Innocence of Love (19 page)

“You have done a wonderful job of raising him, thank you,” Sophie admitted while tears filled her eyes.

“Hey.” Caroline wrapped her arm around her shoulder comforting her.

“Sorry I think it’s all the hormones raging around inside me, I never know if to laugh or cry,” she muttered.

“Understandable, you have been through so much recently. Cannot be easy for you! I think you have done very well, and keep holding your head high. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through with Kacey being in here. Must be a nightmare?” Caroline noted. Sophie saw Mike stood alongside Sabastian peering in the incubator.

“Thanks, it has been tough, and I am not sleeping very well either which doesn’t help. I am feeding Kacey and needing to express every three hours it’s tough going, but worth it to see her progressing so well,” she added.

“Well, I hold my hands up to you for being so brave.” Sophie needed to leave that conversation before she ended up blubbering again making a scene of herself. She was sure it was her hormones playing up, lack of sleep and all the crap she had endured the last few weeks. Just when things appeared to be looking up, she gets shot down again. When would the pain leave her alone? When would she finally be happy and have a stable life? All her secrets were out, one standing before her, playing with his sister. She was exposed, there was nothing else to emerge.

She moved to stand closer to her son, just to see them both together made her heart bleed, wondering if she had made the biggest mistake of her life regarding Sabastian. She’d buried Sabastian deep into her thoughts, at least tried too, but the truth she surfaced all the time struggling some days to get through.

However, there was nothing escaping the fact the truth was out Calvin and her parents, they all know about her son, and now, she stared at her flesh and blood feeling hurt that Calvin wasn’t here to see him.

While she stared at Sabastian, she sensed a severe gut feeling, something disturbing her, an unexplained ache in the pit of her stomach. Her body shivering, stinging, her heart stopped and then, someone caught the corner of her right eye. She froze. Then slowly she turned her head to the right and stood holding a large box was Calvin. His eyes were on Sabastian. Frozen like a statue betting he had sussed out who the boy was, after she had mentioned the family visiting earlier.

His eyes wide-open eyed directly at Sabastian. Sophie could feel his anguish. The shock. Bile filled her throat when suddenly Calvin raced off heading through the double doors to the accommodation.

“Caroline, would you excuse me for a few minutes?”

“Of course, who was he?”

“Sabastian’s father,” she told her.

Caroline sucked in a deep breath. Sophie glanced at Mike seeing him gazing at her.

“Will he be okay? Sabastian has agreed to meet him.”

“Really?” she said, stunned.

“Yes, he has always known we are not his natural parents and it wasn’t long ago he was asking who his dad was. He knew his mum, but not his dad.”

“Oh…” she said.

Sophie turned her head to glance at her son, not believing what a grown up young man he was.

“I’ll go and check on him, clearly he’s in shock of seeing his son.”

“Gosh yes…the poor thing.”

“How about we head outside in ten minutes and he can properly meet Sabastian, and give us time to talk to him, and give the right introduction?”

“Yes, that sounds perfect.”

****

Broken, not believing who he’d just seen, his son. The boy couldn’t have been anyone else, his son, nine, dark hair slim build, he only saw him from the back, enough to work out he was Sabastian. He recalled Sophie had mentioned earlier that the family would be visiting he guessed they kept to their word. Only problem was, he walked in, bringing with him cream cakes to try and sweet-talk Sophie. He really hoped she would forgive him, after earlier and give him a chance to explain the truth.

Hidden out of the way, sobbing in a corner not believing his flesh and blood had been so close to him, yet here he was out the way feeling sorry for him. The pain in his chest was unreal. Never had he felt anything like it in his entire life. His son, the very boy he had no idea existed until a few weeks ago, now they were in the same vicinity. How could he approach the boy he felt so strong about since finding out the truth that Sophie hadn’t got the abortion, but instead gave him up for adoption?

He tried his best to hold it together. The truth was he struggled. He had thought about the day that he would meet his son, but not like this, it wasn’t right, it felt wrong. He had no idea what would be the best option, the truth was his heart killed unsure he could allow his son to walk away without being aware he was his dad. It was him that contributed to her egg and made that special boy, their boy.

He curled up in a corner of the family room sobbing, destroyed, unsure where or how to act. His heart battered and bruised, his mind flipping over and over again about the situation. He had no idea how to handle the moment. He had no idea if to go out and introduce himself to Sabastian or leave it be, either way the result would kill his breaking heart. Shaken up, bile filled his throat.

“Calvin.” He knew it was Sophie.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” she anguished.

He huddled into a ball his hands covering his head, not wishing to move, unable to move due to the pain. The anguish, he knew it would hurt, but what he experienced was alarming.

“Calvin…Sabastian wants to meet you,” Sophie voiced.

He snorted. Calvin lifted up his head, unable to see her face. He wiped the tears away “What?”

“He wants to meet you and in ten minutes. Go to the bathroom and sort yourself out,” she told him harsh.

“What about us?” He needed to ask her due to earlier events.

“What about us? Go and get yourself cleaned up and meet your son, before he changes his mind, he is a cool kid,” she added.

“And they don’t mind?”

Sophie stared punitive at him. He snorted hard using the back of his hand to wipe his nose.

“It’s about Sabastian. He knows I am his mum and apparently asked the question a few weeks ago about his dad. You have an opportunity to meet him, are you going or not?” she said cruelly.

He could see there was a massive situation with them.

“Yes, I’m going. I wouldn’t dare not,” he stipulated. He found the strength to stand. Sophie stepped to the side to avoid any form of contact with him. “I guess you’re still mad at me?”

She mumbled under her breath.

Seeing her arms folded, he guessed she was one annoyed woman, in all honestly she had every right. The way it had sounded when Tim opened his mouth would be enough to make any woman walk away. He sensed that no matter what he said, Sophie would resent him. He stood, gawking at her wishing she would hear him out. However, she was one annoyed woman and had a hard, stone face, aware it wasn’t the right time to try and amend the damage that had been caused.

“What he said was not true…”

“Don’t patronise me, Calvin.”

“I’m not, I care about you…I…” The words were on his tongue when she…

“But we went to the barn, unless you manipulated other girls in before or after me.”

“No,” he shouted. “I would never do that. My God what do you take me for?”

She cocked her head to the side. “Then I was the girl you took to the barn and fucked and stole her virginity,” she screamed at him, pointing her finger into his chest making him step backward to avoid contact. “How dare you boast? How dare you make me feel like a worthless piece of shit,” she scowled using both hands to push him backwards.

“It wasn’t like that, I swear to you,” he explained when she pushed him again. “Please, Sophie, I never gloated about anything. I remember getting drunk at the party after you had left, but I never said anything.”

“If you were drunk, then how the hell do you remember?” She growled throwing daggers at him, her eyes bulging out her sockets.

He could see how cross and pained she was, yet it made his heart bleed.

“I swear to you…please hear me out,” he begged needing her to hear the truth, what he could remember.

“No…you have a son waiting to meet you. A pathetic excuse for a father,” she snarled. She brushed passed him, almost knocking him off his feet. She was angry and with every reason, but there were always two sides to a story.

“Sophie, please,” he yelled chasing her down the corridor. She disappeared into her room slamming the door in his face, almost hitting his nose. “Please you’re not being fair. I just need to tell you the truth. Why are you being so stubborn? I have tried my best to support you all I could in the last few weeks.”

The door opened. Her glare vicious and nostrils flared. “And I bet you fucking regret every second. Now get fucking ready or I will send them home,” she shouted. She slammed the door in his face.

Calvin feared it was a war he wasn’t going to win, no matter what.  

Chapter Ten

He washed his face and towel dried it. He inhaled a few deep breaths, nervous to say the least to meet his son, yet keen to see if he looked like him from the front. His heart beat fast, faster than a speeding tornado approaching, only he wasn’t sure if he was on the road to destruction or not, or whether it would be the best thing for him. He only hoped it wouldn’t play on his conscience, whatever he decided.

His heart pumped fiercely inside his chest, needing to try and calm down before he blew up. The truth was he was scared, no worse, unstable in every way possible. He hoped his son was what he imagined him to be, would he even make a patch on Mike? He could see just from looking at his son how well dressed he was. He just prayed he was a happy soul and didn’t resent him, what happens if Sabastian doesn’t like him and calls him many nasty names?

His heart was in bits trying to decide what to do for the best. Riddled with guilt would not be good enough, wanting to be perfect, but they had never met before, neither one knew what to expect. He swallowed hard, hoping whatever the outcome of today was, he’d be rest assured, his son’s well and happy.

Heart jumping about in his chest, his stomach somersaulting, needing to make the right decision, but had no idea what the answer would be. Since meeting Sophie his life had been tipped upside down, on a rollercoaster that wasn’t showing signs of slowing down. He led a normal, boring life before meeting Sophie, nothing troubled him, nothing played with his heart when bang, like a bomb, his life immediately was torn upside down and spun around in circles.

What he did know was standing here in front of the mirror, splashing cold water over his face, wasn’t helping anything. He needed to pull his act together and sort himself out. His son wanted to meet him,

“Come on, Calvin, sort your sorry ass out and meet him. You might not get another opportunity. Just please, son, don’t hate me,” he prayed. His eyes filled with tears once again. “Stop it, Calvin, be a man,” he told himself, needing to get a grip of the situation and to stop being full of pathetic self-pity.

He dried his face and without further hesitation, opened the bathroom door seeing Sophie leaning against the wall not looking impressed, her eyes narrow.

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” he answered even though his stomach tightened. He craved to ask her tonnes of questions, but with the mood she was in, his answers would be a glare. He could understand her hostility toward him, and how she jumped to the conclusion, that he messed up. The truth was he couldn’t remember if he gloated or not, certain he hadn’t, aware of how special she had been, especially, taking her virginity from her.

Either way, she wasn’t going to accept any excuses right now and needed that time to calm down. The question was how long did he give her?

He followed Sophie out the accommodation. They walked out the main double doors out the unit, not a word was spoken. His guts ached to the fact he would soon meet his flesh and blood, his son, the boy he created, who he had no idea until a few weeks ago was even on the planet. How was he meant to handle the moment without crying and showing his emotion toward the boy?

He was punctured with guilt, to the fact he hadn’t been here earlier for his son; however, he had no idea he existed, surely that was Sophie’s fault she knew where his parents lived. He was being petty now, he needed to stop those thoughts. Emotions were flooding in, he hoping he could handle all the pain.

They made it out the building and headed toward the garden. He stopped before the building exposed him. He inhaled a deep breath. He composed himself. He sucked in a deep breath to take the vital steps to almost confront his flesh and blood. He saw the family standing as Sabastian stood playing on an iPad. The couple turned to look at him. His guts swirled around in agony. Bile filled his throat. He had to take the next few steps and hold himself together hoped he didn’t collapse to the floor.

This was his moment. His time to meet his son.

He watched the women. He could not remember her name, reaching to Sabastian kneeling before him.

His head went blank, his lungs had stopped functioning, his heart…he wasn’t even sure it was beating at all.

The boy turned to look at Calvin. His throat became choked, hitching his breath his eyes filled with tears. His son was his spit, he had his hair, eyes, nose, ears, and even his body build— tall and well proportioned. He gulped heavily. Sabastian looked at him mystified. Calvin had no idea what was his next move or how to proceed. His body had become lifeless. He saw Sophie in the corner of his right eye. He glanced at her. He stared at the parents as they waited for him to make a move. Sabastian stepped forward, moving closer to him.

Sabastian stood before him. “Hello, sir,” he announced holding his hand out to take a handshake.

Calvin gulped severely forcing the bile down his throat. He took hold of his hand to hold a firm handshake with Sabastian. They shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you, sir. Is it true you’re my dad?”

He choked up again, needing to man-up, without acting like a fool. Unsure he could answer his son’s question, but he had too after all Sabastian had been brave enough to make the first move, clearly a very confident young man.

“Yes, I’m your dad,” he replied, unsure how he managed to get the words out.

“What is your name?”

“Calvin, Calvin Edwards. How are you?” he had to ask being the first question that came to his mind.

“I am very good, sir,” he acknowledged, releasing his hand from Calvin. “I live in York, where do you live?”

“London,” that was all he could manage with his heart going mental inside his chest.

“I have visited London, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, do you see them all the time?” Sabastian asked.

Calvin smiled. His started relaxing somewhat, but still riddled with nerves. “No, unfortunately not. I have to work.”

“What do you do?” Sabastian asked, swinging his body from side-to side, his hands behind his back.

“I work in real estate, where I buy houses and make them look nice and then sell them to make lots of money.”

“Oh…are you rich then?” Sabastian inquired.

Calvin scoffed. “I wish. No, I just buy more houses and make them look nice and sell them. Do you attend school?” he gulped, relaxing more, knowing that the ice had been broken certain Sabastian wasn’t going to get nasty with him.

“I do. I attend a really nice school and have lots of friends. I like playing sports, and take part in the school football club, but I’m not good at football. I like running and hoping to take part in the districts when I’m older. I like leaning lots of things, English, maths, science I like making things and art.”

“Wow, you like many things that is good.”

“Did you go to the bigger schools?” Sabastian asked.

“I went to university, and then moved to London, to manage my father’s business,” he explained.

“Wow, that is cool. Do you work with your dad?”

“Sort of. He lives up here in York and I call him lots and we see each other at many meetings,” he stated, wanting to be honest with his son, not that he had anything to hide.

“We’re going on holiday soon to Florida, have you been there?”

“No, no I haven’t but would like to. I have been to Spain, Malta, Italy, Maldives, and New York,” he told him, as Sabastian gazed up at him.

“I would love to go to New York, but Mum says it’s not for children. When I am older she might take me.” He sighed.

“It’s an amazing place to visit, you’d love it there, plenty for a young man like yourself to see and do you will love it, Broadway…Central Park, museums, loads of things.”

“
Start spreading the news, we’re leaving today… I want to be a part of it New York, New York
,” Sabastian sung. Calvin couldn’t help but laugh. “What music do you like?”

“I like loads. I don’t have a favourite group. Do you?”

“No, I like all kinds too, But Little Mix, are really good and…” He moved closer to Calvin sensing he had something quiet to say. “Pretty hot.” He chuckled.

Calvin burst out laughing. “They are pretty,” he agreed.

“When do you go back to London?”

“Tomorrow, have to be back in the office for Monday morning or someone will kick my bottom,” he mocked.

Sabastian laughed. “When you come to York next, please tell me and we could go out for tea,” Sabastian suggested turning to his parents to make sure that was okay.

“Of course, that would be lovely,” his mum responded. Calvin glanced at Sophie, observing her stood with her arms folded sucking a lemon.

“Yes, you must come with Mummy,” Sabastian mentioned full of enthusiasm.

Calvin again glanced at Sophie, he could tell she wasn’t impressed with the conversation.

“Sure. I am sure we could arrange something,” she finally answered.

“Well, we had better get going, Sabastian,” his mum stated.

“Okay. It was nice meeting you, Dad.” He smiled, holding his hand out to take another firm handshake. He took hold of his hand and they shook once again. Sabastian then let go and turned to Sophie.

“Mummy, can you give Kacey a big cuddle and kiss from me?” he heartedly spoke whilst he made his way to her. They embraced in a big cuddle. He watched her kiss him on the cheek.

“Of course I will.” She smiled holding their son tightly, he could tell they had a close connection.

“Love you, Mum,” Sabastian chirped.

“Not half as much as I love you.”

“Shucks, Mum, you always say that.”

“Then one day you will learn,” she mocked reaching for his tummy to tickle. The smile on her face blew him away.

Mike approached Calvin. They shook hands and grinned at one another. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Caroline then came across to him and kissed one another on the cheek. “Thank you, I can see you doing a remarkable job.”

“Thank you, and you’re welcome. I’m sure we’ll cross paths again soon.”

Calvin smiled unsure if her comment would be true or not. The truth was he had no idea about his future plans and now things were pretty screwed up with Sophie, he sensed his trips up north would be far between.

He watched them all walk away, delighted with the outcome. It was very clear Sabastian was being well looked after by his adopted parents, clean, well dressed, good attitude, he just wished had had the opportunity all those years ago to bring him up. Sabastian turned around and smiled at him. Calvin grinned hoping his son liked him. He believed the meeting went well, but then he had no idea what a kid really thought, or how they think.

Once the family had gone he turned to Sophie. Her eyes collided with his.

She approached him full of anger. “Now that is done you can get on the A1 and leave,” she hissed shrugging passed him.

He watched her walk away without glancing back. It was established she hated him, totally clear where he now stood.

He inhaled a deep breath deciding it was time for him to head back to his car, there was no point in him arguing with her or trying to compromise, she needed time to calm down. He would give her that time.

****

Sophie went back to the neonatal unit her heart aching. Delighted Sabastian took to Calvin so well, at least he appeared to at first sight, but it was early days. She just hoped he’d done the right thing in climbing into his car and leaving York. She struggled, suffering massively with a strange empty feeling, aware he was gone and she wouldn’t see him again. Then would the connection with Sabastian keep them seeing one another? Sophie hoped not, she had enough to deal with without Calvin popping in and out when he wanted too.

She sat with Kacey on her lap, enjoying every precious moment. She stared at the garment Sabastian brought for her, finding it so cute and lovely, he really thought a great deal of his little sister.

Once fed and Kacey was back in her incubator she went to her accommodation to reflect on the day wondering whether her life was just made to be full of hell, people taking advantage of her. She wondered if she deserved anyone in her life, whether she was worth anything on the planet. She had a heart and cared more than people suspected. Yes, she had learned to become tough over the years and, or was that she gave up trying to be nice and ended up a bitch. Everything, reflects on a person’s life about who they hurt or how the effects would impact on their future.

She sat on the bed, holding her head in her hands, wishing they hadn’t dumped into Tim and said what he had. She had been having a good time, for the first time in a long time enjoying his company and thinking about telling him the truth about how she felt.

Unsure, what to think, debating Tim had saved her from the biggest mistake of her life or was he being malicious, jealous even? Calvin had a good life and wasn’t stuck in a rut? More questions loomed around her head. Did he really care? Was he only with her through guilt? Did he use her since her announcing the truth about Sabastian, to hang around and meet him? Was he really a nice guy, or had it all been for show? Sick and tired of feeling that way, annoyed someone was out to hurt her all the time. Did no-one have anything else better to do with their boring lives? Why must everyone pick on her and turn her life into a horror?