Innocence of Love

Innocence of Love

Holly J. Gill

Contemporary Romance

Published by Holly J. Gill

Published by Holly J. Gill

Contemporary Romance

Innocence of Love

Copyright © 2016 Holly J. Gill

E-book ISBN
:
9781311945792

Cover design by Dawné Dominique

Edited by Colleen McSpirit

Proofread by Amanda Ward

All cover art and logo copyright © 2016 by Holly J. Gill

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED:
This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission.

All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

PUBLISHER

Holly J. Gill  January 2016

This book comes as part of a series, not recommended to read alone

Dedication

Firstly I am going to thank the most precious people in my life, my family. They allow me to lock myself in my room and do what I am so passionate about, writing.

I would like to thank my supportive fans, readers, bloggers and friends for supporting me and buying my books.

I wish to send a massive thank you to Colleen my editor and beta reader Amanda for being there at the end of my e-mails and helping me where you can, without you guy’s I’d be stuffed.

Hugs to all! xx

Innocence of Love

Holly J. Gill

Copyright © 2016

Chapter One

‘I never make promises I don’t keep!’

It had been a tough telling her parents about Sebastian. How she’d watched their reaction, shocked, stunned, mortified to be told they have a grandson who’s nine. Sophie had so much emotion and guilt racing around her mind and body. She was sure she was on a roller-coaster that had somehow became faster and harder to jump off. Yet, there had been a great sense of relief, finally her secret was out. The truth about her son, her and Calvin’s son was out and public. Therefore, she could talk about the one precious person who’d she’d hidden away for all those years. It had been one hell of a journey. The emotions, pain and heartbreak, giving great comfort to the fact her news had been shared.

The chronic stomach wrenching cramps she’d suffered since discovering expecting her son, trying to cope, mentally and physically with all sub-conscious, telling her to do this and that. Only in her dreams and in her heart did she wish the circumstances had been different. How she’d dreamed endless nights about keeping Sabastian, and how she’d have coped. Would she have coped? Would her life been any better? The truth to be honest, she had no idea and what ifs weren’t going to take away the trauma of the past ten years.

She had to accept life had been dull, painful, and full of regrets, but now…now her secret was out and she could finally, find some warmth in her heart, knowing she wasn’t the only one to suffer anymore. 

The years she’d craved to scream out and tell the world about her son, locate the young man who’d created such a beautiful baby with. How she should have told her mum the truth and stood her ground and not allowed her mum to control her.

Sophie inhaled a deep breath, tousling with her long hair wishing she’d done so many things differently, however what was the point in thinking that way? The past was the past and she took the road she had.   

Her hormones weren’t helping in the slightest, temperamental, crying at the slightest thing. She worried about Kacey, longing for her daughter to get well and fast, so they could lead a normal life together, share those precious moments she’d missed fatally with Sabastian,

Time hadn’t been easy on her heart aware of all the trouble she’d caused to so many innocent lives, their anguish of finding out Calvin had become a father all those years ago, without the knowledge. The shock, devastation he’d missed out on so much of his child growing up. He had much to consider. Both their parents discovering they’d all been made grandparents many years ago. She wondered how much more her heart could take, before she exploded into tiny pieces.

Uncomfortable after the caesarean section, suffering great pain, annoyed by her restricted movements, being told what she could and could not do, the list was endless. The consultant now said she could have a bath and start doing a few light exercises; however, Sophie worried she’d tear the wound open, so opted for the shower.

Now delighted she’d been discharged from the restrictions of the hospital ward, she could finally re-gain her independence and do what she pleased while being beside her daughter’s incubator. She could come and go as she pleased from the neonatal unit, only she knew she wouldn’t leave her daughter’s side for long periods of time. Her daughter was her world and staying by her side was vital to her.

Although what she found frustrating was having her parents around making her feel suffocated. At times she resented her family being with her, after spending years defending herself, being alone, having no-one to talk to, help, or guide her and now in a matter of weeks, she had it all back, invading her life, it became all too weird for her.

Kacey was improving slowly in neonatal pleasing her, although Sophie had learned it would be a slow process. Sophie knew they would be spending weeks if not months or so living in the neonatal ward, did she care? No. All she wanted was to have her daughter fit, healthy and driving her crazy. It upset her to have so many restrictions to her own little flesh and blood.

Her accommodation was basic, a double bed, wardrobe, chest of draws, TV with drinking facilities. In all honesty, she was hardly in the room as most of the time she would be with Kacey or expressing the best medicine on the planet, her milk. There was nothing to even consider when the nurse suggested her own milk, it would be her way of contributing to Kacey getting her little bundle on the road to recovery.

The machines, beeped, and hummed while lights flashed. It was daunting, but after a few days it became the norm. The staff supported her, some more than others to have her involved and do what she could.

Her mum and dad she’d left in the sitting room. Sophie knew they had much to talk about over the news she’d just dropped on them and how they needed to come to terms with the fact she carried on with her pregnancy ten years ago. They needed to know, no, they had to know, nothing for negotiation. The truth had to be told, regardless of their reactions. She had been annoyed at the way her mum started lecturing her about Calvin and how she believed he was going to hurt her
. What business is it of hers? It isn’t, I’m a grown up woman, twenty-six and have learned more about life in the last ten years than Mum will ever learn…of the real world.
She didn’t say what she did too be nasty, well, maybe a little, the fact Calvin had told his parents it would have only be a matter of time before her parents were told or heard gossip. Hell, Sophie had learned hearing information second hand was never any good and she’d rather it came from her.

Sabastian.

Her…no…her and Calvin’s son, whom she’d walked away from when he’d been only three months old. Sabastian her little boy she’d given up for adoption. Yes, riddled with guilt. She had done what had been right at the time, whether people agreed with her or not, the decision had been made. No matter how hard it had been for her she did what was right for Sabastian, his safety had to be put first. It had broken her heart to leave him with Caroline and Mike. The terrible feeling of walking away from the house, knowing her baby boy was about to be brought up by another couple, killed her. A large part of her died that day! She had done the right thing, no matter what anybody thought or said. There wasn’t a single day that went by where she hadn’t thought about him.

The emptiness she suffered when the only items she had on a daily basis to keep hold of had gone. The thought while she’d been sleeping in an alleyway, someone had helped themselves to her only processions. That bag held her life inside all Sabastian’s cards, photographs, and drawings she had secretly admired wishing she had always been there to witness his every move, but the fact remind she didn’t and had to accept that.

The horror on her mum’s face when she told her about Sabastian. The way she’d watched her jaw drop and her eyes widen, had been a sheer sight of disbelief. Sophie had felt mean for out-bursting the way she had, but…her parents had to know the truth now there was nothing to hide, other than one…her feelings for Calvin.

Calvin her guardian angel. The first man in the world who’d taken the time to listen to her, gave her the chance to talk while he listened. She would never forget how he had rescued her, coaxed her down from the bridge when she had been in a bad place, there was nothing left for her. Therefore she’d decided to go to extreme measures to end it, until her hero showed up. Only for them both to discover who one another was from their past, making their past come back to life. The shock of finding out he’d fathered her first born child. She couldn’t believe and didn’t want to believe. How could their paths have crossed under such circumstances? The reality of her horrid past was out staring her in the face, after all the years of suffering the selfish pain. There was no reverse button, no chance of taking back the terrible word abortion.

If she had realised who Calvin had been, the word
abortion
would never have been mentioned, a word she wouldn’t and doesn’t choose wisely, nevertheless, the fact remained, what her mum tried to force her to do all those years ago in dragging her to the clinic without her agreeing, only added further confliction. Only Sophie, couldn’t and wouldn’t follow the procedure through, and that act reflected on her future. She lied, she had no choice.

Sophie deeply ashamed of what she’d done, wishing she had been stronger at the time, telling her mum she never wanted the abortion, but she’d been terrified of her reaction, and hadn’t felt worthy of anyone and that was why she travelled the path she had, nothing to be proud off and nothing to make her feel happy, no security, the feel to be needed and certainly was not loved by anyone.

Sophie thought back to the wonderful day her and Calvin shared in the Dales. Never had she felt so relaxed, only the following day tragedy struck and hit them both brutally.

The fact events unfolded with Calvin, and they soon found out who one another was, and then, hoped to somehow to tell Calvin the truth about their son, only fate took over resulting her to end up in hospital being operated on and her daughter born.

Only with what happened somehow brought Calvin and Sophie closer together. She trusted him with her life. He made her feel human, cared for, special and welcome. She had thought his face seemed, or at least appeared familiar, however she just couldn’t put her finger on him. Once she’d sussed out who he was! The heartache and unpleasantness unfolded, or more to the point the truth. She could not get over the fact he had been simply minding his own business, visiting his parents for a holiday and somehow they had managed to bump into one another. She never even thought about the land she had walked on, all she cared about was finding a spot for her to jump.

Why had they found one another? Had fate taken over their lives and led them right into one another? She had no idea. What she had learned she had become faced with truth her biggest fear, the fact about her past and how their paths came back to life which had haunted her.

Whenever, Calvin appeared her heart skipped many beats. In fact, she found herself frozen and drawn into his compassion. She warmed to him, wanting him to be with her constantly. Somehow her heart sung and danced whenever he was about, not only was he the most sincere, caring, warm-natured young man she had ever come across, he made her feel self-worth, unfortunately there were issues, big issues at that.

All those years she had pushed all her problems to the back of her brain. She’d tried her best to hold herself together. She was emotionally strong at times burying her pain and heartache. Yet now, she was exposed and broken down. Telling Calvin the truth about Sabastian she hoped in his heart he’d forgive her, but knew he needed time. Time to get his head around what he had heard, to reflect, and gather his composure. He meant so much to her, aware she’d caused him so much pain. The storm hit them both like a tornado, sending their world into a whirlwind.

Sophie blamed her parents for wrapping her in cotton wool and never allowing her to be a typical teenager, going to parties, hanging out with friends, attending sleepovers, having days shopping— just generally being a teenager. Instead she’d been in her bedroom studying. It drove her crazy listening to the girls at school. Her parents sent her to an all-girls school, no boys. Her life deprived. She hated the way the girls talked about wild parties meeting boys and having sex. How, she wished she could’ve joined them, but living in the English countryside in the middle of nowhere, she had no chance, and not only that, but her parents would soon catch her and drag her back into the house.

Then came that fatal night ten years ago. The very night that changed her life forever. She had received an invitation to a party at the hall. Sophie’s parents were close to the family whose son’s birthday it was, they got together for many local events, meals at pub, local functions, the village was small and everyone knew everyone. Therefore, she guessed she would be okay attending the party at the hall a few miles out the village. The son at the hall was a few years older than her, but their contact or seeing one another never happened, not that she tried to see him, she’d been far too busy doing what her mother wanted her to do, study.

Sophie, you have to study hard to get anywhere in the world. Look at me and your father, its taken years to get where we are and I still have much to achieve. Nothing comes knocking at the door you have to peruse and get the motivation. It’s important you study now and get all your qualifications.
Sophie rolled her eyes many times, fed-up of hearing the same lecture over and over again.

She never bothered mentioning to her parents about the party, deciding to be daring for once in her life and sneak out the house. She placed pillows in her bed, pretending she was snuggled in her bed like a good girl, just in case her mum checked on her. At the time she felt naughty, but on the hind side liked the thrill of getting out and being young. Sophie arranged a taxi to pick her up around the corner from her house. She sensed the driver had a clue what she’d been up to, teenager sneaking out the house, meeting her around the corner…who wouldn’t guess?

Once dropped off she walked onto the land of the hall, the heat of the summer’s day still apparent, sticky and humid. She made her way down the driveway toward the hall hearing the music bellow out. This was the very night her and Calvin had sex— made love in the barn and they created a life, their son. Only when asking her mum for help, the help she gave made her stomach swirl, taking her to a clinic to abort.