Her Last Wish (10 page)

“I’m sorry? I can’t
grade my own paper. That would obviously be cheating.”

He laughed. “No. You
know what I mean. Help me pick out colors and things. If Elizabeth were here,
I’m sure she’d be doing that herself. I don’t know where to even start on a
baby’s room.”

I wasn’t sure what he
wanted my help with. I wasn’t the one who would be raising the baby. It wasn’t
even my house. I was just the one carrying the baby until it was ready to go
home with him. “I can’t. I usually see Jackson on Saturdays.”

A troubled look crossed
his face. “I see. Well, if you change your mind, you know how to get a hold of
me.” He paused a moment and then held out a small box. “By the way, Happy
Birthday.”

I smiled gratefully.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I wanted to. You’ve
been amazing through all this. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you. And
I’d like to think that we’re becoming friends.”

“Yeah. I suppose we
are.” I gave him another smile and slipped the box into my pocket before
climbing into the car.

Chapter Fourteen

Connor

It was a pretty surreal
feeling to look into that tiny black and white screen to see my son seemingly
staring back at me. According to the technician, everything looked as it
should. After checking all the organs and skeleton, they switched to a
four-dimensional mode, so I could see his tiny little face. He looked so much
like Elizabeth. My heart ached for her. She would have loved to see him. She
would have given
anything
to see him. I would have given anything to let
her, maybe even my own life. I would have gladly traded. It would have been
closer to fair. She had done nothing wrong. I was the one with problems. I
always had been.

I think Charlie
understood which direction my thoughts had taken, because she gently placed her
hand on my arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I was grateful to have her
there, not that she had too much of a choice in the matter at that point. But
she seemed to make my more difficult thoughts a little easier to stomach. I
knew I shouldn’t sulk. It was a happy day, and new life was a wonderful thing.
So why did something still just not feel right? I eventually decided it was because
Elizabeth
should
have been there to see our child. She deserved that
happiness more than I did. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the
thought.

I scolded myself for
redirecting my mind (and eyes) to the soft curves that had slowly begun taking
over Charlie’s midsection. I couldn’t help it. Although it only added to my
guilt, I couldn’t deny my attraction to her that only seemed to grow with each
day that passed. It couldn’t be helped. She was an endearing woman.

Once our appointment ended,
I dropped Charlie off at her apartment. That boyfriend of hers waited in the
parking lot. He might have had a bright, happy smile for her, but I couldn’t
ignore the furious glares that he shot in my direction. I didn’t know what his
problem with me was, but I sure hoped I struck a nerve just by being there. I
figured that if I didn’t matter to her, he wouldn’t have cared. Unless, of
course, my suspicions about his overall character were accurate, and he thought
of her as his property to control as he pleased. Or perhaps it was a mixture of
the two. For her sake, I hoped not.

Before she even reached
him, however, I decided to drive off. I couldn’t watch her run straight into
his arms. For some reason, it had grown too painful for me to even think about,
let alone witness.

***

Charlie

I grabbed Jackson’s
hand and pulled him upstairs to my apartment. I was so ready to unload my heavy
backpack and get changed. It was going to be a great movie followed by a great
dinner, and I was determined to enjoy it.

As soon as I opened the
door, I tossed my bag over to the breakfast bar and hurried into my bedroom to
change. I could hear Jackson wandering around my living room, as he had done so
many times before. I went straight to my closet and grabbed a maternity version
of a little black dress that Connor had gotten me when I started to show. I
told him it was unnecessary, but he insisted that every girl needed one. I had
to admit, it felt pretty good to have a
reason
to need one. And when I
slid it on and zipped it up, it felt even better to actually wear it. I was
still noticeably pregnant, but I didn’t look nearly as huge as I felt. It was form-fitted
in all the right places and black made it even more slimming.

I dug into the pockets
of my freshly discarded jeans and pulled out the box that Connor had given me.
I hadn’t had a chance to open it. I was surprised he’d given me yet another
gift. Heck, I was surprised he even knew when my birthday
was
. I didn’t
remember mentioning it …

I carefully unwrapped
the paper and pulled out a black velvet jewelry box. I stared at it for a
second before I finally got the courage to open it. Inside sat a clear stone
solitaire on a delicate white gold chain. The tiny sticker on the inside of the
box said “2 carat” but nothing else. I had a sneaky suspicion that it meant an
actual diamond. I probably should have just closed the box and packed it up to
hand back to Connor, but I couldn’t. Something told me he wouldn’t take it back
anyways. Instead, I decided to just wear it. It looked perfect with the dress,
after all. And I did want to look nice.

As soon as I placed the
chain around my neck and clasped it, my bedroom door opened. Jackson walked in
with an appreciative smile on his face.

“You look nice,” he said.
Just from the tone in his voice, I knew where his mind had wandered. His eyes
scanned me from head to toe. My heart raced, as he crossed the room to me.
Without even trying, I had once again become his prey.

“I could have been in
my underwear still,” I attempted to scold, but my voice betrayed me. I’d hoped
for stern, but I’d somehow managed to sound a bit intrigued, maybe even
seductive. My brain said, ‘
Wait
,’ but my body seemed to say, ‘
Take
me. I’m yours
.’

“It’s a shame I missed
it.” He pulled me into a tight embrace and crushed my mouth under his.

Feeling as if I’d just
collapse into him, I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold myself steady. My
awkward body felt alive against him. Okay, so I wanted him pretty badly. I
shivered as his hands gently caressed my back. Jackson was always a strange
combination of forceful and delicate with me, and I was addicted to him.

He groaned as I met his
kiss with the same amount of enthusiasm that he showed me. He pulled away just
long enough to say, “God, I missed you. It’s been the longest week yet.”

I felt the edge of my
bed on the back of my thighs. I tried to focus, but I felt intoxicated by his
kiss. I could feel him pulling me deeper into his world of possibilities for
the night with each brush of his tongue against mine.

He tried to lean me
back, but my swollen stomach immediately got in his way. I looked up at him,
more curious than anything. I knew he hated the surrogacy plan, but I wondered
how he saw me now that it was already in motion. Was I still attractive to him?

He gave me a devious
half-smile. “Well, well. This does seem to be a problem,” he teased.

“Oh?”

He leaned in over me,
causing my breath to catch in my throat. He gently kissed the spot right
underneath my ear. “I think we can work around this.”

Before I knew what was
happening, he turned me around until I was leaning forward over the bed. One of
his hands supported my stomach and hips while the other firmly gripped one of
my breasts. He gently massaged it until I felt weak in his arms. I knew I
should stop him, but I craved more. He switched his attentions to my waist. He
reached lower, carefully lifting the hem of my dress, until his fingers skimmed
the top of my panties. Just the light brush of his fingertips across my bare
skin sent shivers of pleasure down my body. I could feel his smile against my
shoulder, before he softly kissed it.

“That’s it,” he
whispered in my ear. He then tugged at the waistband, ready to finally feel
what I had denied him for so long.

“Stop,” I gasped,
flipping onto my back to face him.

“Ugh,” he grumbled.
“What are you so worried about?”

I pushed him away,
stung by yet another round of his disappointment. “I’m just not ready for
this.”

“Why not? Is it not
obvious that I care about you? And you’re already pregnant, so what could
possibly happen?”

“Wow.” I could feel
tears flood my eyes. I was already pregnant. So clearly that had to mean that I
was also allowed to drop all my morals without fear of the consequences. At
least, that’s how he felt. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t ready. What mattered
was that his lust would be satisfied. I suddenly felt worthless, like I was
only good for acting the part of a prostitute with my new belly. “I think you
should go,” I choked.

He sighed. “No,
Charlie, that’s not what I meant.” He gently placed his hand on my arm, but I
yanked it away. His words had cut too deeply. “Look, finish getting ready.
Let’s just go to the movie and then we’ll grab something to eat, as we
planned.”

“So, how did the
appointment go?” Jackson asked, after our waitress at a local sports bar left
our booth. It was beyond obvious that he hated the whole surrogacy, but I
appreciated his feigned interest, all the same. We had just finished a
fantastic movie, and I was beyond ready for anything deep fried and smothered
in barbeque. I imagined that I was a bit overdressed in my nice black dress and
heels, but I didn’t care. They had barbeque boneless wings. That was all that
mattered to me. Screw the implied dress code.

“It went fine.
Everything looks good. Two eyes. Two ears. Two hands. Also, it’s a boy.”

“I’d say it’s exciting,
but I’m not sure it makes a difference. You’ll hand him over to the hospital in
a few months, anyways.”

“Yeah,” I said sadly. I
gently placed my hand on my swollen stomach. I felt the tiniest nudge under my
fingers. I went into the deal knowing that I’d be walking away from the baby,
but it seemed so difficult. Much more difficult than I’d originally
anticipated. I finally got to feel him move around. It was finally real. And I
had started to grow attached, exactly as I’d sworn I wouldn’t do. Exactly as I
shouldn’t
do.

“So why was Mason
there?”

“Huh?” The question
caught me off-guard. I didn’t even have a prepared response to it. I hadn’t
expected Jackson to actually show up on time to even be able to see who had
taken me home. It was pretty rare for him. “Oh. He didn’t want me to have to go
alone.”

“Why did he care? That
doesn’t seem to fit into the job description of ‘college professor.’”

I studied Jackson’s
frustrated face. I was pretty sure I saw jealousy there, but I’m not sure why.
“You know, I did ask you if you wanted to go. You said you didn’t want to, so …”

“Why would I want to
go? It’s not my kid.”

“It doesn’t really
matter if it’s your kid or not. You can still be supportive of my decision to
do this.”

“I
am
supportive. I haven’t walked off yet, even though I’m totally against this
insane plan.”

I didn’t want to fight
with him. Not when the night was just getting started. “Look, it doesn’t
matter. You didn’t want to go. He did. He went with me so I wouldn’t have to go
by myself. End of story. Let’s not make a bigger deal out of this than it
actually is.”

He narrowed his eyes at
me. “Oh, yeah? It’s not a big deal? So where did you get that necklace? I’ve
never seen you wear it before.”

I could almost feel the
color leaving my face. I probably shouldn’t have put it on, but it was so
pretty, and I loved it so much. And it was my birthday. Shouldn’t I be allowed
to look nice? “It was a gift.”

“From? I know it wasn’t
from me.”

“I don’t remember.”

I could tell he didn’t
believe that one bit. “It looks real.”

“Jackson, please. I
don’t want to fight today. Why are you trying to start one?”

Fortunately, he
couldn’t fit in another word before the waitress came back with our meals.
Instead of continuing the conversation, I immediately shoved a chunk of
boneless wing in my mouth.

Chapter Fifteen

Connor

It killed me to leave
her behind with that douche, but I couldn’t do or say anything about it. Although
I wished otherwise, it wasn’t my business. Instead, I packed up, called a cab,
and went straight to the bar in an attempt at drinking a few of those problems
away. It had been a while, but I felt as if I needed it more than ever.

I wound up at a local
sports bar. It somehow made me feel a bit better hearing so many people in
every direction, even if I never talked to any of them. As far as drinks went,
I decided to start slow, seeing if I could just numb my frustration a bit,
first. I didn’t understand why I had it, anyways. I hadn’t even cared about
anyone since Elizabeth. So why Charlie? I couldn’t find the words to explain
it, but images of her and the feelings they inspired coursed through me.