In the Heart of Forever (12 page)

Chapter 15

The cold set of eyes weren’t directed at me personally. They were from years of pain and hardship over what happened to his sister and family, it’s like they were now permanently icy.

“Rave?”

His mouth was set in a grim line.

I walked back to the bed and yawned.

A click from the door to the apartment, locked, clicking in place. My heart jumped.

I turned my head to Rave and saw him watching me. He was leaning against the door, arms crossed under his chest, looking at me through hooded eyes.

My throat went dry at his heated gaze. Ignoring the way he was looking at me, I crawled under the covers.

He took a deep breath and kicked off his shoes, pulling off his t-shirt at the same time. He was slim, with well-defined muscles for someone so young. He definitely worked out and with his brother being huge; I had bet that they worked out together.

Butterflies flew around in my stomach, when he pulled off his jeans, revealing plaid boxers.

I hugged the covers around myself and turned towards the wall.

Oh God, this was not good.

My body hummed for him. All of these different emotions battled inside me. I didn’t know how to react to them.

A moment later, the large bed, dipped with extra weight. Warm arms wrapped around me, hugging me tight against a hard body. It felt good in his arms. I wanted to lie like this forever. I was safe, secure. Surrounded by someone who cared for me. Rave didn’t say it in so many words but his actions told all.

I could feel the scratchy hair of his legs, rubbing against my smooth ones, tickling me. This felt…normal almost.

My body was tense, I couldn’t relax. I knew it was my idea to spend the night with him but now, this felt too close. It was too tempting. I wasn’t that experienced and with Rave kissing me plenty of times, my body reacted to him in a way I never knew was possible.

“I won’t hurt you Jesse,” he said into my hair, his hot breath scorching my skin.

Tingles shot through my body, goose pimples erupting on my skin. “Rave,” I whispered.

“Shhh…just sleep.”

My cheeks heated. I grabbed his hand and wrapped it tighter around me, kissing it before closing my eyes. I pushed against him and gasped.

“Jesse, you keep doing that and I won’t be able to control myself.”

I smiled to myself, a giggle escaping my lips.

“You think that’s funny do you?” he teased, kissing my shoulder. “Get some sleep. Doctor’s orders.”

I laughed and curled the blanket around us both. Knowing that Rave would be there when I woke up in the morning, set the panic and fear that had made permanent residence in my belly for the last two years, simmer a touch. I felt calm for once in my life.

***

I woke the next morning to birds chirping outside my window. Rave’s warm body was pressed up against mine and I smiled. Oh if Allan could see this now. He would flip out. A part of me was terrified at being caught with Rave in my room again but then I remembered that I wasn’t at home. I was at Rave’s. My heart fluttered.

I giggled to myself.

“Now that’s a nice sound to wake up to,” Rave said his voice husky with sleep.

My face went red hot at his compliment.

His hand that was wrapped around me, roamed down my side, stopping at my hip.

My breath caught when he kissed my neck. “Rave.”

The hand moved up my body, fingers grazing under the hem of my shirt.

My skin buzzed with anticipation and my heart beat fast against my chest. I needed to take things slow but with Rave, that seemed to be damn near impossible. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for more but maybe, just a little something to ease the ache. I needed that…I didn’t know what I needed but I needed…a taste.

Rave’s hot tongue, slowly licked up the side of my neck, his lips closing and kissing in its path.

“Rave,” I breathed, pressing into him. I gasped. He may have been young but he was very much a man in some areas and I couldn’t shake the feeling of needing him right then.

I turned onto my back and grabbed his face, staring intently into his eyes.

A hint of mischief flashed in his gaze. He pulled me under him, covered my mouth again and ground his hips against me.

I ran my hands down his back, kneading and massaging his muscular flesh.

He pushed his hand up under my tank top and grazed his fingers over my breast. He released my mouth and trailed kisses along my jaw and down my neck. I arched under him when he lifted my shirt, the cool air washing over my skin. “You’re so beautiful.”

My cheeks heated and I gasped when his wet mouth covered my nipple. The velvet of his tongue ran over the budding peak, making me melt under him.

He groaned and released me, leaving a path of kisses to my belly button. He ran his hand down my hip and rested his head against my stomach.

I curled my fingers in his hair and tried calming my racing heart. “Rave?”

“I just…need a moment,” his voice came out deep and husky.

I giggled.

He turned his head, kissed my stomach and looked up at me. “Are you laughing at me?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“I think you are.” He blew a raspberry on my belly and I busted out laughing. Squirming and wiggling under him.

He chuckled and kissed back up my body to my lips. “I love kissing you, Jesse.”

I smiled and ran my fingers down the stubble on his jaw. “I love being kissed by you. We should get ready for school.”

He nodded and then kissed me softly on the lips. He placed his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes, leaning into it. He sighed, kissing me on the forehead before releasing me completely.

I rose from the bed and stretched when warm arms wrapped around my middle. Rave spun me in his arms. He pinched my chin, softly running his lips over mine.

My tongue peaked out between my lips, licking the fullness of his mouth.

A small growl came from the back of his throat, as his tongue shoved its way in between my lips, caressing my mouth.

My body burned with an aching desire as our mouths moved together. Running my fingers through the back of his hair, I pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss.

He pushed into me and backed us up until I hit the bookshelf. Releasing my mouth, he trailed kisses along my jawline down to my neck.

I lifted my chin, giving him better access as I ran my hands down his back.

His body was hard, pressing against me and it set my blood burning, knowing that I did this to him. I made him feel this way.

Soft hands travelled up my back, under my tank top. In our quick attempt at leaving Allan’s this morning, I had forgotten to put on a bra. At that moment, I was thankful for that. I wanted to continue what was happening in my room that morning.

A hand slowly moved to my ass, squeezing lightly, pulling me hard against him.

I moaned, reveling in the feel of Rave’s strong hands on my body. I fisted his shirt in my hands, pulling it up over his head. I wanted to feel him. He threw the shirt behind him and quickly covered my mouth again.

Our tongues danced and dueled. All of our pent up frustration, desire and affection for each other pouring into the kiss.

I ran my hands down his back and felt his muscles move, swimming with strength.

His hand moved to my belly and travelled up to my breast, slowly covering it.

I pushed into his hand as my nipple hardened under his touch. I wanted him. I wanted to feel him everywhere. To lose myself in him. I was ready. “Rave,” I breathed against his lips.

His thumb ran over my nipple, igniting a spark deep within me. He removed his hand from under my shirt and lifted me, wrapping my legs around his hips.

He walked us over to his bed and laid me down, with him on top of me. Placing a soft kiss on my lips, he rested his head in the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry.”

I frowned. “What for?”

“For wanting you so badly,” he said quietly.

My stomach flip flopped. “Make love to me.”

His body tensed at my request. Lifting his head, he looked down at me and kissed my nose. “I don’t think we should yet.”

Rave’s eyes were dark with lust and I knew he wanted to but I could tell he felt it was too soon. “Please. I’m ready. I need to feel you. All of you.”

I held his face in both hands and brought his lips down to mine, wrapping my legs tighter around his hips.

He groaned as he kissed me back.

I arched my hips, brushing over him and he gasped. His head shot up and he rose to his knees, his breathing ragged. “Jesse, I…God…”

I looked up at him.

His chest rose and fell with each bated breath.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

His green eyes flicked to mine. “You are so beautiful.”

My cheeks warmed. I pushed him off of me and hopped off of the bed. I pulled off my shirt and shimmied out of my pants, leaving me standing naked before him.

His eyes roamed down my body. “Jesse…wow…I…”

I smiled and walked into his embrace. “Make love to me.”

His hands ran up my back and he kissed my belly. “I can’t.”

My heart sunk and a moment of embarrassment took over as I felt shame for practically throwing myself at him. I removed myself from him. I angrily grabbed my clothes and quickly put them back on.

Warm arms wrapped around me as tears of frustration ran down my cheeks. “I feel a need to protect you. It’s a feeling so deep, I can’t control it. It’s like it takes over my soul.”

My breath caught at his words.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t think that I don’t want you because trust me, I do but I think it’s too soon. With everything that’s going on with Allan…I just want it to be perfect for you. I know we’re young but I…” His voice was thick with emotion.

“From the first day I saw you, when you walked into Mr. Deel’s History class, I instantly crushed on you,” I confessed.

His eyes brightened. “Really?”

“Oh yeah.”

He chuckled. Grabbing my wrist, he placed a soft kiss on my tattoo. “I’m sorry.”

My heart warmed. “No, I’m sorry. I feel stupid.”

“Hey.” He spun me in his arms and lifted my chin. “You are not stupid.”

My cheeks heated. “Clearly you don’t want that from me so I feel…”

“Really Jesse?” Rave grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch. “I don’t want you?”

My eyes widened at the feel of him under my hand. “Okay…well…”

He placed a hard kiss on my lips. “I want to make love to you when we have more time and not have to rush and go to school after.”

“Oh…” My heart fluttered. That made sense. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight. “I understand.”

“Good. Now, wanna go steady?”

I laughed. His corny question erupted a belly laugh from deep within me, settling years of heartache.

He joined me in my laughter while kissing me. “So, what do you say?”

My laughter quieted at his question. I ran a hand over the scruffiness of his jaw and placed a kiss on his lips. “I would love to go steady with you.”

The affection swimming in his eyes, sent my blood soaring. He placed another kiss on my lips and released me. “Now lets get ready for school before I change my mind.”

I smiled. Good thing, I wasn’t the only one affected. “I blame you.”

His eye brow rose. “Me?”

“Yeah. It’s those kisses of yours. They make me feel like ice cream on a hot summer day.” I told him.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed onto the waistband of his sweatpants, making his nostrils flare. I pulled him against me and wrapped my arms around his neck. “They’re meltingly hot kisses.”

He smiled, linking his arms around my back. “My kisses make you melt?”

I licked my lips. “Can’t you tell?”

Hunger flashed in his eyes. “Good to know.”

Rave let me get ready for school first. Taking my time in his small shower, I let the hot water run over my skin.

Chapter 16

I had a boyfriend. “Boyfriend,” I said out loud, testing the term on my tongue. It felt nice to say. He was my first. My first everything so far.

It’s all your fault. Everything is your fault.

“Oh God.” My stomach churned and I fell to my knees. My heart picked up speed, beating hard against my chest. Images of Allan beating me, soared through my mind. No. Don’t think about him. Don’t let him ruin your moment of happiness.

“Jesse?” Rave called my name, knocking on the door lightly.

A sob escaped my lips as I curled into myself. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I rocked back and forth as the horrible memories of him punching me, kicking me, slapping me…when would they stop? When would I forget? The pain, the terror that coursed through my no body…

“Jesse.”

When I didn’t answer, the door slowly opened.

Squeezing my eyes shut, the tears rolled down my cheeks. Rave deserved someone better than me. Someone who wasn’t broken. All of these different thoughts rang through my head. I wanted to stay with Rave but I wanted him to be happy. Was he really happy with me? Our relationship just became official and I was thinking of breaking it off with him already.

The water stopped running and I looked up at Rave. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, my nakedness not even fazing him. He picked me up in his arms, holding me to him and carried me to his bed.

I shivered in the cool air, my teeth chattering.

“What happened in there, Jesse?” He pulled a blanket over us and rubbed my arms, trying to warm me up.

I bit my bottom lip but didn’t answer him. I moved to stand but he held onto me.

“Talk to me,” he said firmly.

“I can’t.” I mumbled, trying to stand again. “I don’t know what to say. I freaked out.”

“Jesse.”

“Let go of me, please.” I pulled his hands off of me but he held on.

“It’s not your fault,” he whispered in my ear.

Those words stopped me in my attempt at escaping his grasp. I turned back to him and frowned. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s not your fault, Jesse.” He repeated and kissed my shoulder. “What he did, it’s not your fucking fault so don’t believe whatever lies he put into your head.”