In the Shadows (The Blaisdell Chronicles) (10 page)

When I saw Nathan, anything beautiful I’d remembered about Jonathan vanished. His aloofness and violence towards Alex painfully reminded me that the Jonathan I’d once loved hadn’t returned. Something had consumed his soul.

Rain had poured for most of Friday night and into the early hours of Saturday morning, battering noisily against the windowpanes, but this wasn’t the cause for my lack of sleep. Now the rain turned to drizzle, but the grey clouds were darkening again; a warning there was more to come. Mum’s fifth call from downstairs for me to get up was just the start.

Mum and Derek stared at me during breakfast whilst I ate my cereal. I tried to ignore it, but their glances had gotten me agitated.

“Why do you keep looking at me?”

“I’m not looking at you,” Mum said casually, her tone belying her words.

I raised an eyebrow.

She briefly hesitated. “It’s just that I was tidying your bedroom yesterday and I found something. Well,
two
things actually.”

“What?”

Mum didn’t answer and looked at Derek. He cleared his throat and placed his cup of coffee down. “Letters from your father.”

“You didn’t tell us!” Mum said in a rush. “Why didn’t you mention th
is the
second
you received them?”

I stared at my empty bowl, trying to avoid her glare. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big—?” Mum’s mascara was now watery, slipping away from her eyes.

She was holding her body tightly, her features paper white in direct contrast to her old t-shirt and jeans. She was in denial about what he’d done, mumbling to herself through her tears. At first, when I tried to talk to her, she didn’t seem to notice me, but once I’d shaken her, she suddenly knew who I was. Now she was panicking, and looking for a way out before it was too late.

“You don’t understand, Lucy. Have you forgotten what happened? He could have—”

Derek touched Mum’s shoulder. She began to sniff her tears back. “Calm yourself, love. The second letter showed Lucy didn’t meet him.”

“I know,” she blinked, turning back towards me. “I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything, though.”

I flinched at her accusatory tone. “How could I? I knew you’d be upset.”

I abruptly rose, trying to end the conversation there and then.

Derek rose to stop me. “Lucy, wait. We want you to know how proud of you we are.”

“Proud?”

The phone began to ring in the hallway, and after a moment Derek went to answer it. It could be work, after all. 

“For getting a job, going out and making friends,” said Mum. “It’s having such a positive impact on your life. You don’t seem to be talking much in your sleep anymore. We want to reward you. Christmas is coming up. Would you like to learn how to drive?”

Last year
, Derek had offered to take me out on his private land for driving lessons, believing it might help me get my licence quicker when I turned seventeen. But it had been another occasion I’d coolly rebuffed his offer, that time announcing my
Dad
would teach me himself, even though I knew he wouldn’t. Now a year later, Mum was the one making the offer, and life with Derek was a little more settled, even though I still didn’t want him to be my father. I almost hugged her, but wondered if she was actually rewarding me for not seeing Roger.

Derek reappeared with the phone. “It’s for you, Lucy.”

I grabbed the phone and ran upstairs into my bedroom, eager to escape Mum and Derek’s curious stares.

“Hello?”

“Lucy, it’s Alex. Please don’t hang up.”

I sat by the window, staring out at Nathan’s house, the BMW still parked on the driveway. Now that I’d slept on it, I’d had a chance to reflect on what had happened. I didn’t want to believe Nathan’s monster still existed. I’d hoped and prayed the Jonathan I’d fallen for still lived within him. But to my disappointment, the monster had just been dormant; waiting for the moment he could come out again. I knew he could hurt me. But would he? I shook my fears aside, trying to see only Jonathan’s kindness.

“Lucy, are you still there?”

I blew out a long sigh. “What do you want?”

“I need to see you.”

“I
don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
    “Please, Lucy. I’ll tell you everything. Just...let me see you.”

Pain tightened in my chest. Would I regret hearing what Alex had to say?

The journey in Alex’s Mazda was awkward. He didn’t speak, except to thank me for coming, and the only noise after that was from the rock music
blaring on the stereo.              I was grateful for this, as I had no idea what to say.

Alex pulled up by a gate to a large field. Confusion swamped me. Why bring me here during winter, when it would probably rain, or worse still, snow? We both stepped out. The air wasn’t warm, but not as cold as I’d anticipated. Alex went to the boot and pulled out a picnic basket and a duffle bag, with a rolled up blanket sticking out the top.

I followed him past the gate and up a dew-soaked grassy hill. We came to a rocky area, the loose pebbles crunching under our feet. Eventually, we came to the woods, but we carried on. After passing a large oak tree, he stopped in a clearing. There was something about this area that was so familiar…

Alex dropped the picnic basket and bag with a thud. I held my breath, as I drank in my surroundings. A gentle rush of water made me turn to see a small stream running alongside a cottage to my left and disappearing further behind the tall trees. I moved to the cottage and paused, holding out my hand. Moss and lichens peppered the crumbling, damp
stonewalls. I wanted to look through the window, but it had been bricked up. My fingers traced over them, until they reached the door, where intricate swirling patterns could be seen, trying to peek from under the moss. Overhead, I saw a griffin’s head, which, although weathered, had survived better. The fresh morning dew dripped from its open jaw. There was something about this whole place that had the hairs on my neck standing on end.

Alex crouched over the grass, checking for damp spots, and when satisfied, spread out the large blanket and pulled out the contents of the picnic basket. There were cold cuts of chicken, Brie, asparagus sticks,
ham and cheese sandwiches, strawberry scones and a bottle of champagne, kept chilled with damp paper. Alex ignored my raised eyebrow and gestured for me to help myself. Sitting alongside him, I picked up a sandwich.

“How long have you lived in Briggstow?” he asked, biting into a scone.

“All of my life, but not always in the same house. You?”

“I’m from Sulis.”

Sulis?

“Yeah. Beautiful place, isn’t it? The architecture there is fabulous. The Roman Baths and the Assembly Rooms are impressive. The streets are still mainly Georgian, although you do have to ignore the modern day traffic and shops.”

I closed my eyes, picturing horse drawn carriages and ladies dressed in bonnets strolling down the cobbled streets with their husbands or chaperones, pausing to look into shop windows, eyeing the latest gown to arrive from France, or the delicious ices in Hunters.

“I haven’t been to Sulis,” I admitted, “but it sounds wonderful.”

“I’ve always lived there. To be honest, Briggstow pales in comparison, as most of its Georgian history is forgotten. I’d have never left Sulis, had it not have been for my father’s death.”

I wanted to show my sympathy, but my hand was unwilling to move from my lap.

“I’m sorry you lost your father, especially so young.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m not a child, Lucy. Of course I’ll miss him; he was my father. But I know it’s time to grow up. My life has been a little
colourful
, shall we say. Dad wasn’t happy, but he had no room to talk.”

Alex inhaled sharply, turning to face me.

“In a way, I’m grateful I left Sulis. I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.”

He came closer, so close I could smell the strawberries on his breath from the scones, so sweet, cool and refreshing. His aftershave under his clothes, so alluring, yet the temptation wasn’t enough to persuade me to do anything about it. And there was that niggle again. I reminded myself why I came.

“You were going to tell me about Nathan.”

Alex stared at me for a few moments. He eased back, but only slightly.
Suddenly, his hands were in the air, palms facing towards me.

“It’s true.
I’m guilty as charged.”

My brow furrowed in thought. “You are?”

He pressed on. “We were fighting; I won’t deny it. Partly because of you, but there are other reasons.”

“What reasons?”

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Nathan is my half brother. We share the same father, and although he and I were nothing but kind towards him, Nathan has always hated us.”

Intrigued, I shuffled round to face him.
“But, why?”

“
I’m not certain, but I think he hated my father staying with my mother. Even though it was his mother who instigated the affair, and I think she wanted him to be with her. My Mum was heartbroken when she found out, and I thought my parents might get a divorce. She lived alone for a long time. I didn’t want their marriage to end over some silly woman who had convinced herself he loved her too.”

He swallowed hard.

“But they didn’t reconcile, and she passed away some years ago. Earlier this year, Dad fell ill. He died six months ago. I came to Briggstow, as it was here he’d died. After employing your stepfather, we looked at Dad’s will. Nathan was allowed some of the inheritance, but it wasn’t enough for him. I’m twenty-one, just a year older than Nathan. I didn’t want to be immature. I tried to establish some sort of relationship with him, but he shuts me out. You saw what happened at the coffee house the other day?”

I nodded.

“He’s noticed how I feel about you. I guess he wants to take everything that matters to me. He came to the gym last night. I’d hoped he finally saw reason, but he warned me to stay away from you. I admit I was a little childish in allowing him to goad me, but I’d had enough of his behaviour. You saw what happened after that.”

I certainly did. I knew Jonathan was capable of being brutal, and it looked like his rage
still lingered within Nathan. Alex opened the champagne bottle, the cork firing into the grass reminding me of a gunshot. I shuddered as I closed my eyes in memory.

I fire my pistol again, and shoot the Frenchman in his leg, watching him collapse to the
blood stained ground. He struggles to stand, and when he sees me coming, tries to prepare his rifle, but I punch him hard in the head, sending him spiralling. I take my knife and plunge it deep into his stomach.

“I’m only having a little since I’m driving. Perhaps you would like some? It looks like you could do with it.”

I held the champagne glass in my hand, staring at the yellow liquid.

“Should we discuss something else?” Alex went on. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“I live with my Mum and stepfather, who you know. My Dad, well, he’s not in my life anymore.”

Alex leaned casually on the blanket, his head propped up on his arm. “So we have something in common. We’re both apart from a parent and know of loss.”

I shook my head, placing the glass to the side. “I’m not sad that Roger isn’t in my life.”

“One day, perhaps, you’ll feel differently.
He is your father, after all.”

“You sound like Jen.”

Either he hadn’t heard, or he was ignoring me. His fingers found mine. I swallowed hard. They began tracing the veins on the back of my hand, up my arm and over my scarfed neck. I met his gaze, trying to gauge his next move.

“
Oh, Lucy. It feels like I’ve known you forever,” he breathed.

Nervously, I picked up a stick of asparagus and began to chew. Alex grinned, whispering in a low undertone. “Do you know asparagus is supposed to be an aphrodisiac?”

I almost choked on the piece I’d started to swallow. He laughed, watching me hurl the rest away, but it was clear he wasn’t finished. I watched him in confusion, his face coming closer. Something didn’t feel right, almost as if we’d been here before.

“Alex—”

“What is it, baby?” His face came alongside my neck, inhaling my scent.
“
God, you’re so beautifu
l
. I’ve always thought so.”

“
Wh-what are you doing?”

“What
you
want. What we
both
want,” he answered, his lips touching my neck.

‘
Don’t do this,
’
came Nathan’s voice inside my head
.
‘Please, Lucy.
’
But I was too curious to stop. I wanted to know why Alex had this hold over me. I closed my eyes, and felt his lips on mine; waiting for the moment I’d find comfort. He paused, and did it again, this time more firmly. I tried relaxing and willed myself to feel the sparks and heat from my kisses with Jonathan, but inside, I was dead. The person my heart desired wasn’t here. Alex’s hand gave my thigh a firm squeeze, and a low guttural sound came from his throat. I felt as if I was betraying Nathan and myself. This wasn’t right. I couldn’t let him carry on. I had to get out of here.