In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (10 page)

Banging around in the kitchen draws my attention to my
closed bedroom door. Shit! Sly is here. Did he hear me? I’m not sure exactly
how loud I was. And Michelle is probably here by now too for our morning run.
How in the hell am I going to face Sly if he heard me? What am I going to say
to Michelle when she sees Connor coming out of my room? Wait a minute. I’m a
damn adult. It doesn’t matter. This is my apartment, and I can do whatever I
damn well please! Oh, who am I kidding. I will be mortified if they heard me!

“Good morning, Connor.” are the first words I can manage to
form.

“She speaks!” he laughs rolling off of me to lie on his
side. “Seriously though, are you ok? I didn’t mean to push you too far. I
couldn’t help myself. You are even more sexy in the morning than you are the
other times I’ve seen you. And the fact that you don’t seem to notice it…well,
Sweetness, that just makes you that much more irresistible.” Connor places a
kiss on the tip of my nose. “Let’s get up. I actually have a few things I need
to do today, and I have a feeling that we are about to be interrupted soon
anyway.”

As if on cue, Michelle bursts through the door in her running
gear. “Nae-Nae! Get your ass…Oh shit! I’m sorry!” she screams when she sees
Connor’s back to her, then she runs back out the door.

I roll over onto my stomach groaning as I bury my head in my
pillow. Connor laughs, rubbing his hand up and down my back. “Told you we were
about to be interrupted. Come on, Sweetness, you can’t hide in here. She knows
you’re here, she knows I’m here.”

I draw my knees up, basically sticking my rear up in the
air, then pull my head out of the pillow to turn my head to face Connor, who is
grinning like an idiot staring at my ass. When I realize what a view I’m giving
him, I quickly sit back on my heels. “Ok, let’s go.” I move to get out of bed
when Connor grabs my arm again pulling me down beside him. He leans over me and
places a slow, sweet kiss on my lips.

“Now you can get up. Let me put my jeans on then I’ll meet
you out there. I’m still waiting on him to settle back down, and that’s not
gonna happen with your sweet ass in those little shorts.” He lays back on his
back, lacing his hands behind his head as he watches me dart of out the
bedroom.

Walking out into the living room feels like I’m facing the
firing squad. Michelle is sitting on the couch nervously biting her nails, but
jumps up as soon as I shut the door behind me. Sly is pacing in the kitchen. He
looks nervous too. “Morning, y’all.” I try to sound casual.

“Don’t you ‘Morning’ me you little hussy!” Michelle runs
over, grabbing my arm to pull me into the kitchen and away from my door. “So,
Connor stayed the night, huh? Did you?” She waggles her eyebrows up and down.

I look between her and Sly. “Obviously he stayed the night,
otherwise why would he be here this early.” I snap, cutting her off. I don’t
know why I’m feeling so defensive. “But no, we didn’t do anything.” That’s not
at total lie. Michelle was asking if we had sex, which we didn’t. So therefore,
I’m not lying. And it doesn’t matter if I am lying, this is my apartment, and I
can do what I want.

At the insinuation of sex, Sly starts coughing. Michelle
shoots him a look but he’s looking anywhere in the kitchen but her. His cheeks
are flushed, and I notice that Michelle’s face is a little red too when she
looks away from Sly. I wonder what that’s about. Sly turns to me, “Lynae, why
did Rocker Boy stay the night? You looked like you were pissed at him last
night.”

“No, we’re fine. Just a misunderstanding.”

“Uh huh. Didn’t sound like much of a misunderstanding this
morning, Lynae.” Sly smirks. “You know that the guestroom bed shares a wall
with yours. And they ain’t that thin either.”

My face flames at his comment. I duck my head in the fridge,
looking for what, I don’t know, but anything so I don’t have to look at him.
Sly comes up behind me rubbing my back, but I quickly shrug away from his hand.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Connor opens the door to my bedroom, walking out with all
the confidence in the world. He’s pulled his pants back on, but he is still
carrying his button down shirt from the night before. He looks delicious in his
low jeans and tight white undershirt. “Sly, Michelle.” He gives them both a nod
then slides beside me at the counter. “I’m gonna get going, Sweetness. I know
you want to spend some time with Sly while he’s here, and I actually am going
to drive down to Savannah for the rest of the weekend. I’ll call you tonight,
but I won’t be back in town ‘till Monday morning.”

I gaze up into his bright eyes smiling. “Ok, I’ll walk you
down.”

Connor puts his shirt back on, but doesn’t button it, and I
grab a pair of flip-flops to wear downstairs. When we get to the main door to
the building, he turns around to wrap me tightly in his arms. “I’m not letting
you walk outside in just this little bit of clothing, Lynae. You’re too damn
sexy for you own good.” He places a gentle kiss on my nose. “I’ll call you
tonight when I get down there.”

I don’t ask why he’s going. I gather from the conversation I
overheard last night that he is probably going to visit Kaitlin’s grave maybe.
I know that they lived in Savannah before moving up here. I do wonder if he
will be going to his family’s house, or if he will be staying in a hotel. I
have a feeling that he will be doing the latter. It didn’t sound like he wanted
to see his family, or if they would want to see him. I wrap my arms around his
neck to stand on my tiptoes to place a quick kiss on his lips before he leaves,
but his insistent tongue forces its way into my mouth, deepening the kiss. I
melt into him.

When Connor breaks the kiss, he whispers against my lips
“Sweetness, this morning was the best morning I’ve had in a long, long time.
Thank you for that. I want to have all of you, but only when you’re ready. You
should have told me, baby. I wouldn’t have been so forward. I just can’t help
myself with you.”

“I’m glad you stayed. I can’t remember the last time I’ve
slept so well. And, this morning was,” I look away, “This morning was
wonderful.” I’m almost embarrassed to say what I want to say next, but I decide
to say it anyway. “I’m going to miss you while you’re gone.” I don’t know how
it is that I’ve grown to feel so strongly for Connor in such a short period of
time, but I need him. I feel it in my bones, it is like he is almost a part of
me.

Grabbing my chin with his thumb
and forefinger, Connor pulls my face back to face his. “I’m going to miss you
too, Sweetness. Trust me. I’d rather stay here with you than go down to
Savannah. There are some things I need to do. Besides, I don’t want to
monopolize your time. Your friend is here, and I know he wants to spend time
with you.” With one last hug that lifts me off my feet, Connor heads out.

~

Sly and Michelle are whispering to each other in the living
room when I enter my apartment again. Sly looks at me then walks into the guest
room telling me that he wants to go to the beach when Michelle and I get done with
our morning run. Sullivan’s Island is one of his favorite places to go when
he’s in town because it is one of the beaches that doesn’t get really crowded.

I quickly change into my running gear, then meet Michelle in
the kitchen. She’s already filled my water bottle up, so we are ready to head
down to the battery for our jog. I can tell by the look on her face that she
wants answers, and she won’t stop until I give them to her. Luckily she waits
until we leave to start in on me. I don’t really want to discuss what happened
with Sly. He may be my best friend, but he’s a guy. I don’t want to talk about
that kind of stuff with him, especially since he is like my older brother.

I tell her about overhearing Wade and Connor talking in the
back room. I omit Connor’s outburst, for fear of her leaving me to hunt him
down to castrate him, but I do tell her that we had a slight argument, and that
was the tension that Sly had noticed on the way home. I tell her what Connor
said about me “grounding” him, and she sighed, making the “he’s so sweet” face.
I’m reluctant to tell her about my very pleasant wakeup kiss from Connor that
turned into so much more, but I fill her in anyway. I need her opinion. As far
as she knows, Michelle thinks that I am a virgin. How could she not? She’s
never seen me date, and she knows how timid I am with men I don’t know if I’m
not in a work environment.

“Michelle, I just don’t know what to do. I barely know
Connor, but he makes me feel so different. My mind and heart are telling me
that it’s ok to want him. I’ve never had these kinds of thoughts before. It’s
like when I’m with him, my body comes alive from the slightest touch.” I lean
my head back gazing at the sky. We’ve finished our run, and we are sitting on
one of the park benches overlooking the water.

Michelle snatches my water bottle out of my hand to drink
the last few sips. She’s already finished hers and thrown the bottle away.
“Girl, I can see the way you look at him that you’re falling hard for Connor,
maybe already fallen.” She says between sips. “He’s falling hard too. That look
in your eyes tells me all I need to know. Just do what feels right to you.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Michelle starts
squirming in her seat. She looks like she wants to say something, but is afraid
to. She starts chewing on her top lip. “What’s wrong? You look nervous.”

She turns on the bench to face me, pulling one of her legs
up to tuck under her other leg. Grabbing my hand, Michelle looks me in the
eyes. “Ok, Nae-Nae, promise me that you won’t be mad at me. You know I love
you, right?” She begs.

I’m getting worried. Michelle has always exuded confidence
and poise. I’ve never seen her look anxious in all the years that I’ve known
her. I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “Of course I know you love me. I love
you too, I could never be mad at you. What’s up?”

Michelle removes her hand from my grip, bringing both of her
hands to cover her face. “I slept with Sly last night!” she groans through her
hands, bending down to bury her face in her lap.

“Oh, is that all?.”

“All you can say is ‘Oh, is that all’? Lynae! You aren’t
mad?”

I wrap my arm around her, pulling her into my side.
“Michelle, I have seen you two flirting with each other for years. I was
wondering when you would finally act on it.” I laugh. “Of course I’m not mad.”

“Really? We were both worried that you’d hate us.”
Michelle’s face looks relieved.

“Yes, I have wanted you two to get on with it for ages. You
both bicker like a couple anyways, and you’re perfect for each other. Maybe now
I can get him to move his ass out here.”

Michelle smiles and I see all the tension leave her body.
“Thank God!” she lunges at me to hug me, practically landing on top of me,
pressing my back down into the bench. A couple of guys running slow down to
look at what I’m sure looks like a girl on girl makeout session as Michelle
kisses me on the cheek repeatedly telling me how much she loves me.

“I love you too, Michelle, not get off of me! Let’s head
home so we can go to the beach.” I see the guys still watching us over their
shoulders. One of them runs off the sidewalk and trips. “Serves you right for
spying on me and my girlfriend!” I holler at him. Michelle and I start jogging
back to our car in the opposite direction in a fit of giggles.

Michelle and I spent all day yesterday at the beach with
Sly. He had pulled me aside to talk to me about him and Michelle, worried that
I would be upset. I told him that I had been expecting them to get their act
together for a long time, and that I was happy for them. He seemed very
relieved. They are my two best friends; I want them to be happy. Connor only
texted me once last night, just to tell me that he made it down to Savannah and
that he and Wade would be back in town this afternoon instead of waiting until
Monday morning to come home. He asked if he could see me today, and of course I
said yes. Sly was joining Daddy and I for our usual breakfast, but I thought
that Connor would like to come over for dinner. I figured I could cook a big
meal since Sly would be leaving first thing in the morning, and I enjoyed my
days spent with Daddy.

Daddy has taken to calling Connor “Rocker Boy” since that is
how Sly keeps referring to him. I am anxious for Daddy and Connor to meet, but
excited at the same time. I lean against the counter in the kitchen watching
Sly and Daddy yell at the television. They are watching some football game; I’m
not even sure what teams are playing. “Pass the damn ball already!” Sly shouts.
Sly was a wide receiver in high school, and the son that my father never had.
He tried to teach me to play sports, but I wasn’t very coordinated back then.
I’m still not.

The dinging of my phone diverts my attention. Wiping my
hands on my towel, I pick it up. It’s a text from Connor.

Connor:
Sweetness,
be there in about 15 min. Wade with me. Insists on coming over. That shithead.
Missed you.

Great! At least I’m cooking a lot anyway. I planned on
sending some home with Sly in a cooler and a few plates for Daddy. I guess not
now.

I’m making stuffed shells, Sly’s favorite. The recipe is
super easy, just time consuming. I’m wearing Momma’s apron that she always used
to wear when she cooked. I tend to be a bit messy while I’m stuffing the
shells, and marinara sauce gets everywhere. I turn my attention back to the kitchen
island and stove top to finish putting dinner together, still laughing at Sly
and Daddy talking to the television like the players can hear them, and will
actually do what they say.

About fifteen minutes later, I hear knocking on the door.
Daddy gets up from the couch to answer it. “I guess that’s Rocker Boy.” He says
coming through the kitchen.

“Daddy, be nice.” I scold over my shoulder as I hear him
open the door.

“Good afternoon, Sir. It’s very nice to meet you Mr.
Michaels.” Connor’s rich voice reaches my ears making my heartbeat pick up.
Jeez! I just saw him yesterday morning, but it feels like forever since I
talked to him.

“Hot damn! It smells good in here! Where’s my Nae-Nae!” Wade
bursts into the kitchen past Daddy and Connor with no manners whatsoever,
wrapping his arms around my waist spinning me around. One of my hands is
holding onto a cooked shell, while the other is covered in ricotta cheese.

“Damnit, Wade! Put me down! You’re making a mess!” I squeal
trying in vain not to let the ricotta cheese drop all over the kitchen floor.
“I’m serious!”

Sly has come into the kitchen too, trying to figure out what
I’m hollering about. He starts laughing at my reaction. Daddy is laughing too.
The only ones that seem upset by Wade acting up are me and Connor. Connor
doesn’t like it when any man is touching me. He got that possessive look in his
eye Friday night when Sly had his arm around me, and he knows that we’re just
friends.

“If you don’t put her down right now, Wade, I swear to you,
I will hurt you.” Connor’s stern voice makes Wade comply.

“I was just messing with our girl here.” He smacks my ass as
I walk to the sink to wash my hands.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Michaels. My cousin has no concept of
manners.” Connor apologizes to my father, shifting uncomfortably.

Daddy, still laughing reaches up to grasp Connor’s shoulder.
“Son, call me John, and don’t worry about it. The look on my baby girl’s face
was priceless. She hates it when people mess around in her kitchen. She’s so
much like her mother, especially when she gets fired up.”

Listening to Daddy reminisce about Momma makes me a little
sad. He’s right though,
 
Momma and I
used to love cooking together, and she would always kick Daddy out of the
kitchen. He’d try to sneak in to steal “samples” of whatever we were cooking.
He would call it “quality control.”

“I’m sure Mrs. Michaels was a wonderful woman. She would
have to be to have produced such a beautiful daughter like Lynae here.” Connor
says smoothly coming over to wrap his arm around my shoulders kissing me on the
top of my head.

I start to turn around to hug him back, but I’m distracted
by the sight of Wade sticking his fingers in my bowl of stuffing for the
shells. “Get your ass out of my kitchen! Now!” I swat at Wade’s backside with
the kitchen towel that is draped over my shoulder. “All of you! Out!”

“You know you love me!” Wade laughs running away from my
attempted assault.

Sly grabs Connor’s arm, “Come on, Rocker Boy. You’ve not
seen Lynae when she’s in cooking mode. You need to watch out for flying
utensils.”
 
He says attempting to pull
Connor out of the kitchen. Wade and Daddy have already retreated to the couch.

Connor shrugs out of Sly’s grasp. “I’ll take my chances. I
don’t think this little thing could hurt me if she tried.”

“Suit yourself, man.”

Connor comes back to stand behind me at the kitchen island,
gliding his arms around my waist, his hands sitting low on my hips. He kisses
my shoulder then nuzzles his face into my neck. “I missed you, Sweetness.” He
inhales deeply. “You smell so good. Like coconut and mint.” He kisses my neck.
“Anything I can do to help?”

I grip onto the edge of the counter in front of me and lean
my head back onto Connor’s chest, trying to stifle the little whimper that
escapes my lips. This man can make me come completely undone. “I missed you
too. How was your trip?” I say breathlessly.

Connor tenses slightly when I ask him about Savannah, but
shakes it off, returning his attention to my neck and earlobe. “Don’t wanna
talk about it. Wanna talk about how good you taste.” He whispers tracing the
shell of my ear with his tongue, then drawing my earlobe between his teeth,
tugging gently.

What was I doing? Oh yeah, making dinner. Who the hell needs
dinner? I’d rather let Connor continue to do what he’s doing right now. I remember
yesterday morning. The intense “good morning kiss”
 
that he gave me.

Daddy’s voice makes me remember that he is only a few feet
away while I feel like I could melt into a puddle at Connor’s touch. “Rocker
Boy, get in here so I can talk to the man that is trying to molest my daughter
when she’s supposed to be cooking her old man some dinner.”

“Go on. He won’t bite.” I nudge Connor with my hips in the
direction of the living room. “I can’t concentrate with you in here anyway.”

Connor squeezes me tightly, then kisses my neck again before
letting me go to sit with the guys on the couch. I look over my shoulder as he
settles in the oversized chair across from where Daddy is sitting, he looks
terrified. I laugh to myself. This big tattooed mechanic rocker is afraid of my
Daddy.

As I continue to prepare dinner, I smile at the sounds of
laughter and easy conversation coming from my living room. The two most
important men in my life and the man that is quickly becoming a part of my
heart seem to be getting along quite well. Even Wade seems to be fitting in. He
is such a pain in the ass, but I’ve only had to throw two wooden spoons at him
when he kept trying to sneak in to steal food.

Watching Sly and Connor interact more and seeing how Connor
is starting to feel at ease with Daddy warms my heart. I feel like this is how
my life is supposed to be. I feel like I can finally be free and just be
myself. It’s ok to let people in. I’ve had these walls built up for so long,
but with every smile and wink that Connor throws my way when he catches me
watching him, I feel parts of that wall coming down more and more.

Connor doesn’t bring up his trip
to Savannah again. I know from his demeanor when he talked about it Friday
night and yesterday morning that this isn’t a subject he wants to discuss. I
don’t want to push. I hope he can open up to me and let me in, but I also know
how hard it can be to let it out. I’ve been keeping my guilt and shame bottled
up for eight years. I know that I don’t want him to know about my past, so how
can I expect him to tell me about his.

~

Wade and Sly help to clear the dishes away from the table
while I head to the refrigerator to pull out the angel food cake I made. I
know, I have such a sweet tooth, but I work out all the time. Between my kickboxing
classes in the evenings, and my weekend runs with Michelle, I burn off all the
calories, and I rock my curves. Connor comes up behind me while I’m bending
down looking for the fresh strawberries I want to slice up to go on top. “Can’t
I just have you for dessert, Sweetness?”

I’m about to turn around to respond when Daddy walks into
the kitchen. “A word, Connor.”

Connor straightens up quickly. “Yes, sir.” Then turns to
follow Daddy into the guest room.

I’m nervous. I wonder what that’s about. They seemed to be
getting along so well before and during dinner.

Sly walks up, wrapping his arms around me from behind.
“Don’t worry, Sweet Cheeks. I don’t think John will kill him. He just wants to
make sure that Rocker Boy knows not to hurt you.

I lean my head back into his chest. “I know, but it still
scares me. I want Daddy to like Connor. I know you’re on the fence about him,
but if he is going to be a part of my life, you two need to learn to deal with
it, just like I have to deal with Wade over there picking at my cake!” I glare
at Wade who freezes trying pinch off a corner of the angel food cake. “Don’t
think I can’t see you from this angle!”

“Oh damn! Nae-Nae, come on. Just a little piece! Connor has
been pissy ever since he picked me up yesterday morning! Savannah was hard on
him. I need something to cheer me up.” Wade whines.

I know I shouldn’t ask about Savannah, Connor seems to not
want me to know about his past, but if he was hurting, I want to make it
better. “How so?”

“Nope. Not getting you two in another fight. Not going
there. You’ll have to ask him about that.” Wade shakes his head adamantly.

Sly bows his body up. “Fight? What the hell do you mean
another
fight?” He directs his question at Wade, and not me.

I tug on his arm to get his attention. “It was nothing. We
are fine. I told you that yesterday. Drop it.” I look to Wade. “I’ll ask him
about it later, but he doesn’t seem to want to talk.”

Wade looks like he’s about to say something when the guest
room door opens back up. Connor walks out in one piece, and so does Daddy.
That’s a good sign. No bloodshed. Daddy clasps Connor on the shoulder smiling.
“Just take care of my baby girl, and you won’t have to worry about anything.”

“Yes, sir. I promise.” Connor nods his head, coming over to
me, pulling me into his side. “I promise that I’ll do whatever I can to make
sure that Lynae stays happy.”

“Whipped!” Wade snorts then returns his attention to the
cake.

Connor and Wade leave after helping Daddy and Sly devour the
entire cake. I barely got one little slice for myself. I wait for Sly to head
into the guest room before I walk Daddy out. “What did you talk about with
Connor?”

“Baby girl, it’s nothing for you to worry about. I just told
him that if he hurt my little girl that he would regret ever being born. I
would make certain that he would feel such agony that he would beg for a quick
death. That’s all.” He replies with a smile.

“Daddy!” I swat at his arm. “I told you to play nice!”

“Kara Lynae, you are my world. I am supposed to protect you
from all the bad things. This is the first guy you have shown any kind of real
interest in. I see the way you look at him, and I know that your heart is
already involved. Deep too. I just wanted to make sure that he knows how
precious you are, and knows not to mess with my baby.” He hugs me tightly,
kissing me on the forehead when he releases me. “By the way, he looks at you
like that too. He gets my approval as long as you’ll let him hang around.”