HARDER (9 page)

I
apologized profusely
to Caleb the next day but he brushed it off with a laugh.

“You can’t blame her for trying, at least she’s motivated,” he said and walked me to the van.

“Motivated to sneak around and lie,” I replied curtly. “That’s not exactly the kind of behavior I’m encouraging, you know.”

“I know,” Caleb said and stood in the open door as I pulled the seatbelt across my chest. “Speaking of bad behavior, I feel like we need to talk about…you know.”

“No need, I know where we stand,” I said in a voice that was a little too cheerful.

“You do?” he asked with surprise. “’Cause damn, Brooke, I don’t.”

“You know what Caleb?” I said, surprising myself with the force of my words.

“What’s that?”

“I’m done with this back and forth. It’s ridiculous. Figure yourself out or leave me alone.”

With that I pulled the door hard and gave him the hint. He stepped back out of the way, I slammed it shut and drove away.

Everything was getting to me. The confusion with Caleb, the fear that Rolland would find us, the stress of no money and the anxiety I felt over seeing my family again and having to explain everything.

I just couldn’t deal with Caleb’s flakiness just then; I had to take care of my own emotions before I could care about his.

Sometimes being selfish was a survival skill, and if there was anything in the world that I excelled at, it was survival.

Friday I went to deliver lunch, I rang the bell, knocked and nobody answered.

I pushed the door open expecting to find Tara inside, but the place felt deserted.

I wondered if I wasn’t meant to bring lunch today, but then again why was the front door unlocked?

I made my way through the grand foyer, past the artwork and sculptures, through a dining room with a massive carved dark wood table and into a kitchen that rivaled anything I’d seen in any design magazine.

I had to concentrate on keeping my jaw from hanging open in awe as I looked around. I couldn’t believe Caleb lived like this. I instantly felt frumpy again as I realized the extent of his wealth.

How could he possibly be interested in a country mouse like me?

I set the bags on the wide marble countertop and turned to leave.

I heard somebody yelling behind me and looked through the open sliding doors onto a wide paved veranda.

There was a man hunched over in a wheelchair with his back to me and he was yelling incompressible words but he sounded like he was in pain.

I walked slowly towards him and said, “Sir? Can I help you?”

The man went silent and his body stiffened.

I walked around in front of him and gasped. He was an older version of Caleb, from the thick black hair to the strong jawline and the deep-set eyes and beautiful lips.

“Mr. Harder, are you okay?” I asked softly.

His eyes flipped up and fixed on mine and that’s where the similarities ended. Caleb’s father’s eyes were cruel and glittering with hard anger. He was like Caleb with Rolland’s eyes.

“Who are you? Are you replacing that cunt Tara?” he sneered at me.

“I…uh…no…I’m the sandwich girl from Virgie’s Diner,” I stammered. The cruelty in his gaze held me fixed like a bug wiggling on a pin. Everything Rolland had ever done or said to me held me in place like super glue. I swore I could hear the pounding of my heart in my ears like it was desperately trying to break free of my chest and get the hell out of there before we got hit.

“You’re the little gold digger,” he said, raking his cold, hard gaze up and down my body. “I can see why my son wants to fuck you, but rest assured you’re not going to dig your trashy little claws into my money.”

“I’m not after money,” I said with a dry mouth. My lips felt cracked and swollen and my eyes felt full of tears about to burst forth.

“That’s what they all say,” he replied with a nasty smug smirk. “Every single one of them, all the girls Caleb drags home…there have been so many of them. And every god damned one of them walks in here with eyes as big as saucers and empty wallets with one intention in mind. To get knocked up so they can claim our fortune. The only one who ever succeeded was Anna, and even then she couldn’t keep her legs closed after she’d won the prize.”

Something happened to me then, something snapped. I realized I was done with being treated like that; I was done with taking abuse.

“I don’t want your money, you old fuck,” I snapped, gaining a backbone at last. “I don’t want anything from any of you but make sure you pay Virginia for your fucking food.”

I turned on my heel and stormed away from him, his cackling mocking laughter bouncing in my ears as I swept through the kitchen.

I reached the front door as the tears began to spill down my face. I grabbed the door handle and heard my name being called.

“Brooke! Wait!” Caleb yelled and came bounding down the stairs. “I didn’t realize what time it was, did you talk to…”

I nodded wordlessly and felt the tears flowing.

“God dammit, I was upstairs begging Tara not to quit. We can’t keep a fucking nurse around because of that old bastard,” he said and stared at me. “Are you okay? What did he say?”

“He was awful,” I sobbed and sniffled. “He called me a gold digger and said I was trying to get pregnant to trap you like Anna did.”

Caleb’s face darkened in a way that would have made me shudder if I didn’t trust him so much. He looked like he was about to explode and I was grateful I wasn’t the target of it. “My father was always a cruel man,” he said slowly in a careful voice. “Even before the accident he wasn’t nice. My mother had gotten pregnant with me but left before I started nursery school. He raised me, but he made damn sure I knew he wasn’t happy about it.”

“Oh god Caleb, I’m sorry,” I said, sniffling and wiping my tears on the back of my sleeve.

“Anna and I met in high school, and yes she got pregnant before we were married, but my father was convinced she did it on purpose. He got worse after the car accident though; he’s paralyzed from the waist down and suffered a brain trauma. God, Brooke, I never wanted to pull you into this. I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to see this part of my life, my burden.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I told him as I felt my heart melt and my love grow for him. He must have suffered so much in his life, with his father and with the death of his wife and child. He needed careful tending, tenderness to allow him to unfold for me, to grow towards me.

I needed to be his light, not pressure him into something I wasn’t even sure I was ready for.

We could tend each other; help each other grow. I needed to remember that. Caleb Harder wasn’t playing games with me; he was the walking wounded and didn’t know how to behave in this brand new territory.

Neither did I, but I was willing to try for him.

I stepped towards him and rested my forehead on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I followed by wrapping mine around his muscled body. “I think we have a lot to talk about,” I told him.

“Can you get Saturday free?” he asked. “I think we definitely have to talk.”

“I’ll let Lucy go to Addy’s for the night,” I said and looked up at him, the tears already drying on my cheeks. He smiled down at me, dipped his head and kissed me.

His hands moved up my back and one settled on the nape of my neck. I shivered at his touch; with that one gesture he let me know I was his.

I belonged to Caleb Harder.

Fuck his money, fuck his past, fuck my hurt and fear and fuck his bitter angry father…we belonged together and that was that.

It was settled.

“
I
can take
her but you’ll have to bring her out to the lake,” Addy told me later that evening. “We’re just packing up now, Gary’s got a little cabin there.”

“Oh it sounds nice, can you send me directions?” I asked.

“For sure, I’ll text them to you,” Addy replied and paused. “I’m glad you two are spending more time together. You look good together.”

“So do you guys,” I said and grinned. I felt happy, it was strange to feel that happy but there it was.

Lucy was thrilled to go to the cabin of course. It might not be a Bieber concert in the city but it was something.

We had a quiet night in, did our usual routine of cleaning and laundry the next day and by noon I had her packed up and ready to go.

I texted Caleb to let him know I was driving Lucy to the lake and we were on our way.

Addy had been right, it was a bit of a drive along a completely isolated road. It wasn’t swimming weather, but the kids could run around and go fishing with Gary if they wanted so they’d have fun no matter the circumstance.

We got there around two and Addy begged me to stay for a drink and a chat.

Lucy ran off with Addy’s kids and their cousins and left us alone on the front porch. We were rocking gently on the swing and bullshitting about life and men and kids and all the things that made our lives both frustrating and full of love and joy.

Gary came back in with a bunch of fresh lake trout for dinner and I smiled when Addy kissed his cheek and told him she was proud of him.

That’s what I wanted with Caleb, the easy back and forth that Addy had with Gary.

“You staying for a dinner?” Gary asked me and held up his catch.

“Unfortunately no,” I said and glanced at my phone. It was past five, I was running late and hadn’t even realized it. “I have to head back to town.”

“Drive careful, there’s a storm rolling in,” Gary told me.

I thanked him and Addy, hopped in the van, blasted the music and headed back to town.

Gary hadn’t been kidding; one hell of a windstorm started about halfway back and the dark clouds blocked the setting sun and brought an early night. The forest I was driving through became inky black outside of the glare of my headlights.

I slowed down and was careful, but at one point a tree slammed down just up the road from me. I hit my brakes and cursed as the van came to a stop. I didn’t know how I was going to make it out of there.

I checked my phone but I had no bars. I knew the cabin had no cell service and no landline, so if I went back Caleb wouldn’t know what had happened to me.

I decided I had to try my best to get into town, to see Caleb.

I maneuvered the van to the top of the tree near the ditch and gingerly drove over it.

I heard an awful scraping noise underneath the van, but I made it over.

“Yes!” I yelled and grinned widely as I hit the gas.

The van sped up but a short ways down the road I heard a deep thumping sound and pulled over as the van began to wobble.

I stepped out and found a tree branch lodged in the front right tire. It was flat and I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Fuck,” I exclaimed. Now I was even worse off than before with no hope of getting back to the cabin even. I opened the back of the van to look for the spare tire but the wheel well was empty. It was gone.

I tried my cell again, but it was no use.

I got back in the van and tried not to cry as rain began to whip against the windows, driven by the force of the wind.

Caleb would think I’d ditched him. He wouldn’t know where I was; he would hate me for sure after this. I felt so helpless as darkness deepened that I started to cry again, this time hot tears of anger and helplessness.

Why couldn’t my life just work out for once? Why couldn’t things just go my way and fall into place?

I curled up on the front seat and pushed it back so I could nap while waiting for help to come, for somebody to find me.

I must have fallen into a dreamless sleep because I woke with a startled exclamation and bright lights shining into the van.

A dark figure crossed the lights from the vehicle pulled up in front of me and I said a small prayer that they were friendly. I was really stuck out here if they decided to try anything.

I sat up as the door was pulled open and screamed as I was dragged out.

“Brooke, my god,” Caleb said and I fell into his arms as relief flooded my body. “When you didn’t come back I thought…fuck…I thought I might have lost you…”

The naked fear on his face alarmed me, I’d never seen him so out of control before.

“I’m sorry, I tried to drive over a tree and the tire went flat.”

“Don’t you know how to change it?”

“There was no spare,” I said. “I wanted to make it back to you but I couldn’t.”

“God dammit. Somebody’s losing their job over this.”

“It’s nobody’s fault, if anything, I should have checked. What time is it?”

“It’s past ten,” he said. “I went to your place and at first I thought maybe you’d chickened out. That you didn’t want to talk to me. But then I couldn’t find the van and I was so scared something had happened and decided to come find you.”

“I’m so glad you did. And I didn’t chicken out,” I said, looking up at him in the bright lights of his truck, the wind and rain whipping around us. He looked beautiful right then, almost otherworldly, like an old god come to life.

“I know,” he said and smiled down at me. “The thought of losing you made me realize something though.”

“What’s that?”

“I want you Brooke. I want you so much it fucking hurts and that scares me. It makes me want to tuck tail and run from you…like I did last Sunday.”

“Why did you leave?” I asked, ignoring the rain and wind blowing around us.

“
I
chickened out,” he laughed. “When I saw your face, when you came for me, I was lost. I fucking lost it, Brooke. You are so beautiful and so perfect; I’m lost in you. I’m fucking lost…”

“You’re not lost,” I said, reaching up to touch his face and comfort him. “I’m right here, and we’re in this together, Caleb. If we’re lost, we’re lost together.”

“There’s no other place in the universe I’d rather be,” he said and bent down to kiss me there in the wind and rain in the bright glare of the lights.

He backed me up slowly towards the van and lifted me onto the front of it, resting me on it as we kissed.

“I need you,” he growled against my neck and nipped my flesh with his teeth. “I’m going to fuck you, Brooke. I’m going to flood your pussy with my seed and mark you as mine.”