Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series (3 page)

Dad is joining in on the jogs and lifting weights, he has become fitness junky and it is the best thing for him. I can
’t imagine the pain he felt when he found out mum was leaving him for his best mate. It must have felt like a knife through the heart; a stranger would hurt but your best fucking friend? If that had have been Pete, I would have punched him or worse.

Running along the beach I call back to dad. “Come on old timer, you can run faster than that!”
” The way we are relaxed around each other is something that we have never had, so this is one positive.

With that he starts to sprint to catch me, but I increase my speed and race away from him.

I’m laughing at the straining look on his face and I’m grateful the two of us have had this time away.

My surfing coach wasn
’t one bit happy about me leaving but I speak to him daily and give him my run times, waves I surf, and he has me eating like a fucking rabbit.

I will be training with the squad the last month before we leave for Hawaii but for now dad and I need time and space away from Manly, my mum and Roxy.

As I climb into bed each night I think of Roxy, how I broke her heart and shattered my own.

I think about how cold and lonely my bed is without her steaminess, her sarcasm, and wit that always put me in my place. I miss her sexy body and how she would snuggle into my neck like she was a puppy. I miss her scent and soft silky hair.

It’s been six months of hell. I not one to usually cry but fuck, I have shed tears over her now numerous times, for my own stabbing pain and for the pain I instilled on her. Could I have done it differently? Maybe.

But dad couldn’t cope without me.
He needed me, and by staying with him, we have now bonded as father and son. His heart is mending and I guess he has helped me too. Keeping each other distracted from the women we both left behind. I haven’t spoken a word to my mother in six months or Roxy for that matter.

It hurts like a mother fucking sore that won
’t heal, it just keeps weeping, aching, and bleeding.

But to protect Roxy from my misery I need to be strong and keep her at a distance.

Continuing our afternoon jog along the beach in Byron Bay, which has become our home for the last few months, I see a woman walking towards us.

I stop when I realise it
’s the woman who gave birth to me. She is not my mum anymore, she lost that title. I look to dad who is gasping in shock; I reach out to his arm and squeeze it.

“It’s okay dad,” I tell him. I see the way he looks at her, he still loves the woman who betrayed him and destroyed his heart. He hates her and yet he still loves her.

She walks up to us. “What do you think you
’re doing here?” I ask her angrily.

“
Hi Kade,” she says. I hate that I know her voice; I remember it from getting dressed in the mornings for school, from the birthdays where she would always wake me first, and every milestone in my life. “Why are you here?” Dad asks her demanding a response, looking white as a ghost.

“
We need to talk Robert, we have a lot to discuss,” she tells him.

“You are some piece of work!” I shout to her. “You are the one who has put our family into turmoil by lying, cheating, and god knows what else. Don
’t come here demanding dad talk to you. We have both managed just fine without you for four months Vicky,” I tell her emphasising her name. She looks hurt but in my eyes she isn’t my mum anymore, just a woman I can’t stand.

“I
’m sorry Kade. I messed up, but your father and I need to talk. I love you and know you will never understand but I honestly didn’t want to hurt either of you,” she says as she starts to cry.

“
Kade it’s okay son, just give us ten minutes. I need to get this over and done with.” Dad looks to me with a serious frown.

“
Don’t waste your breath dad,” I tell him trying to convince him otherwise.

“
Kade go finish your session and I’ll see you at home,” dad tells me now with an ordering tone.

“Whatever,
” I yell then speed off down the beach. If he wants to listen to her apologies, and her selfish reasons then stuff him. Doesn’t he realise I’ve heard him crying in his sleep every night? That I’ve seen him gazing at her photo in his wallet endless times.

I race around to the other side of the beach and sprint so fast my knees start to wobble. Shit. I collapse on the beach catching my breath.

I stare up into the gorgeous blue sky.

I think of her, my Angel Roxy.

The wet sand reminds me of the day I taught her to surf and how sexy she looked riding my surfboard with her look of determination. Fucking hell I missed her so fucking much!

It
’s been the longest, most drawn out few months of my life.

Dad doesn
’t say much when he comes back and I give him his space. I’ve become mates with a guy in our building named Chase so I grab a beer and head to his apartment hoping he is there and will be up for a night full of drinks.

Chapter 4

Leave Me Alone… I’m Lonely…

I
’ve been so preoccupied with work lately and getting my smoking designs ready for a big presentation that I haven’t had a spare second to scratch myself.

I
’m not sure if he’s feeling insecure or lonely but for some insane reason Dylan finds it necessary to message me twenty times per day.

I miss you Roxy, can
’t wait to see you.

I can
’t stop thinking about you.

Okay yes he is sweet and attentive, but this is over kill!

Is he trying to piss me off? What part of ‘I am flat out and I’ll call you later’ doesn’t he get?

It also bothers me that he has this negative affect on me, I mean every girl loves attention and if you don
’t get it then you start to worry. But this is the opposite.

I am in a lengthy meeting with our design team for most of the afternoon. We discuss some amazing new ideas and I show them what I
’ve been working on. Afterwards I head to make a cup of tea in the kitchen when I see someone at the reception desk, its Dylan.

I make my way over to him, unsure of why he
’s here.

“
What are you doing here?” I ask him surprised. I mean its three in the afternoon, I am at work and he should be too.

“Well I’ve called you three times and sent messages and you didn’t respond Roxy. I’m just checking to make sure you are okay,” he replies sounding puzzled and slightly pissed.

I smile at Rachael our receptionist and walk through the front door not wanting to look like the bitchy girlfriend I feel like at the moment.

“
I’ve been in a meeting Dylan. Come I’ll walk you down to your car,” I tell him and link my arm through his planning to give him an ear full when it’s just the two of us.

When we reach the bottom of the stairs he grabs my arm. “Roxy I was really worried, next time take your phone in with you on silent or let me know you are going to be in a meeting. I mean three fucking hours you didn’t reply, that is not acceptable,” Dylan insults me by trying to make me sound like I did the wrong thing.

I push open the front door and head over to his Jeep. When we reach the car I turn and face him. “What the hell is your problem?” I say to him using my pissed off Roxy Thorne tone. “I am at work. I have a busy job that leaves me no time to text you all day. You know I am here so why the fuck are you treating me like a child? Honestly Dylan this is really smothering me the way you are behaving.” I add really letting him know the line has been crossed again.

“Smothering you? This is called caring about someone Roxy, giving you attention and trying to treat you like a princess. Well you know what you are being is an unappreciative bitch,” he says getting right in my face in a tone I’ve never heard before. Then he jumps into his Jeep and screeches off.

Did he really just call me a bitch? My once sweet Dylan, what the fuck?

I’m unappreciative, is he kidding me?

I walk back into the building and take a few deep breaths as I enter the front door.

Smiling at Rachael I head into the restroom, first I actually need to pee then I splash some water on my face. I am also a little in shock over that altercation. I thoroughly enjoy how refreshing the coolness feels on my heated face.

I head back to my desk and immediately phone Jemma.

“
Yo bitch,” she answers knowing it’s me from the caller id.

I can
’t help but laugh at her comment.

“
Yo yourself ho,” I reply playfully.

“
So I think it might be over with Dylan,” I say to her unemotional, not even sure how I feel about it.

“What?” she answers shocked. “What in the world happened Rox?”

I fill her in on the events of the day and what he said.

“Fucking rude prick.
You are not an unappreciative bitch Roxy, that’s for sure,” she tells me being the supportive and caring best friend she’s always been.

Thank god she agrees with me.

“I’m not ringing him, he can suffer and dwell on what happened,” I tell her still feeling annoyed.

“I still can’t believe those words came out of his mouth. Like seriously maybe he’s just having a bad day Rox don’t write him off completely,” Jemma adds sounding like she feels sorry for him.

“It’s not just today; he is getting more and more clingy lately. Anyway girlfriend I need to finish up here for the day. Honestly I’m not even feeling overly upset or dazed by it, maybe it’s for the best,” I tell my best friend.

“
Okay see you later alligator, call me if you need me I’ll be at Dan’s place,” Jemma declares.

Feeling better like I always do after chats with Jemma I finish up at work and log out of my computer. I collect the mail for Rachael to post, gather my belongings and head to my little blue car.

Driving home I am grateful there are no messages or calls from Dylan. Maybe he finally saw the red light flashing and got the fucking hint and is giving me the space I need. God a person can only take so much.

I walk up to my apartment and on the step I find the biggest box of flowers I think I have ever seen. It is filled with orchids, roses, gerberas, camellias, and
baby’s breath. They are beautiful flowers but over the top yet again.

Just when I thought he was cooling it and giving me space.

I unlock the door and carry them inside placing them on the dinner table. I don’t even bother to read the card, I don’t care what it says right now.

“You aren’t even going to read the card?” I hear a male’s voice and it scares me half to death causing me to jump and my breath to hitch.
Shit I must remember to lock the door from now on.

I turn to see Dylan sitting on my lounge.
“Fucking hell Dylan! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

I yell at him so pissed off he scared me and even more so that he is here.

“Sorry baby, I just needed to be here when you got home. I am sorry about what I said and that I came to your work. I just get overprotective and miss you.” he tells me as he stands up and heads to cuddle me.

“
Stop,” I say to him. “This is too much; the flowers, you being here, all of it Dylan.”

“
Do you not remember I saw you a few hours ago we had a fight? I need time, space, the smothering I was talking about earlier, you are still doing it,” I add feeling frustrated and like I’m talking to a brick wall.

“How can you complain about apologising and giving you flowers?” Dylan asks me and I am kind of dumb founded that he is so clueless.

“Are you serious can’t you see how over the top you are being? You really need to leave, just go home and give me a free night, I have a headache and you are making it so much worse,” I tell him deciding to play it down a little so he doesn’t overact and do something silly. I grab his hand and squeeze it showing him affection, knowing it will help him relax and hopefully leave. He leans into kiss me so I let him, then he cuddles into me.

“
Okay Roxy I’ll go, it’s been a crazy day. I’m sorry I am stressed about work, they are laying workers off and I am worried I might be next. Have a bath and a glass of wine, I’ll text you later. See you tomorrow okay?” he asks waiting for my response.

“
Absolutely, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say to him unsure whether I do want to see him tomorrow or ever again for that matter, but whatever works right now. He leans in for another kiss.

“
Bye Roxy,” he tells me and walks towards the door.

“
Bye Dylan,” I say back smiling to him but feeling sick to my stomach.

He walks out of the door and I close it behind him, quickly locking it feeling relieved that he has gone. Now I can figure out what the fuck I am going to do about this man I thought I knew.

After a long hot soak in the bath I’m feeling better, still confused but at least I’m relaxed and not so worked up.

I dress in my track pants and sweatshirt when I notice my wardrobe has become a mess! I guess when you are in a relationship it
’s not until you get the much needed ‘me’ time you realise how everything else is neglected.
Cleaning out my cupboards, perfect therapy!
I think to myself.

I find when I
’m in a crappy mood three things always help.

1-
    
Chocolate

2-
    
Shopping

3-
    
Cleaning

No wait I need a fourth

4-
   
Wine!!!!!

I go hunting in the kitchen and thank god I find a mars bar, half bottle of wine, and a cloth to wipe the dust away that has accumulated in my room. I start making a pile of a couple tops I haven
’t worn in the last twelve months and decided the St. Vincent de Pauls would benefit from these items, perfect idea so I grab a bag and start to pack them in.

“
Meow.” I hear Foxy and wonder where she has been, probably on Jemma’s bed getting the afternoon sun.

“
Foxy girl, I’m in here angel,” I call out to her and she comes bolting into my room and onto my bed. I scoop her into my arms for a snuggle. Oh how I love this cat. She starts to purr so loudly showing me how much she loves me too.

“I love you Foxy, do you know that?”

I still remember the day Kade gave her to me; I heard her meow before I could open the box.

It really is very ironic how much she means to me… Symbolic perhaps for other feelings…

I pop her on the bed and keep on with my cupboards, a few stray hair bands, make up, and perfumes need straightening up and a wipe down.

I can’t help but giggle to myself when I find the hideous perfume from Kade. Oh my god was he kidding getting me this vile smelling perfume.

I could never bring myself to throw it out. I smell the bottle, oh it really is terrible, and to think he was just trying to be sweet.

I wish he could have picked it himself.

Thinking back to Emma and all the drama, life was never easy but love conquers all and we definitely had that.

Love is definitely a mixture of feelings.
Joy and happiness, create an intense blanket of warmth stirred in with the passion we had for

each other and the fire we couldn
’t contain.

I remember those feelings and long for them again.
I also remember the heart ache, pain, feeling of being broken, hollow, empty, gutted, destroyed, and utterly lost.

I still have so many unanswered questions. But looks like they will remain that way.

I put the perfume onto my shelf, still not ready to part with it, when I see a photo. It’s me and Kade at Pete and Emma’s wedding, what a beautiful photo.

We really did make a dreamy couple, both blond and tanned.

I take a good look at Kade, oh man, my heart hurts, and it still aches for him. It hasn’t gotten any easier; I have just kept distracted and done a damn good job of it.

Thanks to Dylan and his kindness… Well until recently.

My iPhone battery beeps, letting me know it’s starting to run out and brings me back to reality. I grab it to plug it into the charger. I can’t help but flick through photos looking for ones of Kade, the ones I have avoided for so long. I need to see them now.

Wow, there are so many of him. I
’ve honestly been avoiding photos to prevent the tears, and possibly to avoid the temptation of sending him a message or two. He ended it, he doesn’t deserve my attention.

Fuck.

He is as gorgeous as I remember. My beautiful brown eyed surfer.

My heart still skips a beat just from looking at him in a photo, who was I trying to kid?

But he’s not yours anymore Roxy
. That is the truth right there, and I bet he is someone else’s now too.

It has been four months, no guy can go without sex for that long and I am sure that I created a sex monster with our numerous daily sexcapades.