I Hate Summer (26 page)

“Okay, I realize this might seem weird for you, but ignoring the fact that you think I’m straight: why
wouldn’t
I like you? You’re hot as sin. We enjoy the same shit. When we’re not arguing—usually about your fucked-up lifestyle—we get on well. As for why I’ve not tried anything, I would’ve thought that was fairly self-explanatory: having some other guy’s leftovers doesn’t appeal to me. Jorja let me know what you were like after that shit in Scotland, so despite the sudden realization that I was probably bi, I decided to just steer clear of you.”

“So yer suddenly bisexual now?”

He rolled his eyes. “Hardly suddenly.”

“Fine, but if ye were so adamant about staying away from me, why the hell did ye come and stay in my house?”

“I really did need somewhere to stay,” he said with a shrug. “If I hadn’t been so fucking desperate I would’ve left that first night when you came in reeking of some other guy. In fact, that whole first week was really fucking irritating.”

“I warned—” He didn’t let me finish.

“But then I got in your bed one night, and just like that you stopped. And if I thought ignoring you was hard when you were whoring around, it was damn near impossible when you weren’t.”

“That had nothing t’ do wi’ ye.”

“Whatever, Ide.”

I ground my teeth together. “So if ye
liked
me so fricking much, why did ye take that girl home?”

“Because you’d spent that whole bloody day taunting me with stories of me blowing you in your dreams and staring at me like you wanted me to fuck you right there in the studio, and then you went and made out with that Dan guy—
in front
of me. I was as pissed off with myself for thinking you’d changed as with you.”

“Yer such an arrogant bas….” I trailed off because suddenly something that had been lurking in the back of my head when he mentioned my sister had finally slipped into place. “Jorja knew!” I didn’t ask because I didn’t need to. Everything she’d said on the phone last weekend: the half-finished sentences and the confusion when I’d told her Trystan had been with a girl. It all pointed to one thing: that she had known Trystan “liked me”—whatever the hell that meant when it was said with such a condescending smirk.

Trystan was staring at me with a look on his face that let me know he thought I was a bit simple.

“Ide,
everyone
but you knows. Your sister worked it out in Scotland, because she’s not a messed-in-the-head idiot who would assume a guy would start fooling around with another guy on a whim.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but he reached forward and pressed his lips over mine.

“Chill, I understand. If nothing else living with you has certainly made you make sense. But yeah, Meredith guessed straight off: she made some fairly blatant comments—mind you, you were there for a few of them.” He laughed lightly. “Josh knows, of course. Penny, Matt, and Jason know I’m bi, and I’m pretty sure they know I like you. Oh and I’m fairly certain Dan guessed, if the evil looks he was shooting me were anything to go by.”

I stared at him and he stared right back. The smug amusement in his chocolate-brown eyes was exaggerated by one arched eyebrow.

“So,” I spoke slowly, because it was a lot to get my head around. I lifted myself up so that I was on my side, mirroring Trystan’s pose. “Yer
bi
… and despite just calling me a ‘messed in the head idiot’, ye
like
me?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

I considered him. The words that had come out of his mouth had been a lot more complicated than any confession that I had ever received, not least because it was the first one in a long time that I was actually kind of interested in.

I stared at the man stretched out on the bed next to me. He was still butt-ass naked and yet seemed perfectly fine with it. He was staring at me with that same twinkle of arrogant amusement in his dark eyes. But it was softer than usual, toned down by what I could only assume was the result of this “like” he apparently had for me. Either way, he was seemingly happy with himself and what he was feeling and was comfortable with what we’d just done. Which had been pretty epic. And which I kind of wanted the chance to happen again. But he’d been pretty specific in explaining he didn’t like that I slept around.

Despite my own feelings for Trystan, there were a million reasons that having a jealous guy attach himself to me was a bad idea.

Yet I already knew I wasn’t really interested in other guys at the moment.

And hadn’t he been coping for the last month?

So maybe, just for now….

“So ‘like me’ as in ye don’t want me to sleep with other people?” I said after a long moment of comfortable silence had passed between us.

Trystan cocked his head to one side and a small frown passed over his face.

“Is this going to have anything to do with what Dan said at the bar that time? About you having a problem with people getting possessive of you?” He let out a slow breath and his smile was definitely slipping away. “Honestly, I get it: you’re like a magnet and honey and light all mixed together and you turn everyone around you into obsessive iron-wasp-moths.”

“What?” I asked, wondering how my simple question had turned into this—probably quite accurate—assessment of the chaos that seemed to follow me around.

“People are
drawn
to you. And I know at the end of the day that I’m as bad as everyone else. But….” He flopped back onto the bed and a weary, out of character sigh slid between his lips as he stared up at the ceiling. The lost look of resignation on his face wasn’t right on him at all.

“Bollocks. What the fuck did I think was going to happen?” he muttered mostly to himself. “I can’t ask you to stop being what you are; I know that. But fucking hell, Ide, I don’t think I can cope with….” He made an irritated sound at the back of his throat. “Ah
fuck
. Maybe we should just forget this or something.”

“Just answer the fricking question, Trys.” I snapped a little and rolled my eyes before calming my voice so my question was clear and precise. “Do ye or do ye not want me to stop sleeping wi’ other guys and only sleep wi’ ye? Which just so ye know, even in my limited experience, sounds an awful lot like dating.”

Trystan grumbled and sat up. “We already live together and go out together and now we’ve slept together. I just want you to not sleep with any fucker that asks you.”

“So that’s a yes; ye only want me to sleep wi’ ye?” I pressed as he stared down at me.

His face contorted, reluctance ingrained in every muscle, but he nodded.

“Okay,” I said.

He stared down at me, and I stared right back. He opened his mouth to say something. Then he shut it again, and I felt a smile creep over my lips, because his astonishment was hilarious and I had finally left him speechless. I sat up and arched an eyebrow.

“Ye can kiss me now if ye like, straight guy,” I suggested gently. “Or do I need to change yer name to bi guy…? Hmm, doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. And if ye think that ye can go off and shag girls whenever ye like just ’cause ye give yerself an indecisive label, then ye are—” I was cut off by lips sealing over mine. And I wasn’t too bothered.

He pressed me back onto the bed, covering my body with his.

“Did you draw that out on purpose, you pain in the ass?” he muttered as he broke the kiss and stared down at me. He was brushing his hand gently through my hair, and I found I quite liked the possessive connotations of it.

“It’s not ma fault ye started going on about iron wasps and refused to answer ma perfectly clear question.”

“Why you little….” He kissed me again and I grinned into it. My body felt amazing: exhausted and content and warm and protected as he lay over me.

“But ye should know—” I broke the kiss and grinned up at him. I ran one hand through his dark hair, and the other I let drift down his back and rest against his ass. I took a handful of that solid muscle between my fingers and squeezed. “—if yer going to keep me t’ yerself, I’m not going to let ye get away wi’ not switching.”

“Oh fuck.” His eyes darkened. His tongue came out to dart over his teeth, and I watched his cheeks blush and his pupils dilate.

“Pardon?” I asked archly, because he’d mumbled something so quietly that I hadn’t been able to hear it. Although if the flush on his face was anything to go by, I could hazard a guess at what he’d said.

“That’s fine.”

“Only fine? Ye seemed kind o’ into it when I tried it out before.”

“Fucking hell, Ide. You can do me if that’s what it takes.” He struggled to get the words out and I laughed gently at him.

“Don’t look so scared. Believe me, when ye tried to recruit me to deflower yer brother, ye picked an expert, eh?” He scowled a little at the mention of his brother, and I reached up so I could whisper in his ear. “If ye thought a finger was nice, yer’ve no fricking idea….” I pressed a kiss against the side of his face. “But not tonight. I’ll surprise ye with it one day, eh?”

“Fucking hell, I think I’d rather get it over and done with.”

This time my laugh was edged with a smirk to give Trystan a run for his money. “Now where’s the fun in that?”

I
WOKE
up with a smile on my face. And I may have been an idiot for it, but I ignored the voice at the back of my head and snuggled into the body pressed against the side of me. I had missed it, and I knew that was almost as ridiculous as the warm contentment inside of me because it had been months since Scotland and he’d only broken his promise not to touch me once when he’d been living in my room. So how my body had decided in five or six mornings that this was what it wanted, I do not know. But I inhaled and filled my lungs with the scent of Trystan.

I unwrapped myself with a last look at Trystan’s sleeping face. I would have loved to stay right there and wake him up slowly—maybe tease him a little about bottoming—but I had an essay to write, a duvet cover to wash, and I’d agreed to meet Patrick at the climbing wall at midday. I made sure the sleeping bag was draped back over him as I went to shower and turn the washing machine on.

“So.”

I winced as Josh’s single syllable wove through the kitchen and stabbed me straight through the back of my neck. I eyed my cup of tea and wished the kettle had boiled faster so I could have avoided this. But I also suspected that Josh had probably been waiting for me.

Josh wasn’t an idiot, but it didn’t take a genius to work out what had happened: Trystan hadn’t gone back to his room last night, my sheets were in the washing machine, and I’d just got out of the shower even though I’d had one last night before I’d taken Josh to the bar. And that wasn’t even including Trystan’s words through the door or my rather breathy reply.

I turned with a sigh and fixed my gaze on the sixteen-year-old that had—through no fault of his own—caused me quite a lot of trouble. Well maybe he had some fault, as he definitely hadn’t had to throw himself at me all those times. But I was fine with admitting that it had mostly been my less than standard attitude toward sex and relationships that had caused the vast majority of the problems I’d found myself with. I knew I wasn’t generally that nice a person. The problem was that the way Josh was looking at me—had always looked at me—made me think he didn’t realize that.

“So…. I get to hear what you sound like during sex, with my
brother
?”

I gave an imperceptible shake of my head at the timing and because Josh looked angry but also like he was about to cry. I wanted to hug him, but I wasn’t sure if that would make it better or worse.

“So you really were just not interested in me? It wasn’t because you were getting over James.” He stalked over to stand in front of me and glare up into my face. His eyes were ringed with deep gray circles, and I wondered how much he’d slept last night. “Was it just a game to you this whole time, like Trys said? You’re just a fucking whore?”

“Meh.” I cuffed him lightly round the head then bent down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “One, ye came on to me, remember? Two, don’t try and badmouth yer brother to get to me again—he called me worse to my face last night.” I was kind of irritated but I kept my voice neutral as I stared down at him. “And three, yes I am a whore, but I wasn’t messing; I would have fucked ye—happily. Do ye feel better now ye know that? I would’ve fucked ye, and ye would’ve liked it, and ye would’ve wanted more, and I wouldn’t have been able to give it to ye. And we’d still be here having exactly the same conversation. And the only way ye’d get t’ be wi’ me is joining the group with Dan and the others? Ye think ye’d be okay wi’ that?”

He stared at me in silence and I could see my words trying to get through to him, but he was still pissed off.

“I wouldn’t mind….”

“The hell ye would. Ye think how me and Dan were last night was embarrassing? That was toned down, like to nothing, and ye were still squirming. Ye’d never cope wi’ Dan on normal mode, never mind Ashlie and Echo, for God’s sake.” I leaned down into his face because he looked like he was going to argue. “Ye want to know how many times I’ve been fucked by Dan in the toilets of that bar?” I whispered. “Ye want to know how many times I’ve sucked Echo off while doing it or watched Ashlie do the same while I fuck some random…? I can’t tell ye ’cause I’ve fricking lost count.”

To be fair to him, Josh only flinched a little.

“You’re telling me Trystan is fine with that?” he cut back archly as I straightened.

“Trys didn’t ask me to stop,” I answered simply. “I offered.”

“What about Dan? He likes you, and he’s never tried to change you. I could understand Dan, but Trys isn’t even gay!”

I really just wanted to drink my tea and go back to my room and possibly spend an hour in bed with Trystan before I had to get on with everything else. But Josh still looked upset and angry, and while part of me wanted to leave him to stew, there was a part of me that felt responsible for him now.

“Look, Josh, I get it, ye’d probably never met anyone like me before, right? Gay and out and not bothered? And ye threw yerself at me because ye wanted to try, and that is fine. But think about it for a second, what kind o’ guy does that make me that would accept that? That would make out wi’ a kid and think about doing stuff to them. Even if I resisted, I still thought about it.”