I Am Yours (Heartbeat #3) (7 page)

Chapter Fourteen
Adam

“Katie, can I come in? We have to talk.” I rap on her door, refusing to budge until she opens it. I wanted to take her aside the minute they got back from the cafe. But when she saw me sitting next to Kelly on the porch, she ran straight up to her room.

“Go away!” Her voice is muffled, but it sounds like she’s crying. I hate that she had to find out like this. If she’d only let me explain…but I’m just kidding myself. There’s no way I can justify my actions. She’s everything that’s pure and decent and good. Now that she knows the truth, why would she want anything to do with a loser like me?

“I’m going to sit outside your door all night if that’s what it takes. I’m not giving up on whatever this is between us and neither should you.” I prop my shoulder against the doorframe, praying that she can somehow find it in her heart to forgive me.

“You’re a liar and a cheat and I never want to see you again.” Her voice is closer now, like she’s pressed up against the door. I let my fingers glide over the wood where I imagine her face to be.

“You’re right. I am.” I’m not here to fight with her if that’s what she thinks. “But I only did it because of you.”

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to say something like that. Who the hell do you think you are?” She’s enraged. Maybe I went too far with that last remark.

“It’s true. I was lonely. I was drunk…and Kelly reminded me so much of you. There’s no denying I was weak.” I rest my head against the wall, wishing for the millionth time that that night in February never happened. “I couldn’t get over the fact of losing you and never getting the opportunity to kiss you or—”

“Stop it!” She beats her hand against the door, causing it to shudder.

“Katie, I’m being brutally honest with you because I think you deserve to hear the truth, no matter how ugly it is.” I place my hands up to the wall like I’m being handcuffed. She’s my judge and my jury now. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes since the day you died…or the day I thought you died. I don’t know. Nothing makes sense anymore.”

I close my eyes and hear her sniffle. It’s killing me to not be able to hold her, comfort her. It’s like we’re on the edge of breaking up or something. I can’t let that happen. Not now. Not after I’ve only just found her again.

“I didn’t deal with my pain like a man, that’s for sure. I acted like a spoiled brat who didn’t get his way. I took it out on everyone around me, using women to make myself feel better. Only it didn’t work.” My ribs are burning as I stretch my arms even higher on the wall. I want to them to hurt. I want to feel like I’m being punished. She deserves some type of retribution for my betrayal. “But I couldn’t escape your face. Everywhere I looked, you were there. I couldn’t get you out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. I was willing to do anything to escape your hold on me.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” she mutters softly in defeat. “You’re not the Adam I’ve come to love. You’re someone else, someone I don’t even recognize.”

My heart plummets. She can’t be serious. I need to convince her that I can change, that I can win her back. “Tell me about your Adam. What’s he like?” It rips me apart to utter those words, but I’ll do whatever it takes. If she wants me to become some fantasy of hers, I will. I’m tethered to this girl, body and soul. There’s no going back now. There’s no breaking this bond between us.

She doesn’t speak right away, but when she does, her voice is strong, like she’s firm in her convictions, believing every word. “He’s a guy who’s willing to walk through fire for me. He’s always there when I need him. His love for me never wavers.”

Man, how can I compete with that? It’s downright impossible. No guy can live up to such high standards, especially someone as flawed as I am. I take a tremulous breath, trying to settle my nerves. This isn’t going to be easy.

“I’m no saint, Katie. And I hope you don’t expect me to be, or else I’m afraid I’m going to continue to disappoint you.” Her body thumps against the door and I’m pretty sure she has turned her back on me. Gathering my determination, I keep going. “But I do know what it means to be faithful to one girl. I’ll admit it’s been a while, but before your death, I was only with one other person.”

To try to understand her better, I think back on the feelings I had when April cheated on me with another guy. I practically left California because of it. I opened up to her, bared my soul, but I guess she wasn’t impressed. April didn’t want to know the real me. She just wanted to fool around. Apparently, I didn’t offer enough to hold her interest. She got bored and moved on.

I’ll die if that’s how Katie thinks I view her.

“But when I was holding you in my arms in that freezing cold parking lot, it’s like you shifted something inside of me. You fused together what was broken and made me whole again. It was an unbelievable feeling, like you were a superhero fixing me with your special powers.” I laugh, mocking myself for such a lame analogy. I’ll never be able to express aloud what I’m trying to explain. The only way I’ll ever convince her is by my actions, if she’d only give me the chance.

I see movement beneath the crack in the floorboard. She’s getting to her feet, probably fed up with my mediocre attempt at declaring my love. She’s heard enough. There’s nothing more I can do.

But my heart somersaults when the lock clicks. She doesn’t turn the knob. She doesn’t open the door. But she’s no longer barring my entry. It’s like she’s leaving the choice up to me. I want to barge in and smother her with kisses, but I have to think before I leap. What I do in the next five minutes is most likely going to determine our destiny. If I mess this up, there’s no going back. Life doesn’t give third chances.

I remove the band that’s holding back my hair. Instantly, I feel more like myself. I can do this. I want her. It’s as simple as that. There will never be anyone else for me. I only hope she feels the same way. I know I can make her fall in love with me again. It’s the reason I’m drawing breath on this planet. I exist for her and nothing else.

Twisting the knob, I slowly open the door. She’s sitting on the bed, staring out the window, her red hair cascading down her back. My heart contracts at the sheer beauty before me. I ache for all the time that was wasted—all those months we unknowingly spent apart. How did I think touching someone else could make me feel the way I do now from just looking at her? There’s no comparison. No one can fill her place. There’s only one Katie.

I should feel self-conscious, even hesitant around her, but I don’t. All I want to do is touch her. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she’s alive. She’s not buried in the ground somewhere. She’s right in front of my eyes. A living, breathing miracle who came back for me. I don’t care if she’s mad or intends to hate me for the rest of her life. She’s here, and that’s all that matters. I’ll never get tired of begging for her forgiveness as long as I get to look at her and see the fire in her eyes.

I close the door quietly behind me and lock it. This causes her head to turn sharply to the side but she keeps her back to me. She didn’t expect me to do that, but there’s no way I’m letting someone walk in on what I intend to do. Kicking off my shoes, I leave them and head toward the dresser that is still covered with candles. I strike a match and begin lighting them one by one. When I’m done, I pause for a moment to study my reflection in the mirror. It’s strange but I feel like I haven’t seen the person looking back at me in quite some time. Just being in the same room with her is like I’m finally coming back to who I was before the accident. I don’t know where I’ve been these last few months, but standing in her presence, I feel like myself again.

Before I can chicken out, I start unbuttoning my shirt. My fingers are shaking but I manage to get the job done, throwing it over the back of a nearby chair. When the buckle on my belt clinks, I see her begin to tremble. Unzipping my shorts, they fall to the ground and I step out of them. Finally, I yank the elastic on my boxers and remove them as well. I’ve never felt so vulnerable.

Urging myself forward, I move directly behind her. She’s breathing heavily. She knows what I just did and I don’t want to scare her. This isn’t a show of dominance on my part. It’s one of submission. I’m taking all of the power and giving it back to her.

“You own me, Katie Turner.” Desire fills my voice, dropping it an octave lower. “You can do whatever you’d like to me.” I refrain for from reaching out and touching her. I want her to come to me. “If you want to hit me, scratch me, punch me, I’ll take it. If you want to yank my hair, spit on me, kick me, I’ll endure it. I deserve to be punished. Leave your mark on my body. Show me how much I hurt you. Then show me again. Because I’m prepared to withstand anything in order to keep you by my side.”

Crying out in frustration, she spins around, smacking me hard across the face. I’m momentarily stunned, but she’s not done. On her knees before me, she begins pummeling me with her fists. I remain stoic. My arms are at my sides, letting her vent her anger. I don’t have it in me to resist her. She’s flushed as her hair gets in her face but she doesn’t stop. Instead, she digs her nails into my shoulders, throwing me onto the bed with her. I collapse chest down, and she straddles me, sitting on my back. Pinning my wrists with one hand, she wrestles me to the side and my ribs send a searing shot through my body. Grabbing a chunk of my hair, she pulls it as hard as she can until tears start to form behind my eyes. She yanks my neck back as far as it will go, and I can’t help yelling out in pain. Releasing her grip, she roughly grabs me by the arm, flipping me onto my back.

I’m laid out in front of her, and she takes in every inch of me. I wish I weren’t aroused right now, but I am. This wasn’t meant to be a sexual thing. I have a pretty good idea she’s a virgin, and if we do ever end up sleeping together, it’s not going to go down like this. I just want to show her that she’s in charge of wherever this goes. I relinquish all control to her. She’s my master now. She always was.

She tries not to look below my waist, but her eyes keep darting away and flicking back. She’s curious. She’s never seen a man before. I don’t move a muscle and let her examine me. I still haven’t touched her, and it’s getting harder and harder to resist. I raise my arms and clutch the sides of the bed, tightly gripping the mattress. My chest is rising and falling rapidly, and blood is beginning to drip from the nail marks in my shoulders. Her inhibitions are lowered, and if she decides to move things in another direction, I’m a goner.

But her head snaps toward the door when the floor creaks. Someone’s pacing outside. She looks at me beseechingly, but I don’t know what she wants. Her change in demeanor is so sudden that it takes me a minute to catch up. But she doesn’t wait. Instead, she jumps off the bed and rushes across the room.

Hastily, I reach for some of the bedding to cover myself. I don’t know who’s out there and I don’t want to start a family war. Let’s just say Katie’s aunt and uncle would be none too pleased to find me naked on her bed, especially after just finding out that I’m the father of their impending grandchild.

But Katie doesn’t whip open the door after unlocking it. Instead, she places her ear against it. Seeing her like this, I have a visual of how she must have looked talking to me moments ago. It makes me even more grateful to be on the other side. She listens for a few more minutes before beckoning me to join her.

Leaving the safety and security of the bed, I walk toward her, and this time she doesn’t look away. When I get near enough, she mouths the words, “Kiss me.” I don’t think that’s such a good idea considering the state I’m in and I start to shake my head when she throws herself at me. Her lips crash onto mine even though she can barely reach them standing on her toes. Feeling her pressed up against my naked body is more than I can take. I moan as I pick her up and she responds audibly. As she gets louder, it’s clear she’s intent on putting on quite a show for whoever’s eavesdropping.

I back against the wall, and for the first time, I can hear a voice. It’s Kelly, and it sounds like she’s talking to someone on the phone. But why is she having such a heated conversation right outside Katie’s room?

“Yes, I can hear them. What, do you think I’m stupid? They’re probably humping each other right now,” Kelly exclaims, somewhat agitated. “Of course I’m not jealous. Why would I be?”

Katie comes up for air, breaking our lip lock. “Who’s she talking to?” she whispers so low I have to strain to catch what she’s saying.

Knowing that we can easily get caught if I respond out loud, I simply shrug my shoulders.

“Do you want me to call Adam’s phone and break it up?” Kelly’s demanding voice cuts through our speculation.

Realizing it’s gotten too quiet, Katie kisses me again, groaning for all it’s worth. I laugh into her mouth as her tongue silences mine. Her lips are already swollen and she tastes incredible. I don’t want to stop, but she pulls away to listen again.

“It worked this morning, just like it always does.” I freeze in place. I don’t remember my phone ringing this morning.

My eyes find Katie’s and she nods. She was there when I woke up, so she’d know. Seeing her confirm what I have no recollection of unnerves me.

“All right, already. I’ll call him now. But eventually they’re gonna get together where I can’t spy on them, and then all bets are off.” She sighs dramatically. “How can I forget? I’m just the lowly assistant. You’re the expert.”

Katie wrinkles her brow and I’m more confused than ever, but we don’t have time to ponder Kelly’s meaning because my phone rings and I blank out.

My arms go stiff, and instead of lowering Katie gently from my arms, I drop her unceremoniously onto the floor and step away from her. Robotically, I move toward my shorts, which are lying in a discarded heap. When I reach clumsily for my phone, it falls out of my pocket, hitting the carpet. It’s already on the fifth ring when suddenly it stops ringing.

“Adam, what the hell?” Katie whispers loudly, rubbing her backside. “You didn’t have to let me fall.”