Her Last Wish (9 page)

It took a while to walk
up the stairs and down the hall, but Professor Mason showed unlimited patience
for me. With each step, I could feel my body further weaken and my stomach
roll. But I managed to make it to my door with no incident. Small victories? I
certainly thought so.

Professor Mason
unlocked the door for me and stood aside to let me in. I immediately dropped
into my couch cushions, hoping they would swallow me whole and end my
suffering. Alas, they only stopped me from hitting the floor. I supposed that
would have to be good enough.

Behind me, I could hear
the professor place my bag on the kitchen counter, along with my keys and some
sort of plastic bag. Within moments, he walked around the couch and knelt down
in front of me. He handed me a newly-opened pack of saltines and a small bottle
of ginger ale.

“Thank you,” I said in
shock. Although any sort of food at all sounded like the worst idea ever, I was
touched by his concern and the kind gesture.

He smiled gently at me.
“You’re welcome. I also cleared my schedule for today. I can stay with you as
long as you need me. Don’t be afraid to ask me for help. Anything you need.”

I struggled to sit back
up, but he quickly came to my rescue. “You don’t need to do that. You have
classes to teach.”

His smile turned sad.
“In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly been the best teacher in a
while. Now that I’m trying to do better, I’m running into the problem of
students choosing to ignore my classes thinking they’ll just pass, regardless,
because that’s how I’ve done it for the past few years out of sheer laziness.
Unfortunately, that will be changing, and they won’t know what hit them. But in
all fairness, I did give them today to catch up on what they were supposed to
read last time. Anyways, I haven’t taken a day off in a long time, even when I
probably should have. I think the school will survive a day without me.”

I gave him an exhausted
smile. I had to admit that it would be nice to have someone help me out. I also
didn’t see an easy way to just kick him out of my house without hurting his
feelings. And any attempts I’d make wouldn’t be all that convincing, anyways.
Underneath it all, I didn’t want to be alone at the moment. His presence calmed
me, comforted me.

“Also,” he added, “when
you’re ready, I also got you one of these.” He placed a box on the coffee table
in front of me. “I know you’ll probably have to take one when we go back to the
fertility specialist, but I figured it would be nice to know now instead of
later.”

I squinted my eyes in
an attempt to focus enough to read. It was a pregnancy test. I stared at it,
trying to think if it would be late enough in my cycle to even take it. Despite
my effort, I just couldn’t remember. I pushed myself to my feet. I wanted to
find out, anyways.

“Hey, careful.” He held
out a protective hand to steady me as I stood on wobbly legs. “You don’t have
to do it right this second. I was just letting you know it’s there.”

“Yeah, but I have to
know. I might as well get it over with”

I grabbed the box and
hobbled to the bathroom myself, though I could feel his eyes on me as he
followed close behind. I closed the door behind me and struggled with the box
and the weird contraption inside it.

After following the
instructions closely, I picked up the test and walked out the door. I passed
right by Professor Mason and placed the test on a piece of paper towel on the
kitchen counter. As I washed my hands, I glanced at the clock to see what time
I started it.

Then … there was the
dreaded wait. I couldn’t stand it. I had to look away.

“Let me know what it
says,” I told him.

There were a few
minutes of absolute silence as the test did its thing. It was deafening.

“Well,” he said a bit
unsteadily. “I think it’s time you start calling me Connor. At least outside of
class.”

“Connor? Why?”

“Because we’re
pregnant.”

Chapter Thirteen

Connor

Despite all the
preparations in the world, it’s hard to imagine how such a small test that
barely requires anything to complete and the result that could come from it
could possibly make a person more nervous than any other test in their entire
lifespan. But that’s exactly what happened. I was slapped in the face with that
nervousness when that pregnancy test revealed its little pink plus sign. I had
nearly lost my ability to talk or breathe. I had known that the positive result
would eventually happen, but I doubted that I could have ever prepared myself
for the full official feeling. It surprisingly took a lot of effort to tell her
the results, though I tried my best to make light of the situation. And I
really did want her to stop calling me “Professor.” At that point, it felt
weird for her to do so. She carried my child, after all, even if we didn’t
exactly make it together. That thought felt a little strange, too. I wondered
how much that would add to my complicated feelings for her.

Charlie seemed to be in
about the same state of shock that I was, but she handled it well. She simply
nodded and went back to the couch without saying anything. She remained there
most of the day. I stayed as late as I could to make sure she would be okay.
Unfortunately, I had to leave her once she grew tired enough to attempt a full
night’s sleep. I didn’t think she’d appreciate me staying the night, though I
absolutely would have stayed if it would make her feel any better about
anything.

The next day was filled
with more of the same horrible sickness for Charlie. I cleared my schedule
again and drove her to the fertility clinic, hoping they might have something
that could help her. They ran their own test, confirming her pregnancy, and
started another round of blood work. They also gave her a prescription to help
with her extreme nausea, which we picked up immediately after leaving. She wanted
to wait until the end of the day to get it, something about classes being more
important, but I couldn’t watch her suffer for even a minute longer. Especially
since it was my fault, in the first place. If I had never told her about my
failure with the surrogate agencies, she’d have never volunteered and would
never have gotten sick in the first place.

I figured the medicine
worked well for her, because she didn’t ask me for a ride home until the end of
the day. Seeing as how I’d been her ride to school, I had assumed I’d be taking
her home, anyways. The fact that she even felt she had to ask bothered me,
though. Had she tried to find another ride? And why was I taking it so
personally? Who cared who took her home as long as she got there safely? Apparently,
I did.

In the end, all I knew
for certain was that Charlie was dangerous for me. But I couldn’t walk away,
even if it weren’t for our arrangement. I’d become something like addicted to
her presence. I almost wondered if it was because when I was with her, I never
felt alone. She was there when I needed her. She was the
only
person who
didn’t make me feel alone.

***

Charlie

So, we’d managed. The
barely-existent chance that IVF would work on the first round had apparently
been just good enough. I felt terrible that Connor had been so worried about
me. I didn’t see what the fuss was. It was just a little morning sickness.

Okay. So morning
sickness was a bit of a misnomer. It was more like an all-day walking death. It
was pretty bad. I couldn’t focus on anything. The fertility specialist told me
that the hormones they’d put me on to increase my chances probably had a hand
in making it worse. However, they didn’t want to risk taking me off them for a
couple more months.  Without them, there was a possibility my body could reject
the fetus, and we’d have to start all over. I certainly didn’t want to do that.
Connor would have been crushed.

The new medication they
gave me helped with my upchuck response to everything from food to smells, even
pictures
of food, but I still felt pretty awful for both worrying Connor
and
my inability to focus on my other teachers’ lessons. However, I made
sure to record the classes while I was there, and I took notes in as much
detail as I could possibly manage so I could go back and reread or listen to
everything later, when I hopefully had a chance to feel more human. Admittedly,
I had more success with the recordings. Go figure.

The one thing that made
up for all of it was the look on Connor’s face when he saw the test. I saw at
least four different emotions cross his face before he settled on a happier
one. I suppose you never really know how you’ll react to major news until you
actually get it, even if it’s what you wanted all along. Although fear was one
of those emotions, I knew he’d be okay. This was what he wanted. This was what
he’d fought so hard to achieve. And through some miracle, it worked out exactly
as he’d hoped. Well, I suppose not
exactly
. I hadn’t come from an
agency, but the results were the same. He would still get the baby that he and
his wife had dreamed of while she was alive. I just had to survive the process
of carrying it.

The meds made me a bit
drowsy, so Connor decided to drive me around until I was able to go off them.
It seemed like a serious waste of his gas, but he didn’t seem to care. He
insisted. In fact, he seemed thrilled about the extra time we spent together. I
wished Jackson were so happy to see me at the end of every week.

Although I felt weird
about it, almost afraid that he would get in some sort of trouble with the
school, I had to admit that the extra time with him wasn’t too terrible. My
days of relative solitude until that one day that Jackson could come over were
gone. Though I also had to admit that I looked forward to that last day when I
could stay at home by myself and catch up on my homework. I supposed I’d been
alone for so long that I didn’t know what to do when I actually had people
around. I’d gotten so good at being a loner.

It felt a bit weird to
call him Connor, too. I had to say it in my head several times after he’d asked
me, simply because it felt so foreign on my tongue. I always called him
“Professor.” To me, it was a term of respect. And even when he hadn’t been the
best teacher in existence, I had always respected him. But I could tell it made
him far more comfortable to be on the casual side with me. I wasn’t sure what
to make of it, but I was just happy that he seemed happy.

The rides to school and
work didn’t stop when I was finally able to go off the nausea medication and
the hormones. But by that time, I’d gotten used to the company. I even started
to enjoy having him around so much. It seemed far less of an inconvenience and
more of a normal part of my life. I even stopped worrying about the school’s
potential reaction to our strange friendship. I figured if they hadn’t noticed
by then, they probably wouldn’t. He’d even begun giving me rides to other
places, like work or the grocery store. I didn’t
need
him to drive me
around anymore, but I was happy that if I
wanted
to drive, I could. Even
if I wasn’t utilizing it, just having the option made me feel infinitely
better. Although, I ran into the problem that my space in the driver’s seat had
become much smaller in recent days. I suppose I could have just admitted that
my stomach was filling more of that space, but it was far easier for me to just
blame the car.

The day of my
twenty-week ultrasound finally came, and Connor waited for me outside my class.
I shoved the rest of my supplies in my bag, not caring where they fell. I was
done. It was a great feeling. Especially since it was the last math class that
I needed for graduation. I could leave the useless math that I would never need
unless I decided to become an engineer (Yeah, right.) behind.

Plus, it was officially
the holiday break. I didn’t have anyone to spend it with, but I craved the time
that I could just prop my feet up and ignore everything involving school and
work. Even the coffee bar would be closed, because it was on campus. No
students meant no need to even be open.

On my way out the door,
I noticed the strange look that my math professor gave Connor. I’m sure it did
look a bit strange for any of the other professors to be waiting on a student.
But at the same time, I refused to believe that it would be completely unheard
of.

“Are you ready?” Connor
asked once I reached the hallway.

I smiled in greeting.
“As ready as I get. I suppose I should ask if
you’re
ready. It’s a
pretty big day for you.”

He gave me an adorably
boyish grin and led me down the hallway toward his car. “I’ve been waiting on
this one since we found out. I have a whole room waiting to know what color it
will be painted.”

I laughed. He reminded
me of those women in that nesting phase I always read about. “So I take it
that’s what you’ll be doing this weekend?”

“Probably. I was
thinking Saturday after I finish up here. First, I definitely need to work on
some of those finals and hopefully get grades up on the website so you all can
see them. I’m sure you’re all dying to know.” He paused a moment and turned his
face toward me, while keeping his pace. “Would you like to help?”