In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (7 page)

I spent Monday just lounging around the apartment. I talked
to Sly for a few hours on Face Time, but I didn’t change out of my pajamas. I
spent the entire day watching some of my favorite movies and baking. I did talk
to Daddy briefly, but he seemed to want to get off the phone quickly. It was
nice to have a lazy day to myself. I was surprised that I didn’t hear from
Michelle or Gabbi since Saturday night, but it’s already Tuesday morning, so
it’s time to head back to work.

I’m sure we will be super busy since the lab was closed for
Labor Day, but that’s ok with me. I’d rather be busy. It makes the day go by a
lot faster. With my hair thrown up in its usual messy bun on top of my head and
my scrubs on, I make my way out of the locker room. The great thing about
wearing scrubs is, it feels like I’m still in my pajamas. I have my glasses on
again, and two pens stuck in my bun. Travis likes to pick on me, saying it’s my
“Sexy Librarian” look. I don’t see it, but whatever. I’m all about comfort at
work.

“What up, bitch?” I hear Gabbi’s high-pitched squeal as soon
as I walk through the doors. “Did you have fun with Mr. Sex On A Stick?”

Shit! I honestly hadn’t thought about Connor since breakfast
with Daddy on Sunday. My mind was too occupied with other things. Just hearing
the name Gabbi refers to him as has me remembering the feel and taste of his
lips on mine. Damnit! I can’t do this. I’m not going to see him again, so
what’s the point? “No, he took me home, and I haven’t heard from him. Guess I’m
not his type after all.”

Michelle and the rest of our coworkers saunter in. It seems
like everyone is dragging after the three-day weekend. “Nae-Nae! Why didn’t you
call me Sunday or yesterday? Stay in bed with Connor?” She smirks.

“No, she said the dumbass dropped her off then never called
her! The prick!” Gabbi answers for me reaching for the coffee she just brewed.

I get a sympathetic look from
Michelle, then I walk around her to start getting set up for our first case of
the day. I’m not in the mood to discuss things.

~

The first four hours of the day fly by. Before I know it,
it’s already lunch time. Michelle and I are walking out of the double doors
that lead into the hallway cracking up laughing at some of the stupid stuff
Travis was telling us about what his kids did to him this weekend when we see a
large bouquet of flowers and what looks like a giant gummy bear in cellophane
coming down the hall in the arms of a large man. We can’t see the person’s face
due to the way he is carrying the vase of multicolored roses, but tingles prick
my spine. This person seems almost familiar to me, then he lowers his arms,
showing his face. Holy shit!

“Sweetness, I was hoping I would surprise you, but seeing
you dressed like this is a surprise for me. Damn, baby.” Connor’s rich makes me
weak in the knees.

I look down at myself. My scrubs are wrinkled from being
under my lead apron, my hair is a mess, and I have on no makeup at all. I look
completely different than the previous three times he’s seen me. He must think
I look like a hot mess. “Uh, Connor, what are you doing here?” I manage to ask
once I get my wits back about me.

Michelle takes a defensive posture beside me. She’s not
happy that I don’t seem happy to see him. “What the fuck did you do that you
have to bring her flowers and candy for?” She says crossing her arms over her
chest tapping her foot.

Connor ignores Michelle, stepping closer to me. He sets the
giant gummy bear down on the stretcher in the hall then reaches out for my
hand. “How’s your knee? Does it still hurt?” He looks down at my leg then back
to my face searching for any sign I actually want him here, which I do,
desperately.

“I told you the other night, I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt
any more. It was just a little scrape.” My voice comes out a squeak. That was
so embarrassing Saturday night. I can’t believe I tripped, then when he was
trying to be sweet and help me up, I pushed him away and ran from him. He’s
only here to check to make sure I’m not hurt. Connor doesn’t really want to see
me again for any other reason.

I had completely forgotten Michelle was right there beside
me. “Excuse me? You hurt her?” she glares at Connor. I’d be afraid of her if I
was him, even though he is at least three times her size.

I grab Michelle’s arm as she takes a step towards Connor.
“Hold up, it’s nothing. I fell. That’s all.” I look her in the eyes to show her
that I really am fine. “Can you give me a few. I’ll meet you downstairs.” I ask
her.

She huffs out a breath then walks away. I know I’ll have to
fill her in on everything later. She won’t let this go. I look back to Connor
again. “I’m fine. Now, what are you doing here?”

“I really did want to make sure you were ok, and I wanted to
apologize for being a dick the other night. I shouldn’t have yanked you down
the alley like that. Marcus just pissed me off, and I took it out on you. I’m
sorry.” Connor looks at me apologetically. He really does look like he’s
worried I’m still upset about Saturday night. “You shut yourself off, and I
wasn’t sure what else to say to you. I wanted to give you some space. That’s
why I didn’t call.”

Well, that answers my next question. I was wondering if he
was so worried about me, why the hell didn’t he call? I look back to the roses
in his hand and the gummy bear on the stretcher. “I’ve never seen one that big
before.” I point over to the candy calling my name.

Connor’s deep laugh runs through me. What’s so funny?
Oh…that could have been taken an entirely different way than I intended it.
“Babe, you ain’t seen nothing yet!” He says seductively.

My cheeks burn furiously as I look down at my feet to hide
my face. This man has me so confused, and what’s worse, I feel frumpy in my
scrubs standing in front of him. I’ve never cared how I looked at work before,
but for some reason I’m feeling like I need to run and hide.

Connor sets the vase down on the stretcher also, then his
large hands are cupping my face, bringing my eyes up to meet his. I can’t look
away. His eyes are mesmerizing. They draw me in. “Lyane, do you want me to go?
Was it wrong for me to come here?”

I shake my head “no” because as much as my mind is telling
me to just make him leave, that it would be easier on me, my heart is telling
me that I am glad he sought me out.

“Good. I honest to God wanted to call you so bad Sunday or
yesterday, but I didn’t want to scare you off. Can I take you to lunch? How
long of a break do you get?” Connor’s hands are still cradling my face.

“I, uh, I only have about thirty or so minutes before I need
to get back to work. We can eat in the café downstairs. I’m sure you don’t want
to be seen with me looking like I do right now. I’m a mess.”

Connor takes a step closer to me, leaning down so his face
is just inches above mine. “Sweetness, you don’t know how sexy you look right
now, do you? For fuck’s sake, I’m hard right now just looking at you. I have
been since I first noticed that it was you with Michelle. Those scrubs are
better than any nurse fantasy I could have imagined. And these,” He takes one
of his hands and pushes my glasses up the bridge of my nose, “Damn, baby. It’s
all I can do not to lay you down on that bed over there.”

How does he do that? One minute he’s talking like the
sweetest man ever, the next he is oozing sex. The fact that I kind of love the
sex oozing talk worries me. I snap my mouth closed which was hanging open at
his blatant words. Also, the fact that I probably wouldn’t stop him from having
his way with me on that stretcher scares me to death.

Connor stands back up, takes my hand, then starts pulling me
with him. “Let’s put these up, then we’ll walk down for some lunch. Come on,
Sweetness.”

I show him to our break room to put the flowers and giant
gummy bear up. When I open the door, I’m met with three pairs of expectant eyes
wanting an answer to who the gorgeous man standing behind me is. Gabbi is
speechless, which never happens. Travis is staring at me with his fork paused
midair, and Joe, one of my other coworkers is looking beyond me to check out
Connor with lust in his eyes. Joe and I must have the same taste in men. “Hey
guys, I’m eating downstairs today. I’ll be back in a bit.” I say as I set my
stuff down, then I quickly shut the door behind me. I’m not in the mood for
introductions and besides, I’m sure Gabbi will fill in the other two on who my
“friend” is.

After going through the line in the café and taking a seat
in a corner booth, I finally speak to Connor again. “I thought you didn’t want
to see me anymore after the way I acted the other night.” I say between sips of
my tea. “I thought I had upset you. You were so pissed when we left Silver.”

“Not at all. Damnit, I’m always fucking things up.” Connor
shakes his head at me putting his sandwich back down on his plate. “Lynae, I
wasn’t pissed at you at all. Marcus just said something that made me mad, and I
lost my temper. I hate the way I dragged you out of there.”

“I’m not good with this type of thing.” I say pointing
between the two of us. “I haven’t been on a date in a very long time.” I sigh.
“Does Marcus have a problem with me?”

Connor’s eyes pin me to my seat. “I have a very hard time
believing that you don’t date. You’re fucking stunning. And to answer your
question, no, I think Marcus has an issue with me trying to be around you.”

Ok, so I’m totally confused. Marcus doesn’t know me at all,
so why would he be upset if Connor and I get to know each other. I think back
to what I heard Connor shout before we left Silver. He said something about
knowing I’m different.
 

When Connor can tell that I’m still befuddled, he continues.
“Look, Lynae, I’m usually an ass. I’m a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy, but
for some damn reason, all I want to do is protect you, from what, I have no
fucking clue. Marcus knows how I am, and I think he could see that you’re
different from my usual type. You actually have substance to you, and he was
just warning me not to hurt you.” He pauses, “And, you really remind him of
someone. I know that I should just go, and leave you alone, but I can’t.”

Wow. I hadn’t expected that. I guess I knew that Connor
wasn’t one to settle down, but I didn’t expect him to be so forthright with how
he usually is. He says he knows that he is no good for me, but he can’t leave
me alone. This thought makes my insides tumble and warm. I apparently have just
as much of a pull on him as he does me. I reach my hand out to take his that is
sitting on the table. All I can do is be honest with him. “Connor, I can’t
explain it, but I feel there is something different about you. I’ve never been
able to be comfortable around men, but when I’m with you, I feel safe.”

Connor looks down at our hands. It’s the first time I’ve
been the one to reach out and offer any kind of physical contact to him. The
look in his eyes when they come up to meet mine tell me that he can see that
this is a huge step for me. “Sweetness, I don’t know what happened, or why you
feel scared.” I try to open my mouth to tell him I’m not scared, even though it
would be a lie, but he interrupts me. “But I promise you, there is no reason to
feel that way with me. Like I told Marcus, I know you’re different. I know
we’ve known each other for what really adds up to only a few hours, but I feel
different when you’re around. I like it, and I want to keep that feeling.
Please forgive me for being a dick. I’d like to take you out again. This time
just us. No clubs, just us. I want to get to know you.”

If it weren’t for the table over my legs, I’m sure I would
be floating right out of the booth. Connor saying that he wants to get to know
me, even though he can sense my hesitancy makes me want to chip away at those
walls a little more. I do feel safe with him. He makes me feel like it’s ok to
be me. “I’d like that.” Then we finish our lunch making plans for him to take
me out to dinner tonight, then maybe just watch a movie. He wants a quiet
evening without any distractions.

Dodging questions left and right from everyone in the lab
wasn’t easy. Gabbi tried to talk me into letting her come over to do my hair
and makeup again for my date tonight with Connor, but I managed to talk her out
of it. Michelle still seemed a little pissed at him for “letting me fall”
Saturday night. I don’t think she really believes that I fell. I have a
suspicion that she thinks he did something to me. Travis was nosey as ever. His
views were that if it were his daughter, it would take more then candy and
flowers to make up for not calling. I quickly told him that not only does he
not have a daughter, but it was none of his business. Joe seemed to be the only
one who thought a quiet evening was a good idea, but I think he was thinking of
other ways to spend the evening instead of watching a movie.

I ended up texting Connor asking if it would be ok to just
order takeout and stay in. I felt like staying on my own turf would help ease
my nerves, and this would give us time to really talk. He agreed and offered to
pick up a few calzones from one of his favorite pizza parlors on his way over
tonight. He actually should be here in few more minutes.
 
I shower and change clothes when I get home,
but I leave my glasses on. Instead of drying my hair, I let it dry naturally in
loose waves. I want to go for comfort, and let him see me for who I am. If that
isn’t enough, then so be it.

The knock on the door startles me from my musings even
though I am expecting him. Connor was still in the same clothes I saw him in at
the hospital. Loose fitting jeans with a few rips in just the right places and
a fitted forest green t-shirt that really brings out the color of his eyes. It
should be illegal for anyone to look that good in just jeans and a shirt. It
has to be that smirk he seems to always have when I am caught just staring at
him, and that damn dimple that makes me want to stand on my tiptoes and lick
it.

“I brought a cheesecake too. I recall you enjoyed the one we
had the other night rather well. This one is an amaretto one. I hope you like
it.” Connor glides past me into the kitchen to set the food down on the
counter. It looks like he brought a bottle of wine too.

My cheeks flame at the reminder of my reaction to the
cheesecake on Saturday. Well, more so the words he said to me, about him
wanting me to make those sounds when he was making me feel as good as the
cheesecake did. “Thanks. Let me get some plates. Do you want to eat in here?
Or, we could eat in the living room. I don’t mind.” I’d much rather relax on
the couch or the living room floor. It was a long afternoon at work, and I
would love to sit on the nice fluffy cushions instead of the kitchen chairs.

“That sounds fantastic. Here, let me help.”

I pull two plates down from the cabinet, then show Connor
where the wine glasses and corkscrew are for him to pour the wine. He’s kicked
off his shoes and is padding around my apartment in just his socks. For some
reason, this sight is incredibly sexy to me. He looks so at ease in my space.
We head into the living room with me curling up in the corner of the couch and
Connor settling on floor in front of me. His back is leaning against my knees.

Dinner is delicious. The calzones he brought are the best I
have ever had. They have just the right amount of ricotta cheese and a great
marinara dipping sauce too. Connor keeps trying to be funny by continuously
pulling it away form me so I have to reach over his shoulder to get to it. It
feels so easy and relaxed.

Our conversation covers the basic get to know you topics. We
talk about Daddy moving out here with me when I started college so he wasn’t
alone since Momma was gone, a little more about my friendship with Sly. He
notices more of my pictures in the living room, and he is curious about if Sly
and I ever dated. Connor also asks about how long Michelle, Gabbi and I have
been friends. He says that he loves that I have such close friends locally
since he can tell how much I obviously miss Sly being close to me. I learn that
he and Wade are actually cousins, so that explains the family resemblance, and
that he formed Shameful Regret his senior year in high school, still with all
four original members. Connor is Sly’s age, so he is three years older than me.
Connor also told me that he doesn’t have a relationship with his parents. That
subject seems a little touchy, so I don’t pry.

“I’ll just set these in the sink. Are you ready for dessert
or do you want to wait a bit?” Connor asks taking our dishes into the kitchen.
Throughout the meal he hasn’t let me get off the couch. He fills my water and
wine glasses for me when I need more, and now he’s clearing away our mess.

I watch him work in my living room and kitchen. It feels odd
but completely normal at the same time. It’s almost like he is meant to be
here. “I don’t think I could eat another bite right now, that food was
amazing.” I say stretching my arms over my head. “How about we pop a movie in,
and we can have the cheesecake in a little bit?”

Connor saunters back into the living room. Damn, he is just
too hot for his own good. My eyes travel from his face that has just the right
amount of stubble along his jaw to his broad chest. The way that shirt clings
to his body; I can see the definition of his muscles. How I would love to feel
that hardness beneath my hands. He notices me blatantly checking him out. “See
something you like, Sweetness?” He drops to his knees on the floor in front of
the couch, pulling my legs out from under me to stretch out on either side of
him.
 
Connor runs his hands up my thighs
until they are gliding over the sides of my hips.

My entire body is on fire. Every inch of where he touches me
tingles with electricity. My breathing hitches and I begin to feel dizzy. “Um,
what movie do you want to watch?” I try to distract him and get my mind off the
fact that he is kneeling between my legs and he smells utterly delicious.

Connor’s hands are splayed across my hips with his thumbs
drawing small circles over my exposed skin where my shirt has ridden up. I feel
a strong ache forming deep within me. It is an altogether unfamiliar longing.
Connor begins to move his hands further up my ribcage. “I’m content to just
watch you for a little while, Sweetness.” He says leaning forward, as his lips
gently caress my collarbone up to my neck.

I moan as my head tips back to rest against the cushions of
the couch. Connor’s stubble scrapes along my skin making a magnificent
friction. My hands find their way into his dark hair that is just long enough
for my fingers to run through tangling at the nape of his neck. It’s soft and
silky in my hands. I feel Connor’s body pressing into mine, his hands inch
closer to my breasts, grazing the bottom of them underneath my shirt and my
body stiffens. He feels it too. He pulls away to look at me, “Babe, what’s wrong?”

My eyes stay tightly shut and I shake my head. I’m afraid
that if I open my eyes, the tears will come. “Nothing.” I push against his
shoulders to get him away from me. “Excuse me.” I quickly run into the bathroom
in my bedroom shutting the door behind me.

The face I see looking back at me from the mirror is pale
and wide eyed. My heart is beating erratically in my chest. Nobody has touched
me there before since that night. I know that it was Connor’s hands on me, but
I still panicked. This is twice now that I’ve freaked out on him. He is going
to think I’m completely insane.

“Lynae, babe, please tell me you’re ok in there.” Connor
calls through the door. “I’m sorry if I was moving a bit fast. I didn’t mean to
frighten you.”

Deep breath, Lynae.
“Sorry. I’m ok. Just felt a
little funny. I’ll be out in a minute.” I splash some cold water on my face. I
need to go back out there and face him, even if it’s just to see him walk out
the door again.

When I open the door, Connor is sitting on the foot of my
bed. He stands up immediately. “Babe, I am so sorry.” Striding towards me, he
places his hands on my cheeks looking directly into my eyes. “What did he do to
you?”

His question is the last I expected to hear. “I don’t know
what you’re talking about.” I try to look away from those piercing emerald
pools. I can’t let him see. I can’t let Connor know.

Connor’s hold on my face tightens as he steps closer to me.
He lifts my face up so I have no other choice but to look at him. “I will never
intentionally hurt you, Lynae. I promise you that.” His thumbs wipe away the
stray tears that I didn’t know were escaping my eyes. “I don’t know what he did
to you, or what happened in your past, but I’m not him, and I will not make you
do something you’re not comfortable with.”

I sniffle and nod my head. “Connor, I…” my voice cracks.

“Shh…you don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t really
know me, but I’d like to get to know you.” Connor releases my face then takes
my hand leading me back out into the living room. “Let’s watch that movie. I’ll
protect you.”

And that is exactly what we do the rest of the evening.
Connor holds me close in his arms as we watch
Grease.
His warm embrace
erases the anxiety I felt only moments before. I really do feel safe and
protected by him.