HARDER (3 page)

A
s soon as
my vomit hit Caleb’s shoes I felt like I was going to pass out from humiliation. I gripped the edge of the counter and hurked again, but nothing came out.

“Brooke, shit, are you okay?” he asked and rubbed my back. Heat from his hand radiated out along my spine and I wondered how he knew my name. I’d never been formally introduced to him but Virginia had mentioned it once. In my fog of drunkenness I was flattered.

“I’m good,” I blurted and closed my eyes to stop the spinning and concentrate on his huge, warm hand touching me. He dipped from my shoulder blades to my lower back, passing over the border of my dress to my bare flesh.

I shivered every time he touched my skin with his, but I’m sure being that drunk it came off as more of a shudder.

“You don’t look good,” he said and I heard the door open behind him. “It’s occupied, asshole, go take a piss outside,” he growled at whoever was coming in.

“Sorry,” the unknown man said, then chuckled deeply and added, “good for you, dude.”

“What a prick,” Caleb muttered under his breath. “Listen, splash some cold water on your face and we’ll go find Addison. She can get you home.”

I complied and dipped close to the tap, splashed myself and took the rough paper towel he handed me to dry my face. “Thanks,” I said, taking a deep breath and feeling much better than before. “Don’t you need to…you know…”

“Use the facilities?” he laughed. “No, I don’t.”

“Then why did you come in here?” I asked and stood up. He took his hand off my back and I turned around to avoid looking at my red blotchy face in the mirror but also to look up at him.

“You were in here an awful long time,” he said. “I was worried something might have happened to you.”

“You watched me come in here?” I asked, frowning and trying to process exactly what that meant and why it made me feel so light headed.

“Us Harder’s Mill folks need to stick together,” he said with a smile that contained more kindness than I thought I deserved at that point. “Come on, let’s go find Addison.”

“Thanks again,” I said and looked down. “I’m sorry about your shoes.”

“These old things?” he laughed and brushed it off. They were not old, and they definitely were really nice. “I’ve been meaning to throw them out anyways. Besides, barely any got on me.”

I didn’t bother to argue with him, I didn’t have it in me. I already felt bad enough without trying to convince him that I was an idiot.

We walked out into the club and he glared at a short line of men who all gave him smug knowing glances. I didn’t understand at first, but then caught on that they all thought we’d been having sex in the bathroom.

As if my humiliation could get any worse, now they would see me as some slut who banged random dudes in the bathroom at some cheesy nightclub.

The only good thing was that I was from a different town. I didn’t recognize anyone else at the club.

“Did Addison mention she was going anywhere?” Caleb asked when we got back to our table and found it empty. I glanced over at the table where Gary had been sitting with his friends but everyone was gone.

“No,” I said, “I don’t even know if she noticed me leaving to be honest.”

Caleb scowled and looked more like the man I’d met, irritated and annoyed by my mere presence.

“You can go,” I told him. “I’ll be fine. I’m sure she’ll be back soon and your friends seem to be waiting for you.”

He glanced across the room to the small group of college girls he’d been hanging out with previously. Each one of them shot me a look that would have killed me dead if they’d had that kind of power.

“Oh them?” he shrugged and turned back to me. “They’ll be fine but you aren’t. I don’t think you realize how drunk you are. Do you do this kind of thing often?”

“That’s the problem,” I said with hot red cheeks, “I don’t drink that much and I never go out. I’m a home body I guess, kinda boring compared to people like you.”

“I rarely come out,” he said glancing over my head at the DJ booth. “That’s my friend Ryan up there though. I come out when he’s DJing, he needs the support.”

“He doesn’t look like it,” I said looking up at his friend. He exuded confidence and had everybody eating out of the palm of his hand.

“Yeah, but he almost throws up every damn time he’s booked because of the nerves,” Caleb replied with a quick smile. He shifted from one foot to the other and asked, “Can you text Addy or something?”

“She’s got my phone and wallet with her,” I groaned and felt a pinch of desperation rise up. “I’m stuck here I guess.”

“No you’re not,” Caleb replied. “I’ll hang out for a bit and if she doesn’t come back, I’ll get you home.”

“Oh god, seriously, you don’t have to,” I replied. I hated that I was ruining his night out.

He would have none of it though; he ordered me an ice water with lemon, a black coffee for himself and pulled a stick of gum out of his pocket for me.

It was settled. I chewed on the minty gum and tried to chat with Caleb Harder while ignoring the fact that I’d become his burden for the night.

Not exactly the way I thought I’d be spending my childfree night. I really should have stayed home.

I
felt
like I was sobering up as I sipped my ice water. Caleb didn’t seem fazed by the fact that I’d wrecked his night and was telling me stories about his wild college years.

I had nothing to add, I really was boring. Not just now, but my whole life apparently.

A little after midnight he looked at his phone and said, “Well it looks like you’ve been officially abandoned.”

“It seems that way,” I sighed. I sipped the last of my water and crunched a couple ice cubes.

“I’m going to let everyone know I’m leaving and I’ll drive you home,” he said.

“Can’t you just lend me money for a cab or something?” I asked even though I didn’t know how I would ever afford to pay him back.

“You want to know something?” he asked and leaned across the table at me.

“What’s that?” I asked.

He looked around as if confiding something deep to me, smiled and said, “I hate this music. And this place is not my vibe at all. I don’t mind taking you home.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am positive,” he replied with a wink.

He walked over to his friend Ryan who was on a break. They talked for a couple moments, he pointed at me and I waved when Ryan lifted his hand at me. The girls who hated me were crowded around Ryan and once again all shot me equal looks of envy and anger.

I smiled at them; the apparent leader flipped her hair and looked away. She leaned in and told something apparently hilarious because they all glanced my way and laughed their fool heads off.

I wanted to link my arm in Caleb’s just to piss them off even more but didn’t want to risk Caleb pulling away from me and giving them satisfaction.

He didn’t take long, he strode across the packed dance floor as his friend climbed back up into the DJ booth. He smiled at me, shook his head and said, “You’re glowing. Maybe this drunk puke thing is good for you or something.”

“Glowing?” I snorted. “Probably a couple broken blood vessels after throwing up on you.”

“Well whatever it is, it looks good on you.”

I mumbled thanks and slipped off the stool to discover I wasn’t as sober as I’d thought. I wavered for a moment and Caleb held his arm out for me to cling to.

I couldn’t help it. I’m not proud of it, but as we walked away I turned around and smirked at the blonde snotty girl and her friends.

I may have even stuck my tongue out at them just a little.

Take that, bitches,
I thought and mentally flashed them two big middle fingers up as we left the club.

Life didn’t let me win that often so I couldn’t possibly pass that chance up. It might never happen to me again.

P
art way home
I begged Caleb to stop his truck. He drove one of those new Dodge Rams with the huge tires and about ten feet off the ground. It was ridiculous when I tried to climb up, he’d had to wrap his hands around my waist and lift me into it.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad. But I’m sure if there was a ride height requirement I would have failed it.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he slowed down into a rest stop.

“I might throw up again,” I blurted, “I’m sorry.”

He came to a halt and I tumbled out the door, almost losing balance as I ran to the grass.

He stood next to me and I looked down at his boots. He’d changed his pukey shoes before we left and had slipped on work boots. It was weird but they turned me on more than the expensive shoes he’d tossed in the dumpster outside the club.

That combined with his rough hands let me know he was a man who wasn’t afraid of a little work, and that spoke to my own stubborn workaholic side.

I heaved a little but nothing came up. I felt my head start to spin again and motioned for the picnic table in front of us. Caleb helped me limp over there to catch my breath. I sat down and he took the spot next to me, our legs facing out and our backs against the table itself.

“You must hate me,” I said, holding my head in my hands.

“Not at all,” he replied. “How could I ever hate somebody like you?”

“You mean somebody who’s a total fuck up?”

“I mean somebody who is a little lost, a little funny, a little sad and more than a little beautiful,” he replied quietly.

I heard the rush of cars on the highway next to the rest stop. Late night long haul truckers heading from one place to another, places I’d never seen and I would never see. I almost didn’t let myself really
hear
what Caleb had said because it felt so right to hear him say it.

And how could it be right when he was so damned wrong? I had to remember what a jerk he’d been to Lucy that first day I met him or else I might soften up towards him when he was like this.

He scared me. And I was done being scared. I needed to focus on Lucy and I, not somebody like Caleb Harder. I needed to look away from him and forget that he had just called me beautiful.

I needed to, but I didn’t. His eyes were so brilliant and intense and his gorgeous lips were turned up in the smallest of smiles.

He reached up and put his hand on the back of my neck under my tangled hair and pulled me towards him. I pulled the gum from my mouth and forgot every single ounce of fear I had as he kissed me.

H
is mouth was
soft and firm at the same time. His hand gripped me tightly but was gentle against my neck. He was forceful but hesitant. It was a kiss full of contradictions, as if he could feel my own fear flowing from my body into his. He was reacting to it on a visceral level and it worried me.

Had Rolland’s abuse rendered me unlovable? Was I wearing the scent of that horrible life still clinging to my skin? Could Caleb feel the anger that had been directed at me all those years?

I closed my eyes tighter and moaned softly. I was determined to sink into the sensations of his lips on mine, to forget my past and just me in Caleb’s arms.

He responded to that, he kissed me harder and I fluttered my eyelids in ecstasy. His kiss ramped up to an intensity I couldn’t remember ever feeling before and I couldn’t help myself, I wrapped my arms around him, delighting in the rippling of his muscles under his shirt as he moved against me.

He leaned towards me and put his arm around my waist pulled me over until I was straddling him, sitting on his lap facing him.

I gasped and settled in, he kissed me harder and our mouths crashed together in a seemingly endless exploration of tongues and lips and overwhelming fiery sensations.

I could feel his hardness through his jeans and he was huge. I blushed even thinking about it, but some part of my body took complete control and I settled straight onto it, riding it as we kissed.

It was his turn to moan, he pulled me tight against him and bucked his hips slightly, moving me forwards along his rigid shaft.

“Fuck,” he groaned and reached up to weave the fingers of both hands in my thick, messy hair. He continued to kiss me and I kissed him until I lost all sense of time and place.

He dropped his hand slowly down my body, traveling along my shoulder and arm and settling on my hip. He massaged my upper thigh and languidly worked my dress up until his hand was circling dangerously close to my panties.

I adjusted my position on his lap and opened my legs wider to settle lower. I could feel his penis so close to my soaked panties I wanted to scream from the tension.

How had this happened? He was a jerk, then nice, and now this? I wasn’t that drunk any more, so I couldn’t even blame my behavior on that.

This was one hundred percent me being a totally easy woman for Caleb Harder.

I was about to put my hands on his chest and tell him this isn’t how I usually behaved when bright headlights cut across the darkness and illuminated the rest stop.

I pulled back and pulled my dress down as I turned around to see who had stopped. It was a big rig with a trailer behind it, followed by another one and another.

Soon our quiet little make out space was filled with loud truckers using the toilets and vending machines while they exchanged information about their night on the road.

“Shit,” Caleb said under his breath. “Nothing kills the mood like an impromptu trucker convention.”

“It does kinda ruin the romance,” I replied, looking into his eyes with my arms around his neck. “That was…well, it was weird anyhow. I don’t usually do things like that.”

“Like what? This?” he asked with a crooked grin and moved his hand up my thigh again to settle his thumb on the edge of my panties. “Or like
this
?” he asked and pulled my panties down just enough for him to slip his hand inside of them, his thumb circling closer and closer to my dripping cleft.

“Neither of those,” I stammered and became increasingly aware of the fact that I would probably have sex with him right there on that picnic table in sight of all the truckers. I would do pretty much anything for Caleb Harder at that moment.

“Well that’s a good thing,” he said softly. “Neither do I.”

I laughed and he pulled back away from my melting core and ran his hand up my back to join the other tangled in my hair. He pulled me forward for another kiss, but it wasn’t exactly the same.

Now that he’d gotten so close, half of me wondered desperately what it would feel like to have Caleb really
touch
me.

A couple more trucks rumbled up and Caleb and I had to agree that whatever we’d been doing was now lost. It was getting a little too crowded to continue making out like horny teens.

I shimmied off his lap, smoothed out my dress and waited for him to stand. He immediately took my hand and drew me in for another kiss though which was unexpected. He had to lean way over to reach me and I stood on my tippy toes and tilted my head up.

Oddly enough our bodies fit perfectly together, I melted against him and his strong hands held onto my waist keeping me steady when his kisses went straight to my head.

We finally broke apart and walked hand in hand to his truck. It was the weirdest feeling, being so free and unashamed to do something as shocking as this.

I
felt
like a teenager again, like I had before Rolland had scooped me up and convinced me that we didn’t need birth control. Like before my life became something other than my own and all my dreams had been put on hold.

It was intoxicating and I could easily become addicted if I wasn’t careful with my heart.

Caleb helped me into the truck and I looked back at the picnic table longingly. It felt like this was the end of something magical that had happened and I had to be okay with that.

But this nagging tension in my stomach screamed at me that this was not enough, my body wanted
more
from Caleb even if my mind knew it wouldn’t work.