In the Heart of Forever (13 page)

Oh God. “Don’t. Don’t do this, please,” I begged. Hot tears burned my eyelids.

“Jesse.”

I pushed him. “Stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated again.

“God, stop it, Rave. Please. I…” I threw myself off of him, landing hard on the floor. Sobs racked my shoulders, leaving me in great heaps of agony. I curled over, gripping my stomach and cried. I cried with everything in me.

Warm arms wrapped around my body. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Rave, I…oh God…” I hiccupped as the sobs left my body, shaking me, rattling me to the very core.

“Let it out. Cry. Scream. Yell. Swear. Hit me even. I don’t care, but just don’t close up on me.”

I continued to cry. “He beats me.”

Rave growled and pulled me against him. “How often?”

I sniffed and wiped under my eyes. “Often enough but in places that no one sees.”

“Has he…”

When he didn’t finish his question, I cupped his cheek in my hand. “Has he…oh…”

Rave’s eyes flicked to mine.

“No. He hasn’t.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Jesse, I don’t know what I would do if I found out he did…do…”

Inner turmoil danced in Rave’s eyes like he was remembering something from his past. Oh God, what happened with his sister…I kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m so sorry.”

“If I ever hear of that fucker hurting you in that way, I will kill him.”

***

“If I ever hear of that fucker hurting you in that way, I will kill him.” The anger and fury in Rave’s eyes, made nervous flutters soar through my body. I prayed it never came to that but my heart swelled, knowing that he would protect me. “Rave?” I watched his thumb caress the back of my hand.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Thank you.” I looked out the window as we drove to school. Rave didn’t ask me about Allan again.

“What are you thanking me for?” he asked as we pulled up in front of the school.

I thought a moment. “Just…for being there for me. I know I’m a head case and you…”

“Jesse, you are not a fucking head case,” Rave snapped.

I flinched. “Well I know you’ve had a lot to deal with over the years and then you meet me…”

Rave grabbed my chin and placed a hard kiss on my lips. Melting under his touch, I opened my mouth, letting him in. Lifting his head from mine, my blood swam with pent up desire for him. “If I thought you were a head case, would I have asked you to be my girlfriend?” he asked me, running his thumb over my lips.

“Rave.”

“Would I?” he asked again.

“Well I don’t think so but…”

“And would I have told you things about myself and my family that I haven’t shared with anyone before?”

I huffed. “Rave, that’s different.”

He frowned. “How the hell is it different?”

“Cause I haven’t told you anything about myself,” I cried, my voice rising.

He countered. “You told me about your mom.”

I scoffed. “I didn’t tell you everything. Rave, God…you deserve so much better than me.”

His eyes darkened with anger. “Don’t you dare make that decision for me, Jesse.”

I chewed my bottom lip as guilt took over my thoughts. I was hurting him. What was wrong with me?

He searched my face. “You already have haven’t you?”

Tears welled in my eyes. “Rave, I’m doing this for you. I’m not worth it.”

He punched the dashboard. “Don’t. Just don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” I cried.

He turned to me. Anger and pain written all over his face. “You have no right making this decision for me. Let me be the one to decide if you’re worth it or not.”

“I can’t. I thought I was ready but I’m not.”

“Jesse, you are ready. You need me and I need you. We’re in this together, baby, don’t you see that? Didn’t you ever think that maybe I thought I wasn’t worth it?” He shook his head. “I’m so stupid.”

I grabbed onto his shirt. “No, you are not stupid. Don’t ever say that.”

His eyes snapped to mine, startling me. He was furious. His body shook with anger, sending fear rolling around in my stomach. “No? I’m not stupid? I opened up to you and you didn’t which is fine. I get it. But, I told you things, Jesse. I made myself vulnerable for you and what do you do? You shut me out.”

“Rave, please. I’m trying. Be patient with me. This is all new to me. I don’t…I don’t know how to deal. I’m so confused.” I covered my face with my hands and sobbed.

“I need you to let me in.” His voice softened.

My head snapped to his. “Why? Just let me go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Why?” he yelled.

I glared at him. “Yes, why?”

“I’ll tell you fucking why, Jesse.” He looked back out the window and a moment later, turned to me. Taking a deep breath, he let it out in a whoosh. “I’m falling in love with you.”

Chapter 17

I gasped, slapping my hand over my mouth. He was falling in love with me? Really? “Rave, you can’t be serious.”

His eyes darkened, going cold with anger. “I’m sick of you telling me how I feel. Jesse, I’m in love with you, alright?”

How? How could he possibly be in love with me and so soon? “I don’t believe you.”

He flinched, like I slapped him in the face. “Get out of my car.”

“Rave, I’m sorry but…”

“Get out of my. Fucking. Car.” His voice lowered.

I grabbed my things and opened the door. I paused and turned to him. He wasn’t looking at me. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything. I hope you can forgive me.”

His head slowly turned to mine. “I hope you can open up to me, Jesse. Until then, don’t call me. Don’t even text me.”

My voice broke on a sob. “Rave, why are you doing this?”

His eyebrows lowered. “Really? You’re asking me why? I just told you that I’m in love with you and you don’t believe me.”

“I told you I couldn’t rush into this. You knew that. We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks, Rave,” I explained. I was desperate for him to listen to me.

“And I told you that I would be patient but you keep telling me how to feel. I tell you that I’m in love with you and you look at me like I’m on crack. You don’t even believe me. I didn’t expect for you to feel the same way. Actually,” He laughed. “I would have been shocked if you told me that you were in love with me but for you to say that you don’t believe me? God, Jesse. You might as well have stabbed me, cause that’s how I feel.”

My eyes welled, tears running down my cheeks. I hurt him. Oh God, I didn’t mean to. I was so worried about him hurting me that I ended up doing the exact same thing to him instead. I was so confused. I closed the door, not leaving the car. “Rave, I’m so sorry. I…” I sighed.

“What are we going to do, Jesse?”

“What do you mean?” I sniffed.

“I’m in love with you, you don’t believe me, we both have stepfather issues and have broken pasts. Well, aren’t we a perfect match?” he bit out.

I reached for his hand, a little surprised that he allowed me to hold it. I turned his hand over and placed mine against his. Callouses marked his skin. My hand was so much smaller than his but they fit perfectly together.

A moment later, someone tapped on Rave’s window.

I jumped and looked up. My stomach dropped when I saw that it was Melanie. I kept my hand against Rave’s and curled my fingers in his, holding his hand tight against me. I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t meet his stare head on. Yes, my actions were probably confusing him but I couldn’t help it. On one hand, I wanted him. Wanted him with every fiber of my being but then, I didn’t because I felt that he deserved better than me. But I didn’t want Melanie to get her perfectly manicured claws into him either. He definitely deserved better than her.

He turned back to the window, slowly and rolled it down. “What do you want, Melanie?”

“Well good morning you two. Don’t you look cozy?” she said, cheerily, looking between the two of us.

God, I couldn’t stand her.

“What do you want?” I snapped.

“Well, isn’t that a loaded question?” she asked, looking at our joined hands and then back at Rave. Her eyes travelled up and down his body, making my stomach clench with jealousy.

Rave rolled his eyes. “Melanie.”

“Fine. I just wanted to tell you that my party has been moved to tonight. I think you should come. It’ll be fun,” she said, leaning against his door.

“And why would we want to do that?” Rave asked.

I moved closer to Rave, reveling in the fact that Melanie noticed. Without looking, he placed his arm across my lap.

Melanie watched and glared at me. “Because it’s going to be the party of the year and I think you and four eyes here…”

Rave punched the steering wheel. “Stop fucking calling her that. You want me to go to that party; you call her by her real name. You hear me?”

Melanie’s eyes widened and then her lips turned up in a smile. “Oh yeah, Rave. I definitely hear you.” And with that she turned, heading in the direction of the school.

“Are you seriously considering going to this party?” I asked him.

“I don’t know. Why do you care anyways?” he snarled.

“Rave, I…”

“Whatever.” He got out of the car and walked around to my door. His features were hard and he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw. Throwing open my door, he grabbed my bag.

I slid out of the car, tentatively standing in front of him.

He slammed the door closed, roughly grabbed my hand and pushed me up against the side of his car. Placing a hard kiss on my lips, he leaned into me.

I gasped at the feel of him and the very public display of affection.

Trailing kisses down my jaw to my ear, he grabbed the back of my neck. “You were begging me to make love to you this morning, remember? Now you tell me you don’t want to be with me. If I would have fucked you, would that have changed your mind?”

My stomach twisted at his crude words. “No. That’s not the reason why and I don’t want to leave you but I was considering leaving for you.”

“You don’t need to protect me, Jesse. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.” He gripped my hip and ground his pelvis into me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my body stirring at the feel of him against me.

He pinched my jaw and slammed his mouth down on mine. He shoved his tongue in between my lips, kissing the life out of me. A moment later, he released me. “Stop apologizing.” He stepped away from me and grabbed my hand. “Let’s go before I get charged with public indecency.”

My face heated and we walked to the entrance of the school in silence. Rave made a note of showing me and everyone else how pissed off he was. He stomped up the steps and growled at anyone who got in our way.

When we reached my locker, he stood closer to me than usual. Like he was protecting me. He handed me my bag and when our fingers touched, it set off the usual spark between us. His features softened a touch and the tension I felt before, simmered some. He cupped the back of my neck and placed a soft kiss on my head. “Come on. We’re going to be late.”

The second warning bell ringed as soon as he said that. He closed the locker door and I placed my hand in his, tugging it lightly. He looked down at me, his green eyes boring into mine.

We stood there and stared at each other for a moment. A couple seconds passed and then he placed a light kiss on my lips.

When he raised his head, I saw Melanie staring at us. Her jaw clenched, her back stiff as she sneered my way. My throat went dry. I had a feeling that if we did end up going to this party tonight, it would not end well.

***

After school, we stopped off at Rave’s apartment so he could change. He had convinced me to go to this party tonight. I didn’t want to.

“I don’t know why we’re going tonight.”

Rave sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “I don’t want us to go. I’d rather stay here with you.”

I frowned. “Then why are we going?”

“To get Melanie off of my ass.”

“Oh.” Jealousy soared through me, making my skin crawl. Something told me not to go to this stupid party but I would go for him if it meant that the Triple M’s would leave us alone. It’s the least I could do since causing him so much grief. I was actually surprised he still wanted anything to do with me.

“Will you please stop doubting me?”

I snapped out of my thoughts and frowned.

Rave was standing in front of his dresser, glaring at me as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

“I’m not doubting you,” I argued, trying to ignore the way his abs moved fluidly.

He rolled his eyes. “It’s one thing for you to not believe me when I tell you how I feel about you but don’t sit there and lie to me, Jesse.”

I huffed. How could he know so much about me already in the short time we’ve been together?

He walked up to me and placed a hard kiss on my lips. “You asked for me to be patient. I am. I’m still pissed that you don’t believe me when I tell you how I feel but fine, whatever. I’ll get over it.”

“Rave, I…”

“Shut up for a second,” he snapped.

My eyebrow rose.

“Jesse Dawson, I am falling in love with you whether you like it or not so you can suck it up and get over it.” He covered my mouth again, his kiss hard and fast. It was intense and left me breathless. He pushed me down onto his bed, his tongue penetrating my mouth. His kiss was angry and desperate and I reveled in it. Needed it.

I pulled and tugged at his shirt, running my hands down his chest. My fingers grazed his skin above the waist band of his jeans and smoothing my hands over his tight abs, I squeezed his waist, pulling him towards me.

He groaned against my mouth. He lifted his head and kissed my jaw.

I wrapped my legs around his hips and moaned at the hardness of him in between my legs.

“Oh God, Jesse.” He lightly bit my jaw, trailing kisses down my neck.

“I need you,” I panted.

His breath caught and then he covered my lips with his. Our tongues danced, searching, exploring each other’s mouths.

“Please, Rave.” God I wanted him. No, I needed him. I squeezed his hips with my thighs and wiggled under him.