Leaving Eva (The Eva Series Book 1) (18 page)

HE WAS
COMING FOR HER.

She was hiding under the bed praying that he wouldn’t find her. She could barely see his feet in the doorway. The only light was coming from the hall illuminating his feet. Her bedroom was completely dark. She thought that if it were dark enough that he wouldn’t be able to find her. He was coming closer. She could feel her mouth getting dry and her heart pounding in her chest. If he found her, he would hurt her. She knew it.

He was in a really bad mood and he started drinking early.

He was yelling her name in that mean thick voice that he always got about four drinks in. She was trying to stop herself from shaking. She didn’t want him to hurt her again. She hadn’t recovered from the last time he had beaten her. The feet were getting closer and closer. They were right at the edge of the bed.

She held her breath.

The feet stopped. She couldn’t breathe. She was still frozen in fear. Maybe he wouldn’t know she was there. Maybe. Oh God, I think he knows!

She saw his big hands quickly reaching for her, and she couldn’t get away fast enough. He was grabbing her hair and pulling her out from under the bed. She started screaming.

She sat up in bed covered in sweat, her heart racing. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” she repeated over and over. Her shrink had told her to tell herself that she was okay anytime she woke up from a bad dream. He said it would help. “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

She couldn’t move. She was still too afraid. Frozen. She had to remind herself that he was dead, and that he couldn’t hurt her anymore.

Adam used to comfort her and hold her tight when she had bad dreams, which was often. He knew how to soothe her and to make her feel safe. She didn’t know what to do when the bad dreams came and Adam was gone. Sometimes she found herself lying under her bed, and sometimes she found herself curled up in a corner of the closet, paralyzed until the feeling of terror passed. Sometimes it would take minutes, and sometimes it would take much longer.

Jane was right about getting help. She had only been to him twice so far, but it had just felt good to talk. The first time she went, she cried though her entire session. She cried so much she could barely talk. She was surprised, but she actually liked her shrink a lot. He was the only person on earth she had to talk to now. He was an older man with kind eyes. There was a genuineness about him that made her trust him almost immediately, which was very rare for her. She found herself telling him things that she never told another living soul, not even Stacy or Adam.

Once the words started tumbling out, it was as though they wouldn’t stop. She never talked so much to one person in all of her life, and she felt a little selfish and indulgent, but he didn’t seem to mind. He just sat and listened, scribbling occasionally on his yellow legal pad.

After he heard her entire story, he simply said, “You’ve had so much loss in your life.”

She cried. Someone finally understood her.

Brynn’s only friend was dead. So now, she only had her kind shrink. He wasn’t surprised when she told him about the cutting. She liked that about him. She told him how she wanted to do it every day, and that some days she thought about just letting herself bleed, but that she couldn’t bring herself to. He looked worried for her with that, but she told him that he didn’t need to worry. That she had only thought about it, but she would never kill herself. She didn’t really want to die she just wanted the pain to stop, and giving herself more pain dulled what was buried deep within her, threatening to eat her alive.

And as much as she wanted to just roll over and stay in bed, on this day she couldn’t. She was too upset to go back to sleep and she didn’t want to get up. But she knew that she had to. The sun was just starting to come through the curtains and she knew that she was going to need to get moving soon.

Today was the day.

This was the day that she would say good-bye to Stacy.

It was four weeks after Jane came to her house. Jane reluctantly agreed to go with her. She knew that Brynn wouldn’t be able to do it on her own. She didn’t know if Adam was going to be there, and she wasn’t strong enough to go by herself. They were only going for the day. It was a three-hour drive there and then a three-hour drive home but Brynn didn’t want to stay in town. She didn’t say why, but she wanted to leave there as soon as possible. Jane was dreading today, but she promised her friend she would go with her. She knew it was going to be sad and awkward. Brynn had done so much for her when she needed a friend, but she still dreaded it.

Jane pulled her Focus up to the charming Victorian, and sat outside in her car. She didn’t want to go in just yet. She was a little early, just as she always was.

She looked around the street and saw a familiar car parked halfway down.
Adam?

The driver of the car looked at her and they made eye contact.
It is Adam!

He looked surprised and quickly backed his car up and sped away.
Should I tell Brynn?
She struggled internally. She didn’t know if it would help to tell her. She didn’t even know if Adam would be at the funeral today. Telling Brynn may make the day more difficult, especially if Adam wasn’t there. But if she didn’t tell her, then Brynn wouldn’t know that he still cared about her. After all, he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t,
right?

Jane’s phone beeped. Brynn was texting her. “Where are u?”

Jane texted back. “Outside.”

“B out in five. Thought u were late.”

“LOL. U know I am NEVER late.”

Jane closed her eyes in battle with herself.

A few minutes later Brynn got into the car. She looked better than she had in weeks. Her dark brown hair was pulled back and the circles were almost gone from under her eyes, although they were still fairly puffy. She had lost a lot of weight and her clothes hung on her, looking as droopy as her expression. She looked as good as she could look, which was much better than she had looked in months. Jane was just happy that she started leaving the house again and joining the world. She’d even made it into the restaurant a few times, although she still refused to see Rose. She just wasn’t up for that yet.

She wore a black skirt and a pretty pale pink silk blouse. Pink had been Stacy’s favorite color, and she wanted to wear it even though she knew her friend would never see it.

Jane plugged their destination into the GPS, and they were on their way. The ride was mostly silent. They didn’t even play the radio. Jane knew that small talk wouldn’t help Brynn. Brynn needed to concentrate on what was ahead of her.

She mostly looked out the window, her eyes blank. Occasionally she would look as though she was going to stay something, but then changed her mind and went back to staring out the window. Jane could tell that she was reminiscing in her mind, and didn’t want to intrude on her friend’s memories. She decided to keep the Adam sighting to herself. She just didn’t want to add to her friend’s sadness today.

Jane could tell that they were getting closer as the scenery got greener, and as any sign of city life started to disappear behind them. The towns started getting farther and farther apart. Jane had always grown up in the city, and these little towns always amazed her. She couldn’t imagine not being fifteen minutes from a mall, chain restaurants, and five different gas stations. She knew that Adam and Brynn had been from a small town, but she had no idea what to expect. She had never even been this way before. The roads were getting longer and flatter and the scenery became much less interesting. There was a farmhouse here, and a ratty broken down barn there, and then field after field after field.

After driving for what felt like forever, The GPS told them that they were five minutes away.

Jane could tell that Brynn was getting nervous. Her knee started to jump and she started biting her nails, a habit she had stopped a long time ago.

They pulled into the church parking lot and Jane turned off the car.

“Are you okay?” she asked Brynn quietly. She could tell that Brynn wasn’t. She was breathing in and out, making a concentrated effort to do so. Jane sat quietly and waited.

Finally, Brynn looked at her, her eyes threatening to spill over with tears. “I’m ready,” she said resolutely, trying to sound strong.

Jane nodded and opened her door and waited for Brynn to walk around the car.

They walked in together in silence. The parking lot was already three-quarters of the way full, and Jane could see more and more cars coming in. The parking lot attendant was directing the cars to start double parking. It looked like they were expecting a big crowd. Jane looked at the building. It was an old Methodist church that looked like it had been there for many years, and was in desperate need of repair. The white paint was peeling and wood was rotting off the windowpanes. The landscaping looked like it hadn’t been touched in a decade, and the concrete steps had large cracks.

Brynn walked up the stairs as though she was on autopilot. Jane could tell that she knew where she was going.

When they got to the top of the stairs, one of the ushers handed them a bulletin. The front cover had a pretty brunette’s face on it. She had round plump cheeks and a big smile.
Stacy!
Jane had no idea what she looked like before. She could tell from the picture on the bulletin that she would have liked this girl. She looked like a sweet, normal girl, and she was suddenly struck by how sad it was that she was gone so young.

Brynn ignored the usher and walked straight in. She was clearly looking for someone and Jane hoped that it wasn’t Adam. She hoped Adam wouldn’t show up today. She only wanted her friend to have to deal with the tragedy at hand, and not have to face her own heartache.

“Brynn! Brynn, its Brynn everyone! Brynn is here!” a loud high-pitched woman’s voice with a slight southern drawl came soaring across the room. It was followed by a plumper, more made up version of the girl in the picture. Only this version was dressed all in black, complete with a small dramatic black hat with netting falling over her face.

“Samantha,” Brynn looked relieved.

Oh, the crazy mother.
Jane smiled politely.

“Oh, Brynn, I’m so glad you’re here. Stacy would have loved to see you one more time, darling girl. She loved you so much! I can’t believe you didn’t come visit us more often. Oh darling, what a tragedy! My poor, poor, baby girl,” Samantha started wailing as people came running over to hold her up.
She clearly loves the attention
, Jane thought feeling guilty for having such negative thoughts about this mother who just lost her child.

Brynn’s jaw was set and tight, and her eyes kept welling up with tears that she wouldn’t allow to fall, and her face was a mask of nothing but pain. Jane could tell that she was trying to keep it together and she put her arm around Brynn for support. Brynn stiffened and Jane immediately let go. Jane could tell that she needed to be on her own. She had felt the same way when her husband died. Being at the church brought back so many sad memories. She tried to push them away so that she could concentrate on her friend.

Brynn walked up to the front of the old church.

There were poster boards placed all over the front with hundreds of pictures. Brynn slowly looked over every one of them. There were numerous pictures of young Brynn and young Stacy arm in arm, arms around each other, both looking so innocent and so fresh. Nobody could have ever guessed the horror that they were facing every night in their own homes. The front of the church was crowded with people who were going through, like Brynn, one by one with sad expressions. Some were crying and some were simply looking. Some were looking at Brynn and whispering amongst themselves. They recognized her from the pictures and they looked at her with sympathy. She was the only friend in Stacy’s life, even as an adult. They all knew how close they were.

Brynn didn’t look at, or talk to, anyone.

It was a small town and everyone knew everyone else, but she wasn’t there to socialize. She was only there for one purpose. She was there only to honor her friend who she had neglected and ignored in the last years of her life. The pain and guilt were eating her alive.

Brynn was oblivious to anyone else’s presence. She was lost in memories, sinking deeper and deeper into her own mind. She was angry.

How do none of these people know what Stacy’s father did to her? How does she survive that only to be killed by some thieving whore?

These people staring at the posters were all oblivious, naïve sheep. Some of them worked for Stacy’s father or worked next to him for many years. Many even looked up to him. She hated him. She always did.

She could see Stacy’s father out of the corner of her eye. He was looking at her with a strange sad expression on his face. He was much older now and didn’t look as big, or strong, or powerful as he once did. Now he just looked like an old man, like someone’s grandfather. Still tall but with a little hunch, gray, weaker. Not as weak as he would be one day, yet unable to beat a teenage girl with a belt until her entire back was black and blue.

Brynn never really pretended to like him, even as a child. She took out her anger for Thomas on him. With Thomas, she had to play nice but with Stacy’s daddy, she didn’t. She had always tried to, for Stacy’s sake. But now that Stacy was gone, she didn’t have to.

He started to walk up to her, but stopped when he saw the rage on her face. Her dark eyes were blazing at him, and he could feel the anger radiating toward him. Even though they were ten feet away from each other, it was as though everyone around them could sense that they should not walk between them. The path remained clear as they stood and stared at each other. Brynn stared at him with such an expression of hatred, while his was an expression of sadness and remorse. His dark green eyes were begging her.
Begging to forgive? To not make a scene? To not punch him in the face?
Brynn thought he looked so old now. He was still tall, but not imposing like he had been when they were children. Now he just looked old, and sad, and afraid.