Hard Core (9 page)

Chapter 19

-Ledger-

Rex reached me
just as Jacy had stepped into view. I placed the half-finished trade school application under my leg to keep it from blowing away. I’d carried my rusty beach chairs outside to watch the giant rainbow left behind by the rainstorm. But now there was something far more beautiful to gaze at.

I’d already memorized her little habits, like pushing the one rogue curl off her forehead and wrapping her arms around herself for warmth and the faint glimmer of sadness in her expression when she thought no one was looking. But since I was always looking at her, I caught those flickers of despair every time, and every time, I felt her pain in my very core.

Her arms were curled around herself as she reached me on the top of the hill. Sometimes, it seemed as if she used her arms not just to shield herself from the cold but to keep her heart safe. I knew, too well, it had been broken and abused in the past. I was determined to fix whatever was left of it. I only hoped she’d learn to trust me enough to allow it. But I could sense she wasn’t quite ready to do that. I couldn’t blame her.

The cold air had made her cheeks dark pink, and her eyes stood out crystal blue. “What are you doing out here?” she asked.

I pointed out toward the horizon. The full arch of the rainbow had evaporated some as the light was shifting away, but it was still visible.

Jacy held her hair back from the breeze as she gazed out at the water. “A rainbow! I haven’t seen one of those for a long time. See, you do have a better view.”

She sat down. Rex trotted off to explore the tangle of plants on the hillside.

I stared out at the transparent bands of color. “The shape and size depends on which way the sun is hitting the moisture left behind by the rain. Roy G. Biv.”

“Roy who?” she asked.

“Roy G. Biv. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. That’s how you remember the order of the colors.”

“When did you learn that?” She tired of dealing with her hair and pulled a hair band from her pocket.

“I like to read. Or I should say I like to read books that interest me. Not the dull shit that teachers liked to push on us at school.”

Her hair finally tamed, she relaxed back on the chair. “I never would have pegged you as the bookish type. Not that you don’t seem smart,” she added quickly. “Sometimes you have to ignore the silly, judgy stuff that comes from these lips.” She brushed her fingers against her mouth.

“First of all, asking me to ignore those lips is impossible. Secondly, I think most people would make the same judgment about me. And I’m not bookish. I like reading stuff but I was a terrible student. Maybe if they’d had cheerleaders like you in my school—” I stopped, stunned by my own mistake.

She looked over at me. “How did you know I was a cheerleader?”

I swallowed the sudden knot in my throat. “I—I didn’t know.” I was stumbling for an answer. “You just seem like the type, popular, smart, cheery.”

She pointed a finger at me. “See, now you’re being judgy. You look at me and just assume I was one of those perky cheer squad types.”

“Were you?” I relaxed, but it would take a few seconds for my heart to slow to its natural pace. My missteps had to stop or I would have to tell her everything and risk losing her for good.

The rogue curl was too short to tame in the hair band. She brushed it off her forehead. “I was but I quit.” Her smile vanished, but she didn’t elaborate. Of course, I already knew why.

“I’ll bet you were still popular.” She’d opened the door to me making guesses about her past, and even though they weren’t guesses to me, she seemed convinced they were.

“Enough about me. We were talking about you.” She stretched her legs out in front of her and tucked her hands between her thighs for warmth.

“I’m a boring topic. I barely got through school, and when I was there, I spent most of the time in the principal’s office. I was
that
kid. The typical pain in the ass kid.”

“No, you weren’t typical. The pain in the ass kids at my school were never the type to know the color order of a rainbow.” She turned her face toward me. Her gaze drew me in, like always. “You are anything but typical, Ledger.” She had no idea what kind of impact her words had on me. But they had plenty.

“Was it your parents?” she asked, unexpectedly.

“My parents?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy. It’s just the kids I knew that spent a great deal of time in the principal’s office usually came from a bad place, a place where the parents were either cruel or negligent.”

“I wish I could blame them. But it was me. They sort of figured out early on that I was heading for trouble. It seemed like they didn’t really know how to stop it. Instead, they just prepared themselves to deal with it. There was an incident when I was eleven.” I shook my head to rid myself of the thought. “No, I can’t use that as a reason either. I had a hard time concentrating in school. In turn, the teachers would lose patience with me. Then I just sort of went with what everyone expected of me.”

“Then in a way it was their fault, for expecting it.”

“Nah, I can only blame myself. Just like I have to be the one to get myself back on track.” The application I’d jammed under my leg fluttered with the breeze. I pulled it out. “I’ve decided to apply for mechanic school. I love working on cars. Always have. My dad left me a little chunk of money and I’m using it for tuition. I think he’d like that I was using it for something good this time.”

“I’m sure he would.”

Rex trotted back and sat in front of us with a stick. I tussled it from his jaw and threw it. He raced after it and stopped halfway up the hill to drop to his haunches and chew on it. “See, ole Rex has the same attention problem as me.”

“He is easily taken off task.” Jacy pulled her sweatshirt tighter.

“It’s getting too cold for you.” I reached over and took her hand. I kissed her palm. “I know something that will warm you up, and I promise I won’t lose focus.”

The pink in her cheeks darkened as she smiled. “Well then, anything I can do to keep your attention, I’m all for it.”

Chapter 20

-Jacy-

After a week
of intermittent bad weather, it was a picture perfect day. Ledger had suggested a bike ride. I was excited at the prospect. It had been a long time since I’d been on a bicycle, but as the saying went ‘it’s like riding a bicycle’. Some things you just don’t forget. Sort of.

Ledger had chosen two beach cruisers from Mike’s selection and carried them down the steps of the pier. They had big tires and no gears. Only one speed to worry about, and I could even back pedal to brake. All I had to do was pedal and steer.

Mike finished with a customer and walked down the steps to us. “I forgot to mention, they’ve been filming a pirate movie off shore in the cove and the production studio has been mooring the ship at the marina. You can’t go on it, of course. It’s well guarded. But it’s a fun sight to see. They sure make everything look authentic these days. It looks weathered and battle weary, and its hull is covered in barnacles. Fake barnacles, of course, but they look real.” He smiled at me. “It’s a straight shot on the bike path. An easy ride.”

Ledger climbed on his bike and looked back at me over his shoulder. “What do you say? Pirate ship?”

“Of course. Who can pass that up?” I waved him on. “You start off. Maybe my bike will just naturally follow like those poor old, tired trail horses that just follow in a train and you don’t have to do anything but sit in the saddle.”

“Yep, don’t think that’s the way it works with a bicycle,” Ledger said. He stood up to get the pedals moving, and off he rolled. I followed behind and found that, after a few harrowing moments of getting the feel of keeping the handlebars steady, my bike riding days had returned.

After a mile or so of cruising along the easy, no traffic beach path, I sped up to catch Ledger. We rode side by side with the sand bordering one edge of the path and the shops and houses along the other. The bright, sunny day had brought out plenty of people, some walking, some riding bikes or skates and some sitting out on the beach.

“This was a great idea,” I said. “Don’t know why I haven’t done this before. The walk to the marina is far on foot, but on wheels, it’s just a quick jaunt.”

Ledger’s legs were a few inches too long for the cruiser, but he wasn’t complaining. I knew he’d picked the simpler bikes for me. “And you thought you weren’t going to be able to ride. Looks like you’re doing just fine.”

“I know. I’m having a blast. I should get a bike. I could put a gigantic basket on the front and stick Rex in it. He’d prefer looking silly in a basket rather than running fast enough to keep up with a bike. Of course, he’d probably throw off my balance.”

“And visibility over his big head might be tough.”

We rode along enjoying the scenery and each other’s company. Every minute with Ledger had been fun. I didn’t want it to end. I hadn’t smiled or laughed so much in a long while, and I was finding it healing. It gave me hope that I could get past those terrible molasses mornings eventually.

A black sail waved in the distance. We were near the marina. “Now that I’ve got my sea legs back on this bicycle, I will race you to the marina.” I hunkered down lower over my handlebars to decrease wind resistance.

Ledger did the same. “I’m ready when you are.”

“Go!” I took off and stood up on the pedals to put more weight on them. The cruising bikes were built heavy and slow. They were built for
cruising
. I pumped my hardest and checked back over my shoulder. Ledger was staying just behind.

I straightened. “Oh my gosh, you’re letting me win.”

The marina was just ahead. “No, I’m not,” he said as he rode up next to me. “I was just having too much fun watching that fine ass of yours work the bicycle.” He faced forward and took off at a speed that made me look like a turtle with an exceptionally heavy shell.

I was breathing hard by the time I caught up to him in front of the ice cream stand. He pointed to the giant ice cream sign with a raised brow.

I took some deep breaths. “I definitely think I earned a cone. And I want it dipped in chocolate with sprinkles.”

“You are extremely solid in your snack decisions. Funnel cakes, ice cream cones, there’s no second guessing. I like a girl who knows what she wants.” Ledger climbed off his bike and I followed. We pushed our bikes under the shade of a tree and headed to the ice cream stand.

“I’ll get that table,” I said, “it’s got a great view of the harbor. And sprinkles, don’t forget.”

“I won’t forget.” It was always a treat watching Ledger walk away. On this occasion, it seemed, I hadn’t been the only one ogling him. Two giggles behind me perked my ears that direction without looking directly at the gigglers. From the corner of my eye, I saw two young girls, late teens or early twenties, sitting at the next table sharing a banana split.

“Is your boyfriend an actor or model or something?” a voice called to me.

I swiveled around. They were definitely late teens. One of the girls, with glowing skin and dark eyes, was holding her phone as if she’d taken a picture of the tattooed hunk walking to the ice cream counter.

“Unless he’s leading a secret life,” I answered, “he’s not a model or actor.”

“Oh my gosh, he is wicked hot,” the second girl gushed as she stared unabashedly at Ledger.

I glanced back toward the ice cream stand. The woman inside was handing Ledger my chocolate sprinkle cone. He looked back at me and raised it triumphantly in the air.

The girls giggled again. I turned back to them. “I have to agree with you. He’s wicked hot.”

Ledger walked back with a wide smile and a cone in each hand. He never seemed to notice the attention that he attracted. Even the flirty chattering of the two girls just a few feet away didn’t catch it.

He handed me my cone as he slid onto the bench. “How did I do?”

“I would have liked to have seen just a few more sprinkles, but for a first effort, you did well. And, I might add, you looked wicked hot doing it, or so I’ve been told.” I motioned to the girls behind me.

He looked their direction. “Hey, how’s it going?”

They definitely had the giggle thing down. They made sure to sashay past with smiles on their way to the trashcan.

“Does that happen a lot? I mean, I would expect that it does.”

Ledger took a bite of his ice cream. “Not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on. The girls, the women, your seemingly endless fan club, how do you get through the day without women throwing you their phone numbers scribbled on napkins or, even worse, their panties.”

Ledger took another bite. “Oh that. Comes with the territory of being wicked hot.”

I shoved his arm. I had never been the jealous type. I always figured if someone wasn’t interested in me or found someone they preferred, then it was never meant to be. In high school, James had had plenty of admirers, but he’d never dated anyone else. Now I wished he had.

“Funny man. I know I’ll probably regret asking this, but how is it that a man like you hasn’t already been snapped up?”

He laughed loud enough to startle the pigeons that had crowded around to wait for cone crumbs. “I will regret this too, but I have never been what could be labeled as ‘the snapped up’ type. I won’t lie, I’ve dated a lot of women. But I am not a catch, Jacy. As you can see, I’m just starting to try and get my act together.” He reached over and wiped a sprinkle off the side of my mouth. “You’ve made me want to get my act together. If I’m going to be snapped up—” He leaned forward and kissed me. “I hope it’s by you.”

I blinked at him a few seconds, absorbing what he’d said. “You are good, sir. Not just wicked hot, but you know exactly what to say to turn me into a big, soft mess of girl pudding.”

“I meant every word, Jacy.”

I reached over and pushed a strand of his hair back. “No matter how this whole thing goes, I’m glad that you’re pulling things together for yourself.”

We sat in silence and finished our cones. The marina was busy with pedestrians and boaters coming in from the open sea. It was the kind of day that drew people outside, and if you were lucky enough to have a boat, it would have been a sin to waste such a beautiful afternoon. At the far end of the marina, past the sea of masts and sparkly pleasure boats, the movie prop stood looking as if it had just sailed in with a ghost crew. Its Jolly Roger, or black flag, complete with skull and pirate’s dagger, flapped merrily in the soft breeze.

“Are you ready for the pirate ship?” I asked. “It looks very real from here.”

“Definitely.” We tossed our napkins and retrieved our bikes. A steady stream of people were walking along the pedestrian path and bicycles rolled along the bike path. Most everyone was either heading toward or away from the pirate ship.

We rode to the end of the marina. The massive boat cast a giant shadow over the dock. Its sails had been rolled up but the snaps and clangs of ropes and pulleys filled the air.

We climbed off the bikes and rested them next to a light pole. I was glad to give my bottom a rest from the hard seat. I lifted my hand to shade my eyes as I stared up at the impressive figurehead, a mermaid carved from wood. It was probably brand new but it had been made to look as if it had seen many voyages and been battered by countless storms. The windows surrounding the captain’s cabin, at the stern, had also been delicately carved with roses and vines. No details had been spared.

“How cool.” Ledger turned his face up to the ship.

“Just like Mike said, they made it look old and weathered as if it just floated in from the eighteenth century.” I gazed up at the bow. “Can almost picture Captain Flint or Captain Vane standing up there. In fact, kind of wish they
were
standing up there.”

“Who?” Ledger asked.

“From the popular show Black Sails. It’s a series on cable. A good one too, mostly due to the rather wonderful assortment of pirates included in the show.”

“Never heard of it.”

I laughed. “No? Sometimes it’s almost as if you’ve been on your own planet and off the grid for these last few years. Like you just landed here.”

It was all a joke, of course, and normally, he got my humor perfectly. But not this time. “Yeah, guess I haven’t been keeping up with things.”

“That’s all right. By the way, you’d look good standing up there on that ship looking all piratey and hot.”

“I would at that.” His smile returned. He reached his arm around me and brought me to him for a kiss. There were fleeting moments, like the last one, where it seemed Ledger had a lot of stuff about his past he was keeping under wraps. Considering I had plenty of my own secrets, I couldn’t really be angry with him about it. And as long as it wasn’t something that would jeopardize what we had, I would wait patiently until he was ready to tell me. Just like I would tell him . . . eventually.

“Excuse me,” a young woman’s voice came from behind. I looked back at her. She was holding up her phone. “I’m so sorry to interrupt, but do you think you could take a picture?”

I took hold of the phone. “Absolutely.”

She waved at someone behind us. “Bring her over, Jeremy.” The woman grinned. “My husband is coming.” She took a few seconds to show me how to use her phone. Ledger stood nearby waiting for me to finish.

I held up the phone and stared at the monitor as her husband joined her in front of the ship. He was holding a baby, a girl with dark curls and chubby cheeks. There was a toy duck clutched in her little hand. I stared at the perfect family through the phone. My hands trembled a little, and I struggled to keep the phone steady.

I hadn’t realized how long I’d been holding the phone, staring through it and watching the sweet baby squeeze her duck until the woman called out reminding me how to snap the photo. I pushed the button and handed it back to the woman, without a word.

She looked puzzled as she thanked me. I heard Ledger’s footsteps behind me.

“If you have your phone, I could take your picture,” the woman suggested.

The lead weight that sometimes filled my chest unexpectedly had returned. “No,” I said quickly. “We don’t need a picture. Thank you.” I walked away and heard Ledger follow.

“Jacy,” Ledger’s deep voice cut through the fog in my mind, but I couldn’t respond.

“Everything all right, Jacy?” he asked.

I stopped and took a deep breath before looking up at him. The concern on his face was genuine. It reminded me that I’d found a good guy this time. He wasn’t James. He was the farthest thing from James. I didn’t want to lose him by letting some of the ugly stuff show. He didn’t need to know it yet. We were still just getting to know each other. Someday, he would know. But not today, today was beautiful weather and bike riding and pirate ships.

“I’m fine. Hope you don’t mind, but I don’t like having my picture taken.” I stared out at the ocean. The afternoon breeze had churned up the dark blue water and white foam creased the waves. “I know it sounds weird, but when I look at my pictures, all I can see is my past in my expression. Even if I’m smiling, I can see it.” I could feel him looking at me, at the side of my face, trying to puzzle out my change in mood. I found the courage to look at him. “I’ll tell you everything one day. Let’s keep riding. It’s a beautiful day, and I think it’ll help clear my head.”

Ledger didn’t say anything else as we walked back to the bikes. And I was grateful.