Holding On (36 page)

“I
understand
completely
why
you
were
upset,
I
really
do,
but
I
need answers.
I
know
that
you
use
to
date
Ethan,
even
though
you
have
never volunteered
that
information.
I
know
that
you
wanted
to
‘go
further’ than
you
two
did.
I
also
know
that
you
told
him
you
had
no
problem with
us
dating.
If
all
this
is
true,
I
need
to
know
why
you
freaked
out
on us after prom. Why do you care so much about our relationship if
you are supposedly okay with it? Not to mention you have Morgan. This
is all really unfair to
him.”

I took a deep breath and waited for her to answer me. I needed
to get all of that off my chest. I felt better, but I knew that I might not like her
answers.
Her
answers
would
decide
whether
or
not
we
remained friends.
I
needed
her
to
be
honest
with
me,
no
matter
what.
Her
answers could change
everything.

“I
can’t
explain
why
I
got
jealous,
but
that’s
what
happened.
I thought
you
two
had
sex,
and
for
some
reason,
I
freaked
out,
got
jealous, and
then
went
and
did
something
that
I
thought
would
make
Ethan jealous.”
She
hesitated
before
continuing.
I
knew
what
she
was
going
to tell me, but I needed to hear it from
her.
“I slept with Morgan that
night out
of
spite.
I
really
thought
that
you
two
had
gone
all
the
way,
even though Ethan told me you
hadn’t.”

“Even if we had, it shouldn’t have mattered to
you.”

“I
know
that
now,
and
to
be
honest
with
you,
I
think
I
was
just jealous that he was willing to do that with you and not with me. I
guess I felt like I wasn’t good enough, and that
hurt.”

Hearing
her
say
it
made
it
all
real.
I
tried
to
put
myself
in
her
shoes
for a minute, and once I was there, I saw everything clearly. I saw
how disheveled we looked, Ethan especially, since I had changed out of
my dress. How insecure that must have made her feel. Combine that
with
a
little
alcohol,
and
there
went
her
V
card.
I
felt
bad
for
her
at
that moment.
I
knew
how
important
it
was
to
me
to
make
that
first
time special. She will never be able to get that
back.

“I can only imagine what went through your mind, and I’m
sorry.
We
never meant to make you feel like that. I didn’t even know
about any of that until Ethan told me after you ran off.” I had to take a
deep breath before continuing. “I need to make one thing clear though. If
we
are
going
to
be
friends,
I
need
for
you
to
fully
accept
my
relationship with Ethan. I am done walking the line while we’re around you,
never knowing
what’s
okay and
what’s
not.”

“I get it, and I accept it, but I can’t promise that it won’t be hard.
I really thought that I was in love with him at one point. After
spending
the
last
few
months
with
Morgan,
I
know
that
I
wasn’t,
but
it
doesn’t make things easier for some reason. I’m in love with Morgan. I don’t want anything from Ethan. I just need time to digest it all I think.”

I can give her that. I was going to be in Michigan for three
weeks.
She could take all the time she needed while I was gone to get over
it. “Deal. I can give you time as long as you give the
effort.”

“Deal.”
We
both
stood
there
in
awkward
silence.
I
knew
we
needed to
hug
it
out,
but
I
couldn’t
be
the
one
to
initiate.
She
finally
stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me, and I returned her
embrace wholeheartedly. I felt like I had my friend
back.

“Back to the party?” I
asked.

With
a nod from
her,
we headed inside to find our men and grab
a cold drink. I had sweat through my tank top, but it was worth it. I
knew things between us were going to be
okay.

The
last
day
of
school
approached
quickly.
On
one
hand,
this
was
fantastic news, and on the other, it kind of sucked. I was happy
that school
was
out
and
that
next
year
I
will
be
a
senior,
but
at
the
same time
this
meant
that
Ethan
was
graduating
and
at
the
end
of
summer,
he would
be
off
to
college
somewhere.
Plus,
I
had
to
leave
a
few
days
after graduation to go visit my dad for three weeks, and as much as I
missed my friends,
that’s
three weeks less that I have to spend with
Ethan.

He
was
yet
to
tell
me
where
he’s
going
to
college.
I
couldn’t understand
why
he
wanted
to
keep
it
this
big
secret.
It
was
college— you
were
supposed
to
be
bragging
about
where
you
got
in
and
where
you’re going. He was having the opposite approach to the situation.
He
was completely silent about his decision
or,
as I was about to find
out, his lack
thereof.

The day before graduation, we were standing in his kitchen and
I was
asking
him
the
easy
questions
that
anyone
should
be
able
to
answer, should want to answer, and should be proud to answer.
That’s
when
he told me that he hadn’t made a decision
yet.

“What do you mean you don’t know where you’re going
yet?”

“I haven’t decided. I have three school that have all offered me
a scholarship to play tennis, but I can’t decide where I want to
go.”

“Well,
since
tomorrow
is
graduation,
don’t
you
think
it’s
time
to make that
decision?”

“I told them that I would let them know as soon as I
decided.”

“Didn’t they give you some kind of deadline to
respond? Like, two months ago, when everyone else was making their final decisions?”

“Well,
technically
I
am
enrolled
as
a
freshman
at
all
three
right
now until I make up my mind. The coaches told me to do that so that I
could secure my
spot.”

“Wow!
You
truly
are
a
wanted
man.
Question
is,
who
am
I
going
to lose you
to?”

“Well,
I
am
leaning
toward
one
more
than
the
other
two,
but
I
really want
to
go
take
another
look
at
all
the
camps
over
the
summer.
With
you
being
gone
for
three
weeks,
I
plan
to
check
them
out
so
that
I’m
not sitting here bored all the
time.”