Lessons of the Heart (21 page)

I hug her outside of my classroom and she smiles. “Thanks, Britt.” Someone clears their throat behind me and Penny’s eyes narrow over my shoulder at the source. I can pretty much guess who it is without having to turn around. “I better get to class. Good luck with that,” she says out of the corner of her mouth before walking away.

My teeth grind against each other and I can feel the muscle tick in my jaw as I turn around and come face to face with Chase, who isn’t really making eye contact with me.

Smart man.

“Hey Britta,” he says quietly.

Still feeling childish about the whole thing, I move past him without saying hi and make my way to my seat, even though it’s right next to his. He follows and sits down quietly. I can still feel his intense stare on the side of my face. Even with all of winter break to deal with it, I’m still just as mad as I was that night.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out, giving a slight smile at James’s name appearing on my screen.

LET ME KNOW IF HE GIVES YOU ANY TROUBLE TODAY. I MISS YOU.

Angling my phone away from prying eyes, I quickly type back my response.

MISS YOU TOO. AND DON’T WORRY. HE’S NOT EVEN ON MY RADAR. MY FOCUS WILL BE ELSEWHERE.

I’VE GOT A FEW IDEAS ON WHERE THAT FOCUS COULD GO.

I BET YOU DO. QUIT TEXTING ME AND GET BACK TO CLASS.

SLAVE DRIVER.

FLIRT.

SEE YOU IN A COUPLE HOURS.

CAN’T WAIT.

I lock my phone and slide it back into my pocket as the bell rings. Chase is still focused on me, or at least I think he is from what I can tell out of the corner of my eye. But my suspicions are confirmed when I hear Mrs. Thompson’s voice call him out.

“Mr. Woodward, the board is up front.”

“Yes ma’am,” Chase says, creating a chorus of snickering to be heard. I stay stoic in my chair, not giving him the satisfaction of any kind of reaction because really, he’s just not worth my time.

Did this hallway grow in length these past two weeks? I feel like I’ve been walking forever to get to the teacher’s lounge. Maybe my brain is playing a trick on me, but it feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen him. And I need to see him. Right. Now.

My heart beats faster as I round the corner. We were able to sneak in a few days together over break, with help from Liam. James still isn’t comfortable with the lying situation but without another option it’s all we have. But James and Liam have formed a mutual understanding over a love of greasy pizza and horror movies. And I wasn’t even upset when he crashed our “date”. It was the fact he sat between us that upset me more. He paid for it later, courtesy of a bowl of warm water while he slept.

I say hello to several teachers who are enjoying their lunch and the few blissful moments of peace they’re allotted during the day. My feet carry me on wings to my destination down the hall, the last office on the right. Only it’s empty. No happy greeting, no warm body to hold tightly. Just a desk and chair and quiet.

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. It’s not like I expect to see him in his office every day. That would draw too much suspicion from people. But I had hoped that he’d want to see me right away. Not that I haven’t enjoyed our text message banter in the meantime. Thank goodness no one can see those. There are a few that would make even a nun blush.

Settling into the oversized office chair, I start typing away at the grades he left for me this morning, transferring them from the book to the computer. It’s sort of redundant, but it’s a good backup in case something happens to the system and it crashes. Or worse, someone hacks into it and changes their grades. This way we at least have proof of what is real.

The rustling at the door behind me has my head turning to the side. My smile is instantaneous when James comes into view, all dancing eyes and bright smile.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Fosse,” he says, playing his role for whoever may be in earshot.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Dumont,” I say, playing along. “I’m just starting to enter the grades you left for me this morning.”

He moves toward me, looking over his shoulder one last time before placing a kiss behind my ear.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers, sending a round of goose bumps to invade my flesh.

“Me too,” I reply. My breathing starts to accelerate at his close proximity. James notices the change because when I look at him again, his eyes are dilated and fixed on my mouth. I want nothing more than to kiss those soft full lips right now.

Voices drift down the hall and James straightens back up to his full height while running a hand over his tie to smooth it back down into place.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He’s whispering in a low, passionate voice with his head bent down to look at me.

I bite my lip and feign ignorance. “Like what?”

“You know what. We can’t do what is going through your head right now so please don’t tempt me.”

“And what do you think is going on through my head? Surely it’s something completely platonic and nothing at all dirty as you must be thinking.”

He laughs quietly and my legs clench at the sound. I love listening to him laugh. Again, I need to make that as a ringtone somehow.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” He perches himself on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest.

“You have no idea,” I mumble to myself and turn my attention back to the computer screen. The last thing we need is to get in trouble for being careless.

His brow furrows but then shakes his head to dismiss whatever it was. There’s a moment of awkward silence and the temperature in the room spikes about ten degrees. It’s hard to sit here and be this close and not touch him. Really touch him, like we started out doing at his house a couple weeks ago. The memory heats my cheeks again and I’m gifted with another quiet laugh.

“Are you going to the basketball game tomorrow night? Heard it’s supposed to be a good one against Cottage Grove.”

I turn in my chair and nod. “Big rivalry game so it doesn’t surprise me that’s what everyone is talking about. Last year they creamed us so we’re out for revenge, or so I’m told. Why, are you going?”

He nods and crosses his legs at the ankle. “I am. Karen talked me into it. She was on me for never attending anything around the school and said it’d be good for me to go mingle with the student body.”

My nostrils flare at the mention of Ms. Hathaway’s name. She’s young and single and the largest man-eater of the faculty. Rumors of her one-night stands and serial dates have trickled down to the student body, making her every teenage boy’s fantasy and every girl’s common enemy. She’s the one teacher who doesn’t feel that business casual is necessary. No, she still believes she’s in high school herself with her tiny little skirts and barely-there tops, only furthering my hatred for the woman. If you’re going to dress like a stripper, perhaps you should be working somewhere else.

James places two fingers beneath my chin and tilts it up to meet his eyes.

“Don’t,” he simply says, looking straight into my eyes. I try to look away, but he moves to stay within my line of sight. “Don’t worry about Karen. I don’t think of her like that and never could. I only have eyes for one woman in my life.” I make a scoffing noise, letting my bitter jealousy rule my head, even though I know in my heart that he’s not interested in her.

He gets off the desk and braces himself against the armrests of the chair. “Karen? She’s nothing to me. A nobody. She doesn’t light my soul on fire with a glance or make me want to plow over every person in a crowded hallway just to be near her. That right is reserved solely for one beautiful, amazing, incredibly sexy woman. And that is
my girl
, my ray of sunshine, my beacon in the bleakness of the night.” He leans closer until our lips are barely touching. “You, Britta Fosse, are the woman for me. There’s no one else that could ever turn my head away from you. No one.”

My heart beats faster. Can he see it through my sweater? How every beat imprints his name onto my soul when he says things like that to me?

I don’t know how he does it, taking me from a raging green-eyed monster to a lovesick fool in less than a blink of the eye. I swallow hard and quickly close the distance between our lips, needing to have my fix of him before I have to go without for who knows how long.

It’s brief, mainly because the door is still wide open, but still feels like an eternity has passed. Every time our lips touch, I lose myself in him; lose myself in the knowledge that he wants it just as bad as I do. And I’ll take whatever I can get with him because I need him like I need my next breath.

He cups my cheek and backs away, his eyes still shining with emotions I’m afraid to acknowledge. Lust is definitely there, but there’s something else, something more that my mind is subconsciously avoiding. Maybe I’m reading too much into my own emotions. But what we have is more than an infatuation, more than a lustful coupling. There’s something there, something real, and it scares me slightly to put a name to it because deep down I want it more than anything. I want to be his, to be claimed by him, and never have to worry about being without him again.

“You better go eat your lunch,” I say hoarsely and clear my throat from whatever was lodged in it.

“I’d rather eat it in here with you. Can I heat yours up for you?”

I smile and nod. “I’d like that. Thanks.”

He trails his fingertips down my cheek before taking our lunches to the kitchen area. When he’s finally out the door, I let out a sigh and sink back into my chair in the most unladylike fashion. My lips still tingle as his residual taste lingers on them. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his subtle cologne wafting in the air. How can I be this turned on without him even here next to me?

My phone vibrates across the desk.

CAN WE TALK?

Oh great. Now he’s resorting to text messages because I won’t give him the time of day? I roll my eyes and straighten in my chair.

NOT YET. I’M STILL REALLY PISSED OFF AT YOU. I NEED SPACE AND TIME.

I UNDERSTAND. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN EVER FORGIVE ME?

HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I’M REALLY, TRULY SORRY. IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN.

The hairs on my neck stand on end as I read his last message over and over. He said that the last time he tried putting the moves on me and yet here we are again. Only this time it was worse. Before, it was just a wandering hand. This time, it was a full on assault on my lips and body. Well, maybe assault is too harsh of a word but really there’s no other way to describe it. It wasn’t welcome and I certainly didn’t invite him to do it.

James sets my plate down in front of me and looks at me with concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He sees the message on my phone before I have the chance to close the screen. I can actually hear the grinding of his teeth as he reads it. His anger radiates off him in waves, hitting me with a force that I can feel.

“He’s got some nerve to be contacting you.”

“I can handle him,” I say, trying to diffuse the situation. “He’s not worth our time. Just ignore him. I know I am.”

His long finger points to my phone. “That’s not ignoring him. Saying that you need time is encouraging him, making him believe there’s a chance you will actually forgive him this time.”

I keep my head down as I turn toward him. “He’s still my friend and he wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind when all this happened. He was high and drunk so I know he wouldn’t normally do something like that.”

“And what about the last time? What happened then?”

I look away. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes as he sits next to me. “That was my fault for getting too drunk to ward off his advances.”

“From what you told me before,
he’s
the one who got you drunk and tried to take advantage of you.”

I pick up my fork and push my food around the plate. “I’m not encouraging him, but I can’t cut him completely out of my life. We’ve known each other since we were little.”

“I’m not saying to cut him out of your life.” He stabs angrily at his food. “No, screw that, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I know it’s irrational and childish but he’s trying to hurt you and it’s my job to protect you the best way I know how.”

“Are you sure you’re not just jealous?”

The loud clank of his fork hitting the plate jostles me slightly and I slowly bring my eyes to his.

“This has nothing to do with jealousy. There is nothing about him that is threatening to me, or us, in any way. But his relentless pursuit of you and the carelessness that he exhibits while trying to get to you is dangerous. This is about protecting you because one of these days he’s going to try something and there may be no one around to help. As much as I want to, I can’t always be with you and there will be times where Liam won’t be there either. Just please take my advice and start to sever the line between you two. Do it gradually if you can’t cut it now. But he needs to know that his actions are not okay and that what he did is irreparable to your friendship.”

I choke back a tear that threatens to fall. Chase has been my friend for so long that it’s going to be hard to not be that way anymore. And as much as it hurts, I know James is right. The damage that Chase has already done cannot be undone and situations will continue to arise if I keep putting myself in them. Actions speak louder than words and so far my words have fallen on deaf ears where Chase is concerned.