I Am Yours (Heartbeat #3) (11 page)

“Katie, if we have any chance of moving forward, you’re going to have to tell me.” He runs his fingers down my arm in a soothing gesture, but I don’t feel the least bit comforted. Instead, I feel ambushed.

“So sex is that important to you, huh?” Now it’s my turn to be angry.

“That’s not what I—” He starts backpedaling, but I won’t let him.

“Sure it is. It’s all guys think about. You can’t deal with the fact that you finally found your dream girl and she doesn’t want to fuck you.” I never swear, but I need to get my point across somehow. “Admit it. It’s a blow to your ego.”

“No, it sounds like a cry for help from a damaged girl.” He’s right, but his statement burns through my soul.

“And you’re not damaged? Give me a break. At least I don’t whore myself out to deal with my problems.” I’m twisting things back onto him to avoid this line of questioning.

“Yeah, and it really brought me clarity, didn’t it? I was only covering up my pain, but in a different way. We’re both alike whether you want to admit it or not.” The rawness of his voice kills me. He’s opening himself up, letting it all hang out—his mistakes, his flaws, his insecurities. But I’m too buttoned up to do the same; I’m crueler than he ever could be. I’m denying him any form of intimacy, be it emotional or physical. I think I’m inaccessible, but he’s knocking down my barriers one by one like he knows them by name.

“Where do you get off comparing me to you? You’re the one who couldn’t deal with his shit and got somebody pregnant.” There, I said it. I was trying so hard not to throw it back in his face, but he drove me to it.

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?” Adam smacks his hand loudly against the railing. “I don’t want it coming between us because there’s nothing I can do about it now. Besides, this is about more than just the baby, isn’t it?”

“Try and double talk me all you want, Adam. It’s not going to change the fact that you slept with my freaking cousin. I don’t care if she ended up pregnant or not. You still lied to me, and you were going to keep lying to me if Brian hadn’t let everyone in on your little secret.” I’m so angry I can hardly see straight. I slide away from him, bracing myself against the wall. I can’t stand to be near him right now.

“Katie, we can rehash this all you want, but if you can’t get past it, this relationship isn’t going to work.” His eyes are like daggers, drilling into me. This is not how I pictured things going with him.

“Do you want me to leave?” I start to stand when he grabs me by the arm.

“No, I want you to talk to me.” He’s pleading with me to let him in. “What did that guy do to you?”

“Why are you so obsessed with this? It’s nothing.” His persistence is overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him?

“Then why are you trying to hide it?” He’s pushing me to a place I don’t want to go. He’s going to be sorry for opening this Pandora’s box that I don’t have the ability to close.

“I’m not.” I roll my eyes, exasperated.

He’s relentless, pressing his advantage. I can’t outmaneuver him verbally and he knows it. I’m either going to shut down and walk away or take a chance and tell him everything. There’s no middle ground left for me to stand on.

“You know Kelly’s boss?” I’m still deciding how to approach this. Where do I even start?

“Katie, if you’re going to avoid—” He turns away from me, disgusted.

“I’ve been seeing him.” I keep my voice steady, trying not to provoke him any further.

“Like…dating him?” He’s startled as he whirls around, his eyes locking on mine.

“No, not like that.” My inner shyness rears its head, setting my cheeks on fire.

“You mean professionally?” He looks at me thoughtfully. I can see his mind working, piecing things together.

“I was a participant in one of his studies.” For what good it did me. I certainly don’t feel miraculously cured, that’s for sure.

“But you’re not anymore?” He picks up on my use of the past tense, and here I thought he’d be more interested in what kind of study it was.

“No, I refused to complete the requirements.” It’s bizarre, but I stifle the urge to laugh. I sound ridiculous, even to myself. “I was supposed to go on a date with someone, but I wouldn’t.”

“That’s all?” The corner of his mouth twitches like he’s trying to suppress a grin. “Why was that so hard?”

“Because I didn’t want to go out with just anyone. I wanted to go out with…you.” There, I finally said it. I may as well admit that he’s my weakness. “But until a few days ago, I thought I’d made you up. I was wishing for someone who didn’t exist, and now you do.”

“I can relate to that.” He smiles up at me and my heart melts.

“Yeah, I bet you can.” I relax, smiling back at him.

“So what was the study about?” His fingers find mine, gripping them softly. “Because I don’t think it was about how to survive a traumatic workplace environment like the one Kelly pitched to me.”

“Wait a minute. What?” My head spins, and I squeeze his hand, trembling.

“When she was here in February, she kept pestering me to talk to Dr. Savoy and telling me about how he could help me cope.” His thumb grazes my knuckles, and it’s the only thing holding me together.

“Did you?” I hold my breath, waiting for his response.

“Yeah, I talked to him once, but it didn’t do any good. So I figured, why bother?” He huffs, indicating how preposterous it was to him. “Did he help you at all?”

“I’m not sure.” I never thought about the benefit of our conversations in such clear-cut terms before.

“Well, you’re here with me. That has to be a plus.” He chuckles, bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing it gently. “But I still owe you that date.”

“You were naked on my bed. I think that counts.” I can’t look at him as my face turns a deeper shade of crimson.

“What I wouldn’t give to have that happen again.” He glides my pinky finger into his mouth, and I gasp.

“Adam…” I sigh, not sure if I’m enjoying the sensation of his tongue on my finger or not. He falls back onto the steps, bringing my body to rest on top of him. He releases my finger, preferring my mouth. I kiss him back, but I’m pulled out of the moment when his hands find their way beneath my skirt.

“We’ll take it slow,” he whispers against my lips. “I just want you to get used to me touching you. I won’t hurt you, I swear.”

My lungs constrict when his fingers reach my inner thigh.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he murmurs as he rocks his hips, positioning me over him. “I won’t let you fall.”

He thumbs the rim of my panties, and I grab his shoulder, bunching his shirt in my fist.

“See, doesn’t that feel good?” He buries his face in my neck, arching up to meet me. “My sweet Katie…”

He stretches back the elastic and I’m about to hyperventilate.

Every muscle in my body clenches when he slides a finger under the thin strip of fabric.

“Please stop,” I whimper, starting to shake.

He eases back out. “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

I convulse against his chest, but mentally I shut down. He holds me, rubbing my shoulders, no doubt wondering what just happened.

“I’m so sorry, Katie. But you wouldn’t tell me and—” He breaks off, unsure of what to do or say.

“Now you know,” I say dully, unable to meet his eyes. “I was drunk. A guy I knew took advantage of me.” His chest tightens. “Not all the way, but close enough.” Adam holds on, not letting go. “Dr. Savoy was trying to help me, but I guess I’m still not over it.”

“I swear to God, Katie, I’m going to help you through this if it’s the last thing I do.” His hand rests firmly in my hair, cradling the back of my head. “No pressure, no expectations, okay?”

“And what if you can’t fix me, Adam? What then?” I sob against the softness of his touch. “What if I can’t…?”

“Shhh, don’t say that.” His breath is warm as it brushes my forehead. “We’ll get there, Katie. I promise.”

Chapter Nineteen
Jada

It’s now or never, but I’m so not looking forward to this.

I ring the doorbell and try not to look at Adam’s Neon sitting in the driveway. I can’t think about the last time I was here. It seems like our walk in the woods happened a lifetime ago. For all I know, maybe it did, because now he’s drifting in a completely different orbit with someone else. I mean, whose secret crush comes back from the dead? Yeah, that’s what I’d call normal.

And it’s not like Katie wasn’t in the picture before. She was basically all Adam and I talked about anyway— Katie infiltrating his nightmares, Katie causing his massive guilt trip, Katie making him oblivious to every other girl. I’m so sick of Katie fucking Turner.

So it’s no wonder I groan when I see her descending the stairs to let me in.

“Jada, hey. When did you get back?” Katie glances over my shoulder as if expecting to see someone behind me. Too bad, I’m alone.

“Today.” I deliberately keep things brief. I’m not here to chitchat. “Is Adam around?”

“He’s…in bed,” she stammers. I want to overlook the fact that all she’s wearing is one of his shirts, but it’s kind of hard when she’s throwing their sex life back in my face. It doesn’t help that it’s the same Tri-County Ambulance shirt Adam let me borrow.

“Tough.” I brush past her and jog up the stairs. I need to see him.

“Jada, wait! It’s not what you think.” Shutting the door, she clambers after me.

“Oh, I bet. Trust me, sister. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Ignoring her, I keep going until I reach the landing. But she surprises me by sprinting ahead to block the entrance with her body.

“You can’t go in there. Jada, he’s exhausted. He finally fell asleep and I’m not going to have you go storming in there, waking him up.” Katie juts out her chin, defying me to challenge her.

“Look, I get it. The two of you hooked up and you want him all to yourself.” I prop an elbow against the wall, ready to wait her out. “But I’m not here about that.”

“We didn’t…you know.” She can’t even say it. “He’s just tired from driving and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go in there and rile him up. He’s had more than enough drama for one day.”

“Why don’t you let him decide for himself, huh?” Ducking under her outstretched arm, I sneak into the living room. Nothing much has changed except that Katie’s belongings are spewed all over the place. Her rabbit-eared cell phone cover is on the table. Her lace-trimmed hoodie is draped over the couch. Her pink Converse sneakers are in front of the TV. Seeing all of her girly shit in his apartment makes me want to hurl.

“Jada, c’mon. Don’t do this,” she begs, reaching for my arm.

But I shake her off and keep going. The door to his room is partially closed but I barge in anyway. The blinds are drawn and I can just make out the outline of his body under the blanket. But he’s not peaceful or at rest. He’s thrashing wildly, on the verge of falling out of the bed.

“Adam, wake up!” I don’t even hesitate. I rush to his side. The only nightmare of his I witnessed happened in his car before we got to the motel, but this is nothing like the one I remember. This is awful. He’s in such distress. I shake his shoulder but he doesn’t respond. “What the heck is wrong with him? Why won’t he snap out of it?”

“I don’t know. The last time I couldn’t wake him either.” Katie sits on the other side of the bed as we form a makeshift barrier to keep him from tumbling onto the floor. “It’s like he goes somewhere else when he’s having these dreams.”

“Think, Katie. How did he come out of it before?” I’m agitated as hell but I need her to guide me through this. “It’s important.”

“His phone rang.” The look she gives me over Adam’s stricken body chills me to the bone. She’s seems absolutely terrified as he starts rotating his arms as if he were swimming.

“Katie…” he mumbles under his breath. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not, Adam. I’m right here.” She grasps his hand to keep him from moving. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Her remark feels like acid being poured across my heart, but I have to let it go. Adam needs me to think clearly, not get caught up in my emotions. I’m scared that he’s going to go into a seizure or something. This is not good.

“Where’s his phone? Is it in here?” I glance around the room, but it’s too dim. I can’t see for crap.

“It should be.” Katie struggles to hold on to Adam as she blindly gropes the nightstand. “I don’t…”

Then everything stops when his phone rings. It’s not a normal ring, more like a piercing whistle. Adam goes still. Then he starts blinking his eyes. Katie and I look at each other in amazement.

“That’s what happened before. It’s that same shrill sound. I’d know it anywhere,” Katie whispers, trying not to disturb Adam as he slowly regains consciousness.

“Shit,” I mutter, almost to myself.

“What? You’ve heard it before?” Katie asks, desperate for my confirmation.

“No, but I’ve read about it.” I don’t want to have this conversation with her, but there’s no getting around it.

“Jada? What are you doing here?” Groggily, Adam reaches over, taking my hand in his. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Katie look away, no doubt hurt that I’m the one he responded to first.

“I have some pretty big news. That’s why I came over.” His aquamarine eyes hold mine, making it hard to keep my train of thought. He’s never given me that look before. It’s like the one he gave Katie when he saw her for the first time. But why is he looking at me like that with Katie sitting inches away on his bed? He must still be coming out of his dream. That’s the only possible explanation. He’s confusing me with her.

“I’m so sorry, Jada, for how things ended back at that bar.” Adam yawns, stretching his arms. He’s not wearing a shirt, and I can’t help but notice the way his muscles ripple against the sheet. I know this isn’t the time or place, but damn it’s such a turn on. I cross my legs tightly, trying to fight the surge of arousal coursing through my body. I can’t think about what almost happened that night in the motel room. I can’t or I’m going to lose it.

“That’s funny. I thought you just went to pick up Brian.” Katie raises an eyebrow, and it’s like Adam finally realizes she’s there.

“Katie…” He smiles contentedly at her, but it’s not how his eyes were blazing at me a second ago. He strokes her arm with his thumb. “I went to check on Brian and Jada was there.” He seems to lose interest in her, quickly turning his attention back to me. “You didn’t have to hide at the wedding, Jada. You were invited, you know.”

“You saw me?” I play dumb, refusing to acknowledge the silent conversation we had across the dunes.

“Of course,” he chuckles like it’s some private joke between the two of us. “You’re my partner, aren’t you?”

Katie gasps and I can’t say that I blame her. What the hell is he doing? Why is he flirting with me in front of her?

“Not anymore.” My voice is firm, causing his smile to falter.

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” He grips my hand even tighter like he’s staking his claim. “I wish I never listened to Talbot’s voice mail.”

“Why don’t you say what you came here to say, Jada?” Katie jumps in, steering the conversation back on course. Her expression is pained as she observes the interaction between Adam and me. It can’t be easy for her. I should know.

“About that…I think Brian should be the one to tell you since he’s the one who figured it out. But he’s still sore over everything that went down and he didn’t want to get you involved until he had absolute proof. So I was going to swipe your phone for him instead, but I guess that plan’s out the window.” My brow creases as they both stare a hole through me.

“We noticed something was wrong with his phone, too,” Katie pipes up, surprising me. “Those sharp whistle calls aren’t even recorded. None of them appear in the log.”

“I don’t hear them at all,” Adam admits glumly. “If it weren’t for you and Katie, I’d have no clue they were even coming through.”

“It’s because someone is messing with you.” I don’t want to be the one to have to tell them, but I can’t walk away, leaving them in the dark. They deserve to know.

“But who? I don’t know many electronic geniuses that can wipe a phone’s memory. Why would anyone go to so much trouble for a stupid prank?” Adam releases my hand, as well as Katie’s, as he pushes away the covers. Immediately, I miss the warmth of his fingers against my skin. I live for the moments when he’s tender with me, and I can’t stand that I’m upsetting him. I hate myself for it.

“Because it’s not some little prank. It’s way more complicated than that.” I gauge his reaction as he measures my words. “There’s a lot at stake. You’ve basically been a guinea pig without even realizing it. The two of you, actually.”

“Oh my God,” Katie moans as she slides off the bed, hiding her face in her hands.

“Jada, stop scaring her, will ya?” Adam throws his legs over the side in order to comfort Katie as she visibly starts to tremble. “You’re making more out of this than what it’s worth. It can’t be that bad.”

“No, she’s right, Adam.” Katie’s voice shakes, confirming my suspicions. “I had a feeling something like this might be going on, but I didn’t want to believe it. Oh God, it’s all starting to make sense now.”

“What is?” Adam’s gaze switches from her to me. “Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?”

“It’s Dr. Savoy, Kelly’s boss,” I say dispassionately as the anger in his eyes zeroes in on me. “He’s conducting experimental research on mind control and he placed you and Katie in his test group without your permission. He’s been getting inside your heads, manipulating your dreams since February.”

“But…but how?” Adam struggles to form a complete sentence. “This is crazy. I’ve never even met this guy. How can he be controlling my mind?” Adam gets to his feet and frantically begins to pace. “This is just something Brian cooked up to get back at Kelly, isn’t it? And now he’s dragging you into it. Unbelievable!”

“Adam, I don’t think—” Katie starts, but I don’t let her finish.

“Brian didn’t want to talk to you about it until he could prove his case. He knew you wouldn’t buy into his story without concrete proof. So he was going to have a friend of his take a look at your phone to see what they did to it.” Adam sighs heavily like I’m spouting a bunch of nonsense while Katie hangs on my every word, panic-stricken. “Guys, I saw Dr. Savoy’s notes. He’s not fooling around. He’s really doing shit like this to people, and Kelly’s the one recruiting them.” I should stop now. I’ve said too much. I’m only going to make things more confusing than they already are.

“So you’re telling me that Brian goes snooping through Kelly’s stuff, copies some of her boss’s confidential files, then starts making wild accusations against an Ivy League professor just because I got his girlfriend pregnant?” Adam shakes his head at me like I’m the gullible one. “Jada, I thought you were smarter than that. You can’t fall for his conspiracy theories. He does stuff like this all the time.”

“But Adam, I saw the documents. Savoy needs funding before he can get the green light on this. He has to show that what he’s doing doesn’t cause any long-term side effects, but the university won’t allow him to hold clinical trials because it’s too risky. They don’t want to be held accountable. So he ignored them and went off on his own.” The details still amaze me even after reading the reports several times. It’s downright scary, imagining the lengths this man will go to.

“And let me guess, who’s withholding the funding? The government?” Adam asks, mocking me.

“Yeah, but…” I pause. What if Brian really is leading me down the wrong path? Saying all of this out loud makes it sound even crazier than reading it in a file.

“That’s what I figured,” Adam grunts, laughing bitterly.

“It’s all about helping people deal with trauma—soldiers coming home from war, rape victims, children involved in school shootings, you name it. The market on post-traumatic stress disorder is huge. If he’s successful in his attempts, he stands to make a fortune. Sure, he’s still working out the bugs, but basically what he does is sync patients’ phones with his online network. First, he bombards them with subliminal messages during a one-on-one visit which are later reinforced in a dream state. He triggers it with a preprogrammed sound coming from the phone, taking hypnosis to a whole new level. When they wake up, they think their dreams are real, and Savoy gets rid of their bad memories from the inside out.” I swallow. It’s a mouthful and I don’t really understand all of the ins and outs, but that’s the gist of it. “Bottom line, this type of mind manipulation is something the government is dying to get its hands on and they’ll pay top dollar to the first one who manages to do it successfully. But no one’s even come close—until now.”

“But why would Kelly do this to me? I’m her cousin!” Katie props her head against the mattress, looking blindly up at the ceiling. “I’m not some lab rat.”

“Katie, you don’t actually believe any of this?” Adam glances at her worriedly.

“Yeah, I think I do.” Katie sniffles, utterly dejected. “I hate to admit it, but it’s not that far-fetched. In February, Kelly came to see me before she stayed with you, and there are long stretches of time when I was talking to Dr. Savoy that I don’t remember. She could have easily done something to my phone when I spaced out. Maybe she showed me your picture and started filling my head with thoughts of you. Because that night I went to bed and you were there in my dream.” Katie’s voice is so low I can barely hear her. “It all fits.”

“Adam, your nightmares fall into the same time frame.” I don’t want to argue with him, but he’s being so ridiculously stubborn. “Even if you can’t remember precisely when they started, they did begin shortly after the accident. There’s no denying that.”

“But I don’t get it. Why did I dream about Katie, thinking she was the girl who died in the accident? Explain that.” Openly defiant, he beats his fist against the wall.

“Adam, I can’t. I don’t have all the answers and neither does Brian. We’re still trying to piece everything together. We didn’t want to involve you until it was absolutely necessary. We were hoping we were wrong, but it doesn’t look like that’s the case.” I move to the foot of the bed, staring at Adam’s back, wishing he’d turn around.