In the Heart of Forever (7 page)

Six months, Jesse. Six months.

Six months and I would be eighteen and graduated. If things kept going the way they were, I might be gone sooner than that.

Guilt ate away at my soul as my thoughts went directly to my mother. They always did every time I thought of leaving the city. I needed to leave but I needed to be here for her more. Even though I couldn’t visit her…God…my breath hitched.

Allan never even told me where she was. I knew she was in the hospital but it was in a different city.

I pulled my shirt on over my head when my phone dinged, letting me know I had a text. I dug it out of my bag, instantly turning it on silent.

My eyes glanced at the doorway but all I heard was silence and breathed a sigh of relief.

I headed to my bed and crawled in between the warm cotton of the comforter and sheets, pressing the keypad of the small cell phone. The screen turned to life, lighting up around me. I had one new text from Jake.

Text me
.

I rolled my eyes just as another text came in.

I no ur mad
.

I huffed and typed up a quick message. Yes. I am. I pressed send and reached over the side of the bed for my bag.

I turned on my lamp on the end table beside me and went back to searching through my bag.

I pulled out my headphones, the notebook Rave had scribbled his name and number in, catching my eye. I grabbed the book out of the bag and sat up, opening it, flipping through them until I found Rave’s number.

I typed up a quick text.
Hi. It’s Jesse.

My thumb hovered over the send key. I bit my lip and pressed the button. He obviously wanted me to text him or else he wouldn’t have given me his phone number.

Jake’s text messages kept coming through but I ignored them. I wasn’t in the mood for his apologies. He shouldn’t have said what he did in the first place.

A text notification appeared on the small screen. My heart leapt in my chest.

Hi there.

I smiled at Rave’s response. It was short and sweet.

How r u?
I pressed send, my heart beating in anticipation.

Good. U?
He was quick with his answer.

Several different replies came to my head. Did I want to be honest or lie? What if I gave away too much? What did I want to tell him? My phone rang, startling me. Rave was calling me. He was calling me? My heart sped up, my blood pounding in my ears. I pressed the talk button. “Hello?”

“Hello, Jesse,” His deep smooth voice, way too mature for a teenager, washed over me.

“Hi. Why…” I was going to ask him why he called but thought better of it since it sounded kind of rude.

“Why did I call you?”

“Well I was going to ask that but then I thought it would be rude. Not that I didn’t want you to call me…I just…” I was rambling and it made my cheeks heat more.

He chuckled lightly. “I called you to ask if you’re alright.”

I frowned. “How did you know something was wrong?”

There was a beat before he replied. “I had a feeling.”

“Well…ok…I’m fine though. Thank you for asking.” How did he know? No one knew what happened with Allan. Jake knew he was an asshole but nothing else. No one knew that he beat me. My heart sped up, quickening my breathing.

“Jesse?”

“I…oh God…” My head spun out of control. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs contracted and burned at the lack of air. My throat felt raw as I gasped in breath after breath.

“Jesse.”

“Rave…I…can’t…breathe…” Cold sweat coated my forehead and ran down my back.

My fingers gripped the phone as white spots danced in my vision.

“Breathe with me…deep even breaths, Jesse.” His voice was calm and collected but I couldn’t concentrate.

I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and leaned over. “Rave…please…” I didn’t know what I was asking him. For help maybe? But what could he do? Like me, he was only a teenager. But something pulled me to him. I trusted him. Needed him to be there for me and be patient with me.

“Jesse,” Rave’s voice came out stern, snapping me from my inner turmoil.

“Rave…I…” Hot tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t keep going through this. This pain, this heartache. God, I missed my mom. I had to see her.

“Breath with me, Jesse. Breathe damn it.”

A sob escaped my lips. "I'm sorry."

He sighed. "Don't apologize. Are you alright?"

I took another deep breath, calming my racing heart. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. I want to see you."

My skin heated, remembering our intense kiss from earlier. "I want to see you too but..."

"But what?"

"Rave, I..." I fiddled with the metal rings on my notebook, not really knowing what I wanted to tell him or even ask him.

“What the hell’s going on in there?” a bang sounded on my door, making me jump.

“Who’s that?” Rave asked.

“Why did you lock this door? Let me in, brat.”

Oh God, I hope Rave couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“Jesse, what’s going on?” Rave asked, his voice angry.

“I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow,” I hung up the phone, ignoring his protests.

“Who are you talking to? It better not be that boy,” Allan yelled, banging on the door.

Maybe if I ignored him, he would go away but the banging continued. It was so loud it sounded like he was trying to break the door down.

I grabbed my earphones and plugged them into my phone, searching through my playlist for the loudest and fastest song I had. After finding one, I pressed play, turned the volume up all the way and put my ear buds in my ears. And I screamed. I screamed as Allan finally broke the door open. I screamed as he came charging at me.

As he approached me, the look on his face was priceless. Like he thought I was losing my mind. Maybe I was. I didn’t know. I continued to scream until my throat burned and felt raw.

He stopped in front of my bed, considered what to do next and then flung himself at me. He shook me, grabbing my wrists but I continued to scream. He back handed me.

But a power came over me as I continued to scream with all my might. The sound came out huskier and huskier as I tried to get it out. My voice hurt but I still screamed at the top of my lungs as best as I—

Hands tightened around my neck, squeezing, drowning me in pain.

My screams turned muffled as the hands gripped my neck, choking me. I gasped for air, my mouth opening and closing, but no air would come in. I couldn’t breathe. Oh God. Allan was going to kill me.

He released his grip, knowing if he left noticeable marks on me, someone would call the police on him.

"Keep screaming little girl. No one will come for you. You know who I am. Remember that."

Chapter 9

My body stirred to the sound of birds chirping. I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. I sighed wishing just once I could wake up somewhere else.

Allan didn’t squeeze the life from me. He wanted to though. The dark cold hatred in his eyes would be permanently etched into my mind.

I rolled over when a sharp pain erupted behind my ribs. My throat pulsed, making me wince. Clearing my throat didn’t help either.

I grabbed my clothes and went into the washroom, locking the door behind me. My body felt heavy and my muscles ached. I looked at my reflection in the mirror…Oh God…I looked like I died. In a haste, I pulled my shirt up over my head and saw fading shadows coating my skin. If someone saw these bruises, they would know instantly what caused them. My lower ribs jutted out, showcasing my bony frame.

My muscles quivered. Allan was smart when it came to hitting me. He was an alcoholic and he was high up on the food chain in a law firm. I didn’t know how that was possible. He was a lawyer and had everyone convinced he was a good guy. I scoffed. If they only knew.

Not even bothering to take a shower, I quickly got dressed, grabbed my bag and ran out of my room. I heard Allan move around in his room as I neared the bottom of the long staircase.

“Girl!”

I didn’t even wait to find out what he wanted. I ran out of the house and hitched my bag up higher on my shoulder, breathing a sigh of relief. After a couple of minutes of walking faster than normal, I slowed down my walk. Allan wouldn’t chase me.

I pulled out my phone and went to place an ear bud in my ear as a black car drove up beside me. I jumped at the loud rumble and stopped walking. My heart sped up when I realized it was Rave. The car stopped and I opened the door.

Rave didn’t say anything as I slid into the seat beside him. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles.

We drove on in silence, heading for school. His hands gripped the wheel. He wanted to ask me. Tension rolled off of him in waves.

I couldn’t tell him that my step father beat me. My throat closed up, no words formed on my tongue. Even if he asked me, what would I say? Allan blamed me for everything. Was it all my fault? Oh God…my heart beat loud in my ears and my breathing labored. My palms became sweaty, cold chills running down my back. “Rave…”

I couldn’t breathe.

Rave pulled the car over. “Jesse. Breathe.”

“I…I can’t…” Tears streamed down my face, my lungs burning with lack of oxygen.

Rave grabbed my face in his hands and took a deep even breath. “Breathe with me, baby.”

I looked up into his deep green eyes, our faces inches apart. His term of endearment calmed my racing heart as I copied him.

“That’s it. Breathe…deep and even,” he inhaled slowly and placed a light kiss on my mouth.

I mirrored his breathing, grabbing onto his wrists and held on. Like he was my safety raft and I was holding on for dear life.

Something shifted in his eyes. A dark shadow crossed his features.

“Please…” I begged. “Don’t ask me. Just...kiss me, please...”

His jaw tensed and then he covered my mouth. The kiss was slow. Hot.

I pulled at him, gripping his shirt. Wanting to feel him. I never wanted something so bad in my life.

"Jesse."

"Don't. Just kiss me," I breathed against his mouth. I licked my way in between his lips, pulling a deep groan from him.

He released me a moment later. "God, Jesse. You're gonna kill me."

"I love the way you make me feel."

He smirked. "I love the way you make me feel but in my car is not a good place to continue this."

I nodded in agreement and sighed. As much as I wanted to keep going, I didn't want my first time being in a car. My first time. I never thought I would actually meet someone I wanted to lose my virginity to. I closed my eyes as his soft warm lips touched my forehead.

“You need to talk—”

My eyes snapped open. “No, don’t tell me what I need. Please."

He looked down at me, concern filling his eyes. "Jesse..."

I pushed him away, releasing myself from his grasp. “Don’t look at me that way. Please. I can’t deal if you look at me with pity too.”

“Jesse,” his voice filled with sympathy…not pity but it still hurt. He wasn’t supposed to feel sorry for me. He was supposed to like me for me. Not because I was broken and he wanted to fix me.

“Just take me to school. I’ll be out of your life and you won’t have to worry about me anymore,” I said, looking out the window.

“Jesse, damn it,” he snapped, punching the steering wheel.

I jumped.

"Don't push me away. Please."

I turned to him. The pleading in his voice breaking my heart. "I can't talk about it."

“I know something's going on,” he confessed.

“Really? Wow. And here I thought I was miserable for nothing," I snapped not really understanding what had come over me.

His eyes flicked to mine, anger filling the beautiful green depths. “Lay off the sarcasm, Jesse.”

I held back an eye roll and met his stare head on. “Why did you approach me in the library originally? Did you feel sorry for me, Rave?”

“Not everyone feels sorry for you, Jesse,” he bit out.

Wow, that was harsh. “You don’t have to be an asshole, Rave.”

He huffed. “I approached you because I thought you were cute. I wanted to get to know you.”

I didn’t believe him and this time, I let myself roll my eyes.

He sighed, turned back around and started up his car again. “You scared me last night when you hung up on me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

“Stop apologizing!” He yelled. “You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not your fucking fault.”

Tears welled in my eyes. “Yes, it is. Everything is all my fault.”

His nostrils flared with anger. “Is that what he told you? That it’s your fault?” his eyes darkened, turning deadly.

A lump formed in my throat and I looked away, not answering his question.

“Answer me, Jesse,” he demanded.

I crossed my arms under my chest, ignoring him.

“Answer. Me,” his voice lowered, turning cold.

I angrily wiped the tears away and that’s when I realized I forgot my glasses on my dresser, making me cry harder. God, how dumb was I?

“Jesse,” Rave placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” I shoved out of his grip.

“Answer me. Did he tell you it was your fault?”

I didn’t respond.

“Did he tell you that you deserve it?” he asked, his voice filling with malice.

“Fuck you, Rave,” I gasped at my outburst, slapping a hand over my mouth.

Shock etched his features.

My cheeks heated. I hardly swore but I hated being backed into a corner. “Rave, I’m so sorry.”

His jaw clenched and unclenched. His deep green eyes bored into mine.

“Just drive me to school please and I understand if you never want to speak to me again,” I whispered. God, I was such an idiot.

Rave pulled out onto the street. His eyes glued to the road before him. His jaw was in a hard line, the muscles flexing in his temple.

My throat closed up. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, I packed up my things and reached for the handle when a warm hand cupped the back of my neck.

I turned to Rave.

He reached out and brushed his fingers down my cheek, rubbing a thumb over my bottom lip. Before I had a chance to process, he leaned down and covered my mouth with his. The feeling of his lips on mine again was becoming familiar. I needed it. He released me and kissed my forehead.