HARDER (4 page)

H
e walked
me to my apartment and kissed me again, a brief but passionate kiss on my front step.

I went inside, closed my door and leaned back against it to enjoy the lingering sensation of his lips on mine for a moment longer.

I felt like giggling and texting Addy about it, but realized I wasn’t the type to giggle and I had no phone to text her with.

I checked the clock on the microwave and groaned when I saw it was past three in the morning. I rushed to bed, leaving my clothes in a pile, and curled myself around my pillow with a smile on my face.

It didn’t take long for me to fall into a restful sleep. Unfortunately morning came too quickly.

But that’s how it was when you had a child to care for.

I
rubbed
my eyes and sipped my coffee before adjusting my hoodie and looking for my sunglasses.

The morning was entirely too bright, like the sun was mocking me for having a little adult fun the night before.

“God dammit, I deserve a night out every once in a while,” I grumbled and put my glasses on. The relief was immediate. “Couldn’t I get an overcast day?”

I checked the answering machine again just to make sure there were no calls from the Taylors overnight and took another drink of coffee.

I was not handling this whole hangover thing very well and blessedly had another hour before picking Lucy up. I might need something stronger than my weak home brew to handle her excited enthusiastic voice though. I briefly thought about making my way to the specialty coffee place at the end of town for one of those ‘double extra large paint removing strong’ shots of espresso but the thought of running into anyone I knew made me reconsider.

I was about to flop onto the couch and pass the time with whatever crap TV shows I’d recorded throughout the week when there was a persistent tapping at the door.

“Hang on, bitch,” I laughed as I walked towards it, expecting it to be Addy with my phone and wallet.

I opened it to find Caleb Harder on my front step. I looked out up and down the outside breezeway to make sure nobody had seen and pulled him in.

“What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly. The last thing I needed was for Lucy to find out I’d had some guy over when she was gone. I didn’t want to make her feel insecure about leaving me alone.

“I brought you this,” he said, looking uncertain. “Should I go? Is this a bad time?” He held up a couple of disposable coffee cups and a take out container.

“No, I just don’t want anyone to see you,” I said, closing the door.

“Oh, that makes me feel better,” he laughed. “Is there a servant’s entrance I could use next time?”

“No, shit,” I said, “sorry that came out all wrong. I just don’t want my daughter to think she goes on one sleepover and I have guys coming over.”

“Ah, I see,” he replied, “I think that’s admirable.”

“Thanks,” I said, eyeballing the cup. “That’s ‘really strong hair on your chest make you growl like a gorilla caffeine coma’ type coffee I hope.”

“Indeed it is,” he chuckled and handed me one. “I left it black, I didn’t know what you liked.”

“Black is good,” I said and held the cup in both hands like it was a sacred object. “Ohhhhhh yeah, this is the good stuff.”

“Feeling a little rough?” he asked, setting his cup on my kitchen table and opening the container. “I also brought you a blueberry quinoa muffin. It’s chock full of protein and carbs, the perfect mix to help you over that hangover speed bump.”

I hadn’t realized I was hungry until he mentioned food. My stomach began to growl. “Please sit down,” I said and joined him at the table. “And god yes, my head is protesting my wild time out last night.”

“Wild?” he laughed, “If that was wild, you haven’t been out in a while.”

I blushed and looked down at the muffin. “Uh, yeah, try
never
,” I said and picked a juicy blueberry off the side and popped it in my mouth.

“Never?” he laughed, and then did a double take when he realized I was serious. “Really?”

“I’ve lead a sheltered life,” I told him and quickly changed the subject before he asked about Lucy’s father. I wasn’t quite ready to open up about that yet. “How do you feel?”

“I didn’t drink much, so I’m fine,” he replied, looking me in the eye. “Listen, I came over here to talk about last night actually.”

I had been hoping we’d just skate around the issue of us kissing, but here he was bringing it up. I gulped and asked, “What do you need to talk about?”

He exhaled slowly and ran his hand through his thick hair. He frowned and said, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”

“Impression?” I laughed. “What kind of impression do you think you gave me?”

“I know women tend to get more attached than men,” he said, “and I don’t want you to think that me kissing you was something it wasn’t.”

I couldn’t explain it, but the bottom dropped out of my stomach at his words. I felt sick and almost feverish and was grateful I still had my sunglasses on. “It was barely anything and I hardly remember it,” I said, “do you think I get one sloppy kiss on the side of the road and suddenly I want to get married? I don’t think so, mister.”

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” he smiled but looked extremely relieved. That made me even more upset.

“Well, thanks for the coffee and muffin,” I said and stood up. “I have to go get my daughter, we can’t all run around doing whatever the hell we want with all our free time.”

“I’ve offended you, fuck. I don’t want to offend you,” he said, standing abruptly and looking extremely uncomfortable. “I like you, Brooke. I’m just the kind of guy who’s not good for a woman like you. I’d hurt you.”

“You wouldn’t have a chance to hurt me,” I told him curtly, “I’m fine. We’re still friends. Go live your happy single life and I’ll live my life full of responsibilities and doing for others. But you wouldn’t understand that, would you?”

A flicker of pain crossed his face and he frowned. “No, can’t say I would,” he told me.

“I’ll see you around,” I said and showed him to the door.

“I’m going to come see you soon,” he said as he paused in front of it. “I’m not good at this kind of thing. I feel like I just fucked it all up.”

“There was nothing to fuck up in the first place,” I smiled up at him and told him the biggest lie yet. “I never wanted anything but friendship from you.”

He smiled back and shook my hand. “Friends?” he asked.

“Friends,” I told him.

And with that, he was gone and I was left feeling like somebody had released a cyclone in the middle of my heart. There was a trail of damage that criss crossed it everywhere Caleb had touched me and I still didn’t understand why.

“
Y
ou must have made
a real impression on Caleb Harder,” Virginia told me a few days later when I came in for my morning shift.

“Why’s that?” I asked casually in an effort to disguise the excitement I felt at the mere mention of his name.

“He asked you to deliver his lunch today,” Virginia said, looking me up and down as if in a new light. “What got into him do you think?”

“I ran into him over the weekend,” I said and tied my apron up and distracted myself checking the notepad and pen in my pocket.

“Interesting,” she said and watched me walk towards the front of the restaurant. I could feel her unasked questions hanging in the air between us but didn’t know what to tell her.

I still didn’t even know what had happened. Caleb had kissed me, he’d treated me like a perfect gentleman, and then he’d told me to forget any ideas I ever had of a relationship.

I did my best to forget all about seeing him as I busied myself with the morning regulars. Time slipped by and soon Virginia popped out to let me know Caleb’s order was ready.

I grabbed two paper bags and hopped in Virginia’s car. Mine had barely any gas and didn’t exactly project the image she was going for I supposed.

I remembered where Caleb’s house was and drove there immediately. I pulled up in front and checked my phone for the time and saw that I was five minutes early. Perfect.

I decided to scroll through my texts to kill some time and came across a couple unread from Addy. She was apologizing yet again for ditching me on Saturday night. She’d promised again and again that if we ever went out in the future, she would stick by my side the entire night.

Somehow I didn’t believe her. I’d learned my lesson and had made it home safe so I wasn’t upset with her. I didn’t tell her who had brought me home though; I didn’t want to share that part of my time with Caleb just yet.

At exactly noon I grabbed the bags of food and walked to Caleb’s front door. He wasn’t outside gardening this time and I hit the doorbell button confidently.

I wasn’t going to let him know how much his declaration had bothered me. No way, no how.

The door slowly opened and Caleb appeared. It was an instant reaction, my body almost vibrated with electric energy in response to him.

“Brooke, I’m so glad it’s you,” he said with a wide smile. “Come in.”

“I need to get back,” I replied with a wide smile of my own and handed him his paper bags. “Virginia told me that you could pay when you can. She knows where you live and isn’t afraid to break a couple kneecaps to get her money.”

“Tell her thanks for that,” he laughed. “Are you sure you can’t stay for a bit?”

“I really can’t leave the diner during the lunch rush,” I said. “It’s been nice seeing you though.”

“And I’ll see you tomorrow too, right?” he asked almost expectantly. He seemed nervous around me and I didn’t understand why. He was the one who had laid such a huge rule down between us.

“I reckon so,” I replied and pretended to tip my hat at him. He laughed and I loved him a little more. I loved his laugh and loved that I’d made him.

The next day he managed to talk me into staying a little while. On the porch. I didn’t want to go into the house; I wasn’t there yet.

He came out with two glasses of lemonade. I took mine and sat on the swing to the side of the front entrance, he sat beside me.

My legs were too short to reach the floor so I let him push us back and forth while we talked about the weather and the big fall festival coming in a few weeks. We talked about everything and nothing and definitely not about
the thing.

The thing we would not talk about. The thing that Caleb had told me about not wanting a relationship because he would hurt me.

The thing.

Wednesday was a repeat and it was nice. I felt like we were achieving a level of friendship that I needed. I had been foolish to imagine myself in a romantic relationship. I was still recovering from being with Rolland and Lucy was more than a full time job.

Let’s face it, I wasn’t exactly romance material and I was learning to accept that.

Thursday around eleven thirty I asked Virginia for Caleb’s order. She looked at me a little funny and brought out three paper bags.

I wondered why, normally he ordered one for himself and one for his father but I couldn’t figure out the third. I blushed when I realized it was for me. He must be getting tired of me refusing to come inside. It was a sweet gesture and my stomach flip-flopped at the possibility that he might be opening up to me.

Who had I been fooling, the only way I could be Caleb Harder’s friend was if I could fantasize about a relationship with him.

I rang the doorbell and waited for a few moments with no response. That wasn’t like Caleb at all this week and I began to worry that something might have happened to him.

I tried the door handle and it wasn’t locked. I swung the huge heavy wooden door open and peaked inside. “Caleb?” I called out. My voice echoed in the massive foyer. I could barely take in all the details there was so much going on. Marble and ornate metal, a chandelier that was bigger than my car, artwork on the walls, and a sculpture on a pedestal.

Almost immediately I felt out of my element. “I’m just gonna leave this here,” I called out again.

“Oh wait,” I heard somebody from another room. “I’m coming.”

It was a woman’s voice.

A gorgeous tall brunette woman practically glided into the foyer and gave me a big, gorgeous smile to match her perfect face.

“Oh hey there,” she said with the slightest hint of a southern accent. “I’m Candy, you must be the sandwich lady.”

“Yeah, I’m the sandwich lady and here they are,” I mumbled and handed them to her. She took them and balanced them gracefully in her arms. She looked like she could have been a gymnast or runway model or something.

“Aren’t you just a doll for bringing these over. You wanna join us for some sweet tea?” she asked. “I’ve gotta get these back there.”

“No thanks,” I said and turned to leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said brightly as I walked out the door.

“Not on your life,” I grumbled under my breath and high tailed it to Virginia’s car like my ass end was on fire.

There was no way I was going to keep seeing Caleb like I’d done this week. I was too vulnerable and not used to playing games with my heart.

And clearly he was always going to be the winner.

And I was tired of losing.

I
refused
to even see Caleb on Friday. I didn’t know why it bothered me so much that he had a gorgeous girlfriend, I mean he was the one who’d told me he was the type to hurt me.

And he already had without even trying. Without us even being in a relationship together.

I felt foolish for letting it get to me, but Friday wasn’t the day for me to get over it.

When Virginia asked me to take his food over, I drove her car as usual but I parked down the street a little ways. I grabbed the three paper bags, one for him, one for his dad and one for the stunning woman I’d seen the day before, and I snuck up the front steps.

I set the bags on the porch in front of his door and rang the bell rapidly, sending it into an annoying staccato of chimes inside the house.

I heard stomping coming towards the front door so I darted down the stairs and made it to the sidewalk before I heard it open.

“Brooke,” he called out as I darted around the corner past some hedges. “Brooke, wait!”

I didn’t exactly run, but I power walked like a crazy woman to Virginia’s car, jumped in and started it up.

I did a U turn on his street and caught his confused face in the rearview mirror as I drove away.

I felt slightly smug at his concerned expression, but mostly I felt foolish for the entire situation.

Why did Caleb Harder seem to get to me like that? There was no logical explanation for my reaction to him, but he seemed to already be under my skin.

I planned on simple avoidance to get over it though. Friday meant the weekend with Lucy and I could count on not seeing Caleb.

It wasn’t like he and I would be doing the same things on the weekend, he had hot bachelor or hot guy with hot girlfriend stuff to do and I had family things to focus on.

And I was totally fine with that.

I mean, I had to be, right?

“
N
ot pizza again
,” Lucy moaned as I went over our dinner options for the evening. It was a small town, there weren’t many.

“Okay, then burgers and fries,” I said.

“Noooooo,” she complained. “My friend Sophie says they have the best fish and chips at the club. Why can’t we go to the club?”

God,
the club
. The big upper middle class social scene of Harder’s Mill. The country club, a tennis and golf center that just happened to have an exclusive and overpriced restaurant with pools, spas, and everything that I could ever imagine wanting but could never afford.

“Pfft, fish and chips aren’t all that great,” I said in an overly cheerful voice. “How about we drive out to the Sugar Shack for waffles and chicken?”

“That’s so far away,” Lucy grumbled but I knew she was interested.

“I’ll let you get just the waffles and I’ll even let you put ice cream on them.”

And it was a done deal; she was sold. But she’d never let me off the hook that easy.

She took a deep shuddering breath and said, “Fine, I guess. But I wish we could go to the club.”

We hopped in my crappy little Toyota and headed north of town out an old country road called The Lane. That was it, just The Lane.

We passed fields of cows grazing in the early September evening and a couple tractors driving down the side of the road going an easy slow pace. I envied those farmers, just taking their time without a care in the world.

We found the Sugar Shack hopping and packed to the hilt. I pushed my way in with Lucy right by my side and walked to the counter.

“Sit anywhere you can find,” the harried waitress said, “I’ll be with you when I can get to you.”

“Take your time,” I said and swiped a couple menus off the counter and headed towards a booth at the front of the place where an older couple were just cleaning up and looking to leave.

“I’ll tidy for you if we can have your table,” I said with a smile.

“Why thank you,” the woman said, “that’s awfully kind of you.”

“Why Brooke, I didn’t know waiting tables was your hobby as well as your profession,” Ray, one of my regulars said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Just looking for a place to sit,” I laughed. “This is Lucy, you remember her.”

“And this is my wife Charlene,” Ray said, “she’s the reason I take up space in the diner every week day morning.”

“I can’t stand him hanging around since he’s retired,” Charlene laughed. “He makes fun of my shows on TV and talks so much I can’t get any knitting done.”

“Well keep sending him my way,” I smiled. “He’s a bad tipper but a nice guy.”

They laughed and we said our goodbyes as they left. I stacked their dishes on my arm and told Lucy to sit.

I walked to the counter, caught the solo waitress’s eye and set them down. She thanked me profusely and shoved them through the window to the back where the dishwasher snatched them off the shelf.

I found Lucy on my phone playing a game when I got back.

“So how was school today?” I asked but she simply grunted an answer and didn’t look up.

“I guess there goes the idea that I’ll have somebody to talk to over dinner,” I told her with a frown. She didn’t even flinch as the game played on.

“Does somebody like me count?” a voice asked from beside me.

I looked up into the smiling, gorgeous, perfect face of Caleb Harder.

Just freaking great.

As standoffish as I felt, I couldn’t be rude to him. It just wasn’t the way I was raised and I knew I’d be in a heap of trouble if my mom and dad ever knew I snubbed somebody I’d kissed just a week before.

In fact they’d die if they knew I’d kissed somebody I’d just met.

Although I hadn’t talked to my parents in years, not since I’d hooked up with Rolland and moved a few states away. He’d convinced me to give up my friends and family to be with him and I’d been stupid enough to obey.

They’d never even met Lucy and now that it had gone on so long, I was terrified to contact them. I was worried they’d slam the door in my face and it would be harder to talk to Lucy about grandparents who didn’t want her than not talking about them at all.

So I looked up at him, smiled the best I could and said, “Yeah, of course you do.”

He sat across from me next to Lucy. She edged over and didn’t look up at him.

I said, “Lucy this is Caleb. Caleb this is Lucy.”

“Hi Lucy,” he said.

“Hey,” she mumbled back.

He looked down at her, back to me and laughed. “Kids these days, hey? We never had it so good.”

“I know I didn’t,” I said, “but judging by that house of yours, you had it pretty good.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there. But I never had my own phone,” he said.

“It’s not mine,” Lucy said, still engrossed in the game. “I have to use my mom’s which is so unfair. Most of the kids in my class have one.”

“Most of the kids in your class are spoiled,” I snapped and immediately regretted it. I didn’t want Caleb to see this side of me, the frustrated single mother.

The waitress approached our table at just the right time, before he could say anything. I ordered and ignored his eyebrows rising when I asked for her ice cream.

She looked at him when I was done and he said, “I’m just here picking up an order.”

“Oh right,” she said, “I thought you looked familiar. It will be a few minutes if you don’t mind.”

“Why don’t you bring us each a milk shake while I wait?” he said, looking at me for approval.

“She’s getting ice cream on her waffles,” I replied but Lucy was sold.

“Strawberry please!” she chirped and actually looked up at Caleb with a grin. “Oh you, the rude guy.”

“Yeah, me, the rude guy,” he laughed.

“And you, ma’am?” the waitress asked.

“Vanilla,” I replied coolly.

“I’ll take chocolate,” he told her and turned back to me as she walked away. “Vanilla, hey? Does that mean you’re a simple girl at heart or does it mean you hide your non vanilla interests?”

“Simple girl,” I said and glared at him.

Lucy was back playing the game, but she had big ears.

“I don’t believe that,” he said softly and deliberately. I felt that stupid reaction in my body, I couldn’t control it around him. My heart fluttered and my breath caught in my throat.

“Lucy still has some cookies to buy,” I told him, changing the subject. “Why don’t I throw some in with your lunch and you can pay me this week? You can make up for being such a dick the first time we met you.”

“Mom, bad word,” Lucy said, “you owe the swear jar when we get home.”

“I would love some of those cookies,” Caleb said and turned to Lucy. “Your mom has a swear jar?”

“Oh yeah,” the little traitor told him with big, serious eyes. She was so dramatic; she took after me to a T.

“Is there a lot of money in it?” Caleb asked with a grin.

“Mom always says she’ll be able to pay for my college with her filthy mouth,” Lucy said with that same serious tone.

“Oh come on, stop ganging up on me here,” I laughed. I couldn’t help it; she knew exactly what she was doing.

“Quite the mouth on you, hey?” Caleb asked with a wink. “I knew there was more to that vanilla.”

“My mom is a spitfire, that’s what my dad used to call her,” Lucy said looking up at him, then to me, and back to the phone. “When we lived with him.”

She sounded so sad on the last bit that my stomach turned to stone and dropped. She hadn’t really talked about Rolland since we’d left and I wonder what made her bring that up now.

“That’s what I am,” I said, hoping to direct Caleb’s attention away from the subject of Lucy’s father. “I have been since I was Lucy’s age. I just can’t help myself.”

“You are a multi layered woman,” Caleb said. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Unless it means you’re running off my porch like dogs were chasing you.”

I swallowed hard and didn’t want to go there either. Talking with Caleb Harder was like navigating a minefield; I didn’t know where we could go without bringing something up that was off limits.

Luckily the waitress brought our milkshakes just then and they were perfect. She served each one in a tall, cool glass with a long spoon, straw and a metal container with the leftovers to set on the table in front of us.

The topic was lighter after that, and Lucy invited Caleb to her Girl Guides soccer game on Sunday but I was secretly hoping he would turn her down.

He didn’t, but he also didn’t broach any other topics that made me want to jump and squirm like there was sand in my thong, so all was good.

His food came shortly after, three bags worth I noted to myself and that green eyed monster of envy flared up again as I watched him leave.

His ass was amazing and packed into tight Wrangler jeans. He climbed into his big pick up truck and I realized I was almost drooling when the waitress brought our food.

“I like him,” Lucy said as she handed my phone back. “You could do worse.”

“It’s not like that,” I protested and poured syrup on my waffles and stabbed the crunchy chicken skin with my fork.

“Whatever, mom,” Lucy replied and ate her waffles with a smile on her face.