Holding On (48 page)

I
rounded
the
corner
and
almost
ran
him
over.
I
bumped
into
the back of him as I came to a stop, and I could see the tension in his
body even before he turned to look at me. His eyes told the whole
story.
He
knew
that
once
I
left,
he
would
lose
me.
He
would
lose
the
chance
of a relationship more than a friendship, which he so desperately
wanted.

“Hey,
you’re here
already.”

“I
wanted
to
make
sure
that
you
got
packed.
I
see
that
you
did.
Want
me
to
take
that
to
the
car
for
you?”
He
was
rambling
and
speaking
faster than normal. Nervousness was not something that easily consumed
his
body.

“Sure.
Thanks.”
I
didn’t
really
know
what
else
to
say
to
him.
I wasn’t
ready
to
say
good-bye
yet,
and
that
was
really
all
I
had
left
to
do.

He grabbed the handle of my suitcase and lifted it off the ground.
I had been dragging it behind me, and he was carrying it like it
weighed
as
much
as
a
piece
of
paper.
I
followed
him
to
the
door
and
snatched
my tennis bag before heading outside. I turned around and scanned
the living
room
one
last
time.
I
wasn’t
so
much
looking
for
anything
as
I was memorizing what it looked
like.

He
had
already
put
my
bag
in
the
trunk,
and
I
could
see
that
my sister was strapped in and ready to go. My dad was standing by
the trunk,
waiting
for
me
to
put
my
bag
in,
when
he
saw
the
look
on
my
face and
decided
that
it
was
best
to
get
in
the
car
as
well.
Bless
him
for
letting me do this with a little bit of
privacy.

I slowly made my way to the back of the car and tossed my
tennis bag in, but I made no move to shut the trunk. Brad inched closer to
me and pulled me into a hug.
With
the trunk shielding us from my dad
and sisters
view,
he held me for what felt like forever but not long
enough at the same
time.

When
he
finally
pulled
away,
he
kissed
the
top
of
my
head
and started
to
walk
away.
I
couldn’t
let
things
end
like
this.
It
didn’t
feel right.
I
had
a
similar
feeling
when
I
took
him
to
the
airport
after
he visited,
but
this
was
multiplied
by
ten,
at
least.
It
actually
felt
like
we
were
saying
our
final
good-byes
to
each
other,
but
neither
of
us
had actually spoken the
words.

I put my hand over my heart and spoke with true conviction in
my voice.
My
words
stopped
him
in
his
tracks.
“You
live
here.
You
will always live
here.”

He
slowly
turned,
and
when
his
eyes
met
mine,
I
could
see
the
fires blazing.
The
ten
steps
he
had
taken
away
from
me
only
took
him
five
to get back before I knew what was happening, I was off the ground
and his body was molded to mine. As he swung me around, the hug that
he was giving me felt final. He was squeezing me so tight I wasn’t sure
I was able to
breathe.

As he set me back down, he leaned in and kissed me softly on my lips.
“You
cannot use my words against me like that.
It’s
not
fair.”

“Well,
fair
or
not,
I
meant
them.
You
will
always
have
a
place
in
my heart, a piece of my
heart.”

“I sure hope he takes care of you because if he slips, I will be
there to catch you and I’ll never let you
go.”

“I
know.” With
that, I kissed him just as softly as he had kissed
me, and I got in the
car.
He was still standing on the sidewalk, staring at
me as we drove
away.

The air smelled different. The woodsy smell of Michigan was
long gone and had been replaced with the warm smells of the desert.
It was also about twenty degrees warmer here if not more. It was hard
to tell how warm it was because it was so
dry.
It was so sticky and humid
in Michigan compared to here. They say that it rains a lot at the end of
July,
beginning of August. I guess I’ll find out here in about a
month.

I probably should have planned better for the change in
weather.
I was
only
wearing
jeans
and
a
t-shirt,
but
it
felt
like
too
much,
and
I
knew that I would be sweating the second we left the air-conditioned
airport. Maybe
I’d
get
lucky,
and
it
won’t
be
that
hot
outside
today.
With
my luck, probably
not.

That
first
step
I
took
off
the
plane
was
the
hardest.
I
was
excited to
be
back,
excited
to
see
Ethan,
and
yet
very
nervous
about
seeing him at the same time. The things that had happened over the past
few weeks had led to me think and rethink just about every decision I
had made. The biggest decision was leaving Brad behind. The fact was
that I kept telling myself that I was leaving him behind, but in actuality,
he was
still
right
here
with
me
in
my
heart.
He’d
always
be,
and
I
don’t think
I
would
be
able
to
change
that.
Ever.
I
could
still
smell
him
on
my shirt from our hug hours ago. His scent was lingering, toying with
my emotions.
It
was
almost
like
he
sprayed
my
shirt
with
whatever
scent
he wore
before
I
put
it
on
that
morning.
I
knew
it
wasn’t
true,
but
his
smell was
intoxicating,
and
with
every
deep
inhale
I
took,
it
was
all
I
could smell.
My
head
was
filled
with
so
many
thoughts
of
him
that
I
could almost feel his arms around
me.

Rounding
the
corner
to
head
past
the
security
checkpoint
and
to
the baggage claim, I could see his familiar face come into
view.
With
one last deep breath, I tugged on my sister’s hand and weaved through
the mass
of
people
that
were
headed
in
the
same
direction,
only
slower
than I want to go. My tennis bag was slapping against my hip as I
rounded the glass security wall and slammed my body into
his.

He pulled me in as close as possible and held me tight. I could
feel his
warmth
seeping
into
me
through
his
clothes.
I
closed
my
eyes,
let
my hands roam, and took in all of the wonderful things that are pure
Ethan. I loved the way he smells, the feel of his muscles as they move
under my roaming fingertips, and
finally,
his nipple piercing. Once I found
it, I gave it a little tug and felt him flex under my
hands.

Pulling out of our embrace before things go beyond a little
PDA,
Ethan
gave
me
a
quick
kiss
to
the
lips,
and
we
headed
to
baggage
claim hand in hand. The unspoken hellos were given as he squeezed my
hand and I squeezed back. I could feel my sister eyeing me from behind
and wondered exactly what was going through her mind.

“Glad
to
be
home,
Amy?”
Ethan
asked
sounding
overly
excited. The
sound
of
his
voice
radiated
through
me.
It
had
only
been
hours since
I
had
spoken
with
him,
but
it
felt
like
there
was
a
filter
on
my phone
compared
to
being
next
to
him.
I’m
pretty
sure
I
gave
a
little
sigh at that
moment.

“Yep.
Can’t
wait
to
sleep
in
my
own
bed
for
a
change.
When’s
Mom going to be home?” Amy asked sounding
annoyed.

“She’s
there
right
now,”
I
said.
This
means
that
my
sister
would
move a little faster. “She worked last night so she should be up by
the time
we
get
there,
but
she
has
to
go
back
in
tonight,
so
she
needed
to sleep. Ethan was nice enough to pick us up.”

“Cool. I need to use the bathroom. Can you grab my bag for
me?” Amy
replied
still
sounding
annoyed.
Without
waiting
for
an
answer,
she
headed
off
in
the
direction
I
assumed
the
bathroom
was
in.
I
didn’t
care. This gave me a moment alone with my boyfriend, and I hadn’t had
one of those in
weeks.

“So did you miss me?” I asked. It was supposed to be a
rhetorical question, and I was hoping that the playful tone in my voice gave
that
away.

“Did you go somewhere?” Ethan asked, trying to sound
confused. He
was
grinning
from
ear
to
ear
when
I
looked
up
at
him
with
my most offended expression. His eyes were sparkling against the
horrible lighting,
and
as
I
started
to
speak,
my
mouth
went
dry.
He
has
stolen
my breath away with his
beauty.
“I missed
you.”

That time, his tone was light, and although I heard him
perfectly, no one else heard him at all. Those words were just for me. The hint
of desire in his voice was just for me. The story his eyes were telling
was
just
for
me.
No
one
else
existed
in
that
moment
except
for
me
and
Ethan.

I
reached
up
and
put
a
hand
on
either
of
his
cheeks.
I
caught
a glimpse
of
my
ring,
and
with
it
so
close
to
his
eyes,
I
could
see
no difference in the color of the two. “I missed you
too.”

That
was
all
I
was
able
to
say
before
I
cover
his
lips
with
mine.
The kiss might have looked innocent, but it felt incredibly different. It
was
passionate and intense, and when we finally pulled apart, you could
see the
lust
in
our
eyes.
It
was
everything
we
had
kept
bottled
up
for
the
past three weeks. I felt like I was going to burst. It was good to be
home.

The next few weeks went by quickly. I knew that time was going
to fly
by
because
more
than
anything,
I
wanted
it
to
go
slow.
Ethan
was leaving
for
college
at
the
end
of
August,
and
I
wanted
to
savor
every moment with
him.