Holding On (34 page)

Oh my god!
I was pretty much completely naked in Ethan’s
arms. What
do
I
do
now?
I’d
never
been
in
this
position
before,
and
he
knew
it. My reluctance to go beyond kissing screamed
virgin
. He said he
didn’t care,
but
right
now,
his
body
was
telling
me
a
different
story.
I
could
feel the bulge in his pants pressing into the small of my
back.

“It’s
okay.
I
know
you
are
freaking
out
inside
your
head,
but
I want you to know that we don’t have to. I don’t plan on doing
anything tonight that you don’t want me to. Prom doesn’t change anything.
You
know I’m willing to wait until you’re
ready.”

I
could
feel
my
body
relax
as
I
allowed
his
words
to
sink
in.
He
was so good to me. He wanted to wait until I was
ready,
but what if I
would
never really feel ready? Isn’t tonight just as good as any? No! I
would
not be a stereotypical girl who loses her virginity on prom
night.

I leaned back into him, and he hugged me closer. I could feel
my desire for him building. I wanted this, whatever this was, to continue.
I turned in his arms, and my mouth was on his.
We
walked backward
to my
bed,
and
I
fell
on
top
of
him.
I
didn’t
have
the
slightest
clue
what I
was
doing,
but
I
knew
that
I
didn’t
want
to
take
my
hand
off
of
him right
now.

As
we
arrive
at
the
after-party,
I
realized
that
my
hair
was
a
bit
messy and my makeup should have been touched up. All of Ethan’s
tux was
wrinkled
from
me
molesting
him
for
the
last
hour.
He
wanted
more but understood when I said no. Instead, he teased and tortured me
until I
couldn’t
take
it
anymore
and
allowed
him
to
touch
me.
I
will
never regret that moment for the rest of my
life.

I spotted Natalie and Jill in the kitchen and walked over to say
hi, with
Ethan
just
a
few
steps
behind
me.
The
look
on
Natalie’s
face,
as we approached, was shocking. She was looking between the two of us.
I could
not
tell
if
the
look
was
of
disgust
or
pure
hatred.
I
tried
to
say
hello to
her,
but
she
quickly
turned
and
stormed
off,
leaving
the
three
of
us standing there with our mouths agape in
surprise.

“Hey,
Jill, what the hell was that all
about?”

“Not really sure.
We
were having a great time, and then her mood flipped, and she was gone.
You
know as much as I
do.”

I
realized
at
that
point
that
our
disheveled
looks
may
have
given
her the wrong impression. She probably thought the worst. I was not
really sure at that point why that would upset
her,
but knowing Natalie,
when
she’d
talk
to
me
again,
I
was
sure
to
find
out
the
whole
story
in
one
long breath. Should I go
now,
or should I let her calm down
first?

“I’m
going
to
go
and
find
her.
I’ll
be
back
in
a
minute.”
Ethan
said. I could hear the uncertainty in his
voice.

I had forgot for a moment that Ethan was standing behind me
until he kissed me before setting off to find
Natalie.

Jill
and
I
grabbed
a
red
cup
and
headed
to
the
basement
to
get
a
beer.
I spotted a couple of girls from the tennis team and waved, but
I still had yet to be completely accepted enough to go over and strike
up an
unnecessary
conversation.
The
fact
that
they
looked
like
they
had been
drinking
for
a
while
already
explained
why
their
return
waves were a little more enthusiastic than
normal.

As
we
slowly
made
our
way
back
up
to
the
kitchen,
we
got
stopped
every
couple
of
feet
to
talk
to
someone
new.
This
would
be
the
very first
party
that
I
had
gone
to
and
felt
comfortable
since
moving
here. The people tonight seem to be very accepting of me. It was almost
like I could now be a part of their “club” because of who I was dating
and who my friends
were.

At
the
top
of
the
stairs,
I
saw
Morgan
sitting
at
the
bar
in
the
kitchen with
Ben.
Jill
headed
that
way
before
I
could
stop
her,
so
I
followed
and made sure that I was not within
arm’s
reach of Ben. I stood next to
Jill, farthest from Ben, and tried not to make eye contact with
him.

“Hey,
guys, have you seen Natalie anywhere?” I
asked.

“I thought she was with you,” Morgan said, his concern
obvious. Morgan
had
the
most
confused
look
on
his
face.
Obviously,
they
had come to the party together, but now his date was
missing.

“She
got
mad
at
me
earlier
and
stormed
off,”
I
said.
I
pulled
out my
phone
to
send
Ethan
a
text
when
he
reappeared.
“Hey,
is
she
okay?”

“Yeah,
she’s
fine.” He stated, unable to make eye contact with me which caused a few alarms to go off in my
head.

That’s
it? No
explanation?

He
must
have
seen
the
look
I
gave
him
because
he
leaned
down, kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my
ear,
“I’ll explain
later.”

With
that,
he
lightly
tugged
on
my
hand.
I
spun
toward
him,
and he
led
us
to
the
living
room
where
everyone
was
slow
dancing
to
an upbeat,
fast
song.
I
went
along
with
it
and
snuggled
up
to
his
chest, wanting
to
be
as
close
to
him
as
humanly
possible.
After
a
few
beats,
the song
changed,
and
it
was
actually
a
slow
one.
The
living
room
started
to become
crammed
with
people,
and
our
space
was
becoming
minimal,
so
I motioned for us to head back to the
kitchen.