Hurricane Butterfly (8 page)

Chapter 17

~Just breathe~

My fingers touch the purple red mark on my inner thigh where Josh has marked me.

Being with him was the most terrifying and thrilling experience, I’ve ever had. There was a strange mysterious feeling inside of me that took control of my body and mind. The anticipation when he looks at me with his eyes the color of a storm brewing, the explosion, which sets me off as one orgasm rolls into the next, pushing me over the edge of no return. The soft groan coming from his throat when he opens me up, torturously slow with a promise of unfathomable pleasure.

The girl in the mirror staring back at me isn’t a scared insecure virgin who is ashamed of her body anymore. There are other things that scare me now…‌like the thought of losing this…‌whatever it was we had.

We haven’t talked about it, or anything else for that matter. My head is telling me that I’m just another girl he’s into for a while, until he’s had enough, and moves on to the next one. Whatever it is, I’m lost in it. I’m lost in him, with no hope of surfacing with my heart in one piece.

I’ve never wanted to give myself to someone so much as when I am with him. The way he adores my body, makes me forget about my scars for a while. He showed me that it doesn’t change who I am, and that regardless of my imperfections, which are more than skin deep, I am wanted. And that makes me want him even more.

After a shower, I put on a soft blue A-line mini skirt and white blouse. I let my hair down and apply two layers of mascara and lip-gloss before going downstairs. Alice said she’d be over later. She said that Ben was with her until after midnight, just talking. He has opened up a lot more in the past few days, and although she isn’t sure if it is just because she is leaving or because of Josh, it has brought them closer. Holding back from expressing your feelings is hard, but even harder when the guy you’re gushing over is your best friend.

I see Ben fiddling with the barbeque on the deck. I take a deep breath and open the back door. I smile but my insides quiver. I know Alice probably told him that Josh is here, and he probably knows that I spent the night there.

“Hi.” He wipes his hand on the side of his pants looking at me sideways.

“Where were you all night?”

I swallow. Okay, this is it. I don’t want to lie about Josh, so here goes. “Do you really want me to say it?”

There’s a deep gash between his brows when he lifts his head up, “Not really.” He gives me a crooked smile.

I open my mouth to protest, but he lifts his hands up “Please, just let me finish.”

He takes a deep breath “If, and this is a big if, but if he actually has feelings for you, which I don’t believe is the case, then you are in for a world of hurt.”

I watch him for a moment as the words settle between us like a layer of dust over a cracked surface. This thing with Josh is not going to go away soon, and for as long as it lasts, I’m going to give it everything.

I get up, arms crossed, and start walking to the back door. “He’s coming around later.”

Ben gives a slow nod, his expression bleak.

He pushes the BBQ to the end of the deck and closes it. “Very well. I thought we could have a BBQ before Alice leaves.”

I lean back against the door and fold my arms, “Tonight?”

“Unless you have other plans?”

“No, not really. I would just rather not if it’s going to turn into another fist fight.”

He lifts his hand above his head and draws a little halo in the air. “I’ll be good, I promise. I’m sure Josh isn’t a bad guy when he’s got his shit sorted out, but I’ve never known him as anything other than this, Soph. “

I can’t stand to hear this anymore. I start to turn when he speaks.

“Soph?”

“Yeah.”

I turn back to face him. “I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

“I know,” I whisper.

He shakes his head and walks over. I can see why Alice has it so hard for him. He’s like a modern day mountain man. Rough and ready but with a heart as big as Texas. He looks down at me with those intense blue eyes, “So, any idea why Alice’s acting so strange.”

“What do you mean?” I lift my hand and twirl my hair through my fingers.

“She’s been acting all weird around me, blushing and shit, like she doesn’t know me.”

He looks over to me with one brow arched. Shit. Do I really have to tell him the obvious thing that has been staring him in the face for so long? She loves you Ben Slone, open your freaking eyes. I take a deep breath and push my hands into my pockets. “Maybe she likes you.”

He jerks his head back with a frown. “What do you mean, like…”

And there’s the light bulb.

His head jerks back, “Whoa, what!”

“She likes you Ben; she has since the first day you stuck your fingers underneath the hood of her Toyota. Can’t you see that?”

He looks shocked, stumped, out cold, slam-dunk. “I…‌but…‌sheesh!”

I put my hand on his shoulder, “I know.”

I look back from the kitchen door at him still sitting in the same spot, rubbing his hand over his head. Mission accomplished.

Chapter 18

“What’s up with him?” Alice pulls the fridge open and takes out two Bacardi’s. Ben disappeared shortly after our talk and when he came back, he looked just…‌wow. Wearing dark blue jeans and a blue shirt he trimmed his beard, his hair was styled minus his usual beanie.

Alice leans back against the cabinet ogling him sitting in the lounge watching a game.

I fiddle with my skirt, and looked up to see her still watching him, biting down on her lip.

“Why don’t you go outside and talk. I’m just going to finish up here and then I’ll be out.”

She narrows her eyes, tipping the bottle to her lips. “What going on?”

“What do you mean?” My eyes dart between them.

She opens her mouth when Ben appears in the door. “Stop harassing Sophie and come outside with me.”

Our mouths drop as he grabs her hand and pulls her outside onto the deck. Alice looks back at me bug eyed as he pulls her outside by the hand.

I watch through the screen door as they walk out to the farthest end of the deck and he puts his arm around her and slowly rubs her back. I am so excited for her I almost pee my pants! Finally, after four years, it’s as hard and as easy as that.

Lights beaming in from the front lawn catch my eyes and instantly my insides turn into a knot. At first I try to compose myself walking slowly down the front porch steps but the second he gives me that ‘I want to fuck you’ look, all resistance crumbles. Before I know what I am doing I run down the porch steps and jump into his open arms with my arms and legs wrapped around him.

“Hey” his voice soothes the ache inside, followed by his mouth closing over mine. He turns and pushes my back against the Camaro, his buckle pressing into my crotch, and instantly my skin starts to tingle.

“I’ve missed you so much.” My breath hitches as his fingers dig into my hips. There’s so much that I want to say to him, but my brain’s a tangled mess. He looks at me and I feel my world stop spinning.

My lips remember his, and sparks tingle on my tongue as his roll with mine. He leaves me breathless every time he kisses me, slowly sucking my bottom lip as he pulls away.

“You’ll be the death of me, woman.” A wicked smile brushes his lips.

His fingers creep in under my skirt, brushing over my cheeks, “I’ve missed this.” He gives a naughty grin.

My legs reluctantly loosen around his hips as he slowly lowers me to my feet, my fingers sliding down against his chest.

His hands cup my face, and he lowers his gaze, “You make it very hard to be a gentleman when you’re looking at me like that.”

His voice is like velvet over my skin.

“That’s what I was hoping for.” I can feel the heat rise to my cheeks.

He slips his hand into mine, pulling me closer. “Don’t tempt me, sweetheart.”

His other hand grips my ass. I gulp. Oh God, my panties are soaked and he has only been here a few minutes. He pulls me up for a slow deep kiss then takes my hand and leads me back to the house. Only when we get to the porch do I get my voice back.

“Ben and Alice are out back. Are you sure this is okay?”

His eyes possess me, “It’s fine; we’re fine.”

I gawk at him, mouth open. “Really?”

He nods, rubbing my arm. “Really.”

Relief washes over me and for a second I feel extremely anxious, but he lifts my hand up and presses his lips against it. Alice and Ben are still out on the porch. He slips off his black leather jacket and hangs it on the back of the kitchen chair. The soft grey t-shirt hugs his muscles in all the right places, and I blush, inwardly knowing I’ve seen what’s underneath.

“Let’s do this.” Before I can respond, his hand slips into mine, and he leads me out onto the patio.

Alice’s eyes stretch as she sees us, giving me the biggest smile. “Hi Josh, good to see you again.” She takes a step closer to Ben who seems to have momentarily frozen.

I dig my nails deeper into Josh’s hand but he remains calm. “Hi.” He says then turns his attention to Ben who has thank God snapped out of his catatonic state.

They just look at each other, and suddenly I have second thoughts. Was this the worst idea ever? Maybe I should have just left them to sort it out on their own time? Well, it’s too late now.

“Jack on the rocks?” Ben takes a step forward.

Josh looks him straight in the eye, “Yeah.”

I realize I’ve been holding my breath when Josh looks down at me as Ben passes us on his way back into the kitchen. He winks then leans down and kisses me on my nose. I can almost hear Alice melt into a puddle.

My insides begin to relax a bit, but then Ben walks out with two glasses, a bottle of whiskey and a bag of ice.

Alice grabs my hand. “Excuse us,” she says in a singsong tune and pulls me by the hand into the kitchen.

“Here.” Alice stands by the table with two open bottles Bacardi. “Now wipe the drool from your mouth and tell me what you said to Ben.” She smiles happily.

I tip the bottle and drink it halfway before stopping. “Was this a bad idea?”

She clenches her jaw. “Nah, it’s all good. They need to sort their shit out, especially now that one of them is humping you.”

I look back at him again, tipping the bottle to my lips.

“When you’ve finished eye fucking him can we please get back to the matter at hand?”

I swing around, “What?”

She rolls her eyes. “Ben…‌what did you tell him? He’s…‌different, not that I’m complaining, but, I need to know.”

I drag my eyes away from the porch and take a sip. “He wanted to know why you’ve been acting weird around him.”

She gasped, putting her hand on her heart, “What! Fuck!”

“So he knows?”

“Yeah, he knows.”

“Shit!” she tips the bottle back.

Josh and Ben are standing with their backs turned, each with a drink in hand, talking. I gulp the rest of the bottle down when I hear Alice open the fridge to take out two more. We sit down at the kitchen table in silence.

“What if it doesn’t work?” she says in a low voice.

“I think about it all the time.”

“I don’t mean you and Josh, I mean…‌us.”

“I know, I think about that, too.” I put my hand over hers. She sits back staring out in front of her.

“I don’t know, Al, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

She nods slowly, fiddling with the label of the bottle.

“So, what’s next?”

“Uhm, I still have to butter the bread.”

”That’s not what I mean.” She takes a sip. “With you and Josh, have you talked about it?”

“Wait, let me rephrase, have you guys talked? Cause he looks at you like he wants to eat you.”

I shake my head and tear myself away from the window, grabbing the lettuce and breaking it into the salad bowl. A smile bubbles up that I am unable to contain, like all my other emotions when I think about him.

“I know what I need to know, we’ll sort the rest out as we go.”

She shakes her head animatedly. “Wow, that’s deep, Soph.”

“Ben told me.” She lifts herself up onto the counter top and takes another sip.

“Wait what?” I walk towards her my heart racing. “What do you mean?”

“He said that things between him and Josh were bad because of his sister. Josh feels guilty about her death. Apparently, he has been trying to pin her death on this guy, but the courts have thrown out the case. There wasn’t enough evidence to convict him or something. “

I cross my arms over my chest and hug my shoulders, “I know, and there’s nothing I can do to make it better. They’re just going to keep blaming each other for something they had no control over.”

“I don’t know, Ben said that Lilly asked Josh to call him because she couldn’t get hold of him, and he didn’t. He thinks she wanted to talk to him before she killed herself.”

There’s a moment’s silence threatening to take away the warm feeling inside.

“I’ve never felt like this Al.”I press my eyes closed thinking of how his lips trailed lovingly over the parts of my body that disgusted me.

“‘He kissed me…‌everywhere. It was as if there was nothing between us, no scars, no fear, no barriers.”

“So did you do it?”

“No. He said, I need to be sure.”

“Are you?”

“I’ve never felt more certain of anything, but I can’t help but feel that something bad is going to happen.”

She takes my hand, “I know the feeling.”

Josh’s eyes are on me the moment he steps back into the kitchen. Ben puts the dish with meat in the middle of the table. We stand around awkwardly as Alice and I set the table, and then we all sit down. Ben at the head, Alice on his right, and me and Josh next to each other on the other side.

Throughout dinner Ben and Josh talk about sports and places in Seattle that I’ve never heard of, and apart from the occasional awkward silence, it appears as if things between them are okay.

After a long and agonizing dinner of keeping myself from touching him, Alice and Ben go into the lounge and Josh stays in the kitchen with me. I am relieved to have some alone time with him. He rinses the dishes, and I pack them into the washer. He wipes his hands and stands behind me as I close the door.