I Hate Summer (23 page)

“What the hell is that?” I could practically hear Trystan’s raised eyebrows.

“This is yaoi. It’s mostly completely unrealistic, but it’s less offensive than porn,” I explained as I reached around Josh to find a suitable case study.

“What the hell? That
is
porn!” Trystan exclaimed from behind me as I flicked past a particularly graphic—and unrealistic—sex scene.

“It’s
cartoon
porn, or would ye rather me pull up some actual porn, eh, Trys?” I arched round to meet his gaze. He was scowling at me still, but he’d shuffled to the edge of the bed so he could get a better look.

He grumbled something that I took to be a no. So I turned back to the computer to locate what I was after.

“Right, this will do. Fortunately for us they make it super easy: the one that looks like an underage kid is the one going t’ be the bottom—probably ye—and the one that looks like an actual guy will be the top,” I said to Josh. “This part’s exactly the same as when ye were with a girl: kissing and petting. Guys are generally a little more enthusiastic.” I was kind of enjoying myself, and Josh was leaning forward, staring at the pictures.

“What
is
this stuff?” Josh asked.

“Dunno, Jorja reads it. Apparently girls like reading about gay guys—go figure. But it seemed useful for what I needed.” I flicked to the next page. “This is where it gets a little different. So.” I paused because Trystan had dropped into a squat next to the office chair. I looked down at him and he gave me a brief glance from under his eyebrows.

“
What
? I’m just curious,” he muttered. I shrugged and turned back to the laptop.

“So when ye were with a girl, ye had to get her ready, right?” I framed it as a question because I had a vague idea, but I’d kissed a girl once, and that was as far as my experience with women went. Although I did know a little more than I’d actually experienced thanks to when I’d researched to help Jorja plan her first time—if hell ever froze over and I had a change of heart about the whole boobs thing I’d be sorted. I mean, it’s so bloody straightforward compared to anal; hetero guys have no idea how easy they have it.

“Erm, yeah,” Josh stuttered slightly. By my side Trystan sniggered, and I reached round and cuffed the back of his head.

“Ye, be quiet or I’ll kick ye out,” I grumbled. Trystan gave a perturbed scowl but nodded as he directed his attention back to the computer.

“So it’ll be the other way around this time,
and
if he
doesn’t
try, ye get out o’ there as quick as ye can, understand?”

Josh was oblivious as he cocked his head to get a better look at the screen. “Sure.”

From the corner of my eye I noticed Trystan glance up at me, but this time I didn’t look back.

“So, ye’ll kiss and cuddle and touch each other. I don’t think I have to explain that part, right? His bits will be the same as yers, and I guess ye know how they work.”

Josh said something irritable and wordless under his breath.

“I feel obliged to recommend that ye don’t go any further for the first couple o’ dates. I also recognize that’s pretty hypocritical.”

Trystan snorted. “Way up there.”

“What did I say about being quiet, eh?” Trystan rolled his eyes. “And I said no to
ye
, didn’t I?” I added archly as I looked down on him. The paling of his cheeks as he looked up at me was fairly pleasing.

“Hah,
yes
! Fuck you, Trystan,” Josh chortled on my knee. He twisted round so his face was in his brother’s, and he was grinning so wide I thought his cheeks must hurt. Trystan’s expression creased into a look of irritation, and he put a palm over Josh’s face and pushed him away. But Josh was still laughing with glee behind Trystan’s hand. I watched with a faint look of amusement.

“Anyway, I’m not sure why me turning down yer brother is quite so hilarious. I’m not
that
bad, at least not with straight guys,” I said with a smile. That set Josh chuckling again. “So, back t’ the lesson: at some point he’s going t’ have to stick his fingers in yer ass.”

Josh’s laughter finally petered out, and he gave an awkward little shuffle against my chest. I rested my chin on his shoulder. “Well, it doesn’t sound great, but it’s fine. Right, Trys?”

“What the fuck, Idrys!” Trystan rumbled and I looked back down at him with a smirk. Josh’s nervousness had once again evaporated, but he wasn’t laughing this time, he was looking down at his brother with a faint look of outrage on his face.

“Why would you even…,” Trystan grumbled, but he was looking at his brother and I swear there was a smirk trying to curl the edge of his lips through his irritation.

“Well, yer here; might as well make yer little bro’ feel better, eh?” I decided I was just seeing things, and I reached down to ruffle a hand through his hair. That was a mistake.

He turned those dark eyes on me. Looking down at him with my hand tangled through his hair while he stared up at me with a look that was definitely a mixture of irritation and arrogance, I had a sudden flashback to my dream. I tugged my hand away, because the look he was giving me was causing a coil of pressure to unfurl deep in my hips, sliding like silk through my senses, reminding me what I’d been missing for the best part of a month.

“What the hell?” Josh asked, glancing between us with a look of horrified fascination.

I dragged my eyes away from Trystan, and I took a deep breath. I was annoyed that it sounded more like a hiss than I had wanted it to, but I tried to smile nonchalantly at Josh.

“Just a joke, don’t worry about it.” I wondered how I’d ended up more bothered about what I’d said when it had been Trystan I’d been trying to make uncomfortable. I placed my hands on either side of Josh’s cheeks and turned his attention back to the manga.

“Ye just need to know that one finger doesn’t—shouldn’t—hurt. It may be a little odd, two might sting a little, same wi’ three. But the more time ye take over it, the easier it will be. Easier said than done because if he’s any good, ye probably won’t want to go slow. Although I imagine if it’s Chris he will know to take it slow. For yer first time ye should definitely make sure he uses lube. Some people don’t bother once they’re used to it, but personally I always use it.” I took a slow breath and let Josh digest what I’d just said. “I’m not going to lie, Josh: for yer first time it will probably hurt, no matter how good he is or how slow he goes. But… it’s hard to explain, but wi’ a good partner it’s kind o’ easy not t’ think about the discomfort.”

“Nnn. Ide, why can’t you just do it? Then I wouldn’t have to worry,” Josh said in a small voice.

I let the side of my head press against Josh’s. “Ye heard what Dan said, right? I’m not doing much of anyone or anything at the mo; so don’t take it personally, eh?”

Josh grumbled, still unsatisfied, and I pressed a chaste kiss against his cheek. “Don’t worry, it’ll be great, more than great. Being bottom is awesome, honestly.”

“You say that, but don’t you usually top?” Josh grumbled.

I chuckled. “I go through phases. At the moment I’m a
uke
through and through, mmm.” I laughed and pressed my face into Josh’s neck. By my side Trystan made a disapproving grumble, but he didn’t actually say anything so I ignored him.

“What’s a uke?” Josh asked, sounding puzzled.

“Japanese term for the guy that receives.” I waved at the screen vaguely. Josh turned back to the pictures and he flicked backward and forward through them a few times.

“What was your first time like, Ide?” Josh asked quietly.

“Ah… well.” I let out a long breath. “My first time isn’t a very good example; it was stupid and ah… rushed. Neither of us knew what we were doing.” Which was the truth, but not the whole truth. “I like to think of my actual first time as wi’ Dan, and that was pretty epic, so….”

“Dan?” Trystan piped up, and I turned to look down at him. “As in the guy I met at the bar that time?”

“Yeah, why?”

Trystan held my gaze and he was scowling at me, but it seemed more questioning and irritated rather than angry. “How many guys have you slept with?”

“I dunno, I lost count,” I let a wry grin spread my lips, because it was the truth: I’d lost count of how many guys I’d fucked way back in my first year of uni. But I knew that wasn’t what Trystan had meant.

His face twisted in frustration.

“But if ye mean how many guys have I been fucked by? Then three: Dan, Echo, and I never caught the first guy’s name.”

Trystan stared up at me with a frown on his face.

“Not a very good whore, eh? My ass is probably almost as tight as Josh’s here.” My laugh that time was for myself—because even with four weeks off, that most definitely wasn’t true. “Speaking o’ which: ye make sure ye use a condom.”

“What? But we’re guys?” Josh moaned.

“Yeah, and guys
can’t
get pregnant but they
can
get STIs, plus condoms generally have extra lube, so….” I chuckled again. “Honestly, this is kind o’ fun.”

“I think you’re the only one having fun here, Ide,” Josh grumbled.

“Oh, I dunno; yer brother looks surprisingly interested,” I stage-whispered into Josh’s ear, and we both turned to stare down at a suddenly backing away Trystan.

His defense was cut short by Josh’s ring tone.

I watched as a faint look of nervous excitement washed over Josh’s face.

“It’s Chris,” he breathed.

“Well, before ye answer, best ask big brother here if yer allowed out on a date, eh?” I raised an eyebrow at Trystan, daring him to say no.

“Do what you want,” Trystan sighed. Josh squeaked with glee and then he was jumping up from my knee, pressing the phone to his ear as he ran out of the room.

I turned back from the door to find Trystan staring at me. “Did he seem all right?”

“You mean Chris?”

He nodded.

I’d got the feeling that Chris had said yes to humor me, and that he’d intended to say hi to Josh, chat to him for a bit, then go back to the bar. Unfortunately for Chris, I hadn’t really been lying when I said Josh was gorgeous, and once the youngest Jackson had gotten over his embarrassment and turned on those puppy-dog eyes, Chris’s nonchalant attitude had done a bit of a one-eighty. When a new guy had spotted the couple, he’d approached with a smile for Chris, but had quickly left to sit at the bar by himself, looking kind of peeved.

Both Chris and Josh had looked slightly irritable when I had approached their table to point out that it was getting a bit late and X-rated for Josh to be hanging around. I’d felt a lot like a brothel Madam as Chris had quickly exchanged numbers with the boy and then rewarded the doe-eyed Josh with a kiss that I imagined was not nearly as much as either of them wanted. But he’d not complained, and now he’d called, so all in all I’d decided he was a decent guy.

“Yeah, he’s nice, seems smitten. Then again, it’s not hard when the subject is Josh.”

“He’s my brother, you know.”

I let a long breath slip out from between my lips, and I busied myself at my laptop for a moment before turning back to Trystan. He was sitting on the floor leaning back against the side of my bed. He stiffened as I got up and I chuckled at him as I went past him to lie across my bed.

“Stay up here wi’ me,” I mumbled as I lay back and tucked my hands behind my head.

“Well I’m not going to go downstairs and listen to my brother flirting on the phone, am I?” I could almost hear the roll of his eyes as he spoke. That wasn’t what I had meant, but the misinterpretation was probably a good thing.

“Shove over.” I jumped half out of my skin as hands pressed into my side and pushed me farther across the bed. I turned my head to see Trystan sitting back against the headboard in the space he’d made for himself. My body thrummed where his hands had been.

I couldn’t think of anything to say. I stared up at him as he looked out across my room, and all I could think about was the mounting excitement in my chest and the way my blood felt slightly electric, so that suddenly I was hyperaware of every part of me. Maybe it was just pent-up lust, maybe if I just got it out of my system it would go away and I would return to normal. I licked my lips and suddenly only the top half of my lungs were working as Trystan turned his gaze down onto me.

I shouldn’t want him.

There were so many reasons that I shouldn’t be feeling what I felt right then. But I suddenly realized I didn’t care. My one major defense, the last stand of my head, the thought that would always still wayward notions of receiving for someone other than Dan or Echo, was stilled completely by those dark eyes fixed on mine. Eyes that I had spent most of my life hating and fearing, I realized that I now trusted.

I didn’t want to think about that.

So I concentrated on the swirling desire that warmed my body and pulled a smile onto my lips.

He said something, but I wasn’t listening. I was sitting up, twisting around, dropping one of my legs to the far side of Trystan’s hips. I could hear my ragged breathing and I tried to calm it as I straddled Trystan’s lap and slid my hands up his chest to rest against his shoulders.

“What’re you doing, Ide?”

My face was so close to his and his voice was low and breathy. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to devour his lips, to taste every inch of him, and then have him press himself against me, into me. But I knew that wasn’t how this worked; I’d have to bait him a little.

“Ye were curious, right? Of the manga? Want me to show ye?” I leaned forward to whisper against his ear and let my hands exert gentle pressure against his shoulders. Everywhere our bodies touched, mine pulsed with pleasure.

I yelped as a hand wrapped through my hair, and reluctant acceptance washed through me as I was tugged from Trystan’s lap. I was tossed back on the bed, the mattress bowed slightly under the force of it. But my brain must have been running on slow motion because the hand was still wrapped through my hair and Trystan hadn’t stormed off. He was hovering over me, and his face was creased in an irritable scowl as he glared down at me.