Her Mother's Daughter (41 page)

The shock of it stopped her in her tracks. She blinked and out of the corner of her eye saw her mother sitting at the kitchen table, next to the light switch.

They stared at each other.

“Put her down.”

“No.”

“Put her down, Tansy. She's not yours.”

“She
is
mine. She's mine.”

“You gave away the right to have her when you agreed Bay would bring her up.”

Ashley and the bags became unbearably heavy. She hitched her daughter up onto her shoulder a little higher. “I'm not letting her go.”

“I'm not a stupid woman and neither are you. You knew Bobby was drunk and people are capable of doing anything when they're drunk. He's dead and I still want to wring his neck for being so weak-minded and foolish. But what's your excuse, Tansy? You were stone sober. You went down there deliberately to crawl into his bed and have him cheat on your sister.”

“That's not true! I didn't want him to cheat on her. Bobby had feelings for me too.”

“At seventeen a lot of girls mistake sex for love.”

“I met him first. He was
mine
first.”

“You sound like a child.”

Tansy took a deep breath. “I'm not anymore. I'm a woman who has a child, and this child belongs to me.”

“We were going to do this together and then you changed the rules.”

“How did I know I'd go out of my mind without her?” Tansy hissed. “I didn't know what having a baby was. I didn't know you loved them so much that you'd die without them. No one told me that!”

Her mother stood. “That's why I did what I did! I went crazy trying to think of what would be fair to both my girls
.
You put me in an impossible situation, Tansy. This is your fault. You have to accept the consequences of your actions. If you're an adult then act like one.”

Tansy had to put the bags down. It was easier to hold Ashley with two arms. “I've been acting out of guilt this entire time. But being with her, hearing her laugh, watching her play, has changed everything. I should've kept my mouth shut and denied she was Bobby's until I was blue in the face. Then she'd be with me and no one could take her away. But no, instead you made me feel like a criminal. You accused me of stealing my sister's child.”

“And you did.”

“And then she stole her right back! And what's worse, I agreed to it. Like a little robot I said go ahead, take her. Well, I don't agree with that anymore.”

Tansy picked up her bags and left the kitchen. She almost made it to the back door when her mother grabbed her.

“If you love your daughter as much as you say you do, you'll give her to me. Not for my sake, or even your sister's, but for Ashley's. She's a little girl who's only known Bay as her mother. I'm her nana. She lives with us in this house. She plays with the little boy up the street. She likes to go to the corner store and buy popsicles. She has a life here. Can you imagine the horror of waking up in a cab being hustled onto a plane and flown two thousand miles from everything she's ever known? What kind of mother would do that?”

“You started this, Mom. I knew somewhere deep down inside that I couldn't handle seeing her in person and that's why I stayed away, but you couldn't leave it alone, could you? It was you who bribed me to come here, with your guilt and your money and your love!”

Her mother held her hand over her mouth, shaking her head.

“I'll never forgive you for this. I will never see you again. I will never come back here. I can't. I can't.”

“No!”

Tansy put her mouth up to Ashley's ear and whispered, “Mommy will always love you. Please remember that. Know that I wanted you. And know that I loved your daddy.”

Tansy pushed her daughter into her mother's arms and ran out of the house.

CHAPTER TWENTY
2000

By the time Tansy finished pouring her heart out, the tea was gone. Gertie drank the three mugs herself and finished off the bottle of brandy to boot. She wasn't sure if her colossal headache was from the confession or the booze. She had a feeling it was the confession.

There wasn't a lot to say. Well, there was, but where did she start?

Tansy still looked as if Gertie could blow her away with one breath, but she at least seemed more at peace. They sat together for a good ten minutes in total silence while Gertie gathered her thoughts.

At last Gertie spoke. “At least now I understand why you never came to visit. I couldn't wrap my head around that. I disliked you for a lot of years because of it. I saw what Bay went through without you and how much she missed you.”

“You had every right to dislike me. My only consolation was that you were here for Bay. You've always been her other sister and I'll always love you for that.”

“I'm the lucky one,” Gertie smiled. “Your mom and sister and even you, with your swift kick, saved my life in more ways than one. I didn't have a close family like you guys, but from the day Bay took me home for cookies, it's like I never left this house. I owe that stupid Bradley kid a thank you.”

A wave of exhaustion hit Gertie. She needed to go.

“Listen to me, Tansy. I want you to go upstairs and get some sleep. There's no need for you to talk to Bay at all tonight. I hope to God she's fallen asleep up there. I've told Ashley that when the time comes for her to leave the hospital she can come home with me. I think that would be best for all of you. She needs time to come to terms with this, but she also needs to stay calm for the baby, and I don't think her coming back here at this point would help any of you.”

“No, you're right.”

“I also don't want either of you to visit her in the hospital, for precisely the same reasons. It'll be hard but I have to insist. I saw the state of her and I think that's best. I'll visit her and let you know how she is. I want you to tell Bay that in the morning.”

“Of course.”

“Don't say anything to her about what you've told me tonight until I come over. It's going to be ugly. There's no way around it. But I think this wound has festered long enough, and the sooner the truth comes to light the better off we'll be. I'm here for both of you. I will help in any way I can. I promise.”

Tansy whispered, “Thank you.”

Gertie got up from the table, which wasn't an easy task. She was as stiff as a board and her head pounded. Tansy stood as well and they hugged each other before Tansy walked upstairs and Gertie let herself out.

Once she got in the car and sat for a minute, a thought occurred to her. “Aw, shit.” She couldn't drive the car with all that booze in her system. So she struggled out of the front seat, took the old blanket she kept in the trunk, and wrapped it around her coat because it was flippin' freezing out. Then she proceeded to walk home in the dark.

Turned out it was the best thing she could've done. As she trudged along the streets of Louisbourg, she listened to the sounds of the town as it slept, the solitary swish of a car going by, a dog barking in the distance, and the foghorn as it pierced the night with its mournful cry. She thought of the people who were now her family. They had suffered such loss, each of them in their own way, and yet Gertie knew that they loved each other deeply. It was her job in the coming days and weeks to make sure they remembered that.

But she needed help.

Gertie was worn out by the time she reached home. Jeffrey was there by the door as he always was when he heard the key in the lock. When she picked him up and held him close, he licked her cheek with his rough tongue.

“Hey, buddy. I bet you're hungry.”

She took him into the kitchen and cleaned out his water and food dish and replenished them both with fresh supplies. Then she walked into her bedroom and picked up the phone. She knew it was the middle of the night and that was the part that made her happy. Peter wouldn't mind. She lay back on her bed as the phone rang in her ear.

“Hello,” a sleepy voice said.

“Hello.”

“Hey, beautiful.” She heard the smile in his voice.

“I'm sorry I woke you.”

“No problem. You okay?”

“Yes and no.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Pray for my family.”

When Bay awoke the next morning it felt like a normal day, but only for a moment. A ton of bricks quickly buried her alive as she lay there. She wondered how she'd get up, but then remembered that Ashley was lying in a hospital bed. Even though Ashley might not want to see her, Bay needed to be at the hospital.

When she went to take a shower she noticed Tansy's bedroom door was still closed. She wondered if she was sleeping. The hot water, as it pounded on her skin, reminded her that she was still alive but could do nothing about the numbness around her heart.

When she went downstairs she was surprised to see the kitchen table set. Tansy was at the stove and the smell of coffee filled the air.

“What are you doing?”

Tansy turned at the sound of her voice. “Hi. Would you like some oatmeal?”

“Oatmeal? I can't have oatmeal. I have to get to the hospital.”

“No, you don't.”

“Excuse me?”

Tansy pointed at a kitchen chair. “Sit.”

“Why are you acting like Betty Crocker? Do you not remember what happened yesterday?”

“That's precisely why I think we need Mom with us this morning. Now sit.”

Bay opened her mouth to argue, but Tansy gave her a look, so she sat. Then she put a bowl of oatmeal in front of her, gave her the brown sugar, and scooped a bowl of oatmeal for herself. She also poured them both a coffee. It was only when she sat down with the cream and picked up her spoon that she looked at Bay.

“Eat the whole bowl. Then I'll tell you what Gertie wants us to do.”

They ate in silence. When they were done Tansy picked up both their bowls and took them to the sink.

“Now what are you doing?”

“Mom always told me to put some water in the bowls as soon as I was finished so it wouldn't stick. Makes it easier to wash up.”

“Fine. Now will you tell me what Gertie said?”

Tansy sat back down. “She said we're both to stay away from Ashley until she tells us otherwise.”

Bay's mouth dropped open. “What?”

“That's what she said. She insisted upon it.”

“But…”

“Think about it. Ashley was in such a state because of us that she almost gave birth six weeks early. That's why she's going home with Gertie when she gets out of the hospital. Ashley doesn't want to see either of us, and Gertie feels this will give her a chance to come to terms with what's happened. She's doing it for our benefit too. Gertie loves Ashley and us, so she's the best one to broker this deal. She'll let us know on a daily or even hourly basis how Ashley is doing. So the best thing we can do is stay here and wait until our child wants to see us again.”

Bay didn't say anything.

“You know she's right.”

“I know she's right,” Bay sighed. “Thank God for her. But I still feel like a big fat failure. I should be in that hospital room holding Ashley's hand, but what am I doing? Eating oatmeal with you.”

“Mom would be happy.”

“I wish Mom was here.”

“Me too.”

Bay got up from the table so quickly she spilled her coffee. “That's bullshit! If you missed Mom so much, why did you break her heart by never coming to see her?”

Tansy stayed quiet.

“And while we're on the subject, there's something I always wanted to know but was too afraid to ask. Why did you leave that night instead of next morning like you were supposed to? Who leaves for the airport eight hours ahead of time with no luggage?”

“What did Mom tell you?”

“That you were upset, so you left.”