Leaving Eva (The Eva Series Book 1) (17 page)

Finally! Tomorrow is the night, and then it will be the weekend and… I guess we will just have to wait and see.
She imagined them spending the weekend together in bed twisted in her eight hundred count sheets.

Adam has no idea what he is in for!

BRYNN WAS
SPIRALING DOWNWARD
. With Stacy and Adam gone, she no longer had anyone.

Rose kept calling, but she didn’t answer. Her voicemail filled up, but she didn’t care. The only two people that she wanted to talk to were gone. She didn’t even read the daily emails from Jane about the restaurant.

She couldn’t care about anything.

Adam’s mom tried to call her several times, but Brynn knew she wouldn’t be able to talk to her without crying the entire time. How disappointed his mom must be in her. Brynn always knew that they had taken a chance on her twice, first with their son and then again with the restaurant. When she was able to pay back their loan, she felt so good. They believed in her, and she had lived up to their expectation. But she hadn’t with Adam, who was more important, and she couldn’t bear the thought of answering to them for that.

Brynn cried for days and days. She couldn’t believe that she could keep crying the way that she did. How could she produce so many tears? Her lips and her skin were dry, and her throat was parched. She was becoming dehydrated, and she stopped being able to breathe normally. She thought that if she got a paper bag like the people did on TV when they couldn’t breathe that it would help her. But it didn’t.

Brynn thought about her blade. How sharp and beautiful and shiny it was, and how it could make her feel better. How if she cut a little deeper, in a different place, how it could make it all go away.

She couldn’t breathe.

Every day she told herself she had to breathe. It was no longer a natural normal function. Sometimes no matter how hard she tried to take air into her lungs, she just couldn’t.

Brynn felt her chest get tight as though someone were sitting on her and would not get up. Her breath caught in her throat, and it wouldn’t move through her lungs. She thought if she could will herself to breathe, she could get some relief as she could feel the oxygen flow through her lungs. But she couldn’t. She felt as if she were suffocating.

She felt as though someone was strangling her, but there was no one there. It was just her and she was terrified.

She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t even remember to eat. She had no appetite, and when she did eat, she just felt nauseous. She was amazed at how little food she really needed to survive and she didn’t see herself eating much ever again.

Brynn knew she was spiraling. Adam was gone for three months now, and it was evident he was never coming back.

Stacy’s memorial was coming up.
Next week, the week after
? Brynn had lost track of time. She knew she needed to go, and say goodbye to her friend. They had waited so long to say goodbye, because the police had to do their work.

According to Samantha, “that bitch shot my baby in the head. And just to make sure, she shot her in the belly to make sure her baby died, too.” They couldn’t even have a proper burial so they decided to cremate her. It devastated Brynn that she couldn’t even see her friend’s lovely face one more time.

Brynn was in pain. This pain was punishment. Brynn deserved it for being such a terrible friend to Stacy. She let it run through her like a million knives over and over, sharp, stabbing, beautiful, and constant. Without it, she felt as though she would just be dead. And she needed to feel the pain. She wanted to feel it to punish herself for failing the two people who meant the most to her.

Brynn could hear him saying that they needed to spend more time together and that he missed their dates. She could see how disappointed he was when she would read in another room, and for the first time, she was beginning to understand how much he missed her. She saw how disconnected they had become, and she was ashamed of how she stopped trying. She allowed Rose, her ambition for the restaurant, and so many other things, to pull her from him. And she did the same with Stacy.

She understood why he left. Brynn had been absent from him for a long time. She was so wrapped up in her own head most of the time that she even forgot that he existed. They abandoned one another. She hadn’t done it physically as he had, but she knew that she left him emotionally.

She didn’t blame him for leaving now. She would have left her, too.

But why wouldn’t he at least have called? Why couldn’t he try to come back and give her the chance to love him again? They were married. Didn’t that mean something?

When she could leave the house, she did. But more often than not, she stayed home. She didn’t shower. She didn’t wash her hair or change her clothes. If she could get out of bed or off the bathroom floor, she felt like she had accomplished a great deal for the day.

Brynn was getting weaker, and she needed to find her razor blade. She couldn’t hold off any longer. She just needed to hold it in her hands, and put the cool blade against her face. She needed to find it.

She couldn’t wait.

JANE KEPT
CALLING
,
BUT BRYNN DIDN’T ANSWER.

Even when there was a knock on the door and the doorbell kept ringing over and over and over, she thought she would just ignore it. For a half an hour, it went on and on, knocking and ringing, until Brynn drug herself to the door and peeked outside.

It was Jane.

Brynn opened the door reluctantly and squinted into the bright sunlight.

Jane stood in the doorway staring at her, trying not to look surprised at her appearance. Brynn knew that she looked bad, gaunt, scraggly, and ugly. She had stopped looking in the mirror a while ago. She knew what she looked like.

Jane looked at her silently. Brynn opened the door and Jane walked in.

They sat down in the living room and didn’t speak for a long time. Brynn curled up on the couch and pulled a blanket up over her as far she could, as if she could hide from Jane. “How is the restaurant?” she finally said without emotion.

Jane could tell that she didn’t really care what the answer was.

She was so worried for Brynn. Brynn was her mentor. She was the only woman that Jane had ever worked for, and Brynn had believed in her far more than Jane ever believed in herself. She was a single mom to two beautiful girls. When Jane first met Brynn, she couldn’t believe that this young girl was the owner of the restaurant. She barely looked old enough to even have a job. But the more she talked to her, she saw how sharp she was. She was so thankful that Brynn hired her as the manager.

Jane’s husband died young of stomach cancer, and she needed to be able to work but still be there for her daughters who were six and nine at the time. She was at the end of her rope, older than her years and worn out from the stress. She had been a pretty twenty-something, but when Brynn hired her she was thirty pounds overweight, and she looked ten years older than her thirty-five years.

Now, six years later, the girls were doing well, and Jane was grateful to Brynn for giving her such a good job. She had shed most of the weight, and had been able to take care of herself so she looked her age again. With Brynn’s encouragement, she had begun dating. She never thought she would after Todd’s death. She was so heartbroken and couldn’t bear the thought of moving on. But Brynn had encouraged her to go to grief counseling, take better care of herself, and readily lent a sympathetic ear whenever she needed one.

Jane knew that she had to try to get through to her.

Brynn trained her well and the restaurant was maintaining. The employees loved working there and they knew that they had to take care of it while Brynn was gone. They were like a little family, and each one took care of their share and then some. The business was consistent and the regulars were loyal, some even coming in five days a week. Jane wasn’t worried about the restaurant at all.

But her friend and boss appeared to be lost. This Brynn slouching on the couch in front of her unwashed, and wearing dirty clothes was someone that Jane didn’t recognize. She tried to disguise her horror at the door, but she knew that she’d done a poor job. The pain in Brynn’s pretty face was evident, and her eyes were so puffy they didn’t even look like they were open.

Jane didn’t know what she would need to say to her, but she knew she needed to do something. This was Brynn.

She started with idle chatter about the restaurant. Business was good, prices on meat were stabilizing a bit, the health department had come in, and they had gotten another perfect score, the regular old men, Bob and Dave, were doing well, and always asked how Brynn was doing, and so on and so on. Jane talked on and on pausing so that Brynn could chime in if she wanted to. Brynn stared out the window the entire time not even trying to tune in. Jane didn’t even know if she were listening.

“Rose keeps coming in,” Jane said. Brynn looked at her and blinked for a moment. “She keeps asking if we’ve heard from you. She’s her usual self.” Jane smiled.

Brynn loved Momma. But she knew what everyone else saw. She wanted to smile back, but her lips wouldn’t move.

“I make sure she eats every day. I feed her healthy food sometimes when she lets me. But I make sure that she eats something other than her usual peanut butter and jellybeans. She knows that I won’t take her crap like the girls do.” Jane saw Brynn’s lips twitch when she started talking about Rose, so she knew that she was listening.

“Brynn, you need to come back to us. We need you. Rose needs you. I think she’s collecting stuff again. She always stops by with bags of stuff that she refuses to leave in her car. She calls them her valuables.” Jane paused, her blue eyes searching Brynn’s for some sign of life.

“Talk to me. I’m your friend and I’m here for you,” Jane pleaded with her. “Brynn!”

She stood up suddenly with her brown hair bouncing as she did.

“Brynn!” she said louder, taking a step closer to her as she said her name. “Brynn! BRYNN!”

Brynn was looking at her now. She had gotten her attention.

“Have you seen Adam? Has he been in?” Brynn asked quietly. Even though she didn’t involve him, she knew that he cared about the place. He had done a lot of the painting himself, and the girls adored him.

“No. He hasn’t,” Jane said afraid that her answer would cause Brynn to withdraw further, but Jane saw relief on her face instead.

“Brynn, you need help. You need to go talk to someone,” Jane said quickly, while Brynn was still listening. “Remember what you told me when you hired me and I was still reeling from Todd’s death? You told me that I needed to move on, that I needed to find my light. You told me that you could tell that I was a beautiful person, and that I had a lot of life in front of me. You told me not to give up.”

She talked quickly replaying Brynn’s words back to her. She remembered everything that Brynn told her six years ago. It had made all of the difference to her. It mattered when nothing else did, and she had listened. Brynn gave her strength, and she needed to be able to do that for her now.

Tears were glistening in Brynn’s eyes, and falling down her cheeks.

“I’m so tired, Jane. There are things that you don’t know about. There are things in my life that have been hard, and now this. I just can’t take anymore. I can’t. And I’m alone. I’m so alone.” Brynn was crying so hard now that Jane could hardly understand her, but she felt what her friend was feeling. She felt it too, at one time.

“You’re not alone. I’m here, and the girls at the restaurant. Even Rose is there for you. You’re not alone. I will be there for you as you were there for me. I can give you the name of the therapist that I went to. He was great and helped me a lot. I’m here because of you.”

Jane could tell that she was getting through. She sat on the couch next to her friend and hugged her. If she could get her to come back into the light, she would have accomplished much. After three months of not leaving the house, not eating, and not taking care of herself, Brynn had a long journey back.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through but you are strong, Brynn. Look at all you’ve accomplished. Adam will come back, and if he doesn’t, then you are strong enough to make it through.” Jane saw how Adam and Brynn looked at each other, and she saw real love flowing between them. Brynn didn’t realize how she peppered Adam’s name into every conversation she was having. Jane had hope for them, even if Brynn didn’t. She knew that Brynn could be stubborn and aloof, but she also knew what a beautiful heart she had. And she knew that they loved each other. Jane was determined to make sure that Brynn knew that she was there for her. Brynn needed a friend, someone to take care of her as she had done for others, especially now.

She even volunteered to take Brynn to her therapist, as Brynn had once done for her.

But her first challenge was to get her to change her clothes and eat. She knew that she would have to take it one step at a time.

ADAM AND
ANNIE’S
FIRST DATE
didn’t turn out exactly how Annie had planned.

They met at the bar and had a couple of drinks. Adam was nervous, so he drank his especially fast. Brynn didn’t like drinking, and Adam respected that, so he rarely drank around her and they never kept alcohol in the house. He knew that drinking reminded her of Thomas, and he never wanted to remind her of Thomas.

He felt the third drink going right to his head.

Annie looked hot and she knew it. As she walked into the bar alone, she could see that guys were gawking at her out of the corner of their eye. She had worn the tightest, shortest skirt she could legally wear. Her black stilettos complimented her lean legs, and she wore a nice tight shirt with her Victoria Secret pushup bra that made her look like she was bigger than her A cup.

Adam’s sapphire eyes, that looked darker in the bar light, nearly popped out of his head when he saw her. She was making him uncomfortable again, and she loved it. She couldn’t believe that he had even agreed to meet her, but she was going to take full advantage of it.

They got appropriately tipsy. She even got him to dance with her a little, even though she could tell that he felt awkward. She assured him that no one cared about them and that everyone else was dancing. She purposely chose this bar because there were no TVs, and no other distractions, only music, liquor, and dancing. She wanted him all to herself.

When it was time to go, she lingered. He hadn’t even so much as kissed her yet, and she was disappointed. She thought by now that they would be making out on the dance floor, but he hadn’t even tried to grab her yet. She was bumping and grinding him all night, and he didn’t respond at all as she had hoped or anticipated. She even tried grabbing his hand, but he continued to pull it away, gently but firmly. He was the perfect gentleman and she was getting frustrated.

Ok, slow down. He’s not ready yet.
She chastised herself trying her best to hide her disappointed.

He yelled in her ear over the thumping of the music, “Are you ready to go?”

“Sure! Where do you want to go?” she yelled back.

“I’m beat. I need to go home!” he grinned at her halfheartedly. He really did look tired.

“I can do that,” she said flirtatiously.

He looked at her without saying anything and walked outside. She followed him, once again disappointed. She hoped that he would yell something back in her ear. She loved hearing his deep voice that close to her, and feeling his hot breath.

It wasn’t as late as she had hoped it would be. He started to walk, and she walked next to him in silence.

“Listen, Annie. I like you and I’m glad we are
friends
. But I’m not ready for anything more than what we have right now,” He said apologetically, his voice a little off kilter. He was trying to make his voice sound completely sober, but was having a hard time. “I hope you unnerstand that.”

“Of course I do.” she said trying to disguise her frustration. “I know you are going through a hard time right now.” She had been more careful than he was to pace herself. She didn’t like to lose control, so she limited herself to drinking just enough to feel good, but not enough to feel fuzzy.

“Ok, good. I was worried you wouldn’t. But hey, you look beautiful!” He was weaving a little.

“Why don’t I drive you home? You probably shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now.” She said grabbing hold of his arm. She was struggling with her stilettos.
If he goes down, I’m in trouble
, she thought.

Maybe I’ll land on top of him
. She smiled.

“That’s a good idea,” he said looking a little sheepish. He didn’t usually drink as much, but he had been nervous and the gin was going down faster than usual. “If you don’t mind.”

She didn’t mind. It bought her a little more time to work her magic.

She guided him toward her car and tried to help him in. This time she did fall on top of him as he fell back into the seat. He grabbed her around the waist as he went down, and she felt her body flying against his. For a moment, she was in his arms, as tight up against him as she could be.

Oh God, he smells so good!
She didn’t move. Maybe if she didn’t move, he would kiss her. They locked eyes.
This is it!

She could tell that he wanted to kiss her. She could see it in his eyes and feel it as his arms tightened around her. She could feel it as his legs started to wrap around hers, and she felt him warming up around her. This is what she had been waiting for. He was what she wanted.

Forget your wife. Kiss me! Kiss me!
She demanded hoping that she could will him to kiss her.

He sat up abruptly looking embarrassed, his arms letting go of her pushing her gently off him.

Damn!

The moment was gone, and the mood between them was broken.

She got up and smoothed down her skirt.

“Sorry,” he slurred, not looking at her.

This time she couldn’t disguise her irritation. “It’s okay.” He knew that it wasn’t okay, but he had too many drinks to figure out how to fix it, at the moment.

She drove him the short distance to his apartment in silence. She was wondering if this was just a big waste of time. After all, she hadn’t completely broken it off with her boyfriend yet. She could still salvage that relationship if she wanted to. Adam was hot, and the kind of man she could see herself marrying and having babies with, but this was a lot of work. This wife thing was annoying. She didn’t want to keep trying if he wasn’t going to reciprocate in any way.

When they drove up to his building, he didn’t get out right away.

He turned to her, steadying his beautiful eyes on her. “I like you, Annie. You’ve been a good friend, but I swear I don’t know what I want right now. I don’t want to lead you on. If I weren’t married…”

“But you’re separated,” She argued. “You’re separated and you don’t even talk to her anymore. What harm can it do to have some fun?” She moved a little closer to him.

“I don’t want to have fun. I mean, I want to have fun, but it doesn’t feel right. You’ve never been married so you don’t understand.” He could tell that he wounded her.

She sat up straight so that she was no longer leaning in toward him. “You’re right, I’ve never been married. I don’t understand how you can stay married to someone you don’t want to be with anymore.” She was angry.

“I don’t know that I don’t want to be with her. I just don’t want to be with her
right now
. What I did was wrong. I was wrong to just walk out and now it’s hard to go back. Every day it gets harder and I need to resolve it. If you can just be content to be my friend for now, then we can do that.” He was confused and sad, and she felt herself soften toward him.

We’ve been friends for so long, how can that be a bad thing?
She reasoned with herself. She knew that she wanted more. But if she wanted to have any chance with him at all then she was just going to need to be content with friendship.

“Okay.” She said brightly giving him her best smile. “Friends, it is.”

She leaned in to hug him and suddenly his lips found hers, searching, aching.

Finally!
She sighed as she leaned in and let herself go.