In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (14 page)

“You look so much better, Gina!” I hug her tightly when we
enter the hospital room. She really is starting to look like herself again.
Gina’s cheeks are brighter and she’s sitting up in the recliner beside her bed.
Sly is lounged across the couch in the corner of the room, but moves his feet
down so Connor can sit. I plop right on down on the hospital bed beside her.

“Ew! You don’t know what’s on those sheets, Lynae.” Sly
groans.

“Oh, grow up. It’s sheets your mother has been lying in.
Give it a rest.” I laugh at him along with Gina. “You big baby.” Sly leans back
into the sofa pouting and folding his arms over his chest.

“I’m gonna miss you, baby girl. I wish you still lived out
here.” Gina turns away from Sly to reach over to take my hand. “You were always
like my daughter. Still are.” She smiles warmly. “You two could have been
raised together, the way you act and look out for each other.”

I know she’s referring to Sly standing up for me when Matt
came into the hospital room the other day. The bruises on Sly’s face are
starting to fade, and the swelling of his lip has gone down. I still feel
horrible that she had to witness that while she is trying to recover from major
surgery. I begin to look away, but she squeezes my hand, drawing my attention
back to her.

“You are such a strong young woman. I want you to know that.
I’m always here if you need to talk about anything. You got that, honey?”
Gina’s words remind me so much of my own mother. After Momma died, Gina was
always there for me. “You have me, Sylvester and that tall drink of water
sitting with him over there.” She motions her head towards Connor.

I smile when I look at Connor. His cheeks are turning red
with the cutest little blush from Gina’s comment. He shifts in his seat. “I’ll
take good care of her, ma’am.” He says.

“I know you will, handsome. I trust you. If Lynae thinks
you’re ok, I know you are. She’s got good instincts. She’s a smart girl.” Gina
pats my hand with her other one before releasing me. “Now, Lynae, would you
mind running down to the cafeteria to get me some real coffee. The stuff they
bring on the trays isn’t fit to serve dogs.”

“Of course. I’ll get you
decaf
,
Gina, you shouldn’t be having caffeine right now. It’s not good with your
meds.” I waggle my finger at her. “And thank you. I’ve always thought of you as
a second mom to me too. I love you. Just don’t go off and scare the hell out of
us again like this, ok?” I reach down to hug her again.

Connor stands up to come with me, but I wave him off. I need
a few minutes by myself to think. So much has happened over the last few days
that I just need time to process. Besides, I want him and Sly to get more
comfortable around each other. Other than Daddy, they are the two most
important men in my life.

Gina’s right. I have been through a hell of a lot in my
short life. I guess I am stronger than I thought I was. I’m finally beginning to
see that it wasn’t my fault. I said “No.” Even if he did feel like I had led
him on, Matt had no right to force himself on me. I feel like a weight has been
lifted off my shoulders as I exit the elevator into the cafeteria. There aren’t
many people in there this time of the afternoon. It’s after the lunch crowd, so
the tables are scattered with a few employees and I see two police officers
sitting in the far booth in the corner.

I decide to treat Gina and the guys to the Starbucks kiosk
inside the cafeteria instead of the hospital coffee. I place my order with the
girl behind the counter then move to the side to wait on our drinks to be
prepared. As I’m standing there eyeing the different pound cakes in the glass
case, I get familiar chills running down my spine. I hear a deep laugh that
makes my heart leap up into my throat.

I turn around to see Matt walking in with another paramedic.
Matt also has a few bruises covering the side of his face and it looks like he
has a split eyebrow that is being held together with a butterfly bandage. The
moment our eyes lock, a salacious grin takes over his face. He turns to tell
his partner to go on in to get some food while he walks my direction. I walk
away, heading towards receiving line for dirty dishes and trays. I want to put
as much distance between myself and him as possible. I look over at the two
police officers on the opposite side of the seating area; they are immersed in
their own conversation.

“Where are your boyfriends?” Matt drawls. “Doesn’t surprise
me to see a slut like you with two of ‘em.”

“Leave me alone, Matt.” My voice comes out weak and timid. I
feel my heart racing in my chest. I back up some more until my back hits the
counter behind me.

Matt closes the distance between us. “Your dumbfuck friend attacked
me. Said some bullshit about me raping you.” He growled. “You know damn good
and well, that’s not the way it happened. You wanted it, and you know it.” His
hot breath feels like acid to my skin.

I can feel the room closing in on me, but I hear Connor’s
voice in my head telling me that I didn’t do anything wrong. It gives me
strength. “You did rape me, asshole. I said NO!” I shove hard at his chest to
try to get him to move out of my way, but he doesn’t budge. I realize that Matt
has backed me into a corner that is blocked by the high backs of the booths in
front of us.

Matt’s hand reaches up and grabs my jaw. He’s squeezing my
face in a vice grip. I can feel my teeth digging into the insides of my cheeks.
“You know you wanted it. You loved every fucking minute of it.”

I try to get out of his grasp. “I said leave me alone! Let
go of me!” I cry.

I stumble backwards behind the booths in the cafeteria. Matt
still has a tight grip on my face and has grabbed both of my wrists in his
other hand. I feel my heart pounding in my chest. “I said no! That means I
didn’t want you touching me. Back then or now!”

“Maybe I should give you a little reminder.” Matt’s face is
a breath away from mine. When he leans forward even more, I kick him hard in
the shin.

Matt does let go of my face, but only for a moment. The back
of his hand comes crashing across my jaw splitting my lower lip, making the
side of my face erupt in pain. I cry out and slump to the floor.

“You bitch!” Matt yells and lunges for me, but is pulled
back by the two police officers I saw earlier. “What the hell! She attacked
me!” Matt struggles as one of the officers is pulling out a pair of handcuffs
to restrain him.

I’m slightly dizzy and I can taste blood in my mouth when
sit up. I try to stand, but when I move my head, the room spins. The other
paramedic that had been walking in with Matt rushes to my side.

“Johnson, what the fuck?” He says looking at Matt, then
turns his attention to me. “Ma’am, can you see me? Is your vision blurry?” I
look from him back to Matt.

Matt is still struggling against one of the officers,
calling me every name imaginable, but he has been cuffed and was pushed into
the booth near us. “That is a lying bitch!” He yells. The other officer is
speaking on his radio, stating that he is bringing Matt in on assault charges
after he gets my statement.

The paramedic at my side waves his hand in front of my face.
“Ma’am, my name is Jaime, can you tell me your name?” He is ignoring Matt
telling him to let me go to hell. He has obviously figured out that my red,
swollen cheek and split lip came from his partner, and is focusing solely on
me.

“I’m a little dizzy.” I mumble. It’s hard to talk. Jaime
assists me to a more upright sitting position. “I need to go. I need to get
back upstairs.” I start to shake realizing that I am going to have to face
Connor, Sly and Gina. “I need to go clean up.”

“No, you’re going to let me take you across the hall to the
ER. You need to get checked out, and I think the officers need to take some
photos and get a statement. Ma’am, you need to get looked at.” Jaime says as he
gently moves my face from side to side to examine my injuries. “Do you have
family here in the hospital? I can call them and let them know what’s going
on.”

The taller officer that had been holding Matt back starts to
walk him out of the cafeteria. “Mitchell, I’m taking this kid in. You see to
the young lady. I’ll be back in twenty. Get her statement and see if she wants
to press charges.” I hear Matt scuffling and cursing the entire way out of the
cafeteria.

The officer that had been talking on his radio squats down
to my level. “Miss, I’m Officer Mitchell, Jaime and I are going to assist you
to the ER. I need to talk to you about what happened, and you need to let a
doctor examine you. What is your name?”

Just as I’m about to open my mouth to respond, I feel his
presence in the room. “Lynae! Oh my God! Baby! What happened?” Connor comes
running to my side, practically knocking Jaime off balance.

That is when the tears come. The floodgates open, and I
can’t stop them. Jaime and Officer Mitchell step back and let Connor envelope
me in his arms. I cling to him. “Shh, baby, I’m here. I should have come down
here with you.” Connor smoothes my hair away from my face. “Officer, please
tell me what the hell happened?” He asks Officer Mitchell.

“And you are?” Officer Mitchell asks, his note pad in hand.

“Connor Reeves, Lynae Michaels’ boyfriend.”

“Ok, Mr. Reeves. It sounds like Mr. Johnson was attempting
to confront Miss Michaels. My partner and I overheard her tell him to go away,
and to leave her alone.” Officer Mitchell pauses. “Unfortunately, we didn’t get
over here in time to prevent the situation. We observed Mr. Johnson strike Miss
Michaels, and we restrained him before he was able to assault her further.”

Connor’s arms tense around me. I can feel the anger coming
off his body in waves. “That fucker was here and laid his hands on her? That
asshole raped her eight years ago. I want to press charges.”

Officer Mitchell and Jaime both take a deep breath. Jaime
reaches over to me again. “Miss Michaels, please let me take you over to the
ER. Mr. Reeves can come with you.”

“Come on baby, let’s get up and get checked out.” Connor
picks me up with ease and motions for Jaime to lead the way to the ER.

I just nod my head. The tears have stopped, but I try to
find my voice to speak. As I take in Connor’s warmth and comfort I look up at
him. “I told him no. I told him to go away. I told him that he raped me. That I
didn’t ask for it.” I bury my head into his chest again, trying to not burst
into hysterics again. “I kicked him.” I say, but the words are muffled by
Connor’s shirt.

“I’m proud of you, Sweetness. Hope it was in the balls.”
Connor kisses the top of my head as he carries me into the ER and into a room.

Connor texted Sly to let him know what was going on, and he
was down in my ER room within minutes. Apparently since I had been gone for
longer than they expected, Connor came looking for me. Officer Mitchell asked
all the questions he needed to complete my statement and the ER physician took
a few photos before I was allowed to wash the blood off of my face.

As much I as I wish that I had either Connor or Sly with me
when I had to face Matt, I am actually grateful that neither one of them were
there. That would have been a nasty confrontation. One that I’m sure would have
ended with both parties being arrested instead of just one. I know that if
given the chance, Connor would likely beat the life out of Matt. I couldn’t
deal with him going to jail over me. Sly has already gotten in a fight because
of this situation, I’m just glad that he didn’t get in any trouble for it. Matt
is being charged with assault and battery since he physically hit me.

After a thorough examination, despite my protests, I’m
released from the ER with an icepack and a prescription for some painkillers
that I don’t intend on using. I have a busted lip, and I will definitely have a
bruise tomorrow. My cheek and jaw are already starting to turn an ugly purplish
color. That is not going to be fun explaining to Daddy and everyone else when
we get home. We went back up to say our tearful goodbyes to Gina. She kept
claiming over and over again that had she not wanted coffee that this wouldn’t
have happened. I told her that as much as it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t her
fault either.

With promises from Sly that he would be coming to Charleston
within the next few weekends, Connor and I leave the hospital to head home.
Tomorrow is Sunday, and I really need a day to relax and recover from all of
the events of this visit. Connor wanted to go back to his apartment, but I
insisted going back to mine. I miss my bed and I don’t want to miss Sunday
breakfast with Daddy. I called Daddy and told him that Connor would be joining
us. He seemed happy to be able to spend time with him to get to know the “man
trying to steal his little girl” some more.

“Wake up, Sweetness.” Connor kisses my forehead. “Your dad
is going to be here soon, and I don’t think he wants to see you in your pajamas
and me in my underwear.” He chuckles.

I whine and roll over on my side, burrowing under the covers
and into Connor’s side even more. “It’s warm here. I don’t wanna get up.” I
nuzzle my nose against Connor’s bare chest, inhaling deeply. He smells divine.
I could lay here and just smell him all day, and be perfectly content. Other
than feeling warm and cozy in bed with Connor, I am afraid of facing Daddy. I
haven’t figured out what I’m going to tell him about my bruises. I haven’t seen
them yet this morning, but if the soreness I’m feeling is any indication of how
bad I look, I’m sure it’s bad.

“No, you need to get that sweet ass out of bed. Come on.”
Connor flips the covers off of me and pushes me over onto my back. I see his
eyebrows draw in as his eyes take in my face. “Does it hurt?”

That’s all the answer I need. I know I look horrible. I try
to cover my face with my hands. “I must look terrible!” I groan licking my
bottom lip, it still feels swollen.

Connor sits up, grabs my hands and pulls me up to face him.
“You look absolutely beautiful. I just hate to see evidence that the asshole
touched you.” He leans in to softly kiss the side my mouth that isn’t swollen.
“Let’s get a shower, and you’ll feel better.”

I let Connor lead me into my bathroom. He slowly peels my
pajamas off of my body, then removes his boxers after starting the shower so
the water can warm up. I look at his chiseled body. He is breathtakingly
beautiful. It looks as if he could have been carved from stone. I feel desire
build within me, but before I can reach up to kiss Connor, he pulls me into the
shower.

“Sweetness, I want you so bad right now, but for starters,
we don’t have time for me to properly worship your body the way it deserves,
and secondly, I don’t want to hurt you. The doctor said you needed to take it
easy. Your head checked out fine, but that was a hard hit you took yesterday.”
Connor grasps my shoulders and spins me around so he can wash my hair,
massaging my scalp with his strong fingers.

I let him pamper me and take care of me. Even though we
aren’t being physically intimate, it still feels as though he is making love to
me this way too. Connor lathers me up with my favorite body wash and then
gently runs the washcloth over my bruised cheek, kissing it lightly after he
rinses me off.

I look up into his deep green eyes. “I love you. So much.” I
squeeze him tightly. I didn’t think it was possible to fall so deeply in love
with someone, so quickly, but my heart belongs to Connor. I think the moment
our eyes met, he owned me.

“And I love you.” Connor brushes his lips across my own. His
tongue sweeping along the seam of my lips lightly. He pulls back when I wince
from the pressure on my sore lip. “I’m sorry, Sweetness. I can’t control myself
around you.”

I loop my arms around his neck. “I can’t control myself
either. Don’t apologize.” I place a quick peck to his lips, then turn around.
“We need to get dressed. You said you didn’t think Daddy would like to see us
in our underwear. Well, he really wouldn’t want to see us naked. I’m already
worried about what to tell him about my face.” I sigh as I step out of the
shower and wrap my body with a towel.

Connor steps out behind me, pulling me back against his
chest. “We tell him the truth about what happened. It’s not going to be easy.
It’s going to break him, but he needs to know. I think you’ll feel better once
you get it out in the open once and for all. I’ll be here, or I can leave while
you talk to him.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’ll do whatever you need me
to do, Sweetness.”

I know he’s right. As much as I
don’t want to tell Daddy everything, he needs to know. Looking back, I know
that I should have told him what happened the night I came home. I have come to
terms with the fact that it was not my fault, but now I fear that Daddy will be
disappointed in me for hiding it. I need Connor by my side for this. He is my
strength. He is my rock. “Please stay with me.”

~

Knocking on the front door drags me from my attempts of
covering up the bruising with makeup. The purplish blue bruise is too dark for
my foundation and powder to hide. I have been fussing in front of the mirror
for the last twenty minutes. I take a deep breath and go to answer the door.
Connor is sitting on the couch watching television, but he stands to walk with
me.

I don’t expect to see Michelle standing there with Daddy
when I open the door. I knew I was going to see her and explain to her as well,
but I wasn’t planning on telling her everything. Daddy’s broad smile instantly
vanishes as he takes in my appearance. His eyes go dark and menacing and
immediately looks over my shoulder at Connor.

“Boy, if you did this, you had better hope to God that you
can run fast, because I will kill you right now.” Daddy growls at Connor while
Michelle pushes past him to cup my face in her hand.

“Lynae! What the hell?” Michelle’s eyes start to tear up,
and I know I won’t be able to keep myself from losing it.

Connor confidently places his hands on my shoulders.
“Michelle, John, come on in. No, sir, I did not do this to Lynae. I’d rather
die than lay a hand on your daughter. She has some things she needs to tell
you.”

I gather strength from Connor’s touch. His warmth infuses me
with the courage I need to let out all of my demons. I nod my head, motioning
for them to come in and sit down. I haven’t found my voice yet.

Daddy and Michelle walk through the kitchen and into the
living room. Connor continues to stand behind me holding me against his chest.
I know he can feel the nervous energy radiating off of me. He gently rubs my
arms up and down trying to soothe me. “I don’t know if I can do this, baby.” I
murmur.

“Yes, you can. I’ll be right beside you. I’m not letting you
go. I love you, and I know you can do this. They love you, and will support
you. Remember, none of this is or was your fault.” Connor reassures me, turning
us to walk towards the living room.

Daddy is sitting in the oversized chair with his back stiff
and a stern expression on his face. Michelle still looks like she could burst
into tears at any moment curled up in the corner of the sofa. Connor pulls me
down practically in his lap on the sofa. He keeps his hand on my thigh,
squeezing it gently. I know he is trying to give me strength and encouragement.

I look up into Daddy’s eyes. I can tell that he still thinks
I may be hiding that Connor did this to me, but he is trying to give me the
benefit of doubt. As a police officer, he has dealt with many battered women
defending their partners. “Daddy, Connor didn’t do this. He would never hurt
me. He loves me.”

Daddy begins to open his mouth to say something, but I stop
him.

“I need to get this out. So, please don’t say anything until
I’m done. I should have told you when it happened, but I was too afraid and
ashamed.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “When we were still living
back in Birmingham, when I was a freshman, do you remember Matt?” I ask. Daddy
nods cautiously. “The last night that he and I went out, he forced himself on
me. He raped me and I thought it was my fault and I didn’t tell you because I
thought it was my fault and I thought you’d hate me and be disappointed in me
and never forgive me.” I’m rambling, and I know it, but if I stop, I won’t be
able to continue. I see the pain and anger flare in Daddy’s eyes. I hear
Michelle gasp and begin to cry. I feel Connor wrap his arms around me in
support.

“Matt was living with Sly, and when we were there, I saw him
for the first time since school, and Connor and Sly found out. Sly and Matt got
in a fight. Matt saw me in cafeteria when we were visiting Gina again, and he
cornered me, I kicked him, he hit me, and he was arrested.” I’m out of breath
when I stop talking. I’m afraid to look back up at Daddy, but suddenly he is on
his knees in front of me taking my face in his hands to force me to look at
him.

“Kara Lynae. You’re my baby girl. I could never hate you.
Why didn’t you tell me? You are my world. I love you so much. We could have
pressed charges back then.” Daddy pulls me down to him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t
know. A father is supposed to know when something is wrong with their child. I
love you so much.” Daddy is crying now, and this makes me break down and cry
again. I am so sick of crying. “I’m so sorry baby girl.” I haven’t seen Daddy
cry since the night Momma died.

“You didn’t do anything, Daddy. I know I should have told you.”
I lean forward into Daddy’s arms. “I just, I just couldn’t. I didn’t even tell
Momma. I never told anyone.”

“I love Lynae very much. She means everything to me. Your
daughter has been holding this in for so long. I don’t know how she’s managed
to survive with that in her head, but she has grown into a remarkable woman.”
Connor is rubbing circles on my back as he talks to Daddy.

Daddy looks up to meet Connor’s eyes. “Son, I don’t need you
to tell me about my little girl. I can see that she is beautiful, smart and
strong. I can also tell that you are being completely honest in your feelings
for her.” Daddy looks from Connor back to me. “Lynae, don’t ever think you
can’t talk to me about something. You are my world. You can tell me anything.”

“I know, Daddy. I love you.”

Michelle leaps off the sofa and crawls down onto the floor
to hold me too. I’m being held in a massive group embrace between Michelle,
Connor and Daddy. I realize that all of my fears that my loved ones would be
disappointed in me were stupid. None of what happened was my fault and the
people in my life that love me, love me no matter what.

After more tears and more explanations Michelle takes me
back to my bedroom to try to make us presentable again. I insist that we still
go out for breakfast. I tell Daddy that I am determined to put the past behind
me and move on with my life. I tell him that Connor is the reason that I feel
like I can live again, and that I don’t want to remember anything anymore. I
just want to forget and look to my future.

We leave Daddy and Connor sitting in the living room
talking. I hear Daddy asking more questions about my encounters with Matt at
Sly’s house and again at the hospital. I think I also hear something along the
lines of Daddy telling Connor that he was thankful that I wasn’t left alone to
deal with everything.

Michelle hugs me tightly and looks at me like I may
disappear right in front of her. “Lynae, I wish you would have said something.
You really never told anyone?”

“No, I never told anyone. Sly and Connor overheard me at
Momma’s grave. But, honestly, I feel like I can finally breathe again for the
first time. Connor is healing and building me back up. I’m in love with him.
And I know he loves me too.” I smile thinking about Connor.

“Even a blind man could tell that Connor is head over heels
in love with you. I’m glad you found him. You seem so different since he’s been
around. You seem more, I don’t know, you seem more alive.” Michelle entwines
our fingers together.

“Connor makes me feel like it’s okay to be alive.” My eyes
meet hers in the mirror. “I am so in love with him that it scares me. He is the
first person to know all of me.” I shake my head. “Seriously, I want to get
past this. No more talking about it. I’m done. I’ve lived with it hanging over my
head for eight years. It’s over, I can’t change anything about it.”

Michelle rests her head on my shoulders. “Nae-Nae, I love
you. I know that you are an amazingly strong woman. You have nothing to be
afraid of when it comes to that man out there.” She smiles at me. “Well, maybe
I’d be a little afraid of him in the bedroom. A man like that could seriously
hurt a woman if you know what I mean! He just looks like sex on a stick!”
Michelle laughs trying to lighten the mood, and I’m thankful of her taking my
hint.

My cheeks flush an incredibly bright shade of red as I think
about how I know exactly what Michelle is talking about. Connor didn’t hurt me
at all, but I can certainly still feel that he’s been down there. I avert my
eyes from hers and bite down on my bottom lip. Michelle’s gasp tells me she
knows what I’m thinking.

“Kara Lynae Michaels! Are you holding out on me?” Michelle
demands.

I try but fail to contain the ensuing giggles that give me
away. She pulls away from me, crossing her arms over her chest glaring at me
waiting on me to elaborate. I decide to indulge her just a little. “Michelle
lets just say that Connor is not sex on a stick. He’s sex on a freaking
telephone pole!”

“Holy shit!” Michelle exclaims. “Details, woman! I need
details!”

Getting ready to go out to breakfast takes a little longer
than planned. Michelle and I lock ourselves up in my bedroom for quite a while
discussing the more pleasant and mind-blowing events of the weekend.

When we walked back into the living room, Daddy has moved to
sit beside Connor on the sofa. They are quietly talking. Daddy is hunched over
with his elbows resting on his knees, his shoulders shaking like he may be
crying. “I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe I didn’t see that my baby
girl was hurting. I’m such a failure of as a father.”

“John, you are not a failure. You have raised an amazing
woman. She is strong and resilient. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” Connor
has his hand on Daddy’s shoulder trying to reassure him. It breaks my heart to
see my strong, tough as nails father thinking that he failed me.

Daddy looks up at me when Michelle and I come through my
bedroom door. Without taking his eyes from me, he speaks to Connor. “Thank you
for being there for her. You’re good for her.”