Heartless (16 page)

She grinned. “This
is the best birthday I can ever remember.”

“Really? Are you
forgettin’ about that year we borrowed Josh’s family’s cabin for the weekend?”

“Oh God…” she
whispered, pressing her fingertips to her lips as a tear slid down her cheek.
“I tried going up there once after the twins were born, but there were just so
many memories of the weekend I spent there with you. I couldn’t go back. From
then on, Josh just went with the boys.”

Josh had invited
him back there several times over the years, but he always offered an excuse.
Derek knew walking through those doors would be like walking back in time. If
he closed his eyes, he could imagine Ashley sitting in front of the fireplace,
wearing one of his flannel shirts, giggling as her roasted marshmallow fell
into the roaring fire.

“Listen, about
your boyfriend…”

She rolled her
eyes. “Bill’s not my boyfriend. Would I be out here with you if he was?” She
glanced through the glass door leading to the kitchen. “Speaking of which, that
was pretty insensitive of me to just leave him inside to fend for himself after
Mike’s outburst. He must have noticed you followed me out.”

Derek couldn’t
summon the energy to care about some other guy’s feelings. The only thing that
mattered to him was how Ashley was feeling about him. “Where do you two stand?”

“I told him I just
want to be friends. He knows I still have feelings for you.”

Derek couldn’t
have supressed his smile even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. “I can’t say
that I’m sorry you set him straight. He’s all wrong for you. Anyone can see
that.”

“And I suppose
you’re going to tell me that you’re right for me?”

He chuckled. “I’d
say that’s pretty obvious.”

She slapped his
chest as she tried to hide her grin. “You’re impossible.”

“By the way, I
have something for you.” He slipped the small velvet box out of his pocket and
pressed it into her open hand. “Happy birthday, baby.”

She opened the box
and gasped at the diamond encrusted locket nestled in a bed of black velvet.
“Oh, Derek, it’s beautiful,” she whispered.

“Open it.” He held
his breath, waiting for her response.

Her hand flew to
her mouth when she saw the tiny photographs mounted in the gold frames: one of
each of her sons on the day they were baptized.

That was the day
Derek promised to be there for her kids should they ever need him. “I haven’t
forgotten the promise I made to you and Josh that day. The promise I made to
your boys…”

She closed her
eyes as she tried to suppress her emotions.

“I still want to
honor that promise, Ash. I know they’re grown men now, but I still want to have
a relationship with them. I want to witness all of the important events in
their lives, by your side. Their weddings, the births of their children… I want
to see it all.”

The tears were
flowing freely now and she wasn’t even trying to stop them. “I want that too,
but—”

He pressed a
gentle kiss to her lips to silence her. “I know we still have a long way to go,
and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make amends with Jay and Mike. Not
just for you, but for me and for them. I love those kids. They were like my own
sons, and it kills me that I hurt them… that I disappointed them.”

She held the
locket between her trembling fingertips. “Will you put it on for me?”

He fastened the
clasp at the back of her neck before standing back to admire it. “That’s more
than a piece of jewelry, sweetheart. I want you to know that I understand how
important your boys are to you. They’re your heart, and that’s as it should be.
I would never try to come between you. I just want to be a part of your lives…
if you’ll let me?”

Jay cleared his
throat before stepping out onto the patio. “Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to
interrupt.” He smiled at Derek. “I seem to be doin’ that a lot tonight, don’t
I?”

Derek grinned. “I
don’t mind, Jay.” He could feel the camaraderie they used to share slowly
returning and he realized, once again, how much he’d missed it.

“I just wanted to
make sure you were okay, Mom?” He sighed. “I couldn’t help but overhear Mike
putting his foot in his big mouth again.”

She offered her
son a watery smile as she stepped into his waiting arms. “Thanks for coming out
here to check on me.”

Jay pulled back to
hold her at arm’s length when he noticed the white gold necklace hanging around
her neck. “New bling?”

Derek stepped up
behind Ashley, settling an arm around her shoulder. “It’s more than that. It
kind of signifies that I recognize your mother’s heart belongs to you and your
brother. I’m not tryin’ to take her away from you or make her choose between me
and her kids. I hope you know that I would never do that to her or you.”

Ashley opened the
locket to show her son the images.

The outside lights
made it possible for Jay to see clearly. He looked up at Derek. “Wow. That’s a
really nice gift.”

Derek knew he
understood the significance of it, and he couldn’t help but feel it helped his
cause with Jay, though that hadn’t been his intent. “I’m glad you think so.”

Jay smiled. “I
just got her flowers and a gift certificate to her favorite spa. Are you tryin’
to make me look bad or what?”

Derek laughed as
he slapped Jay on the back. “I don’t think you could ever look bad to your
mama, kid.” They exchanged a brief smile. “Or to me.”

Chapter Eleven

By the time Ashley
returned home, she felt out of sorts. She didn’t want to be alone tonight. She
knew if she went upstairs, she would lie awake thinking about Derek, so that
wasn’t an option worth considering. She’d already wasted too many nights lost
in her memories.

A drive often
helped to clear her head when she couldn’t sleep. Since she’d sipped the same
glass of wine for the better part of the evening, she knew she could get behind
the wheel without fear of impairment.

Without taking
time to reconsider her decision, she snagged her purse and headed out the door.
Being alone with her thoughts in the cocoon of her car always seemed more appealing
than rattling around a big, empty house filled with framed photographs and bittersweet
memories of her old life.

As she eased her
Lexus SUV out of her driveway, she decided to stop at the local drive-thru for
a cup of coffee. Since there was little chance of sleeping within the next few
hours, she figured it would help her remain alert for the drive.

There was no
telling how far she might drive or where she could end up. That was one of the
few advantages of living alone. There was no one waiting for her to come home.
She had the freedom of being spontaneous when she chose to. Though, she rarely
made rash decisions; she didn’t think it was in her DNA. Her father, the judge,
always told her acting impulsively often landed people in jail.

The only time she
acted without thinking about the consequences was the night she and Derek had
to ride out the storm together. But she already punished herself enough for
that. She spent years being the daughter her parents could be proud of, a wife
Josh could count on, and the mother who baked cookies and attended every school
concert and sporting event her children participated in. But it was that one
mistake that people, namely her son, couldn’t seem to forgive or forget.
Thankfully, her parents still didn’t know about her indiscretion with Derek. If
they did, she suspected they might share Mike’s opinion. In her father’s mind,
things were black or white, right or wrong; there were no forgivable shades of
gray.

Trying to shut out
the whirlwind of condemnation and confusion spinning around in her head, she
took a sip of coffee before selecting Ty’s newest CD. She allowed her mind to
wander as she traveled the familiar roads of the city she’d called home all of
her life. She drove by her favorite restaurants, shops, and place of work
before she began navigating the country roads leading out of the downtown core.
She had no idea where she was going, but she trusted her inner compass to guide
her in the right direction.

Within twenty
minutes, she was pulling into the separate drive leading to the log cabin where
Derek was staying. How would he feel about her surprise visit? She could see a
light in the great room and the flicker of the big screen TV bouncing off the opposing
wall, so she decided to take her chances.

She drew a deep
breath as she ascended the stairs leading to the wraparound porch. It was
difficult to draw enough air into her lungs as she lifted her trembling hand to
the door. She’d never propositioned a man before, and the thought was utterly
terrifying… and humiliating. Before her hand connected with the heavy wood
panel, she turned away, deciding this was one of her more absurd ideas.

Derek opened the
door and reached out to grab her arm. “Ash? Hey, I thought I heard someone out
here. What’re you doin’ on my doorstep at this hour?”

Ashley was
mortified, being caught on his porch in the wee hours of the morning. There was
no reasonable excuse, so she decided to tell him the truth and hope she would survive
the embarrassment. “I was lonely, and, um, I couldn’t sleep.” She cleared her
throat, trying to sound braver than she felt. “So, I thought I’d go out for a
drive, and I ended up here. I hope I’m not bothering you.”

He pulled her
forward into his arms. “I should lecture you about drivin’ alone out here at
night, but I’m just so glad to see you.”

With just a few
words, her tension melted away. She allowed him to shelter her in his big,
strong arms, knowing it had been years since she’d felt so safe, so protected,
so loved. “I know it sounds silly, but I missed you,” she whispered, burying
her face into the soft cotton of his T-shirt.

He chuckled. “Why
do you think I was sittin’ here watchin’
Three’s Company
reruns?”

She laughed. “You
hated that show when we were together.”

“Nah, I just told
you I did so you’d let me watch
M.A.S.H.
instead.”

She’d loved the
playfulness that had defined their relationship when they were younger. Maybe,
just maybe, they could recapture some of that. “You gonna invite me in so I can
watch it with you?”

He shrugged.
“Sure, but we’ve already seen it. This is the episode where Janet and Jack
pretend to be married to appease her parents.”

Ashley pushed him
out of the way and claimed a spot on the big leather sofa. A few mindless
laughs with the man she loved at her side were exactly what she needed tonight.
“Aw, I love this one. I haven’t watched this show in ages.” She looked up at
him when she realized he was still standing there watching her. “Aren’t you
gonna make popcorn?”

Derek threw his
head back and laughed. The sound reverberated through the room and sent chills
up her spine. She knew she would never tire of hearing that sound as long as
she lived.

“Of course,” he
said, smiling. “What’s a sitcom marathon without hot, buttered popcorn?”

Her mouth fell
open. “You didn’t tell me it was a marathon.” She reached for the remote
control to make sure he wasn’t baiting her. “Ohhh, you’d better make it a big
bowl.”

He grinned. “Comin’
right up. You want anything to drink?”

She tipped her
head to one side as though he’d lost his mind. “You’re not serious.”

He slapped his
forehead with the palm of his hand. “Of course. What was I thinkin’? You always
drink Diet Coke with your popcorn, right?”

She smiled and
nodded as she watched him walk into the adjoining kitchen.

It was so nice to
be with someone who knew her so well. There was a time when Derek had known her
better than anyone: her likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams. She couldn’t help
but wonder how much had changed during the years they’d been apart. Would they
be just comfortable strangers now, or would they be able to pick up where they
left off twenty-five years ago?

Derek could
scarcely believe Ashley was here. He’d conjured her up in his dreams so many
times over the years that he couldn’t be sure this wasn’t another one of those
times. But the sound of her soft laughter coming from the other room reassured
him that she was here with him, of her own volition. They were both single,
consenting adults who were finally free to pursue the relationship they’d
always wanted, and he didn’t intend to let this opportunity slip away.

When he walked
back into the room, she was holding a framed photograph of Dave wearing his dress
uniform. It was the last photograph taken of him, and his wife and kids were at
his side. They were all smiling, looking so happy. Derek wondered if any of
them could have imagined when that photo was taken that it would be the last
image any of them would have of Dave alive.

She stroked the
glass covering the photo, a sad smile tilting her full mouth. “He was so
handsome, so brave.”