’t this be a nice sight to come home to every day? Having that blend of his stuff and my stuff, making it ours? The thought makes me smile.

We walk into a small, open-concept kitchen and he points to a bar stool on the other side of the counter.

“Have a seat. Do you want anything to drink?”

I shake my head and run my hands over the black granite countertop instead. “I’m okay for now. Could we sit in the living room instead?”

“Sure,” he says, grabbing my hand. “Whatever you want.”

He pulls me into his side as we sit on the couch, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

“Better?”

I lay my head over his heart and feel him smile against my hair.

“Much.”

His lips touch the crown of my head and I sigh in relief. “Now, tell me what happened.”

Well, it’s now or never. I take a deep breath and start with the weirdness between Liam and Penny. Then I talk about Chase’s dancing attempts and the fight that almost ensued afterward. James stiffens when I tell him about what Chase had insinuated on the floor. I look up at his tortured face and kiss him softly, watching as the lines around his eyes disappear slowly.

“I would never let him do that,” I say, kissing him again.

“It’s not you that I don’t trust. It’s him,” he says. “There’s something about the way he looks at you that sends alarms ringing through my head.”

I know exactly what he means. “Which is why I was trying to avoid him, but he found me anyway.”

“So obviously there’s more to this,” he says as he tightens his grip on me.

I nod. James pulls me into his lap and sits quietly as I recount the events of the whole Travis/Sarah/Penny/Liam fiasco. I lower my head and voice as I describe the mistletoe incident.

“I’m going to kill the fucker.”

I lean back and cradle his face in my hands. “You can’t. You’ll get into trouble if you try anything.” A slow smile forms on my face. “Besides, I kind of took care of him for you.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“He’s probably going to need a bag of peas or two for the next week. I hit him in the balls pretty hard and he doubled over like a little bitch with a skinned knee.”

There’s a look of pride on his face as he brushes some stray hair away. “My girl, the ball-buster.”

My girl
. What I wouldn’t give to hear him say that again. In fact, I’d record it so every time he’d text me that would be his message alert.
My girl
.

I look down, but he brings my chin back up to meet his eyes. “You are my girl. You know that, right?”

I shrug. “Am I? I mean, is that really what you want?”

He gives me a look that speaks every unspoken word I’ve ever needed to hear. A look that eases my mind, releasing an endorphin rush that makes me feel as if I can run two marathons and still not be tired. A look that tells me exactly what I already know. That what we have is real.

“More than you know.” My lips melt against his briefly. “I want you, each and every single piece of you. And I’m selfish enough to not care about the reasons keeping us apart. There’s this need I have to be with you, to see your smile every day, to touch your body in some way, shape, or form. And I want it. I want it all. And it sucks that I’ve found you at this point in our lives instead of six months from now.

“But at the same time I realize our paths would never have crossed if that were the case. I never would have seen your beautiful face looking up at me after I knocked you to the floor that day. I would never have felt the press of these soft lips against mine in the back of Sammy’s Restaurant.” His thumb runs along my quivering bottom lip. “I would never have felt this pressure in my chest every day I see you. A pressure that builds and grows with each smile, each laugh, and each stolen glance we take. And I want all of it, all day, and every day. I just want you.”

A lone tear slowly rolls down my cheek. It’s like he knew everything that was inside of my head and gave voice to it. And he’s right. He’s absolutely right.

“Say something.” His voice catches on the last syllable as he looks deep into my eyes.

“I can’t. You took my breath away.”

James stares are me as if he’s looking straight into my soul.

“Will you be mine?”

I shake my head. His face falls slightly, but I kiss the corner of his mouth, making it turn up instead of down. “I’m already yours.”

Something stirs inside me the moment our lips meet. It’s like I can feel my heart and soul fuse with his to bind us together. I need him like I need the air in my lungs. His mouth moves slowly, seductively against my own, teasing and tasting but not fully engulfing. He’s holding back, which makes me pull away to look into his eyes to see why there’s restraint.

“What is it?”

A small groan escapes his throat and I smile against his cheek. “You’re killing me, you know that, right?”

“One good turn deserves another. You kill me every time I see you and it’s a death I would take over and over again.”

He runs his hands through my hair again, holding my mouth just out of reach. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“Maybe we deserve each other,” I say. “Maybe we need to pass this little test to make sure that what we have is real. The things you want most in life aren’t supposed to be easy. There’s a reason you need to work hard for them because the reward is that much sweeter in the end.”

“And I will work hard every day for you,” he says. “Every day that my heart beats, it will be for your happiness. You mean more to me than you will ever know.”

I place my hand over his heart, feeling the steady beat of it against my palm. “I have a good idea, though.”

Leaning forward, I close the distance between us and seal my mouth over his. Using long, slow licks, I tease him until he opens up and we move to our own tempo. I shift in his lap, causing a grunt to escape him when I make contact with a very pronounced appendage.

“Sorry,” I half-whisper, half-giggle. His hands move around to my back, holding me against him as his hips rise off the cushion, repeating my previous motion. This time, it’s my turn to gasp and groan at the sensation.

“Don’t be. Feels good, doesn’t it?”

I throw a leg over his to gain a better position in the off-chance that he should try it again. He does, of course, and the jolt of electricity shoots straight to my aching core.

“So good,” I breathe, barely breaking contact with his mouth.

I need him, need his touch, his hands, his fingers,
everything
. And he needs me too. His wandering fingers trail up and down my spine, teasing and touching everywhere that he can.

My hands trail down his chest, teasing the muscles beneath his shirt while lightly scraping my fingernail across his nipple. My tongue twirls with his as we consume each other, swallowing our collective sounds and gasps as we explore each other’s clothed body.

James breaks away first. The staccato breaths I’m taking seem to be drawing in less and less air as he traces the pulsing vein on the side of my neck with his nose. Goose bumps follow in its wake, sending hot and cold sensations to run rampant through my system.

“We need to slow down.”

“Why?” I ask, tilting my head back to give him more space to roam. The tip of his tongue skims my neck, sending another shock through me. I clutch the waistband of his flannel pants.
Should I or shouldn’t I
?

“Because,” he says between light licks, “it’s late and you’re supposed to go home soon.”

I finger the drawstring of his pants. My heart beats in double time when I see the lust clouding over his eyes.

“I don’t have to. I am an adult and don’t need permission to stay out late at night.”

“But you’re not actually free to be here either, are you?”

I scoot back on his lap and tilt my head. “Do you want me to leave?”

His hands cup my behind again, pulling me back against his body. “God no. I want you here with me forever. But until then, I need to know how this is going to work. I don’t want to do booty calls or late night rendezvous like we’re two fifteen-year-olds sneaking out of the house. I want so much more than that for us. I want long nights and weekend getaways. I want to wake up with you in my arms every day and your smile being the first thing that I see. You deserve more than a tryst or an affair. You deserve the world.”

I chew on my bottom lip. A million thoughts swirl through my head, but I’m afraid to vocalize any one of them because I don’t want them to come out wrong.

“James, we are not a tryst. So stop that right there. This, what we have, is so much more than we could have ever known before. And I want the long nights and weekend getaways too. I want to wake up to your beautiful face every day and do everything that normal couples do. I want to walk down the street and proudly proclaim that you are mine. But for now, it just can’t be that way. At least we can’t here. We could always go on vacations together or tell people we’re going out of town and just stay here at your place.”