Lessons of the Heart (8 page)

Liam exhales slowly and leans back. “Wow. That’s not what I was expecting you to say.”

“I know. It’s stupid of me to think about my teacher that way, but he’s constantly in my head and I can’t get him out. I mean, James and I, we have this connection that I just can’t explain.”

“There’s your first problem. Don’t refer to him as James. You need to stop thinking of him as a regular person. He’s your teacher.”

“He asked for my help with some school stuff so I suggested we meet at Perk on Saturday. It’s in a public setting so it won’t look awkward. Plus he’ll have his laptop so everyone will see we’re working.”

Liam’s eyes narrow slightly. “I don’t know about that. I think you’re looking for trouble there.”

I focus on my fingers and twist my lips. “I know, but there’s a part of me that wants the trouble. I know nothing can happen. I’m not stupid. And I would never do anything to jeopardize his career. Look at Mr. Ward’s situation.”

“Yeah, but he shot himself in the foot there. I mean, if you don’t want to get fired you don’t sleep with the boss’s wife.”

“But the mere fact that people thought it was a student made him an instant antagonist. I would never want that for Ja- Mr. Dumont.”

Liam joins me on the bed. “If you are crushing on this teacher you need to make sure it stays that way. A crush. But don’t drag Chase around unnecessarily because you feel the need to distract yourself.”

I lean my head against his shoulder and close my eyes. “Tell me what to do.”

He leans his head against mine. “Just be smart about everything. Don’t go looking for trouble. You have a good head on your shoulders and know what’s best for you.”

“Not helpful. I was looking for something more direct, like stop thinking dirty thoughts about your teacher.” I glance at the clock and know I need to get going. “Okay, wish me luck. Tell Mom and Dad I’ll be home later.”

He nods and smiles. “I’ll let them know. Have fun.”

I stick my tongue out at him before leaving my room. Fun is not exactly how I would classify my plans for the evening.

I
SPOT CHASE AS SOON
as I walk through the door of Sammy’s. Of course, he would pick something as far away from the public as possible. And a booth no less. So much for wishing for a table to make it less intimate.

“Hey,” I say, sitting down opposite of him.

He smiles brightly and gives a small wave. “Hey, glad you could make it.”

“Why wouldn’t I make it?”

“You’ve never accepted before so I figured you’d reject me again.”

He hands me a menu and I briefly glance at it, even though I already know what I’m going to get.

“So what do you want to work on first?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation about school.

“Let’s work on that physics test we have at the end of the week. It’s going to be a killer one. What’d she say it was worth?”

I grab my physics notebook and flip through the pages. “Around twenty percent of our grade or something like that. I know it’s big enough to make me want to ace it.”

He nods his head and finds his own notes. “Yeah, me too.” He brings his eyes to mine and gets a funny look across his face. “What was up with Mr. Dumont today? He was acting so weird during class. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Something was off.”

I fidget with my pencil. “Don’t know. He’s new so maybe we still need to get used to his teaching style.”

“That could be. I just know he was acting strangely is all. But whatever. All I’m concerned with is passing his class.”

“Me too. One trimester with him is probably all I could tolerate.” I tilt my head to the side when Chase gives me a funny look. “What?”

“You never have issues with teachers. Why would he be any different?”

Shit. I’m going to give myself away. “That’s not what I mean. I don’t have issues with him. I’m just saying that I only need geography for one trimester.”

Chase seems satisfied with that answer because he doesn’t bring it up again.

Once our food arrives, we take a break. I eagerly dive into the chicken parmesan sandwich because it’s the best in town. They always make it grilled for me instead of the deep fried breast it’s supposed to come with. But that’s because Sammy, the owner, loves me. He and my dad have been friends for a long time so he always gives me special treatment when I’m here.

“Do you need more ketchup for your fries?” The ketchup splatters onto his plate as he tries to coax the last of it out.

“Yeah, but I can just grab another bottle from a different table.”

I wipe my hands on my napkin and slide out of the booth. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just go grab a new bottle from up front.”

“You’re a doll.” The smile he gives me is slightly creepy and it makes me glad I’m moving away from him.

With the empty bottle in my hand, I wander to the front of the restaurant where our waitress is attending another patron. My steps slow when I get a good look at the person, recognizing the messy brown hair anywhere.

“Shit,” I mutter to myself.

Ignoring my impulse to walk past him, I quicken my steps to the front counter and lean forward, draping my arms over the top. Propping my right foot up by my toes, I twist my ass from side to side, a wiggle that I always do when I’m leaning against anything. Normally it’s an unconscious gesture, but I’m made aware of my actions when I hear a loud cough coming from the person I can’t stop thinking about.

With a glance over my shoulder, I see James staring at my ass. His eyes meet mine and he gives me a full megawatt smile. We hold our gaze just until the waitress appears in front of me and I exchange the empty bottle for a new one.

This time I purposely walk past his booth while putting a little extra wiggle in my walk.

“Hi, Mr. Dumont. Enjoying yourself?” I say quickly as I pass. I can hear him half-cough, half-laugh, making my insides surge with excitement. There’s a tremendous power in knowing how you can affect someone, even by doing such a little thing like waving. Then again, if the roles were reversed, I would be in the same position.

“Here’s the ketchup,” I say, putting the bottle in front of Chase while sliding back into my seat.

“Thanks again. I could have gotten it.”

I wave a dismissing hand in front of my face. “Don’t worry about it.” I take a bite of my sandwich and open another notebook. “Let’s work on our AP Writing assignment next.”

“Sounds good.”

We take our time writing our essays and bounce ideas off the other, trying to make sense of what we’re doing. I don’t usually have issues coming up with stunning essays. But tonight the words aren’t flowing. And I know the reason why.

The waitress clears our empty plates and brings me another Diet Coke.

“I’m so full. I shouldn’t have eaten that whole thing.”

Chase laughs. “You’re a trooper, though.”

My full bladder is screaming at me and I start to slide out of the booth again. “Need to make a pit stop. I’ll be right back.”

Chase doesn’t look up, just nods his head as he continues to write his thoughts on the paper. I shove my hands in my back pockets and purposefully walk past James’s booth again. I know he’s watching me. I can feel it, like a slow warmth that crawls over my skin. It’s a dangerous thing I’m doing, but I just can’t help myself. I need to know that I’m not the only crazy person in this one-sided crush.

I wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror. After running my finger under my eyes to clean up my makeup, I put on a quick coat of lip gloss, making myself presentable to walk back out there. I don’t make it far because James is right outside the bathroom door, hidden in the shadows of the dark hallway.

“You’re antagonizing me,” he says in a low, hushed tone.

Holy fuck. That voice. I start to tremble. Suddenly my little game doesn’t seem like a good idea anymore. I told myself I was going to forget this. But when I see him, I need to have his attention. It’s sick and wrong, but it feels more right than anything else I know.

I press my back against the opposite wall and bite my lip. “Yes,” I say honestly.

He pushes away from the wall and boxes me in with his arms. “That’s dangerous.”

“I know.”

“Are you trying to push me?”

His face is so close to mine. Those green eyes penetrate through the darkness, almost glowing in the muted light. My chest feels tight as it rises and falls with the shallow breaths I’m taking. God, he smells so good. My head feels light as his face gets closer to my ear.

“What do you want Britta? Do you want me to take you away from here? Or do you want me to leave you alone and continue on with what we agreed upon?” he asks in a raspy voice laced with desire. “Tell me.”

A chill runs up my spine as his nose makes contact with the skin just below my ear.

“You smell so good right here. This fragrance stays in my head each time I see you, making it all I can think about. Tell me. What do you want?”

I place my hands on his chest with the intention of pushing him away but finding myself unable to do so.

“I-”

His soft, warm mouth finds mine before I can complete my sentence. My body spirals with need, wanting more than just this one kiss. I’m slowly becoming addicted to him as our lips move against each other, neither of us pushing it any further. Our boundaries are already blurred and anything more will only complicate things.

James leans against me; his forearms now flush against the wall. I feel dizzy with delight and the knowledge that this now confirms what I wanted to know.

He wants me too.

A noise down the hall startles me so I push James away roughly, breaking our kiss. We’re both panting and breathless, our lips swollen and red. The buzzing in my body hasn’t decreased any with the distance between us.

Shame and disappointment fill me slowly, making me wish I hadn’t been playing my game earlier with him. This was my fault again, leading him on and pressing his buttons to get a reaction. I should know better than this.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, trying to regain control of my body and mind.

James’s head snaps up, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Why are you sorry?”

“We shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong.” I take a calming breath and swallow past the lump in my throat. “You’re right. I was trying to push you. I wanted to know if you felt even an iota of what I feel towards you. But I know that’s stupid because we can’t do anything about it. You made that clear to me in your office and I ignored your wishes.”

His eyes darken with something other than anger. “You’re right. We can’t do anything about it. The attraction we feel is too strong.”

I shake my head. “It can’t be. We’ve known each other for a week.”

“And a half,” he adds.

“Regardless, it’s too short a time to even do anything like this. Breaking rules and going against our better judgment? It’s not safe. It’s reckless and dangerous and-”

He halts my thoughts with a raised hand. “You wondered if I felt the same as you. I’m telling you right now that your feelings are reciprocated in full force. And what I said is also true, that we can’t be together. It’s dangerous, not only for me but for you too.” He looks down at his shoes briefly. “However, you can’t deny that there isn’t something between us either. Don’t sweep this under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. You want it as much as I do.”

I nod, still unable to meet his eyes. “So now what? Our previous plan didn’t work out so hot for us. Maybe we should just ignore it.”

He runs both hands through his hair and blows out a breath. “Ignoring it won’t help. It will only drive us mad. What we do is just try to control ourselves. You said before that you have casual relationships with other teachers, right?”

I nod again, wrapping my arms around my middle.

“Look at me,” he asks quietly. I bring my eyes to his and see that they’ve softened now.

“You have such beautiful hazel eyes. It kills me that I’ve diminished their light tonight.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. They were bright before but now they’re sad.”

“If they were bright before, it was because of you. You brighten my day every time I see you. This crush I have for you is like nothing I’ve had before,” I say quietly. “I don’t know if we can attempt a casual friendship.”

James props his foot up against the wall. “We need to try. The one hour per day I see you is no longer enough for me. I need to know you, and more than just your knowledge of geography.”

“But shouldn’t we wait until after the trimester? I mean, with you being my teacher won’t it look wrong?”

He contemplates this for a minute and nods in agreement. “You’re right. So while you’re in my class, we’ll just have to contain ourselves. Accidental meetings, staged events, those types of things would be best for now.”

“Staged events?”

“Events where we know both of us will be there so we make it a point to see each other. Sporting events, school functions, things like that. And you shouldn’t be afraid to approach me in the hallway just to say hi either. Lots of kids talk to me about random things between classes so you shouldn’t be any different.”

“I don’t know about this James. It seems like we’re sneaking around.”