Holding On (27 page)

My dad grabs him by the back of his
jacket and turns him around, heads butts him in the face and I
watch as Greyson immediately goes down with a hard thud to the
ground.  I’m so thankful I’m inside my car because I’m feeling
dizzy.

I’ve never seen dad this
furious.  He raises his head from Greyson, who now lays on the
ground in front of him and lifts his head to me.  He nods
toward the road, an indication that I am expected to drive away,
and not get out of my car to check if either of them is alright.
 

“
Come back Hem, please
come back soon.”  I whisper to no one but myself as I turn the
car and head towards the library.

Turning into work I am thankful I have
had enough time to regroup.  I check my phone to see if I have
any missed text messages from Hem, thank hell I have one.  It
was actually sent by him, at least Hem’s phone anyway, so I know he
understands my urgency.

*HEM:  Business here
is about done, kiddo. We are all good and safe. Headed home at
daylight. You stay safe, I mean it.  Do not fuck around until
I get home.

Such a bully.
 Sticking my tongue out at the phone I realize what a grown up
I’ve turned out to be. It’s not a proud moment but
whatever!

Finding Peyton already at
her desk, I walk over to say hello.  She looks chipper as
always, but I guess she’s been here a while already and had a
chance to wake up.  “Hey Peyton, how are things?  Look
I’m really sorry about this morning.  With Hem and my dad out
of town I just wanted to be sure my mom was okay.”

“
Hey there, Mace.  Oh
things are as fine as ever.  We are slow today, the new
research contracts aren’t due here until Monday so we should plan
on how to handle once they get here.  I don’t know if Gramma
told you but we get quarterly requests from the local police
department to research and gather data on items that they give us.
 Most of it is C-R-A-Z-Y boring but it passes the
time.”

I shrug at her in silence
because it sounds like a complete snooze fest than work.  “Oh
don’t look like that, some of it can be pretty interesting.
 Sometimes we pull files on actual police cases so you have to
sign a non-disclosure agreement before you can touch them.
 Just think of it as our own personal adventure at the
library.”  She smiles, her sweet innocence is always
present.

“
Alright fine, I will
bring my happy face to work Monday, just for you.  Got any big
plans this weekend?  Plan on using that fake ID of yours
because maybe Monday one of those cases will be your arrest
record.”  I laugh out loud, cracking myself up. She scowls at
me then realizes it is kind of funny and finally smirks.

“
Shut up, Mace.
 That’s not funny.  I told you, I don’t have a life
except on Saturday nights.  I have a great idea!  Mace,
oh Mace!  Come with me tomorrow night.  It will be so
fun, please!  Say you will come.  Please Mace, please.”
 She is now standing and bouncing up and down like a child who
is begging for ice cream.

“
Stop, you are making me
dizzy with the bouncing.  I will ask Sadey if she’s
interested. I don’t think she has plans but I can’t commit until I
talk to her, okay?”

“
Text her, text her, text
her.”  She’s chanting for effect and still about ready to
drive me nuts, the child has no off button.  

“
Okay!
Okay! Calm down.  Why does it feel like it is only 8 o’clock
in the morning and my patience has already worn thin with you?”
 I wink so she knows I’m only
half
kidding.

“
I’m about to text her
now, so don’t ask me anything about it until I tell you I have a
reply, understand me missy?”

She holds her fingers up as a girl
scout salute and puts them over her heart in promise.
 Dramatic but cute as hell.  

*ME:  At work.  Peyton wants
company tomorrow night while she is using her fake ID to get into
Shell Horns, wanna go?  I’m not going unless you are going, so
you decide.  If we don’t go, we can sit at home and eat Oreos
because we haven’t done that enough lately right?

I say the Oreo bit because
that is all we have done and we just realized that damn both our
pants are starting to fit tight.  Depression is a breeding
ground for empty calories and fat, she and I agree.

*SADEY:  What about the boys,
Mace?  What if they come back and we aren’t here?  Aren’t
they due back soon, have you heard from them?

Oye the woman is such a
glutton, always.  

*ME: Ok yes, I heard from Hem just
this morning.  They are finishing up today and are riding out
first thing tomorrow morning. We have plenty of free time between
now and then and I’m sure you could use a distraction.  Are we
in for Shell Horns or not?  What if I throw that you can dress
me up, within reason?  Will even let you do my hair!
 xxoo

*SADEY:  Hell to the yeah!
 Woot Woot!  I love you!

I knew that would cheer her up.
 “Well little Peyton, you got yourself some cohorts for
tomorrow night.  What time should we meet you?”

“
OH MY G-O-D!  I’m
soooo stoked now.  This is going to be aaafrigginmazing.
 Thank you, Mace thank you and thank you!  I don’t have
any other girlfriends with fake ID’s so this is going to be a
blast! E-P-I-C!  Let’s plan to meet there about 8 o’clock.
 Crowds really don’t start until about 10 or so, but this way
we can enjoy some girl time and drinks before the meat market
arrives.”  

Did she just refer to men
there as meat?  Damn, how has she not been snatched into a
local Motorcycle Club yet? Shit.  She walks right to me as she
smiles wide and gives me the biggest hug I’ve had since Hem left
almost two weeks ago. I don’t hug her back, I just stand there
wrapped in her arms until she frees me and walks away.  For
whatever reason, her action tugs at my heart a bit and I start to
get a little wet in the eyes so I head to my desk, without another
word.

On the way home for work I realize I
have not been by the club since the boys left.  I vowed to
never come back, but at the time my hurt was fresh and I was being
unreasonable.  This is Hem’s home and Hem is my home so I
better start showing my face to avoid the sad stares once Shame is
back.  

Turning into the drive I
can see some of the brothers drinking.  Music from inside
blasts and it looks like things here are the same as when Hem is
here running it.  This says something about his leadership,
the Club respects him and stays out of trouble in his absence.
 The family here knows what Shame and Hem were after when
heading to Texas and if they know how it ended up, they aren’t
letting it show.

I wonder if Ace is here
and if he’s healed by now.  I have thought about calling him
almost every day but the truth is, I feel responsible because I
knew about how he felt.  When he told me I didn’t really give
him a warning, I just listened because I thought that was what he
needed.  

Kegs, Cherry, Winnie, Bloom, and
Gunner are all sitting in the living area just hanging out.
 Gunner is so reserved and quiet it is hard to tell if he’s
even interested in a specific woman.  He certainly has a nice
variety here, well two acceptable and two fucking whores that I
hate.

“
MACE!  I can’t
believe it’s you!  I’m so glad to see you.”  Kegs is
being sincere, since she and I have found our boundaries around
each other, we are almost friends.

“
Hello, April.  I
just wanted to stop in and see how it was going and thought I would
see if Ace ever came back?”  All goes quiet.  I don’t
know if it’s because I asked about Ace or those two nasty sluts are
still in this room.

Here, let me address this shit and
find out.  “Hey Skank and skank, have you seen
Ace?”

“
Are you fuckin serious
you uptight bitch?  Who the fuck do you think you are all
walking up in here looking and acting all important. You may be
Hem’s little sister but you ain’t shit more than that.  You’re
just living off his name.  Fuck, no man here wants you.
 You’re too tame, prude, and plain. Shame dumped your square
ass and Hem isn’t here so why don’t you just go and leave the
business to us.  Psh.”  Oh and doesn’t Bloom have such
nice things to say.  At least I just figured out why they were
always so quiet around me when I was with Shame. These bitches were
eyeing me like they were the fat girls and I was holding cotton
candy.

“
Shut the fuck up, you
fucking club whore.  Damn women, always bitching and moaning
to each other or about each other.  Christ a guy could lose
his nuts hanging around you bitches for too long.  Pres. and
the boys can’t fucking get back here fast enough, Jesus.  How
about since Mace is here, you and skank head on out of here. No man
wants a piece of you anyway after the shit you pulled between Shame
and Mace.”  

And hello everyone, meet a
pissed off Gunner.  Damn he couldn’t have said that shit
better if he were me.  Maybe he could pass for one of the
girls. I bite my tongue because of course I want to say that out
loud.  He runs his hands over his crew cut and down his face
from the fatigue of dealing with the woman of the hour.

“
Maybe you are hanging out
with too many women, Gunner.  You just told them what I was
thinking! That was impressive.”  Seriously,
shocking.

Winnie pipes up with all
her intelligence. “What the fuck ever, Hem won’t let us go.
 We are prized old lady material.”  She walks near me,
looks me up and down and scoffs.  

“
Gunner, tell Hem and
Shame we still want to hang tomorrow night so have them give us a
shout when they get in, they promised.”  She just said too
much.

Sensing my fury, Kegs to the rescue.
 She even beats Gunner who has risen to his feet as well.
 

“
Where you guys going to
be?” She starts in quick. “I will tell them for you.  I mean,
which corner are we talking because you need to account for commute
time being that you’re probably paid by the hour?  Winnie,
clue the fuck in.” She says with an eye roll. “We all know that as
long as Mace and Sadey are living and breathing, hell even if they
were to move away or die, those girls are with Hem and Shame
for-fucking-ever.  The sooner you realize they ain’t going
anywhere and chill the fuck out, the sooner the boys will let you
stay and loiter around here.  Right now though, you should
probably scoot because Gunner is not looking too happy.”  Wow.
Go Kegs!

I look over to Gunner.
 Oh shit, she was not kidding.  He has his hand around
his back holding onto the butt of his gun. What the heck?  He
can’t just shoot them.  Well hell, maybe he can, I don’t know
I’m just here to say hi, not create more damn drama.

“
Whatevs traitor, just two
weeks ago you were one of us. Get off your high horse and back down
on your knees where you belong, isn’t that where Shame likes you
most?”  Winnie smiles at me. Again, bitch!  They head out
the door, slamming it behind them as Kegs did in Shame’s room
before Shame and I had our first night together.  

Gunner tries to lighten
the mood after that gut belting comment about Shame. “Damn, do they
teach these Club women how to exit a room so fucking dramatically?
 That shit has to take fuckin practice.”

“
Mace, they said that to
hurt you.  I’m sorry.  I know you’re already aware Shame
and I have a past but it means nothing, meant nothing ever.
 That boy is yours if you still want him, I’m really
sorry.”

I can’t look at her because I am
reminded of Shames past and looking at her just pulls me back and
reminds me of the life he so willingly left me for.  I just
smile, nod, and turn back to Gunner.

“
So, is Ace here?”
 I’m actually asking no one in particular but Gunner answers
almost immediately.

“
Yep, he’s in his room
right now.  He’s alone if you want to go say hi.  He’s
better Mace, and I think he’s in a better place mentally too.”
 Gunner looks calm after the bitches exit.

“
Ok, I think I’m just
going to run up real quick and say hi, if you don’t care.  I
assume you’re to be holding down the fort and I’m not here to start
trouble.”

“
Oh Pete’s sakie! Just got
say hi to our boy.”  Kegs winks like she’s playing mama to
Gunner being daddy.  Kind of funny after the day I had, and
that it would be these two that would help cheer me up.

On my way upstairs my
phone chimes with a text.  Wasn’t expecting anything from
anyone so I grab it quickly in case it’s about Mom.  Nope, my
heart stops mid beat instead.

*SHAME:  We are
leaving at dawn for the ride home, be at Club when we arrive. We
are talking.

Oh hell no we are not.
 Screw that.  He cannot even be serious right now!
 I just had my memory jogged by skank and skank, no way can I
look at him again anytime soon and I sure as hell don’t have to
listen to anything he has to say.

*ME: Screw that.  I
have plans, going out clubbing with girls.  I did however just
run into your two favorites, both Winnie and Bloom are waiting with
tongues and boobs for you to return. Have at them big guy. You are
theirs to have, so they plan to enjoy.  No time to talk.
 Later.

I’m being a child, totally.  Oh
well.  Didn’t come here to think or talk to Shame.  I
haven’t taken the time to even stop and really think about why he
hurt me the way he did.  Thoughts have crossed my mind but
what I come up with is that he probably just found out early that I
wasn’t enough for him and that hurts more than I need it too.