Her Mother's Daughter (37 page)

The doctor called Tansy in. Now there was nothing for Liz to do but sit and worry. She was in there for a half an hour, at which point Liz became concerned. It got worse when the nurse came out and said the doctor wanted to see her. Liz hurried into his office. Tansy sat on the examination table wearing a paper gown.

“Are you all right, honey? Is there something wrong?”

Liz turned to the doctor. He took off his glasses. “First, may I say I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. Gillis. Tansy told me about your situation.”

“Thank you.”

“Grieving can bring on a lot of symptoms. Excessive sleeping is one of them. Being depressed is another. Not eating is also common. Tansy is underweight and I'm concerned about that, given her condition.”

“Condition?”

“Her pregnancy.”

Liz wasn't sure she'd heard correctly. “Her pregnancy?”

“Yes. I've examined her and she's four months along. So far everything looks all right, but for this baby to thrive, we need to start taking better care of the mother.”

The doctor continued to talk as he took out his prescription pad and wrote out a list of prenatal vitamins and a protein supplement. He suggested she see her family physician on a regular basis and have an ultrasound done to make sure everything was as it should be.

“But the best medicine for Tansy is her mother's tlc ,” he smiled as he passed Liz the prescriptions.

“Of course.” Liz was aware of Tansy's big eyes watching every move she made. She folded the paper and put it in her purse. “Thank you, doctor. I appreciate you seeing us. Tansy, I'll wait in the car.”

Liz didn't remember her walk to the car. She didn't remember Tansy walking to the car either. When she got in, however, she remembered saying, “Don't say a word.”

After that was a silence so profound it made Liz's ears ache.

When they got home, Liz got out of the car and went into the house. She walked upstairs and looked in Bay's bedroom. She wasn't there. No doubt she was at the cemetery. Liz removed her jacket and laid it on her bed. She waited for Tansy's footsteps on the stairs. Once she heard Tansy close her bedroom door, she walked across the hall and opened it.

Tansy turned around and looked at her.

Liz took two steps forward and slapped her across the face as hard as she could. Tansy stood there and took it. She slapped her again. Tansy didn't move. She slapped her a third time and still Tansy stayed motionless, never taking her eyes off her mother.

“How do you know?” Tansy whispered.

“I saw you that night. I didn't know what it meant, but I saw you.”

Tansy looked at the floor.

“I can't believe it. You and Bobby? How could he? How could you? How long was it going on?”

“It was only that one time!”

“And I'm supposed to believe that?”

“It's true! Only that one time!”

“Oh my God. Why?!”

“I loved him! I loved him!”

“Bay loved him! He was supposed to be in love with her.”

“He was! He didn't want me. He never wanted me.”

“Apparently he did that night!”

“I'm sorry.”

Liz couldn't contain her anguish. “Sorry? You're
sorry
?! Do you have any idea what you've done?”

“Yes.”

“You've stolen your sister's child!”

Tansy broke down then. She fell to the floor and wailed in a voice so full of despair that her mother started to cry. Tansy keened back and forth as she asked for forgiveness, not seeing her mother, not seeing anything, and when she started to whimper, Liz got down on her hands and knees with her and took her in her arms. She shushed her like a baby and rocked her back and forth, back and forth.

“It's all right, I'm here, Tansy. I'm with you. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll think of something. Don't worry, I'll think of something.”

It was almost a week later when Liz asked both her daughters to come down to the kitchen. She made sugar cookies, the first time she'd baked anything. The lovely smell in the kitchen made it feel like home again, if only for a moment.

She poured them all a cup of tea and passed them a cookie. Bay took one. Tansy didn't.

Liz cleared her throat. “Girls, we have something very serious to discuss. It affects all of us.”

“Is this about Dad's will?” Bay asked.

“No. I don't want you to worry about finances, your father left us in good shape.”

“Okay.” Bay sipped her tea.

Liz took a deep breath. “I know this is going to come as a shock, Bay, but your sister is pregnant.”

Bay slowly put her mug down. She looked over at Tansy, who stared at her hands. “What?”

Liz answered. “She's four months pregnant, and that's why she hasn't been feeling well.”

Bay kept looking at her sister. “Why didn't you tell me?”

For the first time, Tansy raised her eyes. “You had enough to worry about.”

“But…I didn't know you were seeing someone. Who is it? Who's the father?”

There was a long moment of silence.

“I don't know.”

Bay glanced at her mother.

“It's obviously a painful situation,” Liz continued, “and Tansy and I have discussed it endlessly. She's obviously too far along to do anything about it…”

“You would have had an abortion?”

“I didn't, did I?”

“Bay, be quiet for a minute. What we're trying to tell you is that Tansy doesn't want the baby. She's much too young to be saddled with that kind of responsibility, and you know how much she's always wanted to travel and get away from here…”

“You want to give the baby up for adoption?” Bay grabbed her sister's arm. “Are you sure? That might be too hard.”

“Everything is hard!” Tansy shouted.

“Tansy.” It was her mother's command to stay quiet.

“Adoption is one solution,” Liz started again, “but there's another option and we wanted your opinion.”

Bay was confused. “What?”

“I talked to Norma in Fredericton and she's offered us a place to stay for as long as we like. If you think this is a good idea, we could go there and stay until the baby is born, and then come back home and tell everyone the baby is yours.”

“That the baby is Bobby's?”

Liz cleared her throat. “Yes. We'll tell people that you were pregnant when he died and only found out after he was gone.”

“But why would I stay in Fredericton to have the baby?”

“It was too painful to be here. You couldn't handle it.”

Bay put her hand through her hair, trying to make sense out of a senseless situation. “But what about Gertie? She'd know.”

“You can tell her you're pregnant over the phone. She won't think anything's amiss. She'll be happy for you. Everyone will be happy for you.”

“But what about Tansy?” Bay looked at her sister. “How are you going to cope with me bringing up your child? How would it work?”

“She'd be the child's doting aunt, wouldn't she?” Liz explained.

“I'm asking
her
, Mom.” Again, Bay put her hand on Tansy's arm. “Do you understand how hard this would be for you? I'm not sure you've thought this through.”

Tansy frowned. “It's better than giving the baby away to someone I don't know.”

Bay sat back in her chair, her tea forgotten. “I don't know what to say. This is all so…”

“I'm not asking you for an answer right this minute,” her mother said. “You have to think it over. It's a huge decision, one that affects all of us.”

“Do you really think we'd get away with it?” Bay asked. “That this is the right solution?”

Liz stood up from the table, her nerves frayed. “Bay, you're asking me questions I can't answer. I can only think so far ahead. We're in this terrible mess and I honestly don't know what else to do. I wish to God your father was here to help me, but he's not. I'm doing the best I can, and maybe this is wrong and I'm making it worse, but I don't know anymore. I really don't.”

Liz walked away from the table and went out the door. Her daughters watched as she went out to her swing. She looked so alone out there by herself, so small and vulnerable. Bay wanted to protect her from harm, as if Bay were the mother.

The mother.

Bay had to ask. “Are you sure you don't know who the father is? Or are you just not telling Mom?”

“You think I wanted to tell Mom that I don't know who the father is? That it could have been any of two or three boys?”

“Oh, Tansy.”

“Don't feel sorry for me. I couldn't bear that.”

“I do feel sorry for you, but I'm also angry that you were so stupid.”

Bay left her chair and went over to the sink. She leaned against it and looked out the window at the water beyond. “You don't want this baby?”

“No,” Tansy lied.

Bay sat on the grass by Bobby's grave. She had to talk it over with him. It was a beautiful day, with big white clouds crossing the blue sky. Every so often a cloud would cover up the sun and the warmth would disappear for a moment, but it always returned. Bay heard the birds in the trees and watched a squirrel scamper up a nearby tree, scolding her as it went. She absent-mindedly picked a nearby daisy and started to pull the petals.

“The thing is, the minute they said it I knew I wanted to do it. Deep in my heart I wanted it. The thought of carrying a baby around and telling everyone it's yours filled me with happiness, something I never thought I'd have again. But then my head kicked in and I thought of a million reasons why I shouldn't, not least of which is that Tansy might change her mind, and where would that leave me? I feel sorry for Mom. She looks terrible. I could choke Tansy for doing this to her. You know how proud Mom is. She'd hate the gossip of Tansy being an unwed mother, but doing it to save the Flos of the world from talking about us is not a good enough reason.”

Bay looked at Bobby's name carved in granite. “It would also mean I'd have to leave you for five months, which is the hardest thing of all. But I know Dad's here with you, which makes me feel better. What do you think I should do?”

Bay pulled out the petals one at a time. “Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.

No.”

“Yes.”

She kissed the ground in front of his stone. “I love you, Bobby. I'll be able to bring the baby to come and visit you. Then it won't be so lonely here.”