Innocence of Love (20 page)

Yes, she messed up. Yes, she made some decisions that have impacted on her future. Yes, she had lived in hell since leaving her parental home. Yes, she’d learned to stand on her own two feet and bloody well express her nasty attitude, but since meeting Calvin, that nasty person seemed to have disappeared and she cared greatly. Sophie had almost felt back to her old independent self. Calvin appeared to take her as she was with no pretence, as long as he wasn’t putting on an act.

Her head spiralled out of control, thinking constantly.

Had what Tim said been the truth, had Calvin done nothing but boast. He was young and well bagged a girl, of course he would gloat and tell his friends he screwed a virgin. Wouldn’t he?

She shook her head needing to dismiss everything or she would explode into small pieces.

“Hello, love,” she heard a male voice. Sophie lifted her head from out her hands.

“Dad,” she squeaked. Sophie jumped to her feet and huddled herself into his chest, breaking into tears.

“Hey there,” he sounding surprised, rubbing his hands up and down her back, comforting her. She snorted, trying to stop the tears, but again the day had been a major drama.

“Sorry, Dad.” She immediately pulled away from him. She reached for the box of tissues to blow her nose. “So sorry,” she continued and blew her nose. “It’s been an emotional day. Calvin has met Sabastian.”

“Wow, I bet that was hard for him, how did it go?” he asked, sitting on her bed while she blew her nose again, needing to clear her airways.

“It was. Sabastian was really good and behaved like a real young man, shaking his hand. He really is a great boy,” Sophie added, not needing to bring up anything else. “I could see Calvin was choked up and nervous, he handled it very well. I think he can see that Sabastian is being brought up well. I just hope,” she snivelled. “He doesn’t jeopardize anything with his up-bringing.”

“I wouldn’t have thought so. But then we all have different ways of handling these situations and I’m pretty certain from what I have seen of Calvin, he’ll do what is right and leave the boy. Not only that he lives in London and it would make things awkward for him. How do you feel?”

Sophie gazed at her father.

“Good, pleased they have finally met. It was very emotional to watch. I just don’t want Calvin doing anything rash now and wrecking his life. Sabastian needs stability and he has that. I have no idea how Sabastian feels, I guess time will tell. He did mention about having me and Calvin for tea, but I cannot see that happening,” Sophie reflected, hoping Calvin had the common sense to stay away.

“Why will that not happen?” her father perked, whilst Sophie drifted off seeing Calvin’s face when he tried pleading with her before meeting their son, but there was no use in him trying to come up with excuses, she had heard more excuses in the past than she had changed her knickers.

“He lives in London, has a separate life.”

“Doesn’t mean, that living in London he wouldn’t like to see his son! And not only that I thought you both were close friends with him hanging around so much and supporting you at your lowest point,” his father indicated.

“Yes, well, not anymore. All men are the same, out to hurt us women,” she corrected him, turning to her dad. She took hold of his hand. “Except for you, Dad.” She smiled.

“I’m taking it something has happened to end your friendship? I honestly thought you both were getting on remarkably well…and would possibly end up together,” he remarked when Sophie gulped heavy her mouth filled with saliva.

She cleared her throat. “What made you think that?” she needed to ask.

“The way you both were together. And the way he came back so quickly from London after only being away a matter of days.”

Sophie let go of his hand and scratched her head, tight knots filled her tummy. “I watched the way he looked at you.”

“Don’t, Dad, I really cannot think about him right now. He isn’t what he makes out. No,” she said. She walked to the window overlooking the hospital her back facing her father. “From now on it’s me and Kacey and trying to get Sabastian involved more with his sister. I think they would love to play a large part in her life, after his reaction today, was so precious, I cried, Dad,” she admitted.

She inhaled a deep breath and released. “Kacey’s father isn’t about and I have no intentions of getting him in her life, whether you think that is right or wrong, Dad. He wanted us both dead, said some mean things that I never wish to repeat. Not only that he is bad news and I don’t need him in Kacey’s life, at all.” Sophie turned around to face her father to find him sat on her bed.

“How bad?”

“Bad enough, Dad, please trust me on this one. He isn’t worth the air we breathe, he’s scrum and so are his accomplices. I would fear for our lives if he heard about us. And not only that, we will do just fine, without him.”

“Of course you will. I have every faith in you to do so. But without getting upset, will you say if Kacey wishes to know in the future about her father? She would be entitled to know and she might even wish to find him.”

Her mouth filled with venom at the thought, but she knew there was always that small chance. “Then I will have no choice but to tell her. Kacey is what matters in my life. And that was one of the main reasons I needed to have Sabastian knowing he was adopted and keeping in touch with me, so the shock would never arrive and he would always know the truth. I had to get that put in place and signed by both parties, as otherwise, my son would hate me in years to come. I couldn’t risk that, Dad. I love my children unconditionally, and I will do whatever means to keep them safe. Rob, is nothing but trouble, however, I will never try and blacken his name, after all, if it wasn’t for him my daughter wouldn’t be here. I have that to be thankful for,” she added a sigh.

“You have had so much to contend with since you were sixteen, and yet you have a remarkable attitude. I just don’t understand why your mother was so mean to you when you came home, I’m guessing after you had your son.”

“Yes… yes. I left him with Caroline and Mike and well, was pretty much in an emotional state. I had just done the hardest thing in my entire life, leaving my baby with another family to bring him up. I felt sick, heartless, a bitch even, for just leaving him there, how I wanted to turn around and go and get him back, but I couldn’t. I had nowhere to live, no food, no money, nothing. I told Caroline and Mike I was heading back to my parents, which at the time I was, only…” She gulped heavily.

“Didn’t go to plan? And I truly did end up alone, but luckily I found a bedsit, that wasn’t pleasant. I survived and found a house to house-share and got my first job, working in a wedding boutique. I loved it!” she said, adding another sigh.

“I am very proud of you. You should never have been in that situation and certainly shouldn’t have handed your son over. You should’ve contacted me and told me. Yes, I would have been disappointed in you…but I love you. You are my baby girl, princess, I would’ve moved Heaven and Earth for you and when I found out you had left home…my heart collapsed like you wouldn’t believe. Yes your mum came out with some stupid excuses, which I struggled to believe. I spent days and nights trying to locate you. I even called in at the police to report you, but your mum convinced me you hated us and that you wanted your own life without us being in it. I never accepted that at all, and even now, I know the truth, I still hate myself for believing your mother,” he admitted. Sophie could see her father choked up.

“I’m so sorry, Dad.” She charged toward him to sit down. She cuddled into his chest. “So sorry, I thought you would have been so cross with me.”

“No, never. I’m fuming with your mum.”

Sophie withdrew from his chest. “What has happened between you and Mum?” she needed to ask wanting an honest answer.

“I am not sure, I am so angry with her, for what she did to you and lying to me. How dare she? She had no right to lie and make up such lies, because of her being disappointed with you,” he said harshly.

“I know, but that is the past and we all need to move on,” Sophie stated. Tears filled her eyes. “You have to forgive her.”

Her dad interrupted, “She made you give up your son, because you were afraid and scared. The one person you should’ve been able to talk to and approach let you down. You should never have been put in that position in the first place, or to be made such a decision at such a young age, you were a child and needed your family, and where were we….” He growled.

“Dad, you were working.”

“You should have called me…come to me. I wasn’t that difficult to locate. I cannot believe you thought that low of me to never approach and talk to me about your situation. For God sake you were expecting a baby, a massive life changing event. You should have come to me…” he emphasised with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but Mum said…”

He interrupted angrily. “Forget your bloody mother,” he swore, never had she heard her father use such language. “I’m your father you should have come to me and told me what had been going on. I just cannot believe you thought you were alone and you had to deal with her bullying you into doing something you didn’t wish.”

“I carried on with the pregnancy.”

“Yes, but you left home to do that. And since then your life has catapulted out of hand.”

“It’s not your fault I made the decisions I did.”

“No it was your damn mother’s,” he spoke harsh.

“Dad, please she did what she thought was right.”

“No, Sophie, she was saving her reputation. Here she was at the time going around telling people, friends, colleagues we had the perfect daughter, doing well at school, and looking to college, not hanging around with boys and then suddenly you ruined her illusion in telling her you were expecting. I know the exact reasons behind her lying to me. How can I forgive her? And how can you?” He grimaced. 

“I don’t wish to hold grudges, Dad, it’s happened and nothing can take the past away. What we need to do is concentrate on the future,” she pleaded, trying to hide the darkness in her heart, yes, she was bitter and hated her mum, but there was nothing to change what happened.

“How do you feel?” he asked, reaching for her to take hold of her hand.

“Cross.”

“No, I mean about Sabastian, being adopted?”

Sophie stared at her father, hitching her breath, tummy tightened, her heart skipped beats. She sucked in a deep breath, needing try and hide her emotions back, but the truth was she struggled. She placed her hand across her mouth, urgently needing to fight the pain that fought so deep within her.

“It kills me.”

“Oh, Sophie,” he choked up when all her sentiments crashed, tears poured down her cheeks. Her father took her into his chest, wrapping his arm securely around her, holding her tight. Sophie was riddled with guilt and anguish. The pain she had suffered all those years and battled so hard to push to the back of her mind were back, haunting her.

Her dad rubbed the top of her head. “It’s okay…let it out,” he said sincerely.

Torrents of tears poured from her eyes, she swallowed hard, stopping all her airways from having room to breathe. Sophie was sick and tired of feeling this way. The fact that she had tried so hard over the years to keep Sabastian a secret which had killed her, but now everyone knew about him, and that eased her heart. She was not embarrassed to have him, never but it was more about reactions and the names she would get called, yet she hadn’t been called anything, because no-one but Sabastian’s adopted parents and social services knew about the situation. If she could turn the clock back she would. The reality hit her and now her heart shattered into tiny pieces.

Sophie understood, how angry and shocked Calvin was when he found out the truth and that had been heartache, that she had announced, such a big thing, a son…a boy who was growing up and living a wonderful life.

“Ssh, Sophie, I’m here and that is main thing, pleased don’t fight your feelings anymore. Don’t hide what you’re feeling, I know, it’s little too late, but I’m sure Sabastian will thank you in the long run, and he has a happy settled life? I’m guessing!”

“Yes, Dad, yes he’s very happy and settled,” she sobbed in his chest.

“I’m so delighted you are involved and he knows about his real mum, not many people would agree to those terms. It will never be easy, for you, but look ahead and the fact you now have a reason to have regular contact with him.”

Sophie brought herself out his chest. She bet she looked terrible, blotchy eyes and snorting. Wow, today had been yet another nightmare. Her dad reached for the box of tissues and passed her a decent handful. She blew her nose, trying to clear her nose.

They sat for a few minutes without saying a word.

“I have put in an offer on the house and hopefully they will accept, if not I don’t mind putting in a higher offer.”

Sophie turned her head to gaze at him.

“I feel terrible for having you, buying the house,” she indicated when another tear trickled down her cheek.

“Sophie, I have missed ten years of your life, a grandson, and I would’ve helped you with your first home anyway. So don’t mention it again. I will help you get the furniture and any equipment we need for Kacey. I want the best for you and until we have signed the contract for the house you will come and stay with me, no questions,” he informed her full of determination.